I., you've gotten some really good advice. We've flown quite a bit with our daughter since she was a baby, and, fortunately (despite our fears), never had a bad experience. Below are tips, for your child and yourself -- hope they help:
1) you can bring one carry-on bag per person, not counting your purse (and I recommend bringing a big purse).
2) One of your bags, to be stowed under the seat in front of you, should be reserved for things that are essential while on the flight, and barring emergencies. It should contain:
a) snacks in baggies--cheerios, pre-cut fruit, etc. Also pretzels or other salty snack-- great because flying dehydrates you, and the salt helps your child retain fluids. Of course you will want to pack water, juice, or whatever you child will drink, as you do not want to be at the mercy of the food service when traveling with a little one. This is permissable if you purchase it after clearing security. You can get milk on the plane, so I wouldn't bother bring it with you...can get pretty nasty by the time you're ready to use it.
b) a few small toys and books that your child has never seen before (creates good distrations). I like those little drawing boards because they aren't messy. Sticker books and colorforms are great too. A portable DVD player is a godsend if you can handle carrying that much stuff.
c) something for the child to suck on during take-off and landing. A paci works well, if your child is interested. Otherwise a bottle or sippy cup usually does the trick.
d) diapers and wipes
2) In a separate bag, to be stowed above your seat in a carry-on: extra diapers, wipes -- because you never know when you might get delayed or stuck on the tarmac. And a change of clothes for BOTH of you! (a friend's son had a horrible, thoroughly disgusting accident all over her while on a plane once, and said she will NEVER travel without a change a clothes for herself again!) Also, any medications that your child might conceivably need -- a thermometer, Children's Tylenol/Advil etc.
As to you own fear of flying -- I've been there. After a very bad experience I developed a pathological fear of take-off, but had to continue flying pretty regularly. Occasionally, like you, I was reduced to tears. Especially in bad weather. Ask your doctor for a mild sedative. Nothing that will knock you out, but just something to lessen your anxiety. (you might want to test it out ahead of time to make sure it isn't TOO strong). On the other hand, if you're husband will be with you for the flight, he can take a turn with the child, even if the meds knock you out for a while. Also psych yourself up. Statistcally, air travel is, by far, the SAFEST part of your trip. Personally I recommend Diazepam, 5mg, which made ALL the difference in the world for me. But Xanax may be enough for you. I recommend taking it at least one hour before you're flight is scheduled to depart.
Best luck, and happy travels!