A Major Life Decision

Choose the religion you want based upon your beliefs and and the faith that develops in your heart as you learn about it and believe it's truthfulness. Pray for guidance. Feelings of the spirit can testify to you the truthfulness of a religion or not, but only after you understand it's history, it's future, the belief system.

Joining a religion for convenience, to get married... can only cause contention later on down the road if clashes arise on certain subjects, upbringing of the children, deep rooted differences on what your beliefs are...

Also, he may be he same great guy, but people change over the years and short visits may not reveal those unsightly changes. Get to know him a lot better and go to where you are going for you and your child's own benefit, not his.

At this point, you are considering major life changes, moving, joining a religion and getting married, based upon a former brief relationship with a man who has only implied he would reunite with you.

Take the relationship slowly as it comes, and despite how exciting it may feel right now, realize that once you are there, things could quickly change with him. (not saying that things will of course, just be prepared for that).

I think it would be good to attend RCIA. This is a great way to learn what it means to be a Catholic and what their beliefs are. Do not be shy about asking questions. I always question what sounds confusing or does not make sense to me, so I can make sure I have a full understanding.

Do not just join a religion for someone else or just to be married in that church. .

Join a religion because you believe in what they teach, what they stand for and if you are 100% a supporter of their lifestyles and expectations.. Religion is not like a restaurant where you pick and choose off of a menu.

When you find the one that speaks to you and YOUR beliefs, that is when you have found your religion. Remember this will also become a part of your everyday life AND your sons.

I am married to a catholic man and i am NOT catholic. as a matter of fact, i can stand very few churches. i had poor experiences with them as well and i am highly uncomfortable inside them. My husband is totally supportive and understands, and i am totally fine with his beliefs even though i do not believe them myself. Do not let something that simple control what could be a great experience in your life! :0D

wow lots of thoughts. first you are talking about a "possible" future that is over a year away, so don't stress too much about it right now. S. you don't even know whether he would want you to convert (or if you do you didn't mention it), he may be fine with you not being catholic. i sure wouldn't convert just to please him if it doesn't mean that much to him. lastly, catholicism is not just like a different shirt you put on - of all religions it is one of the most detailed and particular about dogma and doctrine. do a LOT of research before you consider raising your child catholic. it may not be for you. and lastly, don't ever, EVER (any more than you would move across the country), change your religion for a man. that is between you and god, and has nothing to do with any particular human relationship you may have. just my thoughts/opinions. good luck and i hope you get moved back "home" and settled in, soon! i too moved across the country for a few years, away from my family, and always knew i wanted to move back. i completely understand. take care.

For many people religion, church rituals, etc. is a cultural association rather than a spiritual decision. It takes less of a personal commitment to participate in cultural/religious activities than those that truly feed your spiritual life. Find out what your guy's involvement with the Church really is. The Catholic church has some pretty strident beliefs that you might find it difficult to buy in to. Find out if he thinks, sees, judges the world through Catholic eyes. Then find out more about Catholicism.

Don't worry about the bad press. Learning how to be cautious and to protect yourself is a good thing under any circumstances.

My father was from a strict Catholic family and my mother did not practice religion. For some reason my older sister (10 years older) went to the Catholic Church. I was not raised in a church. My parents were married 50 years before my father passed away and their difference did not seem to affect their marriage. My neighbor is Christian and her husband is Jewish and they seem to manage just fine. They have taught their kids about both religions. I think that as your relationship grows you should discuss your feelings with your friend and ask him what his feelings are regarding the subject. I do not think that you should be a part of a religious group that you do not feel comfortable with.

Okay, let me begin by telling you I am a Christian, not Catholic and not a big fan of the Catholic ways/beliefs and I in no way mean to offend anyone that is. That said, I think you should base your religious choices on research and attending the church itself before making your choice. Please don't let newspaper headlines steer you away from Catholiscism seeing as how it's people that committed the crimes not the religion itself. I know there are a lot of differering opinions out there but the only way you can make an informed decision is to study the different churches/religions and their beliefs and find one that fits you and your morals. I have faith you will be led in the right direction. There are too many people out there claiming to be Catholics, Christians, Jews, etc because they go sit in a church and take a nap. People are losing what it's all about. I wish you much luck in future!

