Advice on Helping a Pre-teen Deal with Losing Close Family Dog

First and foremost I want to say how sorry I am that they are dealing with this...losing a beloved family pet is sad, but can be a healing time as well.
There are tons of books out there on dealing with the loss of a pet for teens and pre-teens...If she wants to be there when it is time, then the mother should let her be...It will help her deal with the sadness and loss. One of the biggest regrets I had as a teen, was not being in there when my best friend was put down...the reality is harsh, but it's what comes with owning (and loving) a pet, unfortunately, they can't live as long as us.....and when it's time to ease the suffering, they will learn that that is what's best for their loved one....If you have any questions,feel free to write me privately.

Although I was older than your niece when my family dog was put down (I was 19), I can honestly say that being there when she died helped me tons! It is a very peaceful and loving experience and helped me to deal with the grief, knowing that she was surrounded by love, was pet by her family and didn't suffer. If your niece is mature (and it sounds like she is), if she were my daughter I would let her go. Since neither my mother or myself had ever put a dog to sleep, the doctor explained what was going to happen beforehand, which helped us. Maybe your sister in law can ask that he/she do that before the procedure and your niece can decide then whether to be in the room. I hope this helps - its a hard decision to put a family member to sleep but having been there and seeing how peaceful it is, I would not hesitate to do it again if my dog became ill.

This is the hardest age for a child to lose a beloved pet. She seems to have accepted it as she has requested to be there.
It is quick and merciful and if it makes her feel better to be there, then let her.
If she wants to be with her pet then she is old enough.
Will the dog be buried? Let her help dig the grave...lot of carthagic grief can be worked through digging a grave.
As soon as she is ready perhaps she would feel like having another dog. She may be more ready to adopt from a shelter, make her feel good about giving a homeless, loveless animal a second chance at life.
Could even get a young adult dog that is already housebroken.
Let her cry ...it is a deep bereavement for anyone let alone a pubescent child.
Tincture of time here.
I always have at least one dog and have since I was five so I have dug a lot of graves and cried a lot of times. But I cannot keep house without a dog either .
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

I was almost 30 when I saw our much loved dog euthanized. It was heart-wrenching and difficult but felt that I needed to be there. It was peaceful for the dog and made me feel better knowing he went that way. It was my husbands dog and because of the strong attachment he felt for him couldn't be there himself. I'm not sure what age is a good age to be exposed to this but "they" say that everyone should go through seeing someone pass at least once in their life. If your niece strongly wants to be there answer as many questions as you can and be there for her. I would wait to get another animal for a while and let healing take some time if that is a thought. I would also encourage taking a picture of them together so she has that to cherish down the road.

I would definately let her be there when the time comes. It will be closure for her,and she will see how peaceful the pup is. She may make up her own scary version of what might happen if she is not there to witness it.

Being present during euthanazia is beneficial not only for the child, but for the dog. The child sees first hand what happened to her beloved pet and the dog dies with a loved one near. Euthanazia is relatively quick, painless and the child will be able to spend time with the dog after. She may choose to take a lock of the dog's hair with her as a keepsake. It may help to have her frame a picture of the dog and herself and include a piece of the dog's fur. This gives her a tangible to hold on to.

Hello there,

i think that it is a good thing for her to be there.. To see her not suffering to see that it is not a harsh thing to be done.. We had to have a cat put down (my 8 year old daughter now 10) she still remarks about it once in a while but i am glad she was there. We also brought the cat home to be burried in the back yard and had a little service if you will where we all said something nice and said a little prayer. Then that spring we planted some flowers that would grow every year over the spot where we burried her. My daughter also painted a rock with the cats name on it to mark the spot. So when we moved she took the rock so she felt like she was taking the cat to our new house too.. She now has a new cat that she sleeps with.. Actually all 3 kids have a cat but they all 3 sleep with my 10 year old.. Well i wish your family the best of luck in this situation..

Last year, we had to put our Golden down the Friday after Xmas from cancer. My son was 3yr old at the time. I posted on the site with great responses. The one that helped me the most was from a Vet. Give the site to your sister-in-law. It's: tufts.edu/vet/petloss. Tufts is one of the leading colleges for vetrinary medicine and they have some great resources.

And please give my condolences to your sister-in-law.

P.S. We adopted a new Golden this year from a local rescue. They transport dogs up from the South to get them out of Kill Shelters. Maybe when she is ready, she would be interested in a program like that. I would be happy to offer any help or info when the time comes (if it does.).

Hi S., We had to put our dog down two years ago. At that time my children were 14,10,4,2. We knew she was getting old and suffering terribly. I started doing the same as your sister and explaining to the children that she was sick and was suffering. We ended up getting a new puppy a few months before we put our baby down. This seemed to help the transition. When we finally put her down, which was the hardest thing I think I have had to do, I was the only one that went. It was an amazing, yet very sad, experience for me which I now wish I would have shared with the two older kids. It gave closure and to see her go peacefully was such a relief. For the smaller kids I explained to them that the new puppy missed his "sister" and we needed to spend special time with him to help him through it. The kids were very upset but seemed to focus more on "taking care of the new puppy". I hope this helps!

