After School Activities - How Much Is Too Much?

NOTHING is more important to American parents than their sports. And they are willing to let academics and family life take a significant back seat to this. And sadly the age where it starts is getting younger and younger.

i watch my son closely for behavior changes. i had him in baseball this summer but even before starting any games during practices he was getting crabby and no himself. so i pulled him from baseball-not his choice. best thing i did-it has been a great summer with him!! i guess it's just one of those things you have to do what you have to do. i agree with you about the 5 year.....way to much of an overload!!!! and again agreeing with you-wonder why some kids have problems in school!!!!

I agree. I guess it's just a matter of opinion. But today, we need to relearn how to relax and just "be". Time at home and with family to play, imagine and pretend is undervalued in my opinion. There is too much in my opinion, and 5 year old in cheer is a great example.

Well if that were me per the activities you posted per the 5 year old, per Cheerleading... I would not have my daughter do that.

A kid also has homework and a bedtime.
Of which, to me that is more important, to attain.

And yes, DUH... that is why 'some' kids are chronically tired/lacking sleep and have to stay up late to do homework.
I don't know, but that is not what I would do with my kids.

My kids have activities, BUT it is compatible with their school and overall, lives and daily downtime too, and family time.

I agree with you. Children need to be home at the dinner table and spending time with their families. My kids have just as much fun running around on the lawn wrestling with Daddy and each other than they do at t-ball. I think one or two extra activities a year is okay, we had our 5 yr old in t-ball this summer, but he only had 7 games. Parents need to be WAY more involved in their childrens lives, not just sitting on the sidelines of a bunch of sports. Kids feel SO loved and supported when parents take the time to play and throw a ball and go on walks and that sort of thing. In the end, life will be SO much more gratifying if we spend these years WITH our children and not just shuttling them around and watching them from afar.

The short answer is every family is different. With 3 kids, we limit the activity to one per kid. This is due to time and money constraints. As our kids get older, they do get more involved in sports that can take up a lot of their time. My 13 yr old was on track and they practiced every day after school and then would have meets during the week or on weekends. My 8 yr old had soccer practice during the week and games on Saturdays. My 10 year old had trampoline and tumbling one day a week.

It gets tougher to coordinate schedules. Especially when there's only one parent that is around to drive!

We emphasize school over activities, but figure we'll only cut the activities if grades start to drop.

Kindergarten is a big adjustment for little kids I would say very little extra curricular activities that year. Mine needed to be IN bed at 8 not getting in a car at 8! then first grade adds more homework

I agree with you that too much is just too much.
Of course, it depends on the child and individual family, but I have friends and the mother wouldn't say no to anything their kids said they wanted to do.
She and her husband both work so maybe it was a bit of a guilt thing, but they just couldn't keep up with all of it. The husband finally put his foot down and said one activity per kid season or cycle or whatever. She had both kids scheduled to be in two places at once and got the days mixed up and if the husband had to work late, or SHE did, it was a scramble to make it all work. Not to mention the kids were tired and grumpy and wanted to drop out of things a week in because it was just too much.
All they ever did was run. Eat on the run, change in the car on the run. And homework? Never time for that.
Like I said, it's up to each individual family, but when it gets to the point where everyone is so overextended that nobody's happy and all you do is go and juggle.....it's too much.
That's just my opinion.

I have quickly had to realize that I am NOT the norm. We don't load our kids with activities and we are the minority. Our friends this summer have had their kids in EVERY camp possible to keep them busy. Football camp, soccer camp, lego camp, you name it. It puzzles me. I love my time at home with my kids. I dont really feel like I need to keep up at this point. Some parents, such as the one who posted last week about not wanting her kid to be a nerd, are most definitely not putting school as first priority! It's sports, and social life first, and hopeful that grades are at least average.

It's crazy. And, sadly, it's mostly for the parents. We do O. activity per season. Period.

Riley--I see what you're saying, but cheer til 8 for a 5 year old? No way!

