Advice Please

N., I myself am a teacher. I am hearing your issues, although, I have to side with the teacher on this one. -- and not because I am a teacher, but I totally know where she is comming from. Think about it for a minute-- would you want your supervisor watching/observing you every day?? - wouldn't that make you a wreck and not want to go to work?? I understand that you are willing to help, but the bottom line is, you will have that teacher under a microscope every day. You will focus on how much time she spends with your son in all areas, teaching, dicipling etc.. A teacher should welcome parents to attend scheduled conferences, open houses and occasionally an inpromptu visit. this teasher should not make you feel as though you are not welcome, but, having "visitors" in the room completely upsets the workings of the class for sure and that cannot be something that occurs on too frequent of a basis. If you were in your son's room every day, why would he have to listen to the teacher???? He would be looking to you each time he was spoken to and thay honestly would be very confusing to him. It sounds as though he has possibly come from an unsteady background (prior to being adopted), and he may have difficulty with building respect for certain people?? It sounds as though his teacher is only trying to set up boundaries and clear expectations to get the respect that she needs to keep control of a classroom full of 6 year olds. Too often, parents are quick to criticize, but not recognize the good efforts that the teacher is making. (this frazzles me almost on a daily basis!!) I am sure she would welcome any input as to how to handle his behavior issues that would be in a consistent manor between home and school. As frustrated as you may be, please remember, she has chosen to work with kids for a reason -- and that reason is probably not for the money. Be a proactive parent and keep the lines of communciaton open with the teacher and the school. I wish you and your son the best of luck, L. C.

Hello,
I'm writing as a parent and an elementary school teacher. I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a diffictul time with your teacher/school system. From a teacher standpoint, we have the same policy about having parents in the classroom. There are a few designated times when we allow parent volunteers, for projects etc, but parents are not allowed to just come in and out of the classroom. There are privacy issues, for children who are receiving special attention, and distraction issues. While it may seem that the more the merrier might help, it is often distracting to all the other children, and the teacher as well, to have people roaming in and out of the room. While I'm sure there must be something going on in the class that is not working for your son, it probably would not help for you to be there. Often kids's behavior is differnet in front of parents (you said he was fine at home) and therefore that would only be a temporary solution. My suggesion would be to continue meeting with the teacher...is it an option to switch him to another class? And try to work with the school....often when parents are very defensive, the school will react in the same way. And please remember, usually the school/teacher is trying to help your child as well.... Good luck!

The lawyer & Newspaper sound like the next stop..but is there another school he can go to? I would pull him out of there as they are causing, if not on the road too causing him such negative school feelings..what is he doing that he is being singeled out and sent to the office?

Is he in therapy? he may need it for his past experiences and his acting out maybe due to their acting out lol

Good Luck..

Careful, N....
don't get too involved with fixing everything for your child at school...
i know he's little, still, but it really can backfire and make kids feel they can't handle things themselves...
sometimes we have to let them deal with it...
unless you're sure something really inappropriate is going on, then respectfully ask teacher/principal about it...
also, it sometimes isn't a great idea to have mom in same classroom with child except occasionally maybe for special event... they act differently
don't have much time to explain...

from: teacher/mom of 3 grown children who, looking back, sometimes was too involved at school when my kids were young

As a teacher it is very very disruptive to have an adult other than the ones assigned there "visiting". It sounds like your son may need a one on one aide and that is not your job. If he has been classified special education that may be an option. You are your son's best advocate but going to his classes unfortunately can only hurt his growth as an independant child. He may be wondering why no one else's mother goes to school too. Also the conflicted-ness that you feel towards his teacher may be coming through loud and clear to him and show in his behavior. She is not you but if she is vetted and well educated and does know what she is doing. Even if it is not the way you would do things. If you were runnning around discussing the way that I do things with the principal and others, I wouldn't want you in my room either!

I may have been out of line but I wanted to give a frank response.

W.

Remove him from the school completely!! Please for your baby's sake! There is something very fishy about the whole situation. Especially if other parents are noticing thing too. Get the authorities involved, whom ever they may be. Go with your gut feeling. God gave us the gift of intuition, listen to it and follow it!

I had a suspicious situation with a sitter once. I have never regreted taking my baby girl out of it, but I would have if I had kept her there.

ScrapbookMomX3, J. K. of New Hampshire

I would just show up at any old time to tak emy child out early for the day..that few minutes may reveal soemof what is going on. Short of requesting a nanny cam in the room. that the teacher is unaware of. Are there any parents who have volunteered in the room that you can talk to?

Hi, N.. She is probably not hiding anything. Some teachers do prefer not to have any parents in the classroom. Parents may have been disruptive in the class or it may be a personal preference. Have you asked her if this is the case?

If the principal is not behind you, there is little you can do but to transfer your son to a school that allows and supports parent visitation or to call the accreditation people to report that you are not being allowed into the classroom. Hopefully, it is just this teacher and not others. If you know who his first grade teacher may be next year, ask her for a short interview and ask how she feels about allowing parents into the classroom. If she says she prefers it not to happen, then, as I said earlier, you may have to transfer your son to a school that truly and willingly supports parent visitation and volunteering.

As a former teacher, if anything having to do with getting lawyers involved was brought to the superintendents knowledge, the problem would have gotten immediate attention. The superintendent would meet with the concerned parent in hopes to rectify the situation. Maybe if you speak to the superintendent to let him/her know that you intend to get a lawyer involved, they might be a little more willing to listen to your concerns. Good luck!

Hi N., I am a school psychologist in a public school system for pk and k. First of all it is illegal to withhold food as a consequence in a school it is in the REGS. Secondly, if he is having difficulties, Behaviorally have they done an FBA (functional Behavioral Assessment) which invites you to a meeting to come up with some interventions to implement in the classroom to alleviate these behaviors. It is a legal document and since he is a special eductaion student already, with an IEP? right. This is the first step that should have been taken. And is there a school psychologist, or social worker who can observe the situation to find out what is triggering his outburst in school. They should be tracking the behaviors daily to find out if therre is a pattern, specific time, activity, another child etc. SO that they may alleviate or change these situations that set him off.
I understand about you wanting to observe him, I also am met with that resistance in my schools. Some principals do not want people in and out of the classrooms no matter who it is. That is a touchy subject. I do not see why they would not objet if you watch from the window for 20-30 minutes. During a supposed difficult time? Thhis is what I have been able to get some principals to agree to.
Also get your hands on the RI state regilations from the departmetn of education. OR ask the school for the proceduaral Safegaurds that are given to all parents at an IEP meeting.
Good Luck, I am sorry you are experiencing these difficulties.

