I have a child already and she is wonderful 6 month old. Me and my husband want to have another baby in the next few years, but even tho I loved know I brought my beautiful baby girl into this world and would love to have another. I also want to adopt, but the problem with wanting both is me and my husband both only want two children. So my question is what to do adopt a child in need or have another baby of our own? Again thank you all.
Thank you all so much for the answers. Me and my husband have decided to go with having another baby because we like the 'baby' stage, and would not want to take that from a women who can't have her own child. And later down the road we may look into older child adoption but for now we want the whole baby expreice again.
Well, it seems like a no-brainer because you already have O. and want two total, right. 2-1=1 adopted.
I have one adopted and one birth child and they are both "my own." There is no difference.
Either one is fine.
Adoption can be harder than people think. I suggest you look into your available options for adoption and see if any of them are a good "fit" for you and your current family before deciding. Be honest with yourself and be at peace with whatever path you choose.
Please, lest anyone jump on me for this advice, please understand that I have 3 sons - one of whom was adopted (my middle son). I am married to an adoptee (whose father was adopted, and who has 2 adopted uncles).
I am all for adoption...but a person has to commit to that adopted baby being "their own" no matter what it takes. It can take different things than it takes with a bio kid.
My opinion would be that if you would be willing to adopt a toddler or older child, go for it. But if you want an infant, have your own. There are a lot of women out there who cannot have children on their own and this is their only chance at having an infant and getting those experiences.
Adoption is a great thing on both sides. Families get babies and kids get good homes. I am able to have children on my own and know how special the time with an infant is. So, while I think it is great to help out a child who is past the prime adoption period and might stay in "the system", I could never take away the gift of an infant from someone who is not able to have their own.
If you have the means to go through with an adoption, I say do it!! We need more people that are willing to adopt and help a child already in need of a good home!!!!!
My vote is to adopt. However, if you do go ahead and adopt and then become pregnant with #3, how will you feel?
I know many families who have adopted, including... 1) white family adopting white infants; 2) white families adopting Hispanic, half-Hispanic, half-black and all-black infants; 3) "mixed-race" family (dad is Caucasian, mom half-white and half-Vietnamese) adopting one white and two Vietnamese children; 4) foster families who have adopted many children from their foster care, including children post-infancy of all skin types; 5) family adopting older (i.e. 5-8 y/o) children w/o having gone through foster care; and 6) foster family who wanted to adopt the 3 & 5-y/o brothers who were placed with them for a few years, but were eventually returned to their mother.
Adoption can be expensive (but then, so can childbirth!); yet there are so many children needing "forever families." If your heart is open to adopting, do some more research to make sure you really have a good grasp on things, talk to adoptive families and foster families, and make sure you know what you're signing up for. As some of the people posted below, adoption and foster care is not always a bed of roses -- some children have special needs and may have emotional and medical problems. However, you are not guaranteed to have a problem-free family even if you give birth to all of your children -- just hang around on mamapedia long enough, and you'll see plenty of mamas have problems with children they gave birth to! ;-)
Have another of your own. Like Riley said, if you want a HEALTHY infant, that does not have fetal alcohol syndrome, you are looking at 20 grand plus a waiting list. Let the couples who are unable to get pregnant have a shot at those.
The older than infant adoptions are much easier, but you would need to research and be ready for a much harder time raising that child than your first. Those children are very, very needy. The majority of them need a parent that can handle taking them to counseling, major tantruming, physical and mental disabilities, etc. Not to diminish those poor children the need for a good father and mother, but is your marriage strong enough and your parenting skills and time available enough to put your biological child on the back burner a lot for the adopted child? A lot of parents I know think that these kids will quickly change and adapt if only they are just loved and given a stable home. This is a common thought but not true at all. They do need love and a stable home, but it takes years upon years to fix some of their emotional damage, if it can be fixed, and in the meantime, the child needs exceptionally patient, consistent, quiet, calm, adaptable parents.
The waiting lists for INFANTS in incredibly long. Even out of country adoptions from countries that have cultural biases against raising other people's children (like Russia). But thousands and thousands of KIDS go their whole lives hoping to be adopted, but they won't be because they're not young enough.
My *personal* feeling is that *I* would not adopt an infant, because I already have a child (even though I can't have anymore, but especially if being pregnant wouldn't put my life at risk), but would leave that baby for a couple who cannot have even one of their own. Adopting older children, however, is on my radar once my son himself is either older or grown. Especially adhd kids, since I find them to be a joy, when they drive most others nuts.
