Adhd Journey Part II

Wow! Thank you for being so candid with us about your feelings about all of this. It is so nice to "hear" another mom being truthful about her feelings.

I think the bottom line is this: you are sad that your son has a situation that is beyond his control that he may struggle with. Even though we know life challenges enable people to grow, deep down we wish our children would have it easy (emotionally, anyway). And of course, the fact that you can't use your super-mommy powers to fix something is tough.

I love your attitude about it now. Kick some butt indeed!!!! : )

You are a GREAT mom. An awesome mom. You're the kind of mom who sees a problem and knows when you're in over your head and need the help of professional. The grieving comes in the realization and acceptance of the fact that you can't fix every issue. You aren't the end-all-be-all problem fixer in your child's life.

It's related to the ADHD stigma. There are too many (fools) out there who simply cannot wrap their heads around the FACT that ADHD is a chemical imbalance, not a parental imbalance. They like to insist that the parent isn't disciplining, feeding, playing, exercising, socializing, etc., etc., their child enough or properly. So parents listen to all that advice, and try and try to fix what they are being told they are doing wrong...only to get to the end of the fix-it list to find that they are doing it all right, but their child's brain is still imbalanced!

Now you've realized that's OKAY that you can't fix it all. The grieving can end and you, your son's support system, and your son can work together on a game plan.

♥

C. Lee

We are at the same place right now. Similar situation and similar feelings. We're just grieving that things aren't as we had planned. As a Mom, we're programmed to figure it out and "fix it". Somehow when we can't, we feel we've let everyone down. I'm proud of you! Quick rebound!! Now, go "kick butt"! :)

See I don't get the grieving. I remember when Tommy's teacher said listen, he is a great kid, probably the most polite child I have ever taught but there are these little things. She listed his handwriting, losing homework he had done, drifting off. She said she thinks he has ADHD maybe get him tested. I was like no, he is just a boy, but I got him tested to prove her wrong.

Well yes he has ADHD and as the psychiatrist explained it I was like oh hell!! That is me! There was something about knowing I survived but here is my chance to make my child's life better there was no grief, just relief, just a plan that my child will have it better than I did.

Put him on meds, didn't even tell the teacher at first because I wanted to see if there was any difference without the placebo effect. Three days later his teacher came running out at pick up with two writing assignments in her hands, huge smile on her face! "You put him on meds didn't you?" Look at the difference!! I have to say the two papers looked like they were written by two different children!

I guess I look at it as being unmedicated deprived me of the chance to be the perfect kid, the meds allowed my two oldest to be the perfect kids. Straight As, no behavior issues, teachers saying other kids should be more like them, they were very popular in school, great at sports..... They had everything I could never be as a child. If I grieve for anything it is for the child I could have been if we had known what was wrong with me.

I think it's totally normal. I remember feeling like a failure when I realized that my son needed another year in preschool rather than send him to kinder. He just wasn't mature enough. I had to take myself out of the equation and not look at it like a punishment to myself for him not being ready for school after all the early intervention I had gotten him.

Before that, I had gone through all the speech and language, OT, tutoring, and other stuff with him, starting when he was two. It was a real learning curve, and sometimes it would kind of "hit" me how much he faced. It was sobering, to say the least, because I worried that I wouldn't make the right decisions.

So I do understand what you are saying. I like what you said about being ready to "kick butt". It helps to say that to yourself and go forth and conquer, so to speak!!

Keep us posted, mama!

Dawn

IMHO it's tough to know that you're child is dealing with an extra burden that you didn't envision for their lives . . . we have many hopes and dreams for our children.

I have a 15 year old who has overcome alot, and it was hard for me when we started dealing with some of his issues. But as I've seen over the last few years, sometimes the miracle comes in witnessing the strength of heart and spirit. He is so incredibly strong, and good. It has stunned me.

I wish you great success and patience for the journey. <<hugs>>