Hi , nichole, You are not alone. Please call the Advocacy center of south eastern CT.they are located in Niantic, CT. They have all the up dated rights for parents. They will advise you and direct. Your son can be tested by the school for underlining issues suchas add, adhd or behavor, learning disorders which come apparent around seven years old. Parents have rights you know and making your self aware of these rights are crutial to your sons success. He may not be suffering from one of the above mentioned but you can get an education evulation and pin point where he needs help and how he learns. Then the school will have to concur. The school will not refer you to this as a option. Your pediatrics office will help in the process with a diagnosis for add or adhd make an appointment to review everthing with him or her,thats the beginning of the process.You need somekind of dignosis to have the school proceed to test. Good luck! G. Z.

Hi N.,

Where does your son attend school?! If what you say is true I want to stay far away! Some of the things you are complaining about are actually abusive. I suggest you put into writing your concerns and politely but very firmly state that, nonnegotiable, your son is not to be denied snack or nap time. Send the letter certified to the teacher with copies to the principal and superintendant. As far as homework is concerned, I decide how much time should reasonably be spent on homework and after this time we stop and send a note to the teacher stating we were unable to finish in the allotted time. ( we limit homework to 30 minutes per child) (first and second graders) Another option is to take him out of school for this year. (Even though it's almost over!) You don't say how old your son is but many parents choose to give their little ones a little more time to mature. Boys, especially, can be slow to develop. Did he go to preschool? Where these behaviours present in preshool? It sounds like he has had a rough enough start in life that he does not need to be subjected to all this discourse at such an early age.

I have to admit, your case sounds very extreme, even though I have had occasional differences with my daughters school, I have been able to deal with them civilly with the school. Is it possible that your stress and frustration with all of the stressors you are dealing with and the fact that you feel you have a "right" to certain things has affected your attitude with the school and been a bit off-putting so that they are in defensive mode? I know it sounds cliche, but you do get more fly's with honey than vinegar. Remember, the bottom line is to get what you son needs to thrive in school. It is in everyones best interest if you and the school can do this together.

As a mother of two little girls ages six and eight, I share your frustration. I also work 3-11 shift, so I am well aware that you are waking up tired and getting the kids to school rushed and probably feeling stressed. If you are like me sometimes you have to go back to bed so you can be 100% that evening at work. I also know that now that the kids are in school, you frequently do not see them until the next morning. Like me, you are trying to micromanage home from work. Getting homework done, baths, bedtime early enough that the kids aren't as tired as you the next day. If you are lucky, you don't also have aging, sick, parents to take care of. (let's not go there!) I can not afford to stay home.(I also love my career choice, RN) My partner, (children's father) works 7-3:30 so day or night shift is impossible for me. I finally cut my hours from 40 to 24 hours (just enough to be eligble for health insurance benefits) This has given me a little breathing room, but, with a son from a previous relationship in college, I am creeping more and more into debt each month, so I know that this is just a bandaid and eventually I will have to find a more logical decision.

My best recommendation to you? Stop being your own social worker. Has your son been evaluated for special ed? Perhaps that would be a place to start. If you do not agree with their recommendations you can always request a second eval. I definately suggest you try and get yourself an advocate. I am surprised your son's teacher or prinicipal hasn't suggested this. A child advocate is a neutral third party who can work with the school with you and whose primary obligation is to your son's success. An advocate can be assigned through your schools special education department.

I will agree that the teachers union is very powerful and often the schools do attempt to usurp the family in authority over your child. They see no limits to the issues with which they feel they can dictate how your children are raised. They tell you how to feed them, how to morally teach them, when you can consider them to be sick, how much physical activity they need, how much sleep etc., (you would think they would have enough to keep them busy teaching reading, writing and arithimetic. Despite more and more money spent on education, despite more and more studies telling us how to raise and teach children, today's children are less literate then we were, and many of us are less literate then our parents were. (even when they only had a high school education). Sometimes we have to gently remind the school that as the parent or guardian we have the ultimate decision making authority and that they work for us, hired via our property taxes, and it is they who are accountable to us.
(can we fire them?!)

Good Luck
J. L.

N.,
Take a deep breath and imagine what this classroom would be like if EVERY parent wanted to be in his/her child's classroom at he same time and on the same day. Assuming that this class might have 20 to 25 kids and multiply that by 1 to 2 parents per child; you now have a situation that's completely out of control.
Kindergarten is the first place where children really learn how to get along with others; where they learn to share. The teacher is almost like a substitute mother and in addition to keeping order,she must also help each child on and off with coats, mittens, hats and boots. She also has to be sure the right clothing is going on the right kid.
In addition to the above, she's expected to wipe runny noses, maintain some order, hand out art supplies for a variety of projects and somewhere during the day, she actually gets to teach some reading, math, geography, history, basic hygiene. It's a very full, complicated day.
Perhaps you could request in writing, an appointment with the teacher. Tell her some of your son's background and voice your concerns in a non threatening way. Please don't say you'll hire a lawyer. This would end any communication with both the teacher and the school.

What does your husband think? If there are other parents wondering and complaining. Well, in numbers you get results. If you were in my community I would definitly help you out. My son is in the 1st grade and he also is in a class with just a couple of mentally challagend children, ALSO there is a major bully. I would take it up with the local town newspapers, then if that doesn't help go to like the state paper. Providence Journal does wonders to this kind of thing, or maybe even channel 10, they love this kind of stuff. Children are our future if the adults out there that are suppose to be there for our children, are not there for them during school hours what are we suppose to do who is going to protect them? But again it should be done in numbers, (parents), thats when people tend to start to listen. Good luck and email me if you would llike to talk.

Hi N.,
I am a full day kindergarten teacher and I am sorry you are having a hard year with the teacher. I cannot believe the teacher used snack to take away, you have every reason to complain. I actaully have an inclusion classroom and I LOVE volunteers, But I do agree she must be uncomfortable with parents observing her. Has she been teaching a long time? Maybe you can ask her if you can help for only 1/2 hour one time a week and if it doesn't work out at least you tried. Do they have a behavior chart with your son? He might be a child who responds to more positive reiforcement and praise. Well, at least you only have around 50 more days and then he will hopefully have a better fit with personalities in first grade. Good luck and remember most teachers do want the extra help!!

