Advice Needed on Gift Giving for Cancer Ridden 8 Year Old

When my oldest son was 9, a friend's grandfather had died. The boy was very close to his grandfather and my son wanted to DO something. He finally decided that his friend needed a fish and gave him a Betta in a small bowl with a mirror. The boy and his parents were very appreciative of the gift. Maybe a low maintenace pet would be a good idea.

I just read the suggestions by Laura M and Ann S (after posting mine). Their ideas are perfect!

If the price is not out of range for you (or if you can find a small reasonably priced one), I like the idea of combining a scrapbook and a digital picture frame. Let your son make a "hardcopy" scrapbook using the ideas others have given you about using pictures of the two of them. This is your son's copy. Once the book is made, get an empty/new digital memory card for the digital picture frame and take photos of the book from cover to cover. Place the memory card in the frame. Your son's friend can have this sitting where he can always see it and since it changes frames automatically, he doesn't have to be able to do anything with it, thereby not adding to the frustration level... just something to view and enjoy. Some picture frames play video from the memory card, so your son could record himself sending his friend a special message in video form.

If your son and his friend have a favorite book on your son's reading level (and you have the materials needed), maybe he would like to record himself reading the book and then you could give his friend the book and recording. Then, even when there isn't time for someone to sit and hold/read the book to him, he can still listen to it on his own.

Not everything has to be homemade, though. There are also A LOT of audio books in the book stores. Ask his family if there are any books or movies he has been wanting.

My prayers are with you all.

Hello, I was very moved by the story about your son's friend. How hard it must be for him and for his friend's family.

I have a suggestion for a special gift that you son could make for him. I started a company that offers thick, sturdy board book photo albums for kids. I am happy to send you one (free) that your son can personalize and fill with photos for his friend. You can get the family to send you some photos and you can add some of your son and maybe other friends, or things that the boy likes.

Since the Take Your Pix photo album is very sturdy like a board book, maybe the boy will be able to turn the pages himself? If not, anyone can easily help him. The albums are free standing, so he could keep it near him standin up, so he can look through it often.

Check out www.boardbookalbums.com and let me know what color you want and where to send it. Probably blank white will work best and you and your son can decorate it for him with markers, stickers, etc. His friend will LOVE it and can enjoy it over and over. And it will be something that his family can keep and cherish forever.

Oh my! I am just in tears over this and I can't imagine the pain of a very sick child. I have 4 kids and a 2 week old baby girl and my heart bleeds for this boy and his family.

My prayers go our to your son, his special friend and the family. I hope that a special photo album with bring smiles to everyone : )

I look forward to hearing from you, so I can send the book and you can decorate and then give to this special boy.

Thanks for the chance to share!

L. Miranti
Board Book Albums
www.boardbookalbums.com

Hi T.,

I'm so very sorry for all of you.

Since he probably does not need more stuff, how about a relational gift? Gifts of time, instead of the material, will mean more to both the boys. Is it possible to arrange a special outing? I don't know what his health allows, but maybe something out of the ordinary like horseback riding or a trip to sixflags (camera in hand!) which create memories that both will cherish, and so will his family.

There are material things that your son can make. I imagine the young man is spending some time in the hospital so perhaps something your son makes as a token of friendship, like a pillow he can hang on to when he gets injections or something of the like. It lets the ill child feel less alone when going through some of the scarey stuff.

Talk to his parents first, but if his time is very short and he knows that, your son might make him a friendship bracelet or something that can go with him when he passes, or crosses over, or however he understands it. That stuff is hard, though, and I'd only go there if the end is clearly at hand.

I wish you a miracle and I wish all of you peace.

I love the pictures ideas, and the recorded book. Another thought I had was for your son to choose some songs that he likes and burn a CD for his friend to listen to. Obviously the songs should be upbeat. That way, when his friend listens to them, he'll think of your son. And if you burn a CD for your son, he'll remember his friend after he's gone.

Prayers going up for all of you.

You have great ideas so far for a gift so I just want to add a suggestion for your son to deal with his grief. It is hard when they feel there is nothing they can do. Give him something to do. Have him write a story about their friendship together, you can add it to the scrapbook. Have him write down things that he likes about his friend, places they have been, things they like in common, phrases his friend says, etc. Then if he passes away, it will be something wonderful to remind him of the times they spent together. You can give the originals as a gift as well. They will be cherished by his family that he was so well-loved.

(So sorry.) I noticed that Hallmark recently started selling recordable story books. They have one that is "All Things Bright and Beautiful" which apparently is a story of how unique and special each child is. Perhaps your son would want to record himself reading the book for his friend, so that he can listen to it whenever he wants...

http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article...

I think your son also needs to do something to preserve his memory of his friend. Perhaps you can let him video his friend himself during the birthday party? And you can record the two of them together?

I would also really suggest that you find a grief counselor for your son. Perhaps a couple sessions (1 or 2) to help him come to terms? Or a maybe just session for you and the counselor so you can get tips on how to talk to him or things/behavior to look for... Children don't understand death and illness very well; I would hate for him to internalize his feelings (guilt, anger) about losing his friend.

