Hello Mamas!!
My husband and I have been seriously considering adoption for our third and final child. I spent over six months in the Ukraine at one time and I would love to adopt a little girl from this part of the world. We are just starting to gather information because we aren't going to be ready to do this for another 2-3 years but we want all the information that we can have before then! I was hoping that someone out there has adopted from this particular country and could offer some words of advice. I'm also open to Russia, but I have friends in Ukraine, plan to visit occasionally, and I can also speak a lot of Ukrainian. I thought this might help! Thanks!
Thank you Moms!! i really appreciate all of the words of encouragment and wisdom that I recieved from all of you. I really feel that this is a step that God wants us to take as a family in a couple of years or so and it's wonderful to get so much information on what the first steps are. Many people in our family are not very supportive of the idea of adoption from a foreign country partly because of concerns that other people listed here. I totally understand the trials and challenges of adoption, but I have a longing in my heart to do this since the day I left Ukraine eight years ago. Thank you so much for the support and encouragement that I was needing and the abundance of links to websites that really helped me. God bless all of you!
Hi L.!!!
I have never adopted a child but im happy for you, i think it is great that you want to adopt a child from another country.
Let me know how things go ok? L.
We adopted our son from Russia in 2006. He was nearly a year at the time, but I understand that most children from Ukraine available for international adoption are closer to 3 or older.
I want to say, do it, do it, do it!! Our son is the love of my life, our joy, our amusement, our frustration... everything!
We have a bio daughter who is 18 months older. We are so happy to have 2 children, a boy and a girl, and truly feel our family is complete. If you have ties to Ukraine, that's where you should go, especially since you can speak some of the language. We have family history in Russia and knew that was where we wanted to go. (plus boys are more available in Russia)
Words of advice - the process itself was not too bad for us, but for some people it can feel unending. Also, the first 3 months home were - terrible! He was confused, angry and scared. He rejected me half the time and clung to me other times. Those first few months were scary and worrisome. I worried about his attachment and I also worried about our daughter's adjustment. It was VERY hard. Just remember that it is not the child's job to love you and complete your life... it is your job to love them, even when they seem to hate you!
Adopting our son was the best thing we've ever done, the best thing for our family, such a gift! But also the hardest thing I've ever done! Now that we've had our son for 2 years, he couldn't be any more "ours" - I can hardly remember those crazy first months.
There are so many kids needing homes, so many families needing kids... it's a wonderful way to build a family. Please contact me personally if you'd like more info or just want to talk. Also check out www.frua.org - there's a chat area with invaluable info on Russian and Ukrainian adoption! All the best to you and your family!
If you are new to adopting, please research the unique challenges you may face. I am specifically thinking of attachment disorders. There are cases of people getting some very charming at first, but very emotionally disturbed kids. Interrupted bonding and neglect early in life is quite devastating. Good luck!
Here is a Christian website that helps families adopt children. Check it out and see if they can offer you any thing.
http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/PageServer
God Bless you on your adoption.
we have some friends who adopted a daughter from the Ukraine about 15 years ago - send me your email and I will pass it along to them and they can get in touch with you if they are interested in answering any questions you may have
Hi L.,
All I can say is keep you eyes wide open. Ask around. I had friends that adopted a boy from Russia when he was about three, I think. Anyway, he had A LOT of emotional issues, especially abandonment issues and took it out on his adopted mom. After eight years of trying to help him with counselors, etc., they finally had him 'readopted' by another family. Good luck to you. Your idea is a noble one.
E.
My son and daughter-in-law adopted from Russia 5 years ago. It was, I think, a fairly good experience, although very frustrating some of the time. I'm sure they would be glad to share their experience with you. You can contact me privately. ____@____.com
I work with someone who adopted a little boy about a year ago from the Ukraine and he is going back in mid September to try and get the little boys 2 older sisters. Here is his website and he said feel free to contact them, http://kjrae.blogspot.com/
I adopted my daughter from Russia not Ukraine. And yes, having ties to a country and knowing the language will make things in country go smoother just because you are better able to get around while you are there. There are a lot of changes in international adoptions and they seem to happen daily. Each country has different requirements and rules plus you will have to go by the rules here and in the Ukraine. When you adopt from a foreign country, you will do local, state and federal background checks. The US is in the process of implementing the Hague, one of the new requirements is that you have to take some classes to be prepared for adoption.
Do your homework, you can not learn too much. There are email groups on yahoo groups that are parents going through the process or have finished the process. There is nothing like advice from someone who has been there done that. The one I love the most is Mothers Wanting Daughters. Some people struggle with the fact that I already have children but wanted a daughter to complete my family. These women get it, they are all in the same frame of mind and on the days you are frustrated, they get it. Another site that you can get a lot of legal and how to information from is FRUA
Foreign adoptions are very expensive. You should start a savings account for your adoption expenses. You will have agency fees, driver fees, interpreters, court costs, USCIS fees, homestudy fees and the list goes on and on. Research your agency AND your homestudy agency very carefully. You will have days you will be frustrated with both, just find the ones that will work best for you and your family. I went with a big agency because I adopted as a single mom. I wanted their political clout and organizational skills.
I am not sure how it works in Ukraine, however, I went to Russia two times, and some families go three trips. I spent about a week the first trip and an entire month the second trip. My daughter was from a small town in northern Russia. I was there for the white nights and found out that it snows year round. I had a wonderful time, the people were delightful in the region and just as friendly and gentle and loving as you could ever imagine. I spent time taking pictures of everything so I could share with my daughter when she was older and started asking questions. Of course in Moscow they were as busy and rude as any city in the US.
I can't put into words how thrilled I am with my daughter and her progress and all the amazing things I feel with her each and every day. It truly is one of the success stories, she is incredible. She is my little chatter box and her brothers love her to pieces. Then there are grandparents and aunts and uncles that are just nuts over her. Life is good.
If you have any specific questions, please feel free to send me a private message and I'll be glad to help. This has been one of the most amazing things I ever did, and I would love to see someone else enjoy it as much as me.
I don't know if you have an adoption agency yet, but we were considering international adoption at one time. Our agency was America World. Their website is www.awaa.org. Adopting from either country is very expensive. The Ukraine starts at $30,000 and Russia starts at $45,000. You mentioned that you aren't ready to do this for a few years, but it does take a couple of years to complete all the paperwork, home study, dossier application, and waiting time. You may want to get started soon. Best of luck to you.