Wow! It seems that you have tried all the usual methods. I didn't have this problem.

Maybe try one of those small recorders, get together with the other upset parents and warn the school that if things don't change you will go to the paper.

What ever you do, I wish you the best of luck!
H.

Dear N.,
I, too, sense something fishy is going on in that classroom. I was verbally abused and hit at age six in first grade by a psychotic teacher who was wonderful and sweet to me when my Mom was there observing class, and took it our on me when she wasn't. So I'd say, if your Mommy Radar is going off, something is WRONG.
YOur son has special needs too. Let your Inner Mother Bear come out and be tireless in protecting your "cub"! Do what you gotta do, Mom. Go for it~lawyer, State School Board, try anything and everything. Suggest a rotating roster of
"helper"parents. DO NOT GIVE UP! Your son NEEDS you to fight this for him and make it right- he is too little and doesn't have the verbal skills to help himself here.
You may feel alone, but you are not. See if you can meet with the other parents who are having problems with this teacher, draw up a list of problems/grievances, and you all take it to your school board.There's strength in numbers. And remember, YOU are paying this teacher's salary!! She is YOUR EMPLOYEE! She needs to be 100% on board with helping your child socialize, not isolating and punishing him!
Be STRONG, MOM! DO what you gotta DO!
Bear hugs to you and your boy, from a survivor.

What seems odd to me is that if this teacher has special needs children, where are the aides? At this level, there usually are aides to help the teacher when they have more than special needs child. It sounds like you school district is one of those "we care more about certain people who work here than anyone else" districts. I know this may be odd, but your degree in social services might be scaring them as well. It seems to me that someone is protecting someone. You know your child better than they do. I can't be for sure, but I believe parents have the right to sit in on a class at least once to monitor the teacher if they believe there is a problem with that teacher. Hey, while you are at the school, can you sneak by that classroom and peek in thru the window? I would also check with the accreditation people to see what their policy actually states about parents being in the school and contact them about the issue. If that doesn't work, which it seems you have checked this stuff, personally, I would go with my gut feeling that there is something wrong with these people and pull my kid from the school and report it to the newspaper.

Consider homeschooling for the rest of the year. I'd be glad to "discuss" the option with you...It worked VERY well for me and my 3 children for -- 13 years!

This certainly does not sound right. It seems that you have exhausted all of the appropriate avenues for approaching this in the right way. I am a special ed teacher and I can't see why you would not be welcomed into the classroom. I would seek the counsel of a lawyer. Especially, since you have already tried the Superintendent and principal. I have a son in kindergarten right now. He rarely has homework. My husband and I are welcomed in the classroom as long as prior arrangements have been made with the teacher. Parent Involvement should be encouraged at a school. Good luck!

N., I think you are doing everything you can. The newspaper issue is a wonderful idea, especially if you can get other parents to participate, but even if you dont there isn't a school in this nation that would like negative publicity. It's great that you spoke to a member of the Board of Education, but go to a meeting and voice your concern to everyone on the board. Stay constant in your cause and don't sway because if you do it once, they will lose respect for your authority as a parent.

I've read most of your responses but not all, so I don't know if this has been mentioned yet.
How old was your son when you adopted him and how long was he is foster care? My daugther was 5 1/2 when I adopted her and she spent a couple of years in and out of care before that.
The reason I mention this is there may be some things you are not aware of that are setting him off. The teacher may remind him of someone or some event. Perhaps even a kid in his class reminds him of something that has unpleasant memories.
Perhaps you can mention this to the teacher/principal and ask them for their help and have someone other than yourself observe him to try and termine when these outbursts happen. They may be more receptive to you this way. I've had 5 years of spec ed classes, meetings with school boards, IEPs etc. It's a lot of hard work but worth it. I also had the help of Children's Aid, even after our adoption was finalized. They are always there to help and sometimes they get better reponses than parents. I used them whenever possible to pull strings for me.
These kids come to us with a past and usually not pleasant ones at that.
Hope this helps even a little.
Keep up the good work. It gets easier!

it's against the law to not let a child eat or drink
if everyone else is eating he should be allowed to eat(unless he wants to eat during class time)
what school is this? it seems a little odd that they ask for help and then won't let parents help
i'ld get alll the parents together and see if they have the same problems and that way you buld a case
when is your son getting into trouble and what us he doing that they say is wrong? and yo brought up adoption how long ago was he adopted?

N.,
If you can afford it, I would contact a good special education attorney, sounds like you're going to need it. You should probably just get the process started and request that the school evaluate your son in all areas of suspected disability, and schedule him for an independent neuropsychological evaluation yourself as well. I will tell you that there is actually a bill before the Mass. legislature right now regarding giving parents of special needs kids access to observing their child's programs - many, many school districts give people a hard time about this.

I find this very suspicious as well. I would definitely find some way to observe the class. Are the "special classes" being taught by other teachers than his main teacher? Or try and have a meeting with the teacher herself alone to talk about your concerns with your son in the classroom.

Hi N.,
Have you suggested your son meet w/the school psychologist? I have 3 teenagers myself. I have found, even though they "encourage" parental involvement, they view us as nothing more than annoying. My son is 17 and recently having academic issues. I requested a meeting with his "team" and some teachers didn't even bother to show up. Keep in mind your son is only in kindergarten and you may have many years in this school system so I don't think a lawyer is the way to go. I would find out the policy for parents in classroom, etc. and go from there. Or maybe just tell her you want to observe for a day and she should give you a date that is most convenient. That way, if they have a policy in place, she has to give you a date, etc. Good Luck!

Hi N. - My sister is a Special Ed Director of a NH SAU and has a PhD in Eductation. She has spent time as a Vice Principal (the one that doles out discipline...) and this area is her forte (Children such as you describe)

I have emailed her your request, though she is at a convention this week. Please send me your private email address so I can forward you her response.

Also - To start, every request MUST be put in writing. You must begin a paper trail. Document every conversation with notes in a notebook as well. Be ready to defend the history you've had - you will need proof.

I think withholding snack is actually against the law. Hold this card close to your chest for now if you think you can - it is a big one and if this teacher is who you think she is, you may need to pull it out as the coup de gras.... This may be what you need to get her fired.

Maybe that sounds harsh, but when it comes to children, I'm a mother bear!

