ADHD 1 Parent Is AGAINST 1 Parent Wanting to Help

I will tell you concerta caused hallucinations in my son...sigh we were hopeful that one would work...fail

My husband was the same way until he was asked by the Doctor - "If I told you your son had Type 2 Diabetes that could only be managed with Insulin, would you deny him the Insulin?" As soon as my husband said "Of course not" The Doctor explained that ADHD is a neurologically based condition caused by a shortage of the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine in the brain, and the inability of the brain to transmit these chemicals to the brain's neurons. ADHD is not caused by poor parenting, too much sugar, or laziness.

It kinda flipped a switch with my husband.

We have had to go through a ton of trial and error to find the right meds at the right dosage for each of our kids (and even me) but in the end it makes for a much easier life for us all.

We recently had our son evaluated. My husband was on the fence about it and indicated that he was not in favor of meds. Also, he was afraid our son would be "labeled." His family is not big into seeking services for behaviors or speech. The tend to have a "they'll figure it out in their own time" philosophy.

I asked my husband to consider a diagnosis as a positive thing. A diagnosis will help us understand what was causing our son to struggle and help point us in the right direction to help him so that he can succeed.

Meds have really gotten a bad rap. The point of meds is not to make life easier for parents or teachers. The point is to help the child so that he or she can focus and can succeed!!!

I told my husband that I wasn't trying to "fix" our son. Our son is not broken. But his brain does work differently, and what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do everything in my power to try and figure out a way for my son to learn and have fun and thrive!!!

Meds may or may not be the answer for your child. That's something for you and your doctor to figure out together. But they are the answer for many kids. For many kids, they are the best thing that ever happened to them!

Your husband needs to go WITH you to the doctor and be a part of the process. Since he is clearly ignorant on the subject he needs to get educated. If he refuses to go then simply say, fine, since you don't want to be a part of this parenting decision I will make it on my own. That's not ideal of course but sometimes being a responsible parent overrides being a complacent spouse. I'll take an angry husband over a suffering child any day.

My ex was a piece of work but too lazy to disagree with me, after reading this I am grateful because I am not sure how it sorts out.

Legally either parent can decide without the other to give meds but I can't imagine that would make for a happy marriage.

Sometimes now we disagree on med changes, he likes to keep all the meds, I like to start taking them off of them and seeing if they still need the dose they are on. Bless his heart our doctor is always willing to get in the middle and reach a resolution. He tries to advocate for what is best for the child.

Perhaps your husband needs to meet with the doctor, have the doctor explain what is going on.

Sure a child who needs these meds will not die if they don't have them but it makes life so much harder on them than it needs to be.

Adderall is my favorite med, my third reacts badly to it so he is on Vyvance, the rest of us are on adderall.

Neither of my parents believed in medication even though my doctor said it would help. I was a depressed, bullied, unhappy, self loathing, completely felt worthless, child. By the grace of god I made it to adulthood. :( I am fine now but I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone.

Ditto Mamazita. He needs to be at the medical appointments, addressing all of his concerns with the medical specialists. They will quickly put him in his place, letting him know the facts about ADHD. You can't parent it away. Our culture tends to treat brain disorders this way: "If only you tried harder, it will go away." It's sad.

People are against medication because they're uninformed. Medication isn't to be taken lightly by any means, but it has such an amazing track record in helping people with ADHD. It's worth a try. If you hate a stimulant on day one, you can stop it immediately. It's out of the system by end of day anyway. There are so many myths about ADHD medication, I could write a novel.

The research into ADHD has shown that kids who go untreated are at FAR greater risk of developing drug and alcohol problems as teens, as they try to self-medicate.

Our son is on Concerta and it works brilliantly for him. We're in the Concerta fan club, for sure. However, what works great for one child can be a disaster for another. Don't get discouraged if the first try isn't a good match. There are a lot of options. Be sure you're supplementing medication with visits with a behavioral therapist. It's medication, combined with therapy, that has the best treatment record of all. You want to have a therapist you can talk to about how to manage behavioral issues. Medication doesn't work all day, so you need tools for managing the difficult parts of the day.

I strongly urge you to join CHADD and subscribe to ADDitude magazine. Both will keep you informed on the latest ADHD research and treatment options. They're reliable sources of information, too. So much of what you'll find online is just garbage.