I see two different things going on here--first you are "hooking up" with an old "love" and second you are concerned about his religion and what you want---so First--take your time and really get to know him again--if you have questions about him and his life now is the time to find them out. Is he being honest with you about who he is and how he is? If this is to go further can he support you and a family? Where will all of you live? Will you work and what about your family-again all the same questions-will he go well with your family/your child/your life? Take your time with him and you! Now about the second part religion---It is time for you to get some education on his religion and what you are looking for--there are books/go to some different churches and see what feels good to you/on-line info/talk to people--all different kinds--ministers/"lay"/your friends/etc. Now you must figure out if this is to be a conflict for both of you later--and don't forget one most important thing to all religions is to forgive--then move on with how your life should be for you and if it works him and most important your child! TAKE YOUR TIME-INVESTIGATE ALL THESE ITEMS AND LEARN WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOUR LIFE IS TO BE!!!! Educated yourself to all these issues and see where it takes you.

I grew up Catholic and I love it. One thing to consider is that you dont have to convert to be married in the Catholic church, you only have to agree to raise your children in the Church. They can always make up their minds when they grow up if they want to stay with it.

D.:

This is coming from an atheist, so keep that in mind :)

Someone as already mentioned the cultural aspect of religeon, and that is something to keep in mind. Another person as mentioned that you are looking at future possibilities that may not come to fruition. That is another thing to keep in mind. I have cousins who are Catholic. One is married to a woman who is not Catholic and only comes to church for weddings and funerals. It works for them.

Unfortnately, inappropriate touching can happen anywhere, and it not something isolated to religeon.

Ultimately just do some research. Find some sources on religeon and see if it is something you can embrace or if it is something you just tolerate. The decision is yours and how much you want to be apart of it is up to you.

What ever you choose, I wish you the best of luck in your life and hope things work out well in a way you wish :)

The Catholic Church has RCIA( Rite of Christain initiation for adults) classes for people who want to become catholic. Check with the local catholic church either in AZ or NJ.

Yes, there is bad press about some catholic priests, but they are not all bad, just as all people are not bad. I have never had a bad experience, nor my kids with a priest. As with any adult who spends time with our children, we need to always be watchful, and look for any signs of misconduct.

It's so hard trying to fit into a church. I was raised Episcopalian (very similar to the catholic church), but we believe our priests can marry, and everyone can take communion. I feel right at home in a catholic church since all the sayings/songs are the same. You could ask how liberal the church is, all churches are run differently, even catholics....some are very tight in order and some are pretty loose. I feel more at home in a relaxed environment, so maybe you could ask a few people who live by you what catholic church they go to, and maybe you can go check it out.

I think other people posting, religious or not, would agree that there is such extreme judgement in organized religion....that if you are not one of them you are inferior. My husband is an atheist, but he goes to church with me (we probably go quarterly...and vacation bible school with the kids) because he likes the people, the priest (we talk about sailing, mixing cocktails and vacations!) and the music.

Also, I think I was raised that the stories of the bible are not necessarily based on fact, but as a metaphor on how we should live our lives. Think about it. I think it's important that my kids know these parables so they have something to base their actions on. I think some sort of religious interaction with your child is important, and teach them to live by the golden rule.

Ask your guy about his opinions, and keep an ear out. If you start hearing the mighty judgement tone about the non catholics, you might have big issue once you move. Good luck, I am glad you found happiness!

Wow, my Pastor is now doing his monthly sermons on Church wounds. He & another Pastor from CA co-wrote a book, also called Church Wounds(by David Loveless) . You can get it on Amazon. Haven't read it yet however my Pastor has been explaining some of it in his sermons & how people from Church can turn others away from God because of their hypocritical actions & bad behavior. Not all Catholic priests are bad, not all church goers are bad, bad people come from everywhere. Now days you kind of always have to have your guard up. Now having said that don't let those bad people interfere with your relationship with God! There are good people out there in the Catholic Church & other churches.

Maybe you could take turns going to Catholic services & another Church of your choice.

Good luck & God Bless!

My personal opinion would be that I would not change to a certain religion for anyone. I was raised a certain way and now that I am older I can look back and see that it was one of the unhappiest periods of my life. I have tried to change to please others and all if ever does is bury my true self a little deeper. I would see where this relationship goes before making any decisions about this. Talk to the guy because there are so many things to consider in a marriage.