Hi N.,
I guess this response is more sympathy than advice -- this situation sounds shocking! It also sounds like you are doing all that you can to improve the environment for your son, and that your actions have been appropriate, sensitive and responsible -- wish I could say the same for that school system. What town is this, anyway?
Every school system is supervised by the state department of education. If you cannot attain cooperation at the local level, you may consider going over their heads -- even contacting the legal department of the state ed. department.
And remember, we are all represented by elected officials in the state legislature -- a call to the rep. or senator of your jurisdiction may not be out of place, either. Attention needs to be paid to this.
You could also go to the superintendent's office to file a complaint to go in the teacher's personnel folder. Sometimes there isn't a lot the principal can do, because of protections in the teacher's union contracts, but you never know.
These are just my intuitive suggestions -- I am not an expert! I also realize you may not want to make waves right now, and thereby make things even more difficult for your son.
Another approach would be to make an appointment with the district school psychologist to determine if, in fact, these negative factors are impacting him to the extent you fear. It would be beneficial to attempt to quantify the extent of the damage, and may help your case if you need to take it to the next level.
In the meantime, just keep letting your son know how much you love and value him, and how special he is, and support his education with enriching activities at home. A loving, emotionally supportive home life can do a lot to counteract harmful messages from outside.
Best wishes,
A. A.
Pawcatuck

Hi N.,
As a teacher myself I appreciate your interest in your sons education. I can also understand what the teacher means when she says it is hard on special needs children when too many people are in the classroom. Often special needs children are throw off very easily and having strangers(to them) around changes their routine, which is a crucial part of their education. Even though it seems like "the more the merrier" that is really opposite for these children. Also, if you are actually in the classroom I doubt you'll get a clear picture of your sons/the teachers behavior because if they both know you're there watching, they won't show their typical behaviors, so it won't be beneficial. Watching from afar and unannounced would be ideal, but is rarely possible. All that said - there are definitely some big red flags in your situation. You are not wrong for wanting to know what is going on. I would definitely speak with other parents who are having your same concerns, then go to the superintendent (since you've already talked with the teacher and principal). If there are many concerned parents, the superintendent should be very interested in talking with you.

I know you have already received tons of advice, but I hope this helps a little too! Best of luck!!

Don't bring out the big guns yet! I have worked in public schools for over 10 years and I have never heard of classrooms being closed to parents, unless the teacher feels it is disruptive to the child's learning. Some kids do not do well with their parents in the classroom, they become a distraction. When you are in the classroom are you observing afar or are you right in the middle of it, hovering over your child? If you have talked to the principal and the teacher maybe it is time to talk to the superintendent.
You said your child was wonderful at home...I have seen this a lot. There are lots of rules and restrictions at schools, strict schedules, and shared attention, do you have a lot of rules at your house, do you have a schedule? I am asking you these questions not to accuse, but rather get more information so I can help you.
Have you talked to your son about it? My aunt had a problem with her son in preschool. The teacher was singling him out and being mean to him. She picked apart everything he did or did not do. She talked to her son and found out that she would say he was a bad boy and not let him participate in fun activities. She pulled him out and took him somewhere else. I think you need to do some investigating first, before you get lawyers and such involved. Talk to other parents with kids in this class.

I would be VERY surprised if your sons teacher was hiding something. Most teachers like parental involvement but its difficult to have mom sitting in class while she is trying to teach. I understand that you want to be with your son and try to resolve his issues but I think the teacher wants him to get used to being at school without his parents so he can adjust. Some kids tend to get distracted and have a hard time learning independence at school if a parent is there. I do not have an adoptive child or one that has gone through the foster system. I know it must be awful to see how much some children suffer at the hands of their parents. I am sure you have him in some sort of counciling. If not, I think that would be a great place to start. Acting out is usually caused by insecurities and fears. Maybe he is acting out because he fears abandonment or punished in some way by you "leaving him" at school. That wont be resolved and may even cause confusion if your there in class with him. A good way to teach them how to be ok with seperation is to actually drop him off at school and then come and pick him up. It shows that mom can leave but she will always come back.
Again, you just have to remember that your sons teacher cant have every parent that wants to sit in on class do so. It just isnt possible to accomplish everything if there is always a distraction. It might also cause the other kids to desire mom and dad in class with them. I think its just better to allow your son to adjust and be involved by volenteering at the school or maybe even get a job at the school.
Also, you may want to talk to your sons pediatrician about any possible medical reason for his acting out. You never know if its just a "phase" or something more. Good luck.

N.,

I am sorry that your son in having such a tough year. Kindergarten is an important year for learning and transitioning. I have to say that by the tone of your question you sound like you have been through the ringer this year. I am a special education teacher and I have always said to parents that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. When I have had parents worry that they were being to verbal, I have told them that advocating for their child is their job. There is never any shame in fighting for yor child's rights.

Having said that... The approach you are taking may not be the most effective. All of the avenues you are seeking within the school system are in communication with one another. The more you go to them individually, the more they are going to talk and label you as the alarmist parent who is "over-reacting" They are no longer going to hear your words or take you seriously.

I think the suggestion of setting up a meeting is a good one. The teacher will not be able to skirt the issues if she is sitting in front of you and your supervisors.

I hope everything goes well.

Please keep us posted.

How many kindergarten classes are there in your son's school? What does the principal say when you ask about these issues? It seems odd that parent involvement is a part of their priorities, but the teacher isn't welcoming. I would say to definitely emphasize that not only do you want to help out in the classroom, but you are there to advocate for your son, and to find ways to support him. It's your right to do so, and if this teacher has a problem with your presence, perhaps he can be moved to another class?

Hi N.,

First of all this is completely absurd! Withholding food is ILLEGAL, I cannot even believe she is doing that. You are your son's voice so speak and peak loudly. You have the right (I believe by law but not sure) to observe the classroom that your child is in. Since you are getting nowhere with the teacher or the principal, go to the superintendent's office. Call first, if you get nowhere...show up. Let him/her know that your next step is to speak to a lawyer as well as the town newspaper (and you will name names. Don't make empty threats though, follow through. This is your child, like I said, you are his voice and he needs you to fix this. There could be something very wrong in that classroom with the teacher or other children or even your child. Don't let this go, you'll regret it. Take action and take it now. My friend had a similar problem in Dracut, MA and as soon as she started making the newspaper and lawyer threats, the superintendent sat down with her and everything was worked out. Good luck, keep us informed, I'm hoping the best outcome for you.

D.

