E.B.
My daughter had a 504 plan for much of her public school years. Whether or not your daughter will qualify, it's important to consider a few things when preparing.
1. Understand exactly what a 504 plan can do. It doesn't change the curriculum. The 504 student gets the class material and lessons as originally intended. What it can change is the time the student has to complete an assignment (for example, extra time for a child who is sick frequently), reduced work load (for example, only do the even-numbered questions on an assignment when the student has demonstrated that he or she understands the subject matter, or to save stress or fatigue or pain the child doesn't have to answer in complete sentences when it's clear the child is capable of writing well - my daughter only had to write "13" when the question was "how many original colonies were there in the US?" when all the rest of the students had to write the answer in a complete, grammatically correct sentence with the words spelled right). The 504 plan can allow for private test taking for an anxious student, and it can allow for teachers to grant some leeway in collecting assignments.
2. Sit down prior to the meeting and think about your daughter and her behaviors regarding homework. Make a clear concise list of what would help your child. For example: [Daughter] completes homework but keeps it in her binder rather than pass it in. Teacher should privately request homework from [daughter]. [Daughter] receives one extra day after an E warning to turn in homework. Things like that. They don't let your daughter off the hook, responsibility-speaking, but they give her an extra step towards satisfactory homework completion.
3. Speak to your daughter's doctor or psychiatrist - whoever knows her best. Ask that person to write a letter to the school staff. Make the letter non-medical, but focus rather on how certain accommodations would help your daughter. And be specific. For example, this type of letter is NOT helpful: "[Daughter's name] has been diagnosed with XYZ syndrome, and requires 10 mg of XYZ medication. I believe she also demonstrates symptoms of ABC disease". This kind of letter is helpful: "I have treated [daughter's name] for X years. Due to her diagnosis, it would help her reach her educational potential if she were granted extra time to complete assignments. Her diagnosis means she often is forgetful or inattentive, and I advise that she be given assistance in the classroom to make sure she turns in completed work" or whatever you and the medical professional agree would help her the most.
4. At the meeting, don't use words like "scared", or try to explain the finer points of ADHD. You're the parent, the advocate for your daughter. Be reasonable, calm, and just explain that despite all the helpfulness, your daughter still can't complete the turning-in part of the assignments in class.
5. At home, try a few visual clues to help her turn in work. Buy a separate folder that is very brightly colored, and ONLY keep completed homework in it. Help your daughter develop the habit of putting work in that folder at night, and the next day, she checks that folder and if there's anything in it at all, it means she's forgotten to turn something in. No leaving school until the folder is empty.
6. And if she's granted a 504, help her understand that it's private, like a doctor's appointment. Make sure she doesn't brag to other students things like "oh, I don't have to do that homework tonight because of my ADHD". Teachers do not have access to her medical or psychiatric diagnosis, they only are informed of what it means in the classroom. And make sure your daughter knows that this doesn't give her a free ride, but it's a little extra help. Explain exactly what that extra help means as far as your daughter is concerned.
Finally, she may have to fail from time to time. And failing doesn't mean that giving up and losing hope is inevitable. You might consider getting her counseling to learn some specific strategies to understand failure, and how to get back up and keep trying. Because eventually it's going to be on her - you won't be able to be the safety net forever. Learning good tools for perseverance is always helpful, and kids with a learning disability or other disability often need a little extra help to face challenges in a healthy way. Or, you might get some counselling for yourself, to learn how to help a child with a diagnosis that impacts her life. It doesn't mean you're making mistakes - it means that you also need a toolbox to help a child with challenges. My 1st child was textbook - the usual kid stuff, not many problems at all, pretty much sailed through life with friends and success. The 2nd, my daughter? Turned the whole world upside down with her diagnoses and conditions and issues. My husband and I have had several counseling sessions to help us understand how to be effective parents and how to handle her many difficulties.