My parents were both raised Protestant, but they let us go to various churches with friends as we grew up. At 28 I decided to be baptized Catholic. During one of the classes I attended the Priest, who in now a Monsignor, told us to retain what applies and let the rest go by. That is how I have always practiced the religion. I don't subscribe to all the beliefs of the church and the God I believe in is okay with that. My suggestion is that you should spend some time attending services for any religion that you are considering and see how it feels to you. If it feels right you can go from there. As far as getting married in the church, I believe that only one of you has to be Catholic to be married in the church and to have your children baptized Catholic. Follow you instincts, they won't let you down. Best of luck on your adventures that lay ahead.

I would suggest to you that you do some reading on the various denominations (both protestant and Catholic) and figure out what you believe. Catholicism isn't a club that you join so you can get married in the church. I am not trying AT ALL to be snide... but it sounds like you are contemplating a religious choice based purely on what might be convenient longer term if you and this guy end up together. Which is not a very sound place to be coming from as far as determining your faith.
There are some big differences between even the different protestant denominations, more so if you compare them with the Catholic faith. As an adult, I would recommend you do a lot of reading about the different aspects of each faith so that you can figure out what you hold to be true, and what you don't. You might find that you don't believe what the Catholic church does. So why would you then want to raise your children in that faith and practice it yourself? Well, you wouldn't I wouldn't think. Same thing with any of the various protestant denominations... What do you believe about speaking in tongues? What do you believe regarding the Lord's Supper (is it symbolic or true body and blood of Christ?)? What do you believe Baptism is/does? What do you believe concerning Christ himself, true man and true God, son of God, or just a prophet, or only a man, or not truly man and God at the same time? What do you believe concerning yourself? Are you a sinner? What is required for you to be saved from your sin?

You see... all the various faiths hold slightly different opinions regarding all these questions. The only way to know what you truly believe yourself, is to avail yourself of information and become informed about them.

I am in no way condoning anything that happened to you at church when you were younger. All churches are rife with those who claim to be Christian, yet fail to live out their faith. And all are sinners, so do commit sin continually. But not all local congregations have lechers for pastors and priests. I am sorry for what happened to you, and for the members of the church you attended who had that person as a spiritual leader.

Please do not blindly choose a "faith" to practice, without actually believing what it is you will then be professing. It is a disservice to you, and to everyone else who will view you as representative of that particular faith.
I have changed denominations (from what our family followed when I was a child) because I have grown in my understanding of what I believe. And I firmly believe what my church confesses regarding Christ. Make sure that you believe what your (future) church will confess and teach.

Blessing on your search.

I have been to lots of Churches and you will find contention in EVERY congregation you take part in. If you don't believe the teachings that a particular church teaches then you will have inner conflict for the rest of your life. That stress and strife will take a toll on your spirit and your mind.

So, if you truly don't have a preference then I suggest you start investigating the Catholic religion now, before the move. That way if you can't stand it and want no part of it you'll know before the move and will know there is no future for you and this guy. But if you do find the religion to be tolerable then you can discuss with him the amount of involvement you'll be expected to participate in. Mass every day? Every week? Just at Christmas and Easter? If it's no big deal then compromise with him. There will be many questions, how many children, birth control or none, children's participation, etc....

I am miserable in my church right now and feel Spiritually dead inside. I find no joy and peace no matter what. I hate the church I am a member of and do not think I'll ever attend again. So I am speaking from experience that you will find contention and strife any where you go. Please join a church and way of life because it is what you believe totally and wholeheartedly. There is no other reason to go.

I am very sorry about what happened to you. I would urge you to just read the Bible. Church is more than going and sitting and listening to some guy read. Some Catholic churches do not even have the readings in English. Might want to question you guy about that too. If you love each other, you need to make sure you are "on the same page" with some of the "major" things. Finances, child rearing, discipline, religion. These are things that can honestly cause one partner to end up compromising his/her beliefs and resenting the other. Is he a devout Catholic? Would he consider a "non-denominational" Church? The Church is actually the people, not the building. Trust me, a good Church loves and supports you. They are there when you need them, they will help you in so many ways. When I almost died, my Church took care of my children, brought food and diapers to the house, helped get my kids to school and so much more! This is the way it should be. Hope this helps.