I would request that your child be moved to a new classroom. Secondly I would speak to the social worker on staff and see what her recommendations are. You have a right to attend and observe. You might also consult your childs Docter and explain his behavoir changes and the difficulty he is having in the classroom. There is obviously a trigger to his change. It is possible the special needs children behavoirs are effecting him personally...Misbehaved children can effect the well being of your child. I speak from experience on this one...I have a second grade daughter who has struggled on this same level. Be persistant and use all your options.

Good Luck,
D.

N.,
Have you had a conference with his teacher and or principal on the matter? Have the parents concerned written letters to the school board stating the problems and that you would like to meet together with those involved and a moderator to help solve the problems at hand? (There is strength in numbers!)

Also, when I taught 8th grade as a student teacher several years ago I was in a school that was improperly implementing IDEA 97 ~ the act stating that equal education is available to all. Now IDEA 97 is a great idea for certain circumstances where individuals were being misappropriately placed into special needs programs that were not suited for them when they would have done better in a regular classroom. Where IDEA 97 fails is in how it is implemented, and there is no common sense applied to the measure (In my opinion children who are severely mentally handicapped and unable to do tasks such as using the toilet or tying their shoes are better served by a program that teaches them lifeskills that may allow them to be independent and have a good quality of life rather than trying to teach them a traditional instruction that they cannot comprehend where they are in an environment that can be socially damaging to them. I fully support that those who are capable of learning SHOULD be given EVERY opportunity to have a quality education.) Each school has a lot of leeway in how they integrate IDEA 97 students. The school I taught in was definitely not intelligent in that they put ALL 8th grade IDEA 97 students together in one class... with the students that were known for behavioral issues. To me that was not the true meaning behind why these children should be implemented, but as a teacher (and a very tiny woman!) I was expected to keep ALL 35 students in line and learning despite the combination of all these issues meant that the majority of the time 65% of my students didn't even know what was going on. Since I was student teaching under another teacher for this specific class and going to college evening classes I figured I'd research the subject a bit more. (I also have a degree in psychology & Biblical Counseling). I did make several changes in my classroom such as changing the seating arrangement (a deaf student should not be next to a blind student ~ they can't help each other), asking our principal to shuffle a few students so that the peers learned positive behaviors from each other rather than negative ones, and I filed an application for 3 of my students to receive a classroom aide because even with a supervising teacher and 1 aide in the classroom we still needed more help to keep things running smoothly.

Each IDEA 97 student is permitted to have an Aide, yet only one of my students had one. Some of my IDEA 97 students included a blind student, a deaf student, 4 severely mentally handicapped students, and 11 partially mentally handicapped students. The rest of my students had behavioral issues or had a diagnosis of ADD, ADHD and other psychological diagnosies. Almost all of my students had very sad home situations.

With IDEA 97 teachers are expected to do a LOT, so the fact that your sons teacher states that there are a lot of special needs children in the class is very likely true, however, I am shocked that she isn't welcoming all the help available to her. (Perhaps then one of my handicapped students wouldn't have found matches that my behaviorally challenged students brought to class with which she accidentally lit her hair on fire ~ WITH her aide sitting next to her!)

Maybe you could inquire as to what types of special needs are in the classroom. Do not ask about specific student information, but a general census of the classroom. Ask if there are some students who have aides in the classroom. If there are aides in the classroom maybe you would be able to ask one of them if the classroom operates in a proper manner or if something is going on behind closed doors that you should know about.

You are certainly in a tricky situation and consulting a lawyer is probably a good idea. Find out what your legal rights are regarding your sons education. Your son is part of a unique category (depending on the state you are in) that could allow you access to a social worker who can get a "free pass" into the areas of the school which the teacher does not want your presence. When I taught in PA every child who had been a part of foster care was assigned a social worker. This social worker had access to all areas of our school at anytime since their job was to ensure that the child was having a good quality of life. If your son had a social worker during his foster care and they are still accessible, you could also try to contact them to see if they have any advice.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the teacher could be concerned that parents flowing in and out of the classroom would be disruptive, or that your son should not see you at all times during his school day. The teacher could also be embarrassed by having an audience other than her small pupils. If the teacher is young she could be trying to get her barings in the classroom. If it is an older teacher she could just be a bit "old school" (and habits are hard to break).

Growing up I was in public school, private school and was homeschooled. I am thankful that my parents recognized when I needed each system to be able to thrive. All 3 have pros and cons and the decision for which one your child should be in can be very complicated. If things do not work out at his current school keep in mind that you have other options available to you.

I do wish you all the best with this situation.

go to the superintendent and if you get no where, go to the paper. that's crazy.. you have every right to sit in on a class if you want to. and withholding a snack sounds criminal. I'd be considering changing schools too. that's horrible

Have you thought about contacting the superintendant/school board? Board of Education is an option too.

I believe that if you check federal laws/guidelines you will find that as a parent you are entitled to sit in on your son's classes and the school MUST permit you to at your desire as long as you do not cause a disruption while there-ie enteract w/ the children w/out consent, or interrupt the lesson etc. I don't know what MA law says, but I am confident federal law is on your side. Before going to the expense of hiring an attorney do a few things: 1- go through and carefully read all the paperwork sent home by the school during registration and the first few days of school to see if your visiting is addressed there. 2- check out any information referenced in that paperwork to see what it says on the subject. 3- look up the state and federal regs on school access etc. It may be a bit of time involved, but from what I'm reading, it's your child's well being at stake, so the time will be well spent. FIGHT for your child!, but make sure you are doing so within the confines of the law to ensure what you say and do is not used against you to belittle you or your postion in this pursuit. I firmly believe the law is on your side. You must educate yourself fully on the matter though and have documentation in hand when dealing w/it. We we try to tackle this sort of thing w/out knowing the rules/laws ourselves they can not be twisted or misinterrupted by others and used against us, but if we know the rules and laws ourselves we can call them out on that sort of thing and not allow ourselves to be 'abused and disrespected' in this fashion.
As an added suggestion: always remain professional and respectful in dealing w/all involved, do not let their behavior prompt you to lower your standard and that be used against you later.

Hello , My name is P. Davies

I Am a Respite care worker / Support Worker.

I have been working with kids with Behavioral issues And life skills Issues.

You will find that some schools don't know how to deal with these kind of Issues. They have a job to do , and thats all they want to do. You will find that a School will let a support Worker help when needed. If the school does not let a support Worker in the class room. There is something wrong with the school all together. But there is support out side the class room as well, Which most times is better. Home schooling in some cases is better. Working one on one with the children, seems to work in most cases. Depending on the child.