Are there any cool characters he is into right now. Superman, Iron man etc.? My sister was always in a wheelchair and unable to talk etc and she took so much pleasure in watching some of her favorite movies. If there is something they both really like, maybe you could get it and then your son could give it to him and they could watch it together and just have fun watching their cool stuff, just being boys. As far as your son's grief, I say let him lead. Grief is a funny thing, a friend of mine was murdered when I was nine and it took a while for me to be ready to open up and talk about it. I remember the emotions were just really overwhelming for me at such a tender age. I wanted to be left alone to process them and I didn't want to be forced to talk it out, that was me. If he wants to talk and cry in front of you, that is great. Of course I have a great Mom and she was just there for me when I was finally ready to talk and I am sure if I totally shut down or something she would have taken me to counseling or done something. Right now I think I would just pray for him and be available if he wants to talk. I wish you guys the best and I am sorry to hear about your son's friend, I will pray for him. Take care.

Something that might help your son and serve as a present for his friend is having your son draw a picture of his favorite time spent with his friend. You could frame the drawing and tie ballooons on it for presentation to your son's friend. If you son doesn't like to draw, how about writing a story which tells about what they did together, and expressing his love for his friend. Or how about making a recording of your son describing what they did together? The hospice people told us when our Mother entered their care not to wait to express what she had meant to us in our lives. Your son could do this in a child-like way--and that is really the only present his friend would want or need. Assuring him that he has been and will continue to be valued and loved is a gift that will mean so much to him. (You didn't mention how old either of the boys is, so I'm at a loss as to what might be age-appropriate.)

I hope this helps a little. It is never easy to lose a friend, especially when you're still a child, yourself.

My son lost his best friend in a 4-wheeler accident a couple years ago-It was very hard on him and he still talks about how it would be if he was still here. My son cherishes a picture of the two of them that was taken a few days before his accident. I would think a great photo of both of them would be a great gift to give both of them. That way your son also has the memory!

Wow, that is so hard! Haven't dealt with it so I don't have a lot of advise. I think there are some good books out there for your son on dealing with this subject. If you are of similar faith as they, then talk about what comes next. Consult your clergy if you can. Your son needs support through this. If you don't have similar faith, perhaps since they do you can explain to your son what they believe will happen next and it is comforting.
As far as presents, oh my. I would talk to the parents and ask them what the son would like. He may want books, games he can play in bed, or he might want things for other kids with cancer, you never know. My heart goes out to you and this family.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this with your son and his special friend.

There is a a place where you can buy and name a star for someone. http://www.buyastar.net/default.asp

I think it would be a special gift for both of them to know it will always be there.

Hi T.,

I have read this thread with interest because my husband has advanced cancer and he may die. My father is also dying of cancer and my son died in March. So my girls (ages 2-6) have experienced a lot of grief.

There are a number of books out there I have been looking into. For instance

http://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Child-Activities-Manual/dp...

http://www.amazon.com/Had-Friend-Named-Peter-Children/dp/...

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Your-Grieving-Heart-Kids/dp...

Look at the list of books that others have purchased (shows them on the pages I listed.)

Prayers for peace for all touched by this situation,
S.

You've received lots of great advice on gifts. You could make a donation to St Judes Childrens' hospital or the American Cancer Society in the boys name. There is also this site where you can name a star

http://www.starregistry.com/

This may be something both boys can enjoy and something that will help your son once his friend has past.

I would also suggest you to consult a grief counselor either both of you or just you to help your son through this.

Do you have a good picture of them together? I would frame it nicely so that the friend would have a good memory to look at while in bed. Or a memory book of some kind. Get your son to help you. Also, if there is any way of any hand movement, then maybe an electronic game of some sort that he can play? It sounds like he's bad enough that that wouldn't work, but I know they try to do this in the hospitals.

I would want a book(s) on tape to listen to as well.

Oh T., my heart aches for that family and for you and your son. I think a gift like a photo album filled with pictures of the two of them would be a good idea. Or a scrapbook of all their memories. I know it sounds kind of girly, but it's something your child's friend could look at and enjoy even if he doesn't have much energy. Also, your son can help put it together and reminisce about all the fun times they had together. I also really like the book idea that Karen suggested.

I agree that counseling might be a good idea. Sit down and talk with him about the situationand encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings and that it is ok to be upset. If you have any particular faith perhaps talk about that as well. Most likely your son hasn't really had much experience with dying and death (at least I hope not!) and he is unsure about how to deal with it all. I hope that your son's friend has a great and memorable birthday party. Good luck to you as well since I know if this were me, I would feel like crying through the whole party.

If you have pictures or if you can get copies sent to you from the parents of them together make a photo album or scrapbook. This will give them both memories, and let them both see the special times together and the fun they shared. Later this will be something that the parents will look at and remember also.

My heart breaks for this child's family and for your son, who is about to loose a friend as such as early age.

Because the little boy is unable to do alot at this time, it might be nice for your son to make him a gift. It might be a card telling him how much he has meant to him, he might build something the little boy would like to look at, something.....but I think this might be the best for both of them.

If possible, you might want to try to take your son to see the little boy as much as possible until his time has come. This will help the sick boy cope and it will probably help your son cope with the pending lose and provide him closure once his death comes.

If by some miracle this little boy survives, you can bet they will be life long friends just knowing they were there for each other.

I, too, would advise to give a photo book or scrapbook. There are digital photo frames that allow you to record a message. This might be helpful for your son to have as a keepsake. I pray for mercy for your family and for the little boy and his family. I pray you can use this to bring the Lord to those around you.