Today was a very, very bad day for my son and myself. It started after he got out of kindergarten this morning with him just not wanting to do what he was told to do. It has been a roller coaster all afternoon with his attitude and his mouth. Don't get me wrong we've had bad days before but never this bad. My mom did mention that we might be spending too much time together. I'm a stay at home mom. So that got me to thinking about putting him in daycare after school twice a week. Not sure if that will help but so far I'm seeing a pattern of behavior that I'm not liking at all. A side note, my husband is currently out of state for work until about the end of October and at first I was thinking it was cause he was missing his daddy. That's why he was acting out but now I'm seeing that it's not because of that. I know when he really does miss his daddy and when he is just using that as an excuse (please don't judge me on that, thank you). So would it help if he spends more time with kids his own age at an after school program?
Thank you.
Thanks to all of the mom's who gave great advise. I'm gonna keep thinking about this but in the mean time I'm going to change up our routine. I believe I'm still going to come home give him lunch and have him lay down instead of doing homework after lunch. I'm going to watch and see how he does with it and then go from there.
Thanks again everyone.
what about getting him involved in a sport or activity, instead of just sending him to daycare. Perhaps karate, baseball, boy scouts or even music lessons or something so he can be busy, distracted from missing his dad and focusing his attention on something constructive.
He just started Kinder I assume.
His Daddy is not home.
He has a new schedule/new life's demands now. School.
He is adjusting.
A young child spends all day in Kinder, being spot on and doing things and following direction and being in structure and getting over stimulated. It is like work. It is 'work' for them. Kinder is not all just playing all day.
They are tired after that.
After school, kids are tired/spent/fatigued and often hungry. All of that, combines to make for a kid, that needs to deflate. If not, they get, fussier.
And they let it all hang out, once home.
Deflating.
This is common.
After school give him a snack. Because, low blood sugar, often will also make a child fussy/hard to concentrate/impatient etc.
Especially if they do not eat lunch, at school, even if they have food. Many time, kids do not eat at school. Even if they have a lunch. Its adjustment, they may not like what they have to eat etc. and are hungry.
He is, deflating, at home after school.
They get cantankerous.
My kids, after school, when younger, did that.
So, after school, I let my kids just hang out and relax. I don't make demands on them right away. I let them relax, eat a snack etc. Unwind.
Then, they feel better.
And, kids still may need a nap at this age. My son does. My son is in Kinder. When he is tired, he actually gets more hyper... and boisterous and fussy. I KNOW that is his cues, for trying to FORCE himself awake, although he is tired.
My son, is napping now in fact. He was SOOOO tired after school today.
He needed it.
If not, he would have been very fussy as the day wore on and by evening. And when tired, my son can't even eat, even if hungry.
So I know, his cues.
For your son, I doubt putting him in daycare after school, will make a difference. Because, he already had a DAY of school/Kindergarten. And prolonging that day, to become even longer... will tire him out, even more.
To me, and per my kids and my friends kids... this is what the 'problem' is.
This is what would tweak my kids, after school.
You are a SAHM. So being with your child, spending time with him, to me, is not a reason.
The reason is: he is now in formal school. It is a BIG adjustment. Kids are, really tired and fussy after school. They are young.
For the first few months of K, and again for the next few years (although usually for only 6-8 weeks) ... kids USE UP all of their self control while at school. They come home exhausted, and hungry, and prone to melting down. The first couple weeks are usually a 'gimmee' or 'buy' because school is still exciting/different. It's as soon as school becomes normal/WORK instead of exciting that they start using up all their 'good behaviot'/self control during school hours and parents are left to pick up the pieces when they come home.
It takes both parents AND kids some time to work out a system that works for the family. It usually entails 30-60 minutes of 'down time' + snack. Some manage to use the momentum of school to bust through homework with their snack before the meltdowns start/break is needed (those fams are usually 5min or less close to school)... while others find that a 15min assignment takes 2hours unless they get their break first.
Afterschool programs won't change the few months - eeks of transition meltdowns... but they WILL make it so someone else has to deal with him while he's like that /transitioning, instead of you.
My son goes to the after school program 2 days a week. One day b/c he has to b/c I'm in class and one day b/c I think the social time doesn't hurt him. They do activities, play games, do his homework, etc. I pay a flat rate, so he can go as much or little as I want him to. I think it's been very positive for him. The adults there are positive role models and I appreciate that he goes. I love it!
Every child is different, so yours may not react the way mine did. With my kids, their behavior got worse when they spent time with other kids. Seeing that someone else acted up, or hearing that the rules were different at someone else's house, seemed to them like the perfect excuse to throw all of our rules out the window. So, they'd come home from school (or friends' houses or birthday parties) acting out.
(Just FYI - everyone kept saying, "Oh, wait until they're teenagers. You're really in for it then," but their high school years actually got progressively better. ;P)
I don't think spending *less* time with him is the answer at all.
No J. your mom is wrong - he is absolutely positively not acting out because he is spending too much time with his mom! He just started kindergarten! He is gone from you in school, in a more structured environment than he's ever had. And on top of that his dad is out of town? Poor baby - he is stressed about all the change. You can have playdates if you want him to play with some other kids. He is acting out with you because he feels safe to do that. Try doing some special one on one activities with him. Make sure he has a good healthy snack. Make sure he's getting more rest. He may even need a nap. My girls just started full day school. They get home at 3 and are STARVING - they are eating me out of house and home! And on top of that they are needing more sleep than ever - they were fast asleep by 7:30 pm tonight.
My husband always said this about my child. If I had to do it all again, I would not put her anywhere until age 4, except MOPS and church.
I would have fun playing and learning at home.
I don't know why people in our culture are so gung ho to get a child away from M., but I am getting really frustrated with that whole attitude.
M. is the #1 person in a child's life and that is how it is supposed to be.
I think V has a good idea. Invite someone over. My child always acts better when there is company.
Hi J., I don't think the problem is you and yor son spending to much time together, I was a SAHM of 3 and I actually had a better relationship and better behaved kids than my friends who were not SAHM.Now that was just my experience. Being a Military wife I will tell you kids do miss their dads, sometimes more than others and it comes out in different ways. I don't think daycare is your answer, and as a daycare provider I can tell you that honestly. Since your son is in kindergarten maybe you can gt to know a couple of the parents of kids your son plays with and a couple times a week have something planned. Now as a mom for almost 28 years I wam going to tell you what ever the reason is for he behavior you need to modify it, he needs discipline, NOT punishment at this age but discipline, that along with a couple afterschool ourings a week and I think the problems may be solved. J.
Maybe he's just in overload? I know most people don't like TV, but I found that my oldest NEEDED to sit down and decompress while watching TV for a little while. She was not a napper, so that was not an option. Maybe you could find something similar for your son - watch a little TV, read a book, take a nap/rest, listen to some music - for about an hour after school.
Also, I don't think daycare is the answer. If you think he needs to time with others kids, then arrange some play dates.
Good luck!
Just my two cents but why pay for that when you could just invite someone else over or take him for a bike ride or out somewhere to a playground. to be honest, i don't think after care would be solving your problem. just putting a bandaid on it. Keep him busy and if you don't have any other way to do that than maybe this is your only option.
