Please bare with me here, and no one bite my head off please. I genuinely am looking for the proper and kind way to handle a situation before it becomes a problem.
We have new neighbors, who have 3 kids. They seem to range in age from about 3-4 up to maybe 8 yrs. I have 3 kids, one much older, who won't factor into this situation, and a 2.5 yr. old and a baby. We also have a small dog. Our yard is fenced, and we spend ALOT of time outside while its nice. I have observed that when the other kids are outside, they are ALWAYS unsupervised. Maybe its left to the older one? Anyways, I've noticed things I definately dont want my 2.5 yr old copying, like one of the boys stood right in the driveway pulled down his pants and urinated. ANd the other 2 kids didnt even flinch!
So long story short, these kids are starting to show alot of interest in my son, the dog, and wanting to enter our yard. And it may seem rotten, but I want to nip that in the bud ASAP. I don't know these parents, and have no desire to feel responsible for 3 other kids, who I also don't know.Our dog is sweet and friendly, but jumpy. She could scratch someone or knock them down. Not to mention, I just dont want it to become a habit for these kids to always want to play in our yard, where I WATCH my kids, and the other parents are sitting inside. Would it be rude, or "unfriendly" to say to them "You can only play over here if your mom or dad comes out to watch you"? We had a horrible experience in the past with neighbors who NEVER watched their kids and we honestly felt like we had to, to keep them safe. So maybe I'm a little gunshy, but I just do NOT feel like revisiting a similiar situation! Any advice is appreciated. (nice advice :)
Wow, thanks for all the support! I guess it is a common thing, and I shouldn't feel guilty about just saying no. And yes, the dog could be a very big issue. She is great to not jump on my kids, but strangers just seem to get her all wound up. And besides that, I have 3 kids of my own, I don't want to watch everyone else! I appreciate the advice :)
Just say no. end of story. Just keep in mind though, that no two people are ever alike. What is inapproriate for you could be a non issue in others' homes. But if it's a matter of safety, by all means decline. And remember, it is impossible to ever say "If I were that person, I would..." we all would not, because we will never be that person, and until we are, we would do exactly what we feel others are doing distastefully.
Don't even say they can play in your yard with their parents! They have no business being there without you. What if they get hurt and say you were negligent about something in your yard or maybe they hurt your dog? What's wrong with their own yard??? Put a lock on your gate! That should be the end of it. If they climb over a fence, well, then you can politely talk to them and say you are concerned for their safety climbing over. You don't have to say a thing about gate lock or why it is. Many people have locks on their gates. I do because kids would open the gate sometimes and let my dogs out of the yard.
As far as the kids' bad behavior. Explain to yours that your family does not do that and sometimes other people do things they shouldn't do or that aren't nice, but it doesn't mean it's okay to do or that we should do them.
It sounds like there are alot of reasons to say no. First off: our dog is also jumpy (and 40 lbs) and she gets very nervous around other children. I had a hard time at first telling children "no, they can't pet my dog", but it is to protect my dog and the kids. Sometimes, mom's give me dirty looks...but what do you do. I don't think I would tell them that they can come over if their parents come out. "Do you really think that will happen?" I agree that you do not have to give an explanation. Just tell them No. If the parents ever come over to find out what the problem is, then you can tell them that the children are more than welcome if they want to stay outside and help supervise...
PS. My son is 4 and he loves to pee on trees (lol) However, we live in the country and the only time I allow it, is if we are too far from the house and I know he will not make it on time.
WOW! do you live in my neighborhood! This sounds exactly like our neighbors. The boys pull their pants down and pee in the driveway, they are an absolute mess, climbing on the roof, in the tree and out all hours of the night and they are 4 and 8! Anyway, our daughter wants to play with them, but when they come over I say no, because I am not going to be responsible for their ignorence. Its tough, and you dont want to be the bad guy, but if the parents have a problem, explain that you are not going to chain up your dog, and babysit their children! You can still "keep and eye" on the neighbor kids without subjecting your family to it!! Good Luck!
Honestly if they started to come over uninvited I would just say "now is not a good time to come over and play" and send them home. It doesn't sound like the ages are right for your kids to be having playdates with them but if you eventually get to know the parents then you could invite the mom over with the boys to play and if they show up without her I don't see a problem with saying, "your mom needs to come over with you".
Good luck,
K.
Yes, you ABSOLUTELY tell them that they can play as long as mom and dad our out, too. If you don't set boundaries NOW, the sky will be the limit. Might be best to talk directly to the parents and not thru the kids, too. That way, they know first hand what is expected.