The down side of useing a support worker is that it does cost money.

the up side is that the family has Support in the home.

Thank you

P. Davies
###-###-####

184 Bronte Street South
Unit 1
Milton, Ontario
L9T 1Y8

____@____.com

Hi N.~
I would most certainly do whatever you need to do to get into that class room and see what's going on. There are probably many issues in the whole school that need to be addressed if this is already a problem in kindergarten. The teacher may be overwhelmed, not used to teaching kindergarteners, or just not competent. You don't what your son to be "labeled" so soon in his school career as this will follow him all through the years. If you continue to get stonewalled get group of concerned parents together and attend the next school board meeting. They usually have open comment sessions at some point during the meetings where you can air your concerns. All else fails, look for alternative schooling for him. I have pulled my son out of public school in favor of a local charter school where he is doing very well. He's 14 and seems to really enjoy school for the first time in his life!!!

Good luck!

I wonder if you can research her on the EEC website and see if she has a history of this? I am not sure how to go about this but I have heard that it can be done. I would also report her while you are at it and maybe they can also give you some ideas on options.

I am extremely involved with my daughters education (and she is only 1 yrs at daycare). I would be extremely offended if someone was prohibiting me from doing so and I would be very cautious of people who encourage that teachers behavior.( Also be aware that maybe she has had a bad experience with a parent and is making you and your child suffer as a result)

Could he be acting out in the one class you are not allowed to attend - simply because you are not there? As an adoptive child who had been through foster care - maybe you make him comfortable and his aggression when you are not there is a cry for you? I am not versed in this area so if I am wrong - please dont take offense.

I hope it works out for you and your child.

HI N.,
Im J. and im the mother of 3. My first born is now 26 years old but he had the same problem with one of his elementary teachers. He is adhd. It is very hard on parents when schools are involved and not doing what they should . Every week i would be fighting with the school about my son being picked on , bullied , and the teacher always blamed it on my son. Until one day i went into the school and demanded to stand near my sons classroom door so nobody could see me and watched. I found out some kids behind me would punch him in the back when the teacher wasn;t looking that my son got fed up and yelled back. She immediately degraded him infront of the class . I opened that door ,, got my son,, Told the teacher to go to the office now cause there is some fire works that will be going on. I didn;t stop till that teacher had tears in her eyes i was so upset. After that he was pulled from that room and the school and placed in another school and he was fine. Stand your grounds.. Do whatever you can to fight for you child. Nobody has the right to say you can not view your child in school. But comprimise might help. Like i did watch from the door of the classroom for a while and see what is going on without the teacher knowing.

I wish i could give you more advice but that is all i have for now..

God bless

Hi N.,
It seems unfortunate that they aren't letting you in the classroom. I have to say that some teachers are definitely like that in the school system and some are not. Teachers seem to want the kids to be very independent and they want the kids to separate from their parents. A lot of times when kids realize you can be there, they want you and they become clingy and don't want you to leave (speaking from experience with my own kids) Sometimes my kids wouldn't separate at the door to school. Or, if I came into the classroom, they would have a hard time concentrating on their work.(they would want to be right with me) At the school my kids have gone to, they encourage parental involvement. But, some teachers are better about having parents in the room than others. Some let parents go on field trips or help out with classroom parties. Others let parents help with library, art or computer time. The teacher may not be hiding anything. Maybe your son is bored with school, and needs to be challenged more or is tired, or hungry, or possibly has to wait while someone else is helping another student who needs more help. It's hard to know. Also, I find with boys that they have to move around a lot. Full day is a long day, plus homework. Hopefully they are letting these kids have some free time. You could take your child out and go to another school for a period of time. Even if you had to pay for it, it might be worth it. I'm not sure how many kids are in the class but it may be too many. You could ask for him to be switched to another teacher, but I'm not sure they would do it this late in the year. I hope this helps. Good Luck to you. It would be nice to know what happens or what you decide.

Hi N.,

I read your post with a growing lump in my throat. It deeply saddens me that this kind of situation is happening to someone else, for we just went through a very similar situation last year with our five year old son.

As you said, you are an educated sensitive woman, PLEASE trust your instincts and your education and training. The situation you describe is most assuredly NOT normal and a teacher that keeps a parent out of the classroom has something that they are hiding. Bottom line, schools should have an OPEN DOOR policy if they have nothing to hide unless the parent negatively effects any of the children. If I could just go back to last year and pull my son out I would pay what ever price to do it. Instead I listened to family members and school officials that said it would be okay, that THEY were the professionals and knew best, etc. etc. WRONG! I can not say it strong enough - FOLLOW YOUR HEART!

For me the final straw came in the third week of first grade when the principal refused to let me take my own son out of school. She restrained him and raised her voice at me, all because he didn't have a fever. Needless to say he never went back and I'm now homeschooling for 1st grade, trying to undue the damage that was done. He doesn't trust teachers and HATES school work now. Can you image hating kindergarten and first grade!?

For me I KNOW if I had done something last year, dealt with it by pulling him, placing him in a different school, homeschooling or even making the school change his teacher then things would be different now. I will never not listen to myself when it comes to my child again.

If you want to chat more about it to an empathetic ear please don't hesitate to contact me - ____@____.com

I wish you the very best as you go through this difficult time,
S.

EEK! Sounds like a terrible situation. In my opinion, the last thing that you want to do is become (in the eyes of the teacher) a trouble-some parent. Once she is resistant to you, she will be EVEN MORE resistant and reluctant to helping your son find his feet. Since you have your suspicions of inadequate guidance in the classroom, however, something still needs to be done.

I would suggest finding a third party, a professional, to peek in from time to time to "observe your child". (He/she, really would be observing the entire environment and dynamic between son and teacher, but the teacher doesn't need to know this....) Just explain to the teacher that this is to help your son and YOU figure out the best way to positively guide him into a better place emotionally, socially, behaviorally, etc. And before an effective guidance program (some might say, discipline program) can be determined, this professional needs to observe him in the environment in which he is having difficulty. This will take YOU out of the equation, but will still allow someone to see what's going on. And, by pitching it to the teacher as this is YOUR SON's problem, not HER failure, you are removing the threat that she might be feeling by having a parent in the room. (By no means do I think that YOUR SON is the one with the "problem." All behaviors are the result of an interaction between the environment, child, and caregivers involved.) Perhaps then, the professional can help your teacher find better ways of guiding your son into more constructive and successful behavior patterns.

