Adoption Stories

My mother was adopted when she was 4, her biological sister was 5 and my grandparents were in their 40's. I'm just being very candid here and will say that healthy infants are harder to come by and tend to have "wait lists" whereas older children are less likely to be adopted over the age of 2. My grandparents knew that they did not want an infant b/c they knew that they wanted to give two children who would not otherwise have a home the chance to be part of a family. There were definitely some attachment issues with my aunt, but the love in that house was amazing! Both of my grandparents are gone now, but they worked very hard to create a strong sense of family and support.

Infants, as you know, are tough b/c of the intense care they require. Older children, however, may come to you with attachment difficulties (depending on where they are coming from). If you have the patience and ability to adopt a child, then please do so. There are so many children who do not have loving homes who have the potential to be amazing people!

my 17 year old DD had a baby boy in early february. Beautiful, healthy, almost 8 lbs, he looked just like dd did as an infant. She wasnt ready to be a full time mother, and put him up for adoption. When she looked at the parents available to choose from, her biggest thing was age- because older people in their 40's are better established, are more sound mentally, and could provide for her son emotionally & financially better than a young parent. We also wanted people who had been married for a longer period of time, who are likely to stay married. She chose a couple in their 40's. They have an open adoption agreement, and were able to show her a book about the 1st baby they adopted that told a little story about his "tummy mummy" and his origins. The people were able to pick him up the day after he was born, from the hospital. He is settled in now, and thriving Im sure. Im very proud of my DD, even if Im sad myself that I cant see my 1st grandson, I know she did the right thing and chose well. (geez, big fat tears now as I type this!) Good luck to you, and bless you for taking a child that needs parents to love & nurture them.

Ok, well first of all, don't say "adopted after having their own." It's adopted after having a biological child. My adopted child is as much "my own" as my biological child.

We adopted an infant when our older daughter was 9. There is no difference in the two, and sometimes I forget which one is adopted! lol My older daughter often is less like me than my adopted daughter.

We were working with an agency to do an overseas adoption, but ended up adopting privately. Our pastor had to write a letter of recommendation for our home study, and not too long after that he heard of somebody who knew somebody who knew a teen who was pregnant and looking for a home for her baby. It was all God, because we never could have planned for it to work out the way it did. Like you, we were considering a toddler, so as to be closer in age to our daughter.

I could go on and on..... it's the best story ever as far as I'm concerned. But it would take up too much space. If you have specific questions, please message me! And good luck on your journey!

Check out the Cradle in Evanston (www.thecradle.org). I cannot say enough positive things about them. They are a non-judgmental, not-for-profit agency that is the only agency in the country with a 24-hour nursery. They do all types too: domestic, international, and also have a Gale Sayers minority program (I have friends who adopted through this). As a teacher, I have hosted volunteers from the Cradle to talk to our classes about the adoption process, the adoption triad (child, birth mother, adoptive parent), and answer questions kids may have.

Not everyone can complete a family in "the traditional" way and there are plenty of children out there who want nothing more than to be a part of a loving, supportive family.

Best wishes to you as you begin this journey!

My mother had two children, then adopted my youngest sibling. b/c my father had cancer and went sterile from treatment.

Older children need homes too and are usually easier to find to adopt than newborns, who are in such high demand.

Older children often have some emotional problems, trust issues if having constantly being shuffled from home to home, if they were abused or whatever, but there are plenty of services and education is more widely known on helping these kids than it was 25 years ago when my parents adopted.

I have biological children, and if i could afford it, I would adopt another child. I do not think age will be such a factor for you. Good luck!!

I didn't adopt, but my aunt and uncle did. They had 3 girls and wanted a boy and figured why not adopt? They tried a couple of times through the foster system, but were disappointed so they went to South Korea and brought my cousin home. They were willing to adopt a child up to 4 yrs old. Even though they had 3 kids, it didn't seem to be an issue.

Some agencies have age limits, and you may run into them re: age of child or your ability to adopt at all. You also need to consider if you would take a child with a problem and what you could handle. A cleft lip? A heart defect? Autism? Down Syndrome? Etc. Be honest with what you can handle. Same goes for open/semi-open/closed adoption status. Don't agree to something just to get a child and have no intention of honoring it.

Birth moms may feel that having a healthy, happy 7 yr old is a good thing. Not only does it show your parenting skills, but it also gives their baby a sibling.

Good luck!

A friend and her husband are in the process of adopting from Hungary. She said they cannot adopt an infant because the Hungarian laws do not allow foreign adoptions of infants. She said she will be adopting an older baby/child.

My father and his now ex adopted my sister from Vietnam. He was in his 50's and she in her 40's at the time of the adoption. They went to that country because they could not qualify for a couple of reasons in other foreign countries because of age and previous children.

Wishing you all the best!

We adopted a six month old (in our early 40's!) from Guatemala, we feel we have been blessed and our older biological children are enjoying him.
We looked into adopting an older child and I prepared by reading everything I could about adopting a toddler. Sadly, some parents think all children are guaranteed to be perfect and easy and are shocked if a child isn't what they prepared for so the motto for toddler adoption is prepare for the worst and hope for the best, a child who is happy and well cared for goes through quite a shock when they are uprooted and sent to live elsewhere with a new family. A child who has not been well cared for will take a LONG time to learn to trust. Biological children also can have problems with mental and physical health so I'm not trying to scare you or talk you out of it! We got tired of waiting for a toddler from Bulgaria (takes years and we were in our 40's) and switched to Guatemala and were quickly matched with an infant. It's heartbreaking that SO very many children around the world will grow up in orphanages and foster care so if you feel you can handle a toddler I think it would be WONDERFUL, just read everything you can to prepare yourself and learn the best way to bond with an older child. feel free to PM me with more questions...

I am in the process of adopting my son. He is 5, and I have had legal guardianship of him since he was 20 months. I am a single mom and have two biological children. My son has greatly enriched our lives even though the road has been very difficult. I highly suggest you learn all about attachment disorders before you proceed. I'm sure there are plenty of children who adjust quickly, but you should be prepared for the challenges that attachment problems entail. Reactive attachment disorder is a very difficult situation. I'm sure most people are like me and have great visions when they decide to adopt. You truly wanted the child and love the child, but the child may have a very hard time trusting and bonding with you. It isn't always the dream you envision. My son is slowly showing signs of improvement with a lot of therapy, patience, and love. He still struggles everyday though. It breaks my heart that he has such a hard time accepting my love. He prefers to sit by himself (instead on next to me or on my lap), flinches away when I try to hug him, prefers to play alone...but the lying, stealing, screaming for hours on end, and manipulating are much improved. It has and will continue to be a long road, but I wouldn't change having him as my son. He is an amazing little boy and definitely worth all the hard times. Adopting an older child is wonderful and rewarding. Just have your eyes open so that you don't discover all the challenges after having a child in your home.