Good luck!

I have a child with very, um, well, her ADHD is really bad. She's been the way she is since birth. We've always been very strict with her, but discipline is not the issue. When a child is disciplined for everything, especially if discipline means "punishment" in your home rather than "to teach" then all it serves is to break their spirit and cause worse problems with ODD (Oppositional Defiance).

I didn't even consider the possibility of ADHD until my daughter was in her 6th grade year. It didn't register with me because I was so busy coping with my middle daughter, who has Autism and ADD. It clicked when I started recognizing behavior patterns similar to my ASD daughter... and I mentioned my concerns to my daughter's team of teachers and her pediatrician and my other daughter's neurologist.

I was adamantly against medication. Why? Medication is Serious Business. I had always heard Very Bad Things about medications for children. No way was I ever going to be That Mom. Then God gave me That Child and humbled me greatly.

But we had tried behavioral therapy, adjustments in diet (which are working), changes in discipline approaches, having a behavior plan at home and school, and more. She still couldn't focus or control impulses or any of the other myriad issues she's had since she was small.

So against what I thought was my better judgment I allowed our pediatric neurologist to perform a neurological-psychological evaluation with my daughter's full cooperation. She was feeling frantic and wanted answers. We went through the entire process, which was very drawn out, but worth it. We did end up deciding to let her try a low dose of Concerta and I was nervous. I always said that no child of mine would ever.... but there I was. My daughter was begging me for help.

Within days she was telling me, "Oh my gosh Mom... is this what it's like to concentrate? Without wanting to jump out of my chair all the time? Hey Mom! I can sit and do my homework all at once! Look!" "MOM! My teachers didn't have to tell me to settle down in class today! I let the other kids answer questions and I raised my hand and waited to be called on!"

These things finally clicked for her. It's not that it's a miracle, but it's a tool. It's not perfect, but it helps her so incredibly well that she's doing better in school and at home and how she treats her sisters. She's not frustrated all the time unless it's hormone related (well, she IS going to be 13 next week). If we forget to give her a dose of her medication, it's noticeable. She hates how she feels when she doesn't take it. She says she doesn't feel normal.

So there's a positive story for you about Concerta. It's 100% true.

There are times when I have just had to be the grown up and promise to take the full responsibility for the outcome of my decision in regard to our daughter.

My husband, who happens to be ADHD, is terrible with these decisions, first answer is always no, and being in denial.

When our child was young, I would try to wait it out with him and try to convince him, then I realized, I had to make the best decisions for our daughter and my husband would just have to deal with it. Tubes in our daughters ears was the straw that broke the camels back.

I told him, I will take the full responsibility for this decision.. He would still be pissed, but he then would see the good outcome...

ADD and ADHD are complicated issues, like so many of these rampant disorders that affect our kids. They are not well understood.

It's really important for your husband to become fully educated. There are a number of different treatment options, either alone or in combination. There are people are who completely anti-medication because they don't want their kids labeled, they don't want their kids medicated, they are concerned about side effects (dangerous and annoying both), and they are concerned that the meds don't always work. Some meds work for some kids, others don't. There's not one "right" med for all children. For example, Concerta works for some, causes problems in others, is ineffective in still more. Whatever medication is used, it takes a while to see the effects. Then as kids grow (and especially when they hit puberty), it all has to be adjusted.

There are those who believe in deprivation diets - some kids respond to the removal of certain foods or additives from their diets. You'll hear everything from gluten to dairy to sugar to red/yellow dyes. Again, it's not overnight and it's not always effective, and it takes a long time to find the triggers. Meantime you have an unhappy kid feeling he's "different" because he can't have a cookie or some birthday cake or a pizza at a friend's house, and the whole family gets turned upside down by changing the way they eat. Some of this is good if families are eliminating additives and preservatives - there are a lot of authorities who feel our use of chemicals, preservatives and genetically-modified foods is what's behind this huge uptick in food allergies, behavioral issues, Asperger's, depression, and a whole host of diagnoses.