I never got to do activities unless I could walk there myself. I gave my child the chance to try everything. I got burnt out running around every day.
I tried to find responsible moms to carpool with so we would each have a break, but it didn't work out. Plus, my daughter loves me right there all the time. I wanted her to pick her favorites, but she likes about everything.
I finally had to decide to cut some and it went well. I explained it and she acted disappointed but I haven't heard a word about the 3 things I cut all summer.

As many others have said, it truly depends on the kid and family. My 9 yo son plays academy soccer. This summer he's been practicing once a week with games on Saturday - and he's been going nuts not being able to play soccer. I've had him in two intensive soccer camps that I hadn't initially planned on sending him to because he needs it. He's a good student, he likes school, but he is passionate about soccer and has been since he was a toddler - heck his first word was ball. Once school starts he'll do 2 practices a week with weekend games and tournaments and will probably throw in a weekly skills class too. We've mentioned other sports but he's not interested if it takes him away from soccer. He has to maintain a b average or higher to play soccer, but it's not really an issue for us. When his grades drop it's not due to overscheduling and lack of studying, it's due to inattention in the classroom or rushing.

On the other hand my 7 yo daughter will quickly burn out if she has to go to that many practices a week for anything. She's been recruited to cheer & gymnastics teams and an academy soccer team, but we've held off because we're afraid she'll burn out due to the more intense practice schedules (2-3x/wk for each). She's playing rec soccer (1 practice/game a week) and taking a soccer skills class, but for now that will be it for her. When she's ready we'll add more, but only if her grades stay up, because for her grades are a good indicator of whether she's doing too much; unlike her brother.

This is one of my favorite Qs. :)

Because the answer is SO varied. It depends on the individual child AND their family. Short answer is : Every kid is different. But this is the *most complex* version of that answer. Why? From infancy onward we hear "every kid is different". But lets face it, barring extreme medical conditions every kid eats, sleeps, walks, talks. They all do it. In slightly different ways/ time frames. But they do it.

But here comes personality, aptitude, priorities, and a whole HOST of other factors as soon as kids start doing the ubiquitously named "activities".

Physically active:
- Sports: Individual, Team, Competitive, Recreational, Strategic, Nonstrategic
- Music: Individual, Group... instruments from percussion to wind, string to voice, etc... technical proficiency, writing, composing, directing, preforming
- Dance
- Drama
- Certain Visual Arts
- Certain 'core curriculum' (historical reenactments or archeology for ex)
- Mechanics
- etc.

Pure Cerebral / Non-physically Active
- Maths
- Sciences (Astronomy, Geology, Palentology, Biology, Microbiology, Chem, Rockets, Robots, Medicine, etc)
- Languages (there are only about 200 living and dead, and then there are computer programming languages, music)
- Strategy based (from chess to engineering to cards)
- Literary
- Certain Visual & Creative Arts & Sciences
- etc.

The vast majority of schools are, and always have been, "the basics". A foundation of "what everyone should know". Schools don't take individual children and find out what they love, are passionate about, have incredible aptitude for. That's a parent's job, or an adult's if they aren't lucky enough to be able to explore their innate talents until they leave home.

Education is SO much more than just "the basics" provided by schools. Granted, some children and adults HAVE no innate abilities or talents or passions outside of completing homework and taking tests... but most do. The lucky ones get to pursue those through their work later in life, or through their 'play' later in life if they don't want to make a career out of what makes them special (and many don't, for many people making a job out of what they love and excel out would "ruin" it for them, or it wouldn't pay enough to support the lifestyle to which they aspire).

Now... most people have *some* academic ability. They can do their homework, and score well enough on tests. A few have extreme academic ability, and a few have almost no academic ability. For those average or poor students... should they not be allowed or encouraged to pursue what they DO excel at? For those who are exceptional students, should they ONLY be allowed to do academics, although they have interests elsewhere... or only allowed to do "the basics" that schools provide?