I HIGHLY recommend getting in touch with Jeanine Fitzgerald. She has made world of difference in our home and in my son's success in school. (He's four.) She lives in the Boston area, but travels all over the country assisting caregivers and parents in finding individually-tuned guidance strategies that bring the best out of each individual child (and caregiver, for that matter). Her email is: ____@____.com
Her website is: www.betterbehaviorbureau.com

Tell her that your son is on the verge of being suspended from school and that his teacher is at her wits end (it sounds like it) and isn't working successfully with him. If she can't help you directly, she might be able to connect you with someone that she trusts. Contact Jeanine today!! :)

Good luck!
M.

Wow. I would be suspicious too. I think you have the right to be in the class? and I support your decision to go further and talk with the newspapers, lawyers, etc. If he is funloving at home, but they are having issues, this does not seem right? They should be supporting you and working with you because of your sons history. Don't second guess yourself and follow your gut instict! Keep your focus on your son and what is best for him. Good luck to you.

Oh man, that is a sticky situation. Have you tried to get him into a different class. They should be able to handle that situation. I think you are going it the right way so far. I would threaten to take it to the newspapers and then get a lawyer. There is NO reason you should not be allowed into the classroom. NO reason what so ever. Especially if it is part of what they claim to do! Have you talked to the other parents or anyone else who may have had thier children in her class. The only time I experienced teachers that sound like her was when they were verbally abusive and my Mom could never get to the bottom of it when my brother had them...it was my year in the classrooms that they retired or were fired because we spoke up more. Have you talked to your son one on one about her. Right now he is your only eyes into that class which is tough but may be our only way.
That snack issue better have been resolved! It isn't right by any means and may be against rules.

Hi N.-
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is T., and I went through the same exact treatment when my son was in grade school. I would like to talk to you via cell if at all possible. Contact me at ###-###-####. There is so much I can help you with. I look forward to helping you.

Hello,
I can only say that it's awful having to deal with this garbage the first year of school!!! I can see the teacher not wanting to be "monitored" every day but occasionally and for brief periods of time parents should definitely be allowed...first of all, I am assuming that this is a PUBLIC school. As for her not wanting people in there because of the special needs students, that is absurd! I can see if a particular parent did something to warrant her not wanting them in the classroom but with your education I doubt they can have any complaints of that nature! I can tell you from experience ( I have an 18 and 16 year old ) that going to the newspaper works wonderfully!!! I went to the newspaper when my oldest was in first grade because of a substitute teacher and the schools not doing criminal backgrounds and low and behold they put that into place after all the publicity :). Sometimes a little attention goes a LONG way. I hope this helped but keep your chin up and just keep going, you are your childs advocate...it sounds like this school needs to be kept in check on alot of issues...just make it known to everyone at that school that you are monitoring everything that goes on with your child, that is the best thing you can do for your son!!!!

I would switch schools if they won't let you observe. Been there, done that.

I am a teacher, and I think the situation sounds a little strange. Our principal and every teacher I know welcomes parental involvement, unless it becomes excessive (like, everyday, all day) or unless it interferes with the normal rythm of the class. Our school community and PTO is incredible b/c so many parents work side by side with us. ("It wakes a village...")

You need to make sure you are understanding the situation correctly, and, considering your son's needs, the best way to do that is to be in the classroom regularly. I trust schools, and the tremendous work we do every day, so normally I get defensive about parents demanding things and assuming they know what's going on when they make no effort to support their child, but it doesn't sound like this is your case whatsoever. I would definitely continue to pursue this... go to the superintendent if the principal does not cooperate.
Goodluck!

First I would contact the Federation for children with special needs. By other kids with special needs whether they are learning disabilities or behavioral problems that most likely stem from either a learning disability or adhd issues. People like to pass kids off with adhd issues as lazy, trouble, distracting to the other kids. These kids need just as much attention as the others, and with negative attention, they will seek more because any attention is better than none at all. With only a few months left in the year, I would make it a pleasant one by pulling him from her class. I don't think any more harm can be done. Your son is labled and by you speaking up, he is now black balled as they would say. If you find no help with the Federation for Children with special needs, try The Department of Education and file a formal complaint. I have done that in the past, and wow!!!! Got results.....I hope this has been some help. You are not alone. For the parents that don't speak up on their kids behalf because they might not fit in with the "Jones'" SHAME ON THEM!

Maybe call the company that accredits them...Maybe if they investigate if in fact they are not meeting the standards that will let them know you are serious and work with you on a more professional manner other then brushing you off. If there are other parents with the same concerns can you all ban together and request a meeting with the school board and the superintendent to get this issue out on the table in public?

My thinking is that maybe the teacher thinks that the more parents that are there the more disruptive it can be to the routine they have. I totally know your frustration and I do side with you.
I would definitly talk to someone higher up because your son could be acting up because the teacher and him do not click. Not every teacher fits the personality of a child.

I have had a few experiences with teachers that they were just not a fit for my child. I have never had to have my children switch classes but I think that is because of the communication I had with the teacher.
I set up a meeting to discuss my childs personality, needs and wants and my expectations of her as well as my expectations of my child. It is a 2 way street.

If the teacher does do an afternoon snack normally then there should be no reason not to withhold the snack. Especially if the teacher is doing it as a form of punishment. That is not right.

As far as the homework, each school does have a homework policy which inhibts the amount of homework each night. Kindergarten kids should not get more than 15min a few times a week in our school. If it is taking him longer address the fact that maybe he struggles and that is why it is taking to long? If not then I would address it. I have had teachers that gave to much and teachers that did not give enough. It is a constant struggle but only us parents can be the voice for our children, we are advocates for our children and if we do not speak up nobody will. Stick to it.

Hi N.,
I am a mom of 2 boys one 7 and the other 7 weeks. I have been volunteering in my son's classroom since kindergarten (he's now in 2nd grade). Something doesn't sound right with that because I have always felt welcome and the teachers have always been extremely happy and thankful for the extra help.
If I were you I would consider putting your son into a different classroom. I had my son transferred to a different room in the 1st grade because his "about ready to retire" teacher was trying to tell me that he had the symptoms of adhd. I thought that was utterly ridiculous because he didn't act up at home. I switched him and had absolutely no more problems! Some children and teacher's personalities just don't click.
I can't believe that the principle is not more supportive! And withholding your son's snack??? That is AWFUL!!! Poor thing.
Well, I hope I've been some help. Good luck with everything!!