When my sister and I were younger we had a dog that was acting sick but our mother wouldn't listen and made us put her outside when she didn't come back in we found her dead and I can tell you I would have preferred to be with my dog and was upset with my mother for along time so all I can suggest is she should let your neice decide if she wants to be with the dog if she wants to be there she should let her I think its important and will help her cope knowing that her dog went peacefully unlike me where I never knew. Perhaps in a few months a new puppy would be a good idea if your neice agrees.

I think being present when a pet is euthanized is a good thing. The pet is with those closest to it and it gives closure to the humans. Part of pet responsibility is the 'end' of things not just the 'cute cuddly' stages. The first time I witnessed an animal being euthanized I was a pre-teen. Because of that I have been with each and every pet since (I'm in my 30's now). I always cry. When I worked for a vet it surprised me how many people would drop their pet off for this (I cried for those animals too). It is the owner's choice but I don't understand it.

*For a child it is good to discuss exactly what the vet is going to do, why it must be done, how they do it etc. It can be a bit unsettling seeing the eyes open, not closed like on TV. Perhaps letting the doctor and staff know ahead of time that a child will be present would be a good idea as well.

Hi S.,

The loss of a family pet can be one of the most devastating experiences for a child/pre-teen. I worked for years in a veterinary hospital and was present with families as their pet's passed on. It's hard to determine if being present for the euthanasia would be beneficial for her daughter or not. Although it is not very common, sometimes there can be an adverse reaction that the pet can have to the sedatives (mostly just a verbal cry). It's usually not that it's hurting them, but more of a disoriented cry that they let out. It is honestly a personal decision that she will have to make.

There are many books that your sister in law can look into that assist in the grieving process for her daughter, but it truly is like losing a family member. One of my favorite poem's for pet loss is the rainbow bridge (http://www.rainbowsbridge.com).

I wish you both the best. It's a very difficult situation.

I would definitely involve the vet with this daughter and get the benefit of the vet's experience. This can be a good thing, to be there when it happens. They can also plan a memorial of some kind. Depending on what they want to do, they can consider cremating the dog and burying the ashes - although this will have to wait until the spring. My neighbors planted a tree and the kids made a sort of plaque - one of those cement kits that you can decorate with little stones, and write the dog's name and birth/death years. Or they can have a little plaque made at a trophy place to hang on the tree. They can do the tree with or without the ashes. Depends on their religious beliefs. They should get good advice on the tree - they don't want to pick one out and have it die too. I would go to a good nursery for info. Some of them are still open, and no decision can be made before springtime anyway, so there will be time to consider options. This also helps spread out the mourning process, which is important. This is not something that most people can deal with instantly.

There are some great books on dealing with the death of a pet - your friend can talk to the librarian and get some ideas, and most libraries will help you borrow books from other libraries in the network so there is no cost involved.

Another thing to consider doing after the dog dies is seeing if there is a shelter that can use the dog's old items - many of them want old dog beds and toys for adopted/abandoned animals they take in. The daughter might want to collect old towels and blankets too - stuff that is too worn to be used by people can make a nice bed for a lonely dog. This can be comforting too, to know that their beloved dog's items have been passed on to a needy animal. Depending on the girl's age and personality, she might want to do a little neighborhood collection and help others clean out their linen closets while helping a shelter. Your friend can call some shelters now to find out the need, or just do it afterwards. But it something to think about so they don't just chuck out their dog's things - maybe box them up and then try to find an agency that needs them.

These can become very special times for families, and it's not a bad way for kids to learn about death. You are a good friend to help out.

S.,
we euthanized our dog about 4 years ago, and it almost broke my heart. A couple of thoughts:

- Consider having the vet come to your sister's home. They would have to book a service to pick up the dog afterwards. I found it extremely difficult to leave my dead dog behind at the vet's office ... always hoping for him to get up and follow us. It also eliviates the dog's stress in his last hour of life by not having to be transported.

- Consider having an individualized cremation. She will get the pet's ashes and can legally (in MA) bury them in the back yard or woods. We did this and we always go back to the spot where our pooch is buried. My son, now 10, often sheds tears and he's been only 5, when it happened.

Good luck to your sister and her daughter. As hard as it is, it is something that we have to learn about life.

First I'm so sorry for anyone having to go through this. I had to put my dog down a year ago on Halloween. I was 36 at the time but no matter what age it's heart wrenching. I would say that if she is that close to the dog then she should be there. I needed to be with my dog. I even tried to get someone to come to the house to do it because it made me sick to think that her last moments would be on a metal table in a place she hated. After many calls to outrageously expensive home visit vets, we called our vet and she said she would do it outside for us (and had she not had appts would have made a special acception to come to our home). I will always remember this vet for the way she treated us, my dog and our situation. She had such a personal connection to our situation that she didn't even charge us! If such a tragedy could turn out well - this did. So all in all, talking about it ahead of time with the vet for her would be a good thing and having her there will be good for her and the pet. Communication is so important and as long as that continues she'll do just fine. As for burial, in my opinion, I would suggest a private cremation and then she can do what she wishes with the ashes. I worked in an animal hospital for years and I was sometimes the one who would have to hand over the body of the animal to the owner (in a bag). I couldn't imagine taking my pet's body and putting it in the ground - but that's me. I would ask her what she would prefer to do and keep communication flowing.