Most parents, looking at those Q's will scoff and say "of course not". But then we look at "other people's kids" and "other families" who make different choices than we do.

My friend's 12 yo is an average student. C's with "normal" effort. He can push up to low B's if ALL he does is study, study, study. He is, however, a GIFTED skiier. Specifically in racing (there are several "branches" of skiing). Many parents who know this family scorn them for taking off from school on Friday and heading up to the mountains until Sunday night. Why... their son could be a MUCH better student if they just "made" him study harder, instead of "galavanting" all weekend. Instead of letting him spend 2 hours a day during the week in the gym running and lifting weights and training for ski season and during ski season. This boy EXCELS at skiing, and has since it was a once a year trip as a toddler. He's top 3 on the west coast. He may or may not be an olympic contender in a few more years. My friends have made the decision to allow their son to continue and to work at what he loves and excels at... to the constant derision of other parents.

I know COUNTLESS families just like theirs. ADHD kids who NEED constant physical activity in order for their family to be 'relaxed and happy' and other parents get exhausted just THINKING about their schedules. "Weak" Artistic kids who spend all day every day that they can working on their art, and other parents saying that their parents need to get them outdoors/ toughen them up/ whatever. Kids who have strategic or engineering minds that have them in chess clubs and robotics competitions who can and do beat out adults on a regular basis, but it takes them 4 hours to write a paragraph. Kids who this, parents who that. Extroverts, introverts...

And that's ALL before even LOOKING at how different family dynamics are. Bedtimes, mealtimes, who's home, who's not, siblings, vacations, income levels, time available, personality...

Not only is EVERY kid different, but so is every family.

Do some people "overschedule"? Of course. But overscheduling for ONE family (or kid) is UNDERscheduling for another family or kid. Per your actual Q:

2 hours, 3x per week is NOTHING to our family. In fact, my son would be bouncing off the walls. In order for him to be able to STUDY, much less sleep, he needs at least 4 hours of high energy activity every day. Preferably 8-10. His bed time is 9pm. An activity that gets out at 8pm is PERFECT. Tea at 5, Dinner at 830, bed at 9. LOL... I'm tempted not to even down OUR scheduled activites (we homeschool, and we're an ADHD family, even for other homeschoolers we "look" very busy, although it's super relaxing/ very balanced for US) but be warned: because our families needs are so different, you might start going into apoplectic fits.

For other families, even just those 6 hours a WEEK (much less a day) would be *exhausting*.

How do families find balance? Trial and error. Every family is different. And even those same families' needs change over time. It's all about figuring out what is best for your own family. Which will almost NEVER be the same as for another family with different work schedules, school schedules, personalities, children, priorities.

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Our Outside Classes & Activities (beyond regular school)

Year Round:
- Gymnastics 2x
- Aikido 3x
- Swimming 1x
- Basketball 3x
- Music 1x
- Chess 1x
(We keep trying to fit in boyscouts, but it's on a bad day for us)

Seasonal
- Soccer
- Snowboarding
- Baseball
- Swimming

Camps
- Drama (6x per year)
- Snowboarding
- Gymnastics
- Videogame Design/Programming
- Kids in Medicine

There are MANY other classes and camps that my son would love to take, but there just isn't the time for them AND to keep the balance of downtime we need as a family, and for kiddo to have a few unscheduled hours/ days in his week so that he can get nice and bored (boredom breeds creativity, it's so much FUN to watch what he does when he doesn't have "anything to do").

Trial and error got us to "balanced". Too much, too little. Just right.

My 10yr old daughter is in cheer as well, but we only have practice once a week for 2hrs. The program we are in have regulations that K-3rd can only practice for 1 1/2hrs total for the week. She must be in competive cheer leading program. Ours is only a rec club so that could be the difference. I only allow my kids to do one thing at a time so they have time to concentrate on school stuff.
It seems that now days people put way too many activities on their kids.