Advice on Teen Birthday Party...

There are lots of things to do. They do NOT need video games of any kind at a party. It's a social event, they should be socializing with each other.

Hi! Do you allow any kind of games at all? Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise & allow games that are not hardcore fighting games. There are plenty of games out there that are not violent & bloody, & the kids still have fun! Good luck!

You have gotten a lot of good responses. Just a couple of thoughts. I suggest separating the family and friend parties. A party with a few boys could be a movie, bowling, etc. Ask your son what type a party he would like given your selected parameters. Did you ask him what he thought of a Velcro wall and mega slide or did you decide this was a good idea? At this age we did small groups (3-8 boys) and the idea was discussed & there were parameters that could not be changed. 14 years old is so hard! They are so afraid of not fitting in and they hate having people see that they have parents. Our job is to be respectful of their feelings (even though they are a bit crazy) and to set the limits. By the way respectful doesn't mean giving in. It means hearing, accepting their feelings, and not making fun of their feelings. By my limits are the limits.

Stick to your principles...If you let this slide on a 'special occassion' - there will be reason to let it slide again...and before you know it - you're son will know what to say or do to get his way. Nope - Noway - Stick to your guns M. (no pun intended)!
I do not doubt for a moment this is hard for him...But in the end, he will feel better about himself for not allowing his friends to come in and rule your roost nor compromise what you've worked so hard to instill.
We're all cheering for you M.!

It is your house and you have every right to not allow the games or anything else! Both him and his friends will get over it. Sounds like there are lots of other things for them to do.

Yeah, I'd call his bluff on this one.

He knew your rules when he asked.

If he wants to tell all his friends not to come because it will be a disaster (dramatic much? hehe), then so be it.
You and the extended family can enjoy the party as it is (which sounds terrific!). He can cave in and have fun anyway, or he can sulk in his room. His choice.

Stick to your guns. You are being flexible with many other things but somethings are not flexible. I find your son and his friends will be spaced out on the game and there will probably be contests, then fighting and surely 15 kids could not play one game at a time so there would probably be control issues, he will regret his decision ( but never tell). So take the initiative and do as you plan on doing. Once he is on that velcro wall he will totally forget about some mind numbing game.

You are spot on, R.. Well done not caving on this one- your son is trying to use the "it's my BIRTHDAY!!" leverage which is completely predictable. It sounds like a super fun party with lot's to do- the video game option should really be the last thing on the list.

I have two boys and we don't do video games- their friends have Wii, Xbox, etc. and they get to play them at their friends homes. Their friends know we don't have them at my house and you know what? They are out playing basketball, catch, looking for lizards (mine are a bit younger then your boy) and finding all sorts of lovely things to do that don't involve a joystick.

Stick to your guns (no pun intended). He'll invite his friends- idle threat that he won't and my response would be: "Wow. That's too bad. Should I go ahead and cancel the slide and wall then if no one is coming?"

Have a FUN party!!

I would compromise and tell him he can have video games, but you have say on what they choose. You can rent video games so you do not have to purchase them for the party. How about sports games. Madden football is awesome, guitar hero is also a great game. Just stick to your guns, (no pun intended) your house your rules. Trust me it is his job as a teen to be difficult, but that does not mean you have to give in to his every wish. Trying to fit in is all he is thinking about, and I am sure most of his friends are allowed to play these games. My kids are older 21 and 25, and most of their friends parents allowed drinking parties at their homes, and some even purchased the alcohol for them when they were underage. I wasn't one of those COOL parents and my kids survived. And I think I am a pretty cool mom, but somethings are just not right and I wasn't about to give in to make my kids happy. It's our job to do what we think is right not to cave in just because our kids want us to. I think it is great that you acknowledge your son's feelings and he should know that, but also tell him that you stick to your decision. If he doesn't like it then make it a family party only. Good luck

If you haven't allowed these games in the past your son should know your principles on this issue. You need to stand with your principles even if he doesn't like it. He may be thinking that the other kids all play that type of game and will think he's a 'sissy' for not being allowed to play them. You need to help him understand that people who don't respect him because of such principles aren't really his friends anyway. If he doesn't want them there without being able to play those games, then it's probably best they not be invited.
No one said being a parent of a teen would be easy all the time. Sometimes we have to stand our ground and the kids will seem to hate us, but believe me, they do get over it and eventually let us know they appreciate what we've done. I'm speaking from the perspective that my youngest is now 36 and I've heard from her and her two brothers that some of the things they thought was so unfair at the time were really good for them. I even remember one time with our daughter when I just couldn't give her a good reason for not letting her go somewhere with her friends. I just had a deep gut feeling I shouldn't let her go, and that's exactly what I told her. The next day she came to me and thanked me. She had an idea when she asked to go that the other girls were planning to do something that wasn't good for them to be doing, and she found out they had gotten into trouble. So she was immediately appreciative of my standing on my gut feeling and not letting her go.
Your son's party won't be ruined by you not allowing those games, even if he thinks it will. You might give him some choices in other activities to replace those games, but definitely hold your ground about the video games.