Doesn't hurt to let them know what kind of behavior you find acceptable and unacceptable, too. You don't have to call their kids out, but let them know you don't wanting your kids involved in that type of behavior.
First off I totally understand how you feel about them not being watched. Annoying. Second, I wouldn't address the seeing in the driveway. My son is 7 and pres outside all the time in the summer. He tries to be discreet about it (so not the middle of the drive but by the tree.) And I see nothing wrong with that. The only thing I would say is ask them to reach him how to be discreet.
As for the playing in the yard, we have to the kids in our neighborhood that are like this that they may not come play unless their parent is with them. We live in a rural neighborhood with house over an acher apart and these kids are left unattended all the time to ride on the street (speed limit is 55 even though there's no double yellow line). Scary! When they are allowed to play in the yard they have to stay outside, and I have rules hanging in the garage. If they don't follow them, they must go home. It has worked. They behave here.
I think you might end up with the parents in your yard also!!! I think I would say please do not come into the yard unless I say its ok. My dog is nippy with new people.
You cannot tell them how to raise their children but you have total control over yours. Unless they show this bad behavior in your yard ...then I would nicely say something to them. Good luck!
I had this problem. I told them the dog is an animal and I can't guarantee that he won't bite you, he is very protective of us and out property. However, when we weren't home or in the house (just not outside), I would find out that the kids would come in our yard and try to unlatch the pool gate to try to go for a swim or just play with our stuff....and leave it a mess. How did I solve the problem? I mentioned it to the mom and she said, "I'll tell them not to leave a mess". SHe missed the point of trespassing and privacy. So, I put a lock on the inside of my fence. I caught them once trying to climb the fence but its a PVC one so they can't make it over. Problem solved...now they go around the block to friends houses.
Heck NO... its not bad to say that! I would not hesitate to do what you feel comfortable with ONLY and that ONLY! You have kids and a dog and you have enough going on. Dont let them in once and you wont have to worry about it ever again. If so, just keep saying it. Say the back yard is off limits unless you live there is something I would say to nip it! :)
Just say, "No." I'm probably in the minority, but I don't feel like you need to justify your answer to a kid. Hopefully, if they hear "No" enough, they'll stop asking. I guess if the kids want to hear an excuse it could be, "I'm not your sitter."
If the parents ever bother to come out and see what's going on, you could certainly tell them about the dog - that you worry one of their kids will get bitten and leave it at that.
good luck
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, I would feel the same way... Yes, I would tell the kids that if they want to play in your yard they have to have mommy/daddy come out.. Nothing wrong with that. People seem to amaze me with how lazy they are about watching there own children..
Ive recently gone through neighborhood issues too. I would tell the kids that you can all play together in the front yard, and you can supervise your child. That way if anything happens it is not on your property, you dont have to worry about the dog, and it is up to their parents to be the ones supervising them. they most likely dont have an interest in playing with a 2.5 year old anyways. They just want to play with all your stuff. Just keep saying no to them coming in to your house.
At 2.5 your son is really much too young to have anything in common with an 8 yr old. Even the 4 yr old is a little too old for a playmate since his skill level is different than your son's. I'd say to let them know that your dog isn't friendly so they can't come over to play and continue to have fun using your fenced in yard. You aren't being a bad neighbor. There's just nothing in common because of the age difference in the children to make them playmates for your child.
Stop it before it even starts!! We let that happen and now into the 3rd summer it's really hard to say no. My kids like the kids and trying to explain those kids have impropper behavior is hard for them to understand. We have just been telling our kids and theirs we're having family time we can't play now. Good luck!
Don't feel bad about saying no - if the parents come over to talk about it, I agree that telling them about the dog is crucial. I would also reccomend that you tell them the rules of your house (which include of course no urinating in the driveway, rules on tree climbing etc.) Make clear that becuase you have two of your own who are very young, they can only come over if there is a responsible adult who will enforce your house rules. Then after they violate your rules 1x they get sent home, the 2nd time they can't come back for a week or 2 or something like that.
Good luck!
I would say that my dog bites people she doesn't know, especially very active children. :) She may look and seem friendly, but she will nip and snap.
I don't blame you at all for wanting to stop this right now. They are not your responsibility and they would probably become that as soon as you let them in. Don't feel bad about it, this is your yard, your kids, your life to live as you please. Period.
I think that you have already said it the best way, "You can only play over here if your mom or dad comes out to watch you". But I would change it to .....if your mom or dad comes over with you. I'll bet that would take care of it being an issue.
And I am right there with you!