There are those who use more natural approaches, by adding in nutritional elements that are removed from our foods either through farming techniques ("grow it fast and big, no matter what you have to add to it"), depleted soils ("pick it and ship it, never mind if the nutrients are in the soil") or food processing (e.g. "enriched" flour isn't a good thing, it's a heavily-stripped flour with a few vitamins tossed back in). I work in food science, and my experience has been extensive and rewarding, seeing nutrients added back in to the diet, with kids in particular turning around very quickly. We've also seen adults with ADD who have gotten great results, getting off of medications, and able to keep their jobs, get promotions and be happier overall. Boosting the immune system in a comprehensive way has all kinds of positive effects, from less illness to lower cholesterol to improvements to diabetes and inflammatory conditions, you name it. There is plenty of clinical data to support this approach, but it's not just a single ingredient. Some people say, "Oh I just give my child X vitamin or Y herb, and he's perfect." Good if it works. But it hardly ever does, and it can also cause side effects. Comprehensive work makes more sense scientifically, and the AMA said in 2002 that there's really no way we can get the nutrition we need from our foods anymore, even if we eat organically. This approach can work by itself, and often in conjunction with medication to either require fewer meds, lower doses or even weaning off altogether.

There are those who think discipline is the way to go. Certainly kids with ADD and ADHD function better if there is structure, but there is little evidence that this alone is sufficient. If it were, with schools implementing all kinds of structure, discipline, consequences, and so on, there would be a decrease in these concerns. But there isn't. It's undisputed that the rise in ADD and similar disorders is not because of lax supervision! So I think your husband is in for many years of conflict with a very unhappy child. This behavior is not within your son's control. It just isn't. Your husband's approach might have worked a generation ago, but your son has been exposed to so many toxins, chemicals and altered foods that there's just no way that taking away TV can counteract that. In fact, your husband's approach can cause more problems because the child grows up with a sense of shame and blame, feeling that he's a screw-up.

Viola,

What sort of information does your husband have regarding ADHD? Does he have any actual knowledge about it or just the bias that kids are medicated too readily? Is there a seminar you could both attend, something which would/could give you more information than you have?

I do not have any problem with medication if it is deemed necessary. Have you had him evaluated by a specialist? That would be something to consider.

Some medications work well for some kids. Some don't. I think it's the same set of issues you have with starting an adult on a medication for their mental health-- sometimes the meds really do a number on people until they find the right dosage or switch to another medication.

I do know some parents, too, who fight the idea of any sort of diagnosis or label for their kid. Some families outright reject the idea that it isn't anything kids can either grow out of or be disciplined out of. One fellow I know-- his family was in denial about his sibling's ASD diagnosis, flat out denied it. When his child also received a diagnosis(possibly ASD, don't know, definitely some sensory processing dysfunction), it was met with the same rejection. Some people haven't seen models of successful treatment and therapy, so they reject the idea that it can exist. Add to that the media and all the self-proclaimed folks out there who draw their conclusions from nothing.... you get the picture.

Our son has ocular motor dysfunction that exhibits in certain ways, some of which make him look pretty 'off' to seasoned folks. (for example, he doesn't often make eye contact with people because it is work for him to focus on mid-range objects, faces and eyes are often in that range) One person who we talked with suggested that he might have a type of ADD-- we rejected this theory only because we'd already had him seen by three specialists and NONE of them came to that conclusion (we asked). It was the last of the three who suggested vision disability issues, which sometimes can look like ADD/ADHD. Once we started exploring that route, we found the answers we needed.

No easy answers on this one....

You both need to talk to the doctor about what the best option for your child is. Not what you think the best option is. Get a 2nd, 3rd, opinion, if need be.

You already know and see how your child non-medicated functions. Look up health review for the medicine or health plan in question. Ask the doctor for references. Ask the doctor if he is willing to share your contact info with another patient that is on the same health plan.

My son has allergies. My husband didn't believe me. I got him tested, hubby still didn't believe. I said, we've seen what we are going through now, can we at least TRY this to see if there is a difference? There was. Now my son has a medication that he has been on for a while that hubby thinks is causing his coughing fits at night. We are in the process of ruling that and other things out.

While I am not against meds when needed, I know I personally would want to try everything else first, and maybe that is where you husband is at. In this country we do tend to over medicate ourselves and our children. Whenever something is wrong we just throw chemicals at it. Sometimes there is an underlaying cause we don't know about. In some cases of ADHD like symptoms parents have had great success with diet changes, cutting out things like gluten, refined sugar, or dairy (depending on the kid). Often you can do a elimination diet (cut out all three) and then if you see improvement add the things back in one item at a time and watch for reactions. If more natural approaches do not help enough, then of course I would then go to meds. Maybe you and your husband can sit down and talk about all your concerns and fears, and then take a list of questions together to your child's doctor.

