Adoption Process Experience

I have friends who adopted. Two different families, actually. They found that the least costly and complicated way was through foster care.

Best of luck to you.

We have adopted 2 children through foster care, both came to us as infants, which is very unusual. My brother and SIL adopted domestically through Catholic Charities. They are also in NOVA. We are about an hour or so south of you. If you have questions aboutnfoster-to-adopt in VA, please feel free to PM me directly and I'll try to answer. I have a vague idea of how things worked for my brother and SIL, so I can try to help there too, but I'm far more equipped to answer foster-to-adopt, which is NOT for everyone.

There can be a lot of heartache and loss for the foster parents, as well as the children. Only you and your spouse can make that decision. My brother and SIL were not up for the uncertainty of fostering prior to adoption; they needed that sense of permanency when they brought their child home. We were realistic and VERY lucky when we brought our children home. Our friends who are foster parents have vastly different stories.

Call your state offices where they deal with children in foster care. They usually have offices that deal with adoption too. If you have any interest in fostering children and possibly adopting them if their family situations can't be reunited then the adoption is free.

I like this option because you get to foster a lot of kids and help the parents learn new skills and hopefully be a great role model to them. If they can't fix their lives then those children go up for adoption. If a family member doesn't take them the foster parents are usually first option for the state since they've lived there for months and months and you know the kids well enough to know if you want to make them your family forever.

Both of the families I know that adopted did so through the local Youth and Family Services division of the local government. The programs included many informational sessions about the process. I recommend you look into that in your area. Even if you decide not to go through the foster to adopt program and decide on private adoption instead, you will learn a lot about the process by getting your initial info from your county/state government.

The process varies greatly. Most of it is luck and tenacity.

A girl I work with just adopted a baby boy through a private agency here in Missouri. It was her 3rd try in 2.5 years and it cost her almost $45,000 when all was said and done. 2 failed attempts - the 1st the mom decided to keep the baby and the 2nd the dad came forward at the last minute. On the 3rd one - about 1/2 way through the pregnancy the mom started 'milking' my friend.... her car broke down and she didn't have any way to get to Dr appts..... fine, they gave her $1500 for a new transmission. She lost her job and couldn't pay rent, so she was going to have to move to a different state..... fine, they paid $500 rent for 6 months. etc etc etc. In the end, she delivered a healthy baby boy and the adoption is final.

Another friend of my SIL - is a secretary at a Dr office. A patient was having her 5th kid, didn't feel like they could handle it. The mom liked my SIL's friend, who mentioned she was looking to adopt. They arranged private adoption with lawyers, not handled through an agency. easy peasy.

I am a foster mom - I have had 2 foster kids for 15 months (he will be 4 in 3 weeks), and 11 months (he is 13 months old) and it's looking like the state will seek to terminate parental rights on both of them, in which case we will adopt. It will cost us virtually nothing, we will continue to get a small monthly stipend and medical card. We have had *several* other foster kids who never became eligible for adoption - they either reunified with parents/relatives or they are languishing in the "system".

I recommend foster to adopt, but as previously stated it is NOT for everyone. You have to be willing to open your homes, heart and wallet for kids that may never be "yours" and that are fraught with issues... some medical, some emotional, some both. There is SUCH a need for stable, loving, families who want to love a kid...... a kid who may be a different race, religion, age.... they need homes and make great families.

I adopted a girl who came to me as a foster child when she was 7. If you want more information about foster to adopt call your state's childrens services office. Nonprofit agencies also provide this service. Two of my friends adopted babies through an attorney without involvement with an agency. Those were the easiest.

I see ads in the newspaper's classified section asking to adopt. This adoption could be through an agency or be private through an attorney.

Check into your local Catholic Charities adoption program. You do not have to be Catholic. Our local program was less expensive than others and really tried to do their best to avoid the heartache situations, such as being given baby and then having him taken away. We didn't adopt and had to drop out because of a health situation with my husband but the experience was a good one.

Adoption Center of Illinois is the agency I used to adopt my son. My process was very unusual as my son was placed with me directly at discharge from the hospital even before I had a home study done. It was a direct placement as his birth parents chose me.

Typically, for a private adoption, you will find agency you want to work with and attend an orientation. You will learn all about how the process works with their agency. Then, you submit an application. You need a home study which includes one or more interviews, fingerprinting for background checks, lots of paper work (things like medical forms, financial reports, copies of birth certificates, proof of insurance), a home check to make sure it is safe for a child, as well as adoption training. Once approved, you will actively try to be matched with a birth mom. Once your child is placed with you there will be a waiting period before the adoption can be finalized in court. During this time you will have post placement home visits to ensure everyone is doing well.

You can also adopt without the use of an agency if you can find a birth mother on your own. An attorney can assist with this.

Adoption from foster care is also an option. There are a lot of children who are available for adoption. You don't have to foster children until one becomes available. You can contact your local child welfare agency for a home study which is usually free or very inexpensive. Once approved, you can submit interest in any waiting child you find that you feel you will be a good match with.