Advice for Single Mom Dating

I met my husband on Match.com You put everything in your profile (religion,political views, ect.) It is great way to meet someone with the same interest. In a bar or in church you can't ask the important questions right off the bat. Meet for coffee or lunch the first date in case you want to bail. Don't introduce anyone to your kids until you are serious with someone. Good luck.

F.
You can do it! I am a single mom with a newborn, I thought I would be a dating "hot potato" and would be sitting home every sat. night. (I am 40 as well)
I have found that having a child is a great litmus test for men. You will weed out (hopefully) the ones who are insincere, and hopefully find some that have family values. I did the on line dating thing before I had the child, and now I am doing it again. I find that the quality of men I am meeting now is much better than before. I used to attract the "dallas player" and now I am getting emails from men who value family. The only problem is it gets quite expensive getting a baby sitter for dates! I am dating like crazy because I do want to find a step father for my little one, I think it is very important
Good luck!
S.
PS
I am trying to organize a play group of single moms as well, email me if interested!

I dated for 5 years after my divorce and before my re-marriage. Since I married so young I can honestly say it was the best years of my life. The first two relationships I was involved in were pretty serious. The second one actually being an engagement. I'm glad you've waited a little while because my first thought was that I had to be married! Once I got over the hurt from the break up of the engagement I decided to have fun with it...that's how I found my second husband. I do think love finds us when we least expect it!
My only advice to you other than have fun and don't settle for ANYONE is to keep it out of your kids lives. I only dated on the weekends that my ex-husband had my girls. No matter how serious you think you are, keep it out of the childrens prescence for a little while longer just to make sure =). It's really hard to see them build attatchments and then be let down again when it doesn't work. I had a girlfriend that thought she was going to marry every man she ever dated...to this day her little boy still asks about certain men in her life that have been gone for months!
Other than that have fun. Always meet in a public place and take your own vehicle if you do the internet thing. I did it for awhile and it's a great way to meet lots of differnt men. I will say this. A girl I worked with portrayed herself in a way that was only desireable to a certain type of man. One day in the break room she asked me how my internet dating was going and asked if I had ever recieved pictures from men of (huhmm let's say) their body parts. I gave her an appalled NO! I looked at her profile because she wasn't getting the quality guy she wanted and asked for tips and let me tell you the difference...I only put out there what a sincerely wanted. I didn't put scantily clad pictures of myself or suggestive poses. I put real pictures of me and was very straight forward on what I wanted. Occassionaly I would get the "indecent" proposal and I would never respond to those. I think that is where people get a bad impression of internet dating. I actually have many male friends that I went out with during that time that I just didn't make a love connection with!

Hey F.,

I won't begin to tell you I know about dating with a child. I am pregnant with my first and the father has decided he just can't/ won't deal with it. I suppose my time will come. I do have many friends that have dated after divorce with kids. My only advice is be safe and don't bring anyone home to your kids that you don't think could be a real possibility. I've seen what happens when kids get attached and then it doesn't work out.
In the end YOU DESERVE to be happy and to have a good man in your life. You deserve this with or without kids involved. Don't date because you think your child wants a stepdad. (the minute they get one they decide they don't want one) :) I wouldn't let your kids pick you man. (obviously, he must be great with them and they should be safe around them) I know you have been out of the game for quite a while. The most important thing to remember is try not to take it too seriously until you need to. Have fun with it and try (if you can) to stay away from all of the games. You would think the games would stop at a certain age.. they don't....

Good luck and enjoy..

Jenn

I'm a 37 year old singe mom with 2 kids (3.5 and 5.5). I've been divorced just over 3 years. I did the internet thing - that way it's less time and you can weed people out.

when I decide I want to meet someone, I meet for lunch (no baby sitter, no cost, little time).

Would any of you single moms like to start a yahoo group?

L.

Hi F.,

I dated a divorced father (actually 2) when I was single and it was tough. I am curious as to how old your kids are.... I am not saying don't have a life, but I have seen what parents have done to their kids because they were so concerned over their own lives, (dating world, sex, being a new wife,etc.) that they never considered that you ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO raise your kids, once they turn 18 + they are out of your life (pretty much) and on their own. You will have your turn, you will have the rest of your life to do and be whatever it is , but for now concentrate on your kids and making their life as fulfilling as possible.

I have a nephew who has messed up his life so badly due to his parents not really concentrating on raising him, but getting on with their own lives, they just forgot about him. It is a sad situation and I have already made a vow to myself and to my husband that I will raise my son (he is 3 right now) by myself if I have to, (if anything should happend to my husband)to ensure his well-being and his life with me is the best it can possibly be until he is on his own.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying stay cooped up in your house with your kids, but just remember and tell yourself, they will be gone in a flash! I can't believe my baby is already 3 and it has gone by so fast.

Take time out for yourself once or twice a month, but make darn sure that you let everyone know that your KIDS COME FIRST ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE BUT GOD!! They are your #1 priority, not you, but them. They are responsibilities that we created and it is our job to make sure they are raised to be good and responsible adults. I would NOT bring men/boyfriends in an out of their lives, have fun, but don't bring it home. It's just not worth it!!

Please, I am not preaching to you, I just speak from experience. I have watch too many single parents do this over and over and over again and all they say is, I wish I would have done things different. I wish I would have really been a parent to my child...on and on....

Good Luck to you and may God Bless you for being the wise and responsible parent!

G. B.

Hi F.!
Since you asked... might I suggest....
I think the best place in the world to meet a life-long spouse is at church. I know it might sound cheesy, but a man that goes to church, who is a Christian, respects and loves a higher power than himself (most other men believe they are the higher power! ha!) and he usually places family at a high priority. of course, there are some exceptions to the rule. But I've meet so many wonderful, attractive single men at church that i kept thinking - man, I wish I knew some single women. There are men out there that are tired of the whole bar scene and they are looking for serious relationships with quality women.
There are some singles groups at churches that are very welcoming to all people! And there are even some single moms groups (called Oasis at my church - http://www.fbcnorth.org/Content/298.htm) that can be a great support to you.
Visit my church - Fellowship Bible Church North in Plano - I think you'd really enjoy it! ... www.fbcnorth.org
Feel free to email me any questions you may have about this church or anything at all. take care! I'm happy that you've decided to start dating again!
-A.
Also: I know Prestonwood Baptist has a good singles group too.

Hello, F. M, I can personally say, take it one step at a time. You don't want to rush dating especially when you have kids around. Just pray and ask God to send you someone that is right for you and your kids. I did just that, and now I'm happilly married for 2 yrs. and my kids adore him so much, one would think that my kids were his kids.