I wouldn't allow the games either. This is a birthday party - the kids need to interact with each other, not have three or four of them sitting at a game while the others simply watch. It sounds like you have a lot of entertainment for them. I know that my grandchildren, who all love those games, would rather play basketball and shoot pool, which are things we don't have at our house, than play a game that they do have. Your son might be surprised to find that his friends have interests other than video games! Stick to your guns - it sounds like it'll be a fun party!

My kids are turning 11 and 15, we don't have any game system at all. I know that is a somewhat unpopular decision, but if your son's friends normally come to your house, they know what the rules are there. I can't imagine what would have made your son think that on this occasion, it would be okay (oh yes, I remember now, teen judgement). So he only wanted to invite his friends to play violent games that you don't allow? I would allow the game systems only for games of your approval, and if he doesn't like those, then no game system and he has to commit to whether he wants his friends there or not, his choice.

My kids are 13 and 15 and we have the same rule. No violent video games. Their friends are perfectly happy playing Rock Band, or Mario Karts, or other non-violent games, even though at their homes they are allowed to play shoot 'em up games.
Teenagers are so full of drama! He may honestly believe his party will be a disaster without the games, but that belief doesn't make it true. People believed for generations that the world was flat, but that didn't make it any less round! :) Encourage him not to cancel with his friends. I think he will see that they will really enjoy the other activities available. It may just be the one 'pal' that is pushing for the games. Giving in to the demands of teens is a loser's game, and it is the kids that lose. You are being a great model to him of how to stick to your beliefs under pressure. Keep it up! In the long-run he will be the better man for it.

You are the parent and if you don't allow these games, then you need to tell him that he needs to tell his friend not to bring them. If he would rather tell them not to come, then that's what he needs to do. He really needs to understand that just because it's his birthday party, you are not changing the house rules.

I agree-- he can have the video games...just not violent ones. There are plenty that are still fun like someone else said Madden or there's car racing games, etc. It just sounds like your son is being a tad dramatic (like most teenagers are ha ha). I think his friends will survive a bday party and it won't be a disaster without video games...especially with all the cool stuff you're having at the party. I have neices and nephews around his age...with a pool table and a velcro wall alone----we wouldn't see them all day.

honestly? i think you have every right to prohibit those kinds of games if that's your house rules. also, why do they need to be playing video games at all if you spent all this money on a velcro wall, mega slide, basketball hoop, pool table...? maybe a few of the closer friends could stay later and play video games after the actual party is over...but still i would say no shoot-em-up games. i agree completely! sounds like he's being just a tad ungrateful...but he's a 14 year old boy after all. stick to your guns. so to speak ;) you're doing the right thing. he will have a fabulous birthday that he will remember the rest of his life. (or should, unless he really doesn't appreciate any of it, in which case you have bigger problems...lol) i suggest a no-video-games-till-after-the-party rule. and then only parent-approved games. good luck!

How about Rock Band? Fun for teens and adults. I have a friend who has Rock Band get togethers and my teens beg to go along.

Hi R.,

I dislike those violent and suggestive video games. Seems like you are going out of your way to make a nice party for your son. Since you are a hippie, you know how dumb your parents were when you were 14 and how smart they became over the years.

I'd talk with him and try and make a compromise. Us the $$ you were going to spend on the velcro wall and mega slide and let him invite X number of friends and go to the local bowling alley. They usually have party packages (pizza, cake, soda), bowling and yes, the dreaded video games. If you can get the boys bowling, they will start having fun maybe forget about the videos for a while.

You can still have the family thing after the bowling. Let there be peace in your home.

Blessings....

Hello R., As the mother of several children I promise you that it is the age of testing the boundries that you are up against. You have instilled your valuse and that is what your primary responsibility is as a parent. He needs to understand that the world won't end(he does this minuet) if he can't push you to cave in. I appreciate that you are his" parent and not his buddy" and letting him win this one becasue the next issue will be even bigger. I did not allow certain things into our home like any of the Freddy Horror movies , drinking or smoking, the kids all survived and may of their friends all hung out here, that is not to say they didn't see it at a friends home. So stick to your values and let him learn from you what you expect.

Nothing wrong with being a peace loving hippie =) Just stick to your "guns" and don't give in. Once you do, they'll walk all over you.

Besides, sounds like there's plenty of other stuff to do, even w/o the extras you are bring in.

I'm with you about hardcore games, however several times they wound up at our house on loan from other kids. We would stop it when he saw what they were doing. I actually hate all game systems however can't you compromise with a non violent game like snow boarding or skate board? I would also give him a party with just his friends, and the velcro wall and other things you have. Your son might enjoy that better and you could have a family thing later.