After Having Your Child, Friendship with Single Women Not the Same?

This one is hard...I've lost friends since I have become a mommy too. I found that sometimes you are just not on the same page anymore... I also found that I was much more selective with my time. I was only willing to make time for someone that cared about me as much as I cared about them. I found that I just didn't have time to spend on someone that expected me to do all the work in the relationship. Sadly, that means that I have very few friends. I hope that when my kids start school, then I might find friendship among some of the Moms in their classes...

I have sort of the same problem. My best friend has a son though and i have 2 kids, but i am a s.a.h.m and she works all day then pawns off her kid on her parents all night long. Its literally rare that she spends a night there. her and i have completely different values now, i love her the same but i much more enjoy the company of people who live similar to me. Its just life. Keep your friend around, but you will mourn the death of how it used to be, its inevitable.

Yes, everything has changed. You now have different interests and problems. It is all normal. You will find new friends that you can share your baby experiences. She probably is not ready for kids and just cannot relate.

When I was pregnant with my first son I lost all my single girlfriends. I don't mean to scare you, but that is what happened to me. Life is completely different when you are prego and when you have young children.
The great thing is that you can make new friends, ones that have kids and understand what you are going through.
I found that with my single girlfriends I just wasn't doing what they were doing anymore and we just lost contact. You may find that when she gets prego or has her first kid that you come back in contact!
L.

My best friend has no children and does not plan to. I am a SAHM with young kids. We are at different places in our lives and have less opportunity to get together lately. But we both value our friendship and do go out of our way to make it work. We have been best friends for 25+ years and no one else knows me quite that way. It can work if you both care about the friendship enough to put the extra effort in. That being said, I have gotten closer with some other friends who have kids similar in age to mine.

Hi BJ! Yes, I think this happens alot! I know it happened to me. I was the first in my "gang" of friends to get married and to have kids...and it totally changes EVERYTHING in your life. As your focus changes to your home and your family (which it should) your single friends or friends without kids are still focused on themselves (and they should be). It's not something that happens delibertly...with malice and forethought...it's the natural progression of life. It's sad that it happens, but as you move through life friendship changes...just like any relationship it ebbs and flows like the ocean on the beach. The important thing is to acknowledge it and work through it and realize that once she gets married and has kids of her own she will understand and the two of you will be closer than ever. You will also make new friends that are in the same place in life that you are....and that's a great thing too! I'm discovering a new stage of motherhood and life right now myself...with one child in college, one in high school and the "baby" in 8th grade. The realization that my children are growing up (eeks!) and that someday this house will be empty and quiet....ewww! I am seriously considering becomming a foster parent! I love being a Mom...and I love my friends that don't have kids...but our friendship has changed...and keeps changing as my kids get older. I guess my message to you is hang in there, be understanding, and give yourself and your friend time. Welcome to Pittsburgh! Best wishes.

Yes this is normal. I had a best friend. We have drifted apart. She has one child. I have four. We raise our children very differently. Partly because she can concentrate on one child, I have to divide my time between four. She stays home; I work full time. Friendships change over time. It's part of life. You go in different directions.

absolutely normal. it stinks. but i think it takes a very special person to truly be a good friend, when they have no children and you do. you guys will always be friends, but friends drift apart and together again through a lifetime. perhaps when she has children of her own you will grow close again, she will finally understand why you talk about your son so much, want to talk about her chilkd, and will probably even need some advice and guidance occasionally. and having been there, you'll be there for her. don't make it a bad thing, just be there when she needs you. part of friendship is having things in common so when those common things go away it's hard.