OK, Moms, I have not found any info on this, so I am hoping some of you can help. My son will be 4 next month. He has been mostly potty trained since January. When I say mostly, I mean that he has not been wearing diapers or pullups, and he never has a full blown accident, other than a rare one at night. He does, however, start to pee in his pants. It typically happens when we are out somewhere, like shopping, a museum, the YMCA. He starts to go enough to get his underwear wet, and sometimes his shorts, but he manages to stop himself. He doesn't tell me that he has to go, and I only know if I take him to the bathroom and see his underwear is wet (unless it soaks through and I see it). I can ask him even after this has happened, and he will still tell me he doesn't have to go. When I take him to the bathroom and his underwear is wet, he still has to go, so that's how I know he stops himself.
Have any of you experienced this? What did you do? I've tried talking to him about it, even put him back in pull ups one day because he had done it several times in a row, but it doesn't seem to work. To the best of my knowledge, he does not do this at daycare, where he goes 3 days a week. I don't know if I should just take him to the bathroom every hour regardless of where we are, if I should ignore it, or if I should work on it with rewards, etc, like back when we first potty trained. Help!
I agree that they just get too wrapped up in what they're doing. I try to remind myself, especially when we're out, that I still need to say, "Time to go potty," rather than, "Do you need to go potty?"
Kidlets are often the last to notice that their bladders are full. My 5.5yo grandson will still dance around for half an hour, insisting he doesn't have to go. Fortunately, he has a good, strong urinary sphincter. But a year ago, we were still insisting that he take regular potty breaks. Sometimes I'd go into the bathroom and begin noisily forcing out all the dinosaurs so he'd have room. He loved that game, and would come help me eject the dinos, and happily take his turn to pee.
You may simply have to make a point of taking your son to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes when out in public. He can't help it that his bladder fills up. Perhaps go to the restroom the first thing when you enter a store, before you're loaded down with groceries, for example. He'll get there, but it's extremely common for kids, especially boys, to not notice in time, or not to want to go voluntarily.
Rewards are generally best left out if it's for an expectation that he will have to learn to meet anyway, or they can too easily become bribes, and kids can learn to manipulate bribes. Likewise, punishment often results in setbacks and other discipline problems. He's just being completely normal for his age. Just tell him it's time to use the bathroom now, and take him. You'll have to take him anyway, so fit it in when it works best for you.
EDIT: I agree completely with Eve that rewards can play a useful role in helping kids (and adults) form new habits. I've used reward charts with my daughter, with very good results. My reservations on this particular problem is that when you are out and about;
(1) You are the one determining where you go on what schedule and your son is tagging along;
(2) There are so many distractions;
(3) Some little kids seem genuinely unaware of the urges, and rewards are not too likely to make them notice;
(4) He's already well along the way on potty training, which for most kids is a rewarding achievement in itself. This last hitch, a very common one, has been overcome with little stress and no rewards or prizes by most families I've observed.
(5) Life doesn't give extrinsic rewards for everything we must do, and I think it's entirely appropriate for kids to begin learning as toddlers that there are some things that we simply do to make life easier for ourselves and the people around us. THAT is rewarding, too.
And (5) It's easy to misuse rewards when parents don't have a good grounding in how to use them correctly (it doesn't sound like you have this problem, D.). I've heard some kids who 'play the system," and every time a mom tells them to do something, they'll look up slyly and say, "what'll ya give me if I do?"
So, I'm not against rewards at all, and hope I haven't implied than I am. They simply don't need to be a part of every behavior change we want/need from our children.
I just got "done" (are you ever really done until they're 10? I'm not convinced! :)) potty training my daughter and the ONLY thing that stopped her from doing this was to have her be naked at home. Two days straight of naked at home and she hasn't done it since (this was about a month ago). Before that, she got pair after pair of underwear just a little bit wet every single day. I really think she had this false sense of security having the underwear on, forgetting that it wasn't a diaper, and she waited too long before using the bathroom. She never really learned the beginning sensations of needing to go to the bathroom. When she was naked she was feeling like she had to go CONSTANTLY and I really think she was thinking about it because she was naked. Now she recognizes the feeling better and she's done great. No more "panty dribbles" - haha.
My son just turned 4 and has been potty trained for about 1.5yr. He does the same thing when he's playing, watching TV, etc. He gets too busy and doesnt' want to go is what I think. We do make him go before we go anywhere and he is good most of the time about saying when he has to go, but there are those times when he's just too busy to go potty! Good luck and just know you are not alone!
I don't have advice for you, but I have to respectfully disagree with Peg M. on that reinforcing behavior with something positive leads to manipulation and bribery. I took a behavior management class with Dr. John Magg (you can goggle him) and he is a big fan of reinforcing appropriate behavior. Reinforcement is always stronger than punishment, which yes, Peg M did discourage punishment too, which I agree. There is no reason why a desired behavior should not be reinforced to get a desired effect. We are constantly reinforced all the time. We are reinforced to go to work by a paycheck, something that it is expected, but in the end is done to obtain our "reward". How many people would go to work for free? I can't think of any other examples, but there are tons of ways reinforcement is naturally occurring to adults and kiddos. I'm not saying go over the top here, b/c it sounds like he's not recognizing that he has to go, but there is nothing wrong with a reinforcement system for him staying dry while at the store. It does not even have to be something tangible. It could something as simple as if you stay dry you can have 5 more minutes at the park or something that he would find reinforcing. I have done plenty of them with my own son and when when the desired behavior becomes a routine behavior then they no longer require a reinforcement, including reinforcing pooping in the toilet. Now he doesn't ask for a sticker b/c he went to the restroom as we ended the reinforcement program naturally when the behavior was learned. Anyway, I got on a soapbox here, but it's completely false that reinforcements are bribery. As I said we get them all the time in many areas of life. Good luck w/your little one, I hate potty training!!! :-)
Loved hearing your elaborate on your opinion Peg M. and you make some very very good points!! Way to keep thinking!! :-)
Hmmm...potty training is such a difficult task to get our LOs fully trained :l but while looking for some advice on this I ran across this potty training guide that has a lot of helpful information and tips. Check it out & good luck!
http://www.skinnyscoop.com/list/eden/tips-for-potty-train...
my son does this all the time. he goes thru about 5 or more pair of underwear a day. i dont' know if my son is waiting until the last minute or having bladder spasms. my son is almost 5 (at the end of the month) and he has been potty trained since he was 2. there's nothing that i have found that works. maybe limit his drinking more. or remind him to go?
Whatever you do, DON'T go back to pullups. I suggest you take him to the bathroom about every hour for a while and if he doesn't have any accidents, space the visits to about every 2 hours. How often does he go during daycare? This could be your clue.
good luck.
Don't use pullups or diapers. All kids will have small accidents because they are too involved in what they are doing. Stopping the fun to go potty might mean the fun won't be there when they get back in their little world. Don't ask him if he needs to go potty either because the answer will always be no. Tell him it's time to go potty and don't take no for an answer either. He'll learn over time that what ever he was doing will still be there when he is done using the bathroom and it won't be so much of an issue. And he'll start telling you when he needs to go too as he gets older.
My son (5yrs old) is a potty investigator and no matter if I make him pee before we leave the house, he'll need to pee in what ever store we are in too!
Its normal. I let my daughter pick out her favorite panties and if she kept pooping or peeing her pants they went in the trash. She hated seeing her mermaid underwear go bye bye.
Also, we worked on the taking time to even if she didnt think she could go. We go before we leave the house, before going into the pool, whenever mommy goes cause i have a small bladder, and when we get somewhere. You just have to remind them to take potty breaks, daycares do the same thing.
