I am looking to adopt an 8 year old child who is currently in foster care and available for adoption. I have a personal relationship with this child. Problem is the kiddo is not adoptable without the sibling. This sounds God awful, but I know the sibling too and with the sibling's problems it is unrealistic for me to take the sibling as well. This is a safety issue for them to be together, as they beat and bruise each other regularly. Does anyone know who I can talk to or if I can petition the decision the agency and therapist have made to keep the siblings together? I know its important to keep siblings together but I think it may be in their best interest to be separated, but I realize I have a huge bias here as well. If it matters at all I would be extremely willing to set up regular visitation with the sibling. The agency says they are not allowed to look for an adoptive family for the child without the adoptive family being willing to take both of them. I love this little girl and would do anything to give her a good home. Please, any suggestions or advice would be extremely appreciated!!! Thank you and God bless!
I applaud you for wanting to save the one child. However, I've gotta say, I think it would be horrible for these siblings to be separated. They are all each other has got. They're family! If you love this little girl as much as you say you do, then you can learn to love her sibling for her sake. If you truly cannot take both, then let her be adopted by someone who can.
you asked for opinions, so I will give mine:
if you can't adopt, love and care for both equally, then find another child to adopt. The agency has their reasons for wanting to keep the 2 together. I am sure it would be very sad for either child to be separated from their sibling.
You didn't really give specifics for not thinking that the sibling is a good match for your family, but am wondering if this is an issue of safety?? If not, and its just a matter of personalities not meshing, is there a chance you could temp foster both kids and see if your love and support might be beneficial for the sibling before you consider adopting?? I don't know if they'll let you do this kind of trial type thing, but maybe being in a good home AND with the siblings together will be such a great thing that any potential personality problems might just work themselves out.
If not, you have to most likely walk away from this little girl. They obviously have reasons for wanting to keep the two kids together, and it would seem unfair to either child to try to find a way around that.
Good luck to you, I can only imagine that this must be a hard decision.
It's time to be this little girl's friend and mentor, but not her mom.
Perhaps some of the issues the siblings have together (you mentioned they are only beating on each other, and both parties seem at fault, not just the girl's sibling) is that they are uncertain of their futures, stressed, scared and overwhelmed with a need to "get it all out". Or maybe this is something they've learned from their former caregivers and both of them simply need a stable, loving environment to call home. Change might not happen overnight, but it could still happen.
However, I feel that even if you did take the family, your preference for first child will be felt by both, and cause additional problems, even if you try to hide it.
Your love for this girl can be shown by your willingness to let someone else love them both and perhaps even helping to find their forever home. I know that agencies and therapists and courts can be a bureaucratic mess, and not always right, but in this case, let the family stay a family, even if it's not with yours.
I think it is wonderful that you want to adopt. There are so many children who need loving homes! That said, if you love this little girl, help find a family that is willing to take both children. Her world has already been ripped apart, and I think even if the other child has issues, they should stay together.
Good luck!
Sometimes the most loving thing a person can do is to let go. She needs to be with her sibling. Pray they will both find a good loving home together.
S.,
IMHO, you sound like an amazing person who has more than enough love for BOTH children. Don't doubt yourself. You said it yourself...you would do anything to give her a good home..."anything" would include taking the sibling as well. Put your faith in God. Through Him, all things are possible. Good luck & God bless.
think of it if it was you and your sibling. or your children. what if something happened to you and your kids had to be seperated. that is scary and sad. they dont have anyone else except each other. if the child is a danger, then that is a different story. but you should just think about that other child being rejected again and again.
I agree, it's time to walk away. Your intentions are admirable, but you only have a relationship with one of the children, so what you think is in the best interest of the child is very biased by your love for only one of them.
Please do not separate these children. Take time to "grieve" the loss of the adoption and you will know when it's right to open your heart again. Bless you for giving yourself to children who need you.
i agree with what Mary said. Put yourself in the childrens shoes. How would you feel if all of a sudden being torn apart from eachother? if you cannot take the responsibilities on for both children, then i would suggest looking for another child to love, let your heart guide you. This is just my opinion. good luck in this very hard decision!