Ok, withholding snack is not the right thing to do. If he is acting up or not paying attention withholding food is not the way to make him pay attention - he is just going to be thinking about his snack instead of focusing on schoolwork. As for observing in the classroom, I can see how they don't want a lot of people in the classroom. I worked at a school for special ed children and behavioral children for 10 years and it is very distracting to them and it is also a safety issue for them as well. Being a parent of another child in the class, you don't know the other children's issues and the teacher needs to be sensitive to all the children's needs.
As for the homework - in Kindergarten??? I've never heard of it - I always heard of it starting in 1st grade.
Does your child want to go to school, or is he hesitant to go? Does he ever mention the way his teacher is, does he like her? Maybe talk to him as much as you can to find out what is settin him off to act out. Have you spoken to a guidance counselor? Maybe the guidance counselor can set up a weekly meeting with your son to figure things out too.

Pull him out and homeschool or send hime to a private school where there are less kids to a classroom and more one on one. Teachers are overworked and it's an extremely stressful job. She probably feels like this is the only way she can discipline, without disciplining him. If he's wonderful at home, then keep him home and homeschool. It only takes 1-2 hours a day. This is my suggestion. It's your child.

N., from reading your posting I believe I know what's going on. My background is I have three children, a 5th grader, a daughter in HS who is 16 who has Down Syndrome, and I have a 20 yr old in college. My experience with public school systems spans over quite a few years, but the most knowledge I have gained has been with advocating for my special needs child.

I have learned that there is a game, so to speak, we all must play when dealing with the schools. I believe you have violated the "chain of commands." When a problem occurs, such as you are describing, you must first deal with the teacher. The problem you are experiencing is they, the teacher and the principal, feel you and probably other parents are "out to get the teacher." That is why they are not allowing adults in the classroom, and they are basically shutting you out.

I know the easiest thing to do is suspect that all the problems are occurring because the teacher is somehow doing something. Turn your approach around. As much as you think it is the teacher, never go there or they will shut you out. Take a different approach. You must believe that the teacher is a teacher because of her love of children and her desire to educate children. Send her a note. Talk about how frustrated you are with the situation with your son. Ask HER advice as to what has been going on with him in the classroom, but not in the extra classes he goes to. As you know, behaviors do happen for a reason. Kindergarten is a really tough age, and most school systems now have all-day kindergarten. You must admit her job is not an easy one.

When talking with the teacher and principal, remain calm and keep an air of "I know we can resolve this issue, and I know that you will help me." Don't ever mention LAWYER. The minute that word comes out they will clam up tight.

I do not agree with the idea of withholding snack as a punishment, nor do I believe food should be a reward. You say that problem has been corrected. Good.

So, I suggest you send a note to the teacher or call the principal. Change your approach entirely. Express your concern for your son and express your desire to work with the teacher and principal to find the solution. No child is born with a halo and wings. Talk with your child try to get some insight from him, but be careful. He will take cues from you. If you say, "is the teacher mean to you," he will probably say yes. She may be just trying to keep 25 or 30 kids in control and try to accomplish some learning. Perhaps you could ask the principal to arrange for a guidance counselor or a school psychologist to check out his classroom, observe and advise on the situation. They may find that there is a lack of structure or something that can easily be changed to stop the behaviors. But you have to do it all relating to him, observe him in the classroom, see what is going on with him in the classroom. If you focus on the teacher and whatever deficiencies you think she has, you will get shutdown again. He is also young and, as you say, has come from a foster care system or something, there could be some underlying special needs that he has. Express your desire to the principal to find out. He may have some "environmental delays" due to his situation before coming to you. Chances are not, but this also shows your desire to work within the system. The other school personnel, such as the guidance counselor or the school psychologist, will report deficiencies that they find to the teacher and principal, suggestions, if you will, for improvement to help the situation.

Does this make sense to you? If someone is attacking, we must defend. That's what is happening to you. Contact me if I can be of any further help.

Contact the Federation for Children with Special Needs (http://fcsn.org/index.php) and think about getting an educational advocate. Under the IDEA act you are entitled to receive services for your child. It might be helpful to get an outside biopsychosocial assessment of your child to determine if he meets the criteria to be put on an Educational plan (an IEP). If he does, you can request that he be out on an Ed plan and then you will have control of what things go into that plan (snack provided on a regular basis, observation by parent, etc). I don't know what school district you are in but it is not uncommon for school systems to fight against this type of involvement. It has been my experience that hooking up with an educational advocate is a goood way to get some things done.

About me: A new mom and a social worker in Medfield, MA

They should not be able to ban you from the classroom. Check your state laws and then if they cannot give the laws to the schools, if they still refuse then I would get a lawyer. Good luck

I think you need to take a big step back here. If you are heavily complaining about this teacher to the principal and BOE member and super than they are NOT going to "let you in", you really need to have your facts straight, been there done that.

HAVING A MEETING WITH ALL PRESENT IS A MUCH BETTER TOOL/THE SCHOOL HEARS YOUR CONCERNS AND CONCERNS FOR YOUr SON AND WITH THE PRINCIPAL AND THE SUPER PRESENT THE TEACHER IS MADE ACCOUNTABLE FOR HER ACTIONS AS WELL/SHE WILL NEED TO EXPLAIN TO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND AND THE SCHOOL STAFF PRESENT AT THE MEETING HER STANDING ON WHATS GOING ON IN HER CLASSROOM, THATS WHERE YOU ALL WILL DECIDE WHAT COURSE OF ACTION NEEDS TO BE TAKEN WITH YOUr SON, SO HE STAYS IN SCHOOL.

Ok have you ever requested a meeting with the teacher, principal, super and you???? this would be the first thing that should be done, if your son's behavior at 6yrs of age is in question, then it is the schools responsibility to address it and keep him in school/not keep him out of school, if your son has special needs also then the school would need to put in place an IEP individual education plan for him, which would address behaviors, snacks and all of the above.
Calling a newspaper is the absolute last last last thing you should ever think of doing, and do not forget that calling the newspaper could backfire on you as well!!!!!!do you really want all that coverage for your family and your children? please think the newspaper thing through there are other options to be heard
you need to establish a working relationship with the school a parent/professional team/a ppt meeting. i have read some of the 63 responses and everyone has some good answers for you. i would push for a ppt meeting and set the guidelines at that meeting, additional testing could be added and a para would be put in place if it deems needed. I just want to say holding the snack back from an active 6yr old made my blood boil/something does not sound right here
good luck to you L.