Tell your husband that if he had a child who was a diabetic would he feel that taking away privileges will make the child not diabetic anymore? ADHD is a medical illness. It is not a choice a child makes.

It's frustrating when an adult decides that "making" a child stop having ADHD is what it takes. It's like taking a child with seizures and spanking them for having a seizure.

I think hubby is going to have to go with you to the doc to go over the results and recommendations. Concerta is supposedly a good med. Our little guy takes a whole Ritalin in the morning then a half at noon. By 3-4pm it's completely out of his system. So he's not building anything up in his system or releasing anything over time. I like that because it gives us more control. He can stop taking it at any time because it does not build up so if he doesn't take it then there isn't any there.

I'd give your child the medication and ignore hubby.

Mine was diagnosed this year & I will say that my husband and me are not in agreement regarding medications however after almost getting kicked out of her 2nd school we started Non stimulant Guanfacine. This combined with therapy has been helping. Yesterday I forgot to give her the morning dose before school & halfway through the morning she had a meltdown. Thankfully not bad enough for us to have to come get her but enough that the teacher e-mailed me. Needless to say it is helping tremendously. My husband is slowly coming around, seeing the difference this has made. Keep your head up

I do not have any children with ADHD so I will not even pretend that I know how to deal with it or treat it but have you looked into essential oils for treatment? It would be a natural/non-medication approach. My children have other medical issues that we deal with. One of my boys has been on medication since the age of 4 months (he is now 6) and often times multiple things at once (usually about 4 meds). I was tired of my child always having to take medication plus the fact that the side effects could cause other issues down the line. I decided to look into a more natural approach and found essential oils. We have now gotten him off of ALL of his medications and simply treat him with essential oils. I know that there have been people that use essential oils to treat ADHD and symptoms of it. It might be something to look into, especially if your husband does not want to treat with traditional medications. Here is a website with some information if you are interested. http://www.everythingessential.me/HealthConcerns/ADD.html...

I am hesitant against meds, with that said. Once all natural changes/options are expelled then meds are fine.

My son has a friend whos older brother (8) is the same size as my son because of all the meds he has been on. He does have sever ADHD.. I do not think it is wrong for him to be on the meds... but I also do not know the full situation.

My son has been diagnosed with adhd and sensory. We have not done meds at this time. We are doing diet changes and acupuncture. So far our results are great. I am not saying that we will not do meds, but at this time we are holding off.

I think part of the reason some people are hesitant is because it seems like "Americans" are fast to toss meds to Fix a situation. When meds are not always the right first response.

But, If it was diabetes, yes I would not hesitate to medicate because the body makes insulin and that is what is used to treat diabetes. However, the body does not make rittalin, concerta etc.. That is where I have the hesitation.

Some kids need it, others do not. It depends on the level of the adhd, are they are 20 on the scale of 1-100, or are they 80.. big difference.

Good luck, follow your gutt and work with your husband. Talk your fears out, let him talk to people.

My bottom line, if my son is not learning then we will consider meds. He is now in control of himself so much more than ever before. He has friends everywhere he goes. So the breaking point for us will be if his learning is inhabited. But, I feel that we have exhausted all other options first.. Med is my last resort.

Good luck

This must be so hard. Disagreeing with how to parent your child is an issue that would probably best be dealt with by going to a counselor. Someone neutral, but someone who has experience with children who have emotional and mental health issues. I would DEFINITELY start with going to a counselor together. If he refuses to go, I would go by myself.

As far as the meds and treatment for ADHD, have you both gone together to your son's appointments with his physician (pediatrician, psychiatrist or anyone else)? It could be useful for him to listen to the words come from the doctor's mouth about the BEST treatment for your son. Your husband is not wrong about the importance of boundaries and discipline for your child, but he seems to be uncomfortable with the idea of medication. I think a physician could be an authority who can address the benefits, etc.

No one WANTS to put their child on psychotropic meds, but if your son's functioning is seriously impaired by the disorder, he needs to consider it.

Keep the communication lines open with your husband. Talk to a counselor. Go and meet with your son's pediatrician. KEEP talking. KEEP talking. KEEP talking.