After School Babysitting

Sounds to me like she doesn't want your help and if I may be so bold, very unappreciative! I would tell her to find somebody else! She seems like the kind of person who might cause trouble!

Kudos to you for being a good neighbor and a good friend! You need to gently and firmly explain to your neighbor that not only is it dangerous for the older boys to be home alone, but it is also legally considered child neglect. Tell her that if those boys don't want to be at your home, that's fine, but she will have to make other arrangements for them. Leaving children that age home alone is never ever okay.
I am a former Guardian ad Litem for foster children and I can assure you the if Child Protective Services found out about this, they would yank those boys out of the home and put them in foster care.
You should absolutely have structure and rules for your home. Not only does it teach them boundaries, but it also teaches them respect. (Respect for other people's property, respect for other people, as well as self-respect.) I think that's a good idea about sitting them down and talking about the rules. You may even want to make a list. Kids LOVE lists! Initially, the boys may scoff and whine, but they may also very well come around. When I pick my daughter up from the YMCA, sometimes I will see the kids tussling, arguing, or being generally disrespectful to eachother. I have never hesitated to address the issue when I see it. Sometimes other parents or one of the counselors will raise an eyebrow, but wouldn't you know that every kid I have ever corrected wants me to sit down and play with them any time I'm there for more than a few minutes. I use a gentle but firm appraoch, and I use the word "we" a lot. The following two phrases have the same meaning, but they have a very different impact: "YOU may not wrestly in MY home" versus "WE do not wrestle in this house." Use of the word "we" makes them feel like they are part of the team and it's no-accusatory.
In addition, maybe you could give them something more constructive to do to keep their little minds off of wrestling. Maybe you or someone you know has a skill that could be taught to them. Even a very simple skill can develop a tremendous amount of confidence and it builds character.
You are doing exactly the right thing in keeping the same expectations of these boys that you have for your own children. Frankly, I'm surprised that the mother gave into them to begin with. It was not good parenting to give those boys the impression that having to follow rules is optional.
And while I'm sure your husband is frustrated, has he stopped to consider the impact that he could make on these kids? They're boys now, but one day they will be men and it sounds like they could use a good role model.
Good luck to you and keep up the good work!

Coming from a mom that has two boys ages 9 and 10...I can't imagine asking them not to wrestle. It's just a normal part of boy behavior, so to speak. BUT, they SHOULD be following your rules! No matter what house they are in, yes, they should follow the rules of whatever house they are in. They have to respect others.

We've had to change our rules for our changing family. (can't wrestle with a 2yo girl in the house) Now, our boys aren't allowed to wrestle in the house anymore...they can outside and if they get hurt, they get hurt and I don't want to hear it. I understand that under your care, you don't want them to get hurt. I tell the neighborhood kids that if they wrestle and get hurt, they can't blame it on anyone but themselves. They have to own up the wrestling they've started. I'll put a stop to wrestling if someone doesn't want to of course.

Different people have different rules, but they should follow them no matter how different they are. As far as what to do about your neighbor...well, sounds like she is 'rescuing' them (Helicopter parent) because they don't like your rules. Not a good thing....they do need to learn that they should follow rules whereever they go and mom not bail them out. I have no suggestions as to what to do. She is the parent. Unless she asks for advice...give her a CD called "Helicopters, Drill Sergeants, and Consultants" by www.loveandlogic.com. (The goal is to be a Consultant, not a Drill Sergeant ('you will do what I say' kind of parent) or a Helicopter parent, which sounds like your neighbor.)

I hope this helps some!

I've watched that supernanny and she I notice with kids that age will have the parents sit with them and they have house rules she ask's the kids what rules should there be and has them partake in the making of the rules sometimes when they make them and they know what's right and wrong it's hard to fight the rules. If the mother feels comfortable with this then and letting them play and be alone, I don't know what to say accept if it were me I'd tell her I want no part of whatever arrignments she makes for her kids while not at my home and not be involved. I'd has her if her family has emergency plans and what would her children do in case of a fire?? I'd say at age 12 they could stay at home but really if something happened what would her kids do?? Most kids want to just eat and sit in front of the tv, I guess not much can happen doing that but wow. If you can get them back to your place have them help make the rules also sit and be eye level with them instead of an adult towering over them making rules, it can be done and respectful just in another manner. Best of luck

If anything, their mom needs to teach them that other people have different rules for their homes and that they have to be respectful and follow your rules when they are under your care. I too babysit and nothing drive me crazier than children that don't feel they have to behave in my home because I'm not their mom or my rules are stricter than theirs. For your own sanity you need to get mom on the same page with what is expected of the 3 boys when they are at your house and what will happen if the rules are broken. Then you both need to sit down with the boys and tell them how it is going to be at your house. Then give it a few weeks and if it doesn't imporove, give her 2 weeks notice to find someone else to start watching them.

Trust me, there are better behaved kids out there that you can babysit!!

Good luck!!
~S.

I have the same problem with my nephew, he does not have to follow rules at home, so when he comes over, he thinks my husband and I are very mean. We do not allow running in the house, jumping on furniture, the kids have to clean up what they mess up, no drinks or food outside the dining room, etc. At home, his room is a wreck, and he has full run of the place with little or no adult intervention. He has tried to convince my son that we are horrible, mean people.
He even went so far as to call my husband a "butthole".
I do not have him over anymore. My son is not allowed to "hang out" with him for a while, until he apologizes and matures somewhat. Not just for that, but whenever my son would hang out with him, he would come home rude, disrespectful, and start getting into tons of trouble at home and school.
It isn't my nephews behavior at this point, it is that my son starts acting like him, and that is not acceptable.
Good Luck, maybe the talk will help and all will be OK.