Adults with Older Parents

My mom was 42 and my dad was 49 when my sister and I were born. My biggest regrets with having older parents are that I didn't get to know my grandparents and my children are in the same situation with my parents My mom was the third youngest of 9 children and was born when her parents were in their 40s. My grandpa died a couple years before I was born and my grandma died when I was in 3rd grade. My dad's mom died before I was born and his dad when I was in 2nd grade. My sister and I really missed out by not having grandparents growing up. I get a bit jealous when our older siblings reminisce about stuff they got to do with the grandparents.

My dad died when my oldest was 5 and I was pregnant with my youngest. My mom was diagnosed with dementia a year later. So my children do not really have a relationship with her because she doesn't know who they are.

OMGosh! You're only 40!! You will only be 60 when your child (if you get pregnant right away) is in college. If you are in good shape, you will not have any trouble "keeping up" with your baby when he/she is a teen!

That being said - everything is relative. My sister (born when my mom was 19) was always embarrassed when our mom was room mother, because she was so much younger than the other moms.
I (born when my mom was 32) was always embarrassed when my mom was room mother because she was so much older than the other moms!!

LOL It cracks me up, because in actuality, our mom was probably only 4 or 5 years younger than the other moms in my sister's class, and probably only 4 or 5 years older than the ones in my class. So you never know how your children will see it. So far, my children are always begging me to be room mother, and don't seem to be embarrassed by my advanced age.

Do what you want, while you still can!

I think that as long as you are up for it, go for it. DH and I had DD when he was in his late 40s. My grandparents had their last kid when he was 50. Personally I think that if you have kids later in life you need to have more provisions for your own care so that they are not caring for you at a time when they should be starting their own lives (example, my friend graduated college and was her grandmother's caregiver instead of having her own life, finding a husband, having kids...). There are pros and cons to any age, but a big Pro and one of the reasons DH and I had DD was because being older he had a lot more fathering experience and more stability to offer it.

I think the questions you asked (re: how they feel as teens, etc) has a lot more to do with relationship than anything else. Age may be a factor, it may not. They WILL get the "your mom is OLD" and you will get the "your grandchild ___" but that's not impossible to deal with. Going through teen years can be rocky regardless of what the "obstacle" is: age, religion, level of strictness, trying too hard to be cool, etc).
I am not an adult with older parents, but I did have my children at ages 31 and 34. My husband is 17 years older than me, so he is going to be 53 in December, with children ages 5 and 2. It does wear on him sometimes, but he's getting a lot stronger. We stay active, there's a lot of wrestling, playing catch, a little soccer, a lot of swimming, lots of walks down the beach, and now we're starting with the bike riding. We have to temper that with cuddling, reading, talking, etc when we don't have the energy to be the rodeo bull or run more laps....but that's not a bad thing. We actively seek out opportunities to bond, to have family time, to make our marks on their lives, to show them how much we love them. But because Jer is 48 years older than our oldest child, I do some things privately, because my realistic brain says it'll end too soon for their liking, no matter how good his health is, he'll still pass away when the boys are younger than many adults are when they lose a parent. I do little things to leave a legacy of who their dad is, since I think he's awesome, so the boys will know these things and have proof. I put photo boxes together of his "past life" (youth, travels, previous marriage, all that), I have a work scrap book that he doesn't even know about (ha) with all his awards and "stuff", we've done things like making a photo book we titled "The ABCs of Daddy" showing him doing things as a dad and husband (A-Z). On his end, he feels the stress of making sure that he can retire someday, but still have money for the boys to help with first cars, colleges, etc. The "normal" age to retire would be when the boys are 10 and 13! Yipes! We're on it though. :) Just something to think about. Grandparents are an issue. My fil passed away 3 years ago and my mil is 87 and has alzheimers. I was SOOO close to my grandma, so this makes me a little sad for my boys. I have a very good friend who the boys call Nana though and she kind of stepped into that "grandma role" though.

My dad is 63 and he adopted a baby when she was just a few hours old....she is now 8 years old. They're doing just fine so far. But my dad jogs 5 miles a day everyday, rain, sleet, snow, blistering heat, it doesn't matter. Only problem I see in their parent relationship is how he spoils her. They are doing fine. If he doesn't have the energy, time, or know-how to do the new cool thing, he at least has the money to put her in a class so she can do it. (Ballet, scouts, horse riding, softball, basketball, all of it)

My FIL has 2 kids from his second marriage, ages 11 and 13; they do fine ;)

If you ever read any of those celeb gossip magazines, 40 is the new 20 when it comes to having babies! Lots and lots of people put marriage, career, and other numerous things first, before starting a family. Of course, there are various cons, but I think that comes with any age. The way medicine is now, there's not reason a 40+ year old woman can't have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby!! :)

There are hundreds of thousands of grandparents raising grandchildren all over the USA, it may even be in the millions. If they can do it you can do it. My friend who has MS had her second family in her 40's and is now in her 50's and she lives every day with it's new challenges but would not change anything. Older persons make much better parents too. Go for it.

I think older parents are more patient with their own kids and more wise. They sort of resolved their youthful issues and ready to focus on the kids. My parents were 38 and 40 when I was born. For a child, me, it is very sad now that they are so old now. I want to spend time with them but physically they cannot travel far or walk long or do other things they used to do. That is the biggest bummer for me. They cannot be active with grand kids the way they used to. It hurts to know that they may not be around for too long.