8 1/2 Month Old Loving Energetic Boy and Family Has Sleep Issues.

I used the cry it out method. No matter how energetic they may be, they have to wear themselves out before bed. My little man sleeps in his own bed(not a crib cause he climbed out of that at 10 months) at 20 months. He may sometimes wake up in the middle of the night but i have night lights and when he comes in my room, I always put him back in bed. I can not function good when i've not had my sleep and I just tried to teach all my children that from day 1

Hi, K.. Well, if I'm reading your message correctly, part of the problem is that you have allowed your child to be the boss of things, and have not established any sort of schedule or regularity to his life or your lives, except what he seems to want moment by moment.

I breastfed my baby, and I am a firm believer in demand feedings, which is to say, I never tried to get him to eat when he wasn't hungry, and I never made him wait because he was hungry off-schedule. However, children, even infants, need a certain amount of structure in their lives. They need to have bed times and wake-up times established, otherwise, they will be up all night and sleeping half the day just because they feel like it.

In order for your child to understand that mom and dad need to sleep, you have to establish that night time is sleeping time, and daytime is play time.

Co-sleeping is a bad idea unless it is temporary and stops soon after birth. Once in a while, if a child is sad or sick, it's OK, but co-sleeping blurs the line between parent and child, and it destroys the necessary personal boundaries that teach the child to eventually develop his own identity and respect his parents' authority.

Again, I'm not talking about setting up rigid time schedules or rigid boundaries, but your child needs to learn that he has his own bed, and his parents have their bed, and that night time is for sleeping for everybody. It's not an easy lesson for the infant to learn, but it's even harder to break the habit of baby being in control when you have to start establishing these minor rules when he's nearly a year old.

You're going to have to be patient with him, and try to break down what he needs to learn in smaller steps. Put him down for a nap in a room away from you, and do not allow him to coerce you to let him sleep in your bed for his nap. You can try explaining to him that he's a big boy now, and because he's such a big boy, a good boy, he gets to have a big boy thing and sleep in his own crib. That's what the big boys do, like Daddy. That might help. Making it clear that this is the rule now, and not giving in no matter what he does, will help get this across to him.

Don't expect him to change overnight. The reason why he cries and reacts badly to doing what you need him to do, is because he has gotten used to one set of rules all his little life, and now you're changing the rules and confusing him. Namely, he's been the boss all this time, and now you're taking away his priveleges. He's not going to like that at first, so you're going to have to ease him into understanding these little boundary changes.

Make sure that during the day, you keep him occupied and get him tired out in time for bed. If you can't keep up with him, and lots of times active children wear out their parents long before their parents ever wear them out...well, get some help. See if you can find a Mother's Helper, as we used to call older children who can play with baby or toddler in order to give Mom and Dad a break. An older child will have more energy than you do, and if the helper can wear out your child in time for bed time, you will have less of a problem getting your child to sleep.

In the meantime, make sure you are taking your vitamins! This may not be a simple or smooth transition for your family. It's not easy for an adult to give up being in control, and it's not any easier for a baby, believe it or not.

I'd say the first two steps are getting him to nap in a separate room, and also getting someone to play with him enough so that he is tired at the end of the day.

I hope my suggestions are helpful to you. I will say a prayer that things will work out OK for all of you.

Peace,
Syl

hi K.,
i had similar issues with my son (now almost two and a half) and although i was resistant to the idea, i finally bought the ferber book just to read because i was at my wit's end. it turns out that the "cry it out" method, which i was so negative about and had such a bad rap, is a very humane and logical way to help your child learn to soothe themselves and get rid of sleep associations that are hindering them. it sounds like your son needs the opportunity to learn how to fall asleep on his own, in his own crib. i know it can be controversial but i really recommend that you at least read the ferber book because it really sheds light on sleep cycles, patterns and behaviors in babies and toddlers. it really helped me, although of course it was difficult to listen to my child cry. but i knew it was not out of neglect but out of love for him (to let him learn good sleep habits and finally not have interrupted sleep) and out of love for myself, because i was not a good mother when i was so exhausted.

good luck!

Attachment parenting isn't my philosophy... that said, it seems as if you want to be attached, yet still want some time to yourself... night time!
At about 8 1/2 months, I finally got TIRED... actually exhausted at night wakings and feedings with my first. (Our second trained himself to sleep through the night at 5 months old.)
Both of our kids slept in their own crib the moment they got home from the hospital... in their own room. I had a monitor and if they fussed significantly, I went in fed/attended to them. This prvented me from waking every time the baby made little noises.
You have two issues here... night waking for feedings and conditioning your son to self soothe and sleep in his own bed.
For eliminating the night wakings, I had my husband go in and offer bottles of water... eventually the baby will not wake up because they know they will not get Mama and will not get milk. (I breastfed and the smell of me was too enticing to do this training...)
In order to train your son to sleep in his crib, you must be consistent. Naps AND bedtime... he must associate sleep with one location. You may even need to rearrange your schedule so that you are always home for naps for a few weeks.
Try the modified cry it out... go in every minute, add a minute each time. Comfort him, rub his back, set him back down, but do not pick him up. Always firmly state, "I love you, good night." and leave... it will take awhile and you must be strong. As another Mom pointed out, you trained your son one way for 8 months, now it's time to retrain him. My pediatrician told me it would take two weeks tops... it took about six days...
You will be SOOOO grateful for your sleep.
Happy ZZZZzzzzs!
T.

As an attachment parent I probably dont need to tell you how harmful the old fashioned 'cry it out' or Ferber methods can be to your child and the relationship you have developed. It sounds like your son is normal. This is likely just a phase that will pass and things will change again in time. I'm not exactly understanding what he does during the night when he wakes the other times, other than to nurse when he's in bed with you? If all is quiet and dark, what does he do? Is his crib in your room, bedside?

Both of my little ones have coslept since birth and still do... My 20 month still wakes twice to nurse. I have just accepted that a full nights sleep will come when my youngest is a little older. My 4 yr old started sleeping all night at at about 2 1/2.... I would really focus on why he is waking when he doesn't want to nurse.... Is there something startling? Would he be more relaxed next to you? Is there a tv or other light? Does he need white noise.... a fan or sound machine? Is he too hot, cold, wet? I'm not a big fan of routine or schedules, but maybe dome consistency is what he needs.... Similar thing happening each night but not without flexibility, as he will change again with growth spurts or other natural develomental change. Is everything still too bright and active in the evening beyond when he needs to start calming down and preparing to sleep? Maybe he's overtired? Sooo many things, maybe try one or two at a time for a week and see if there is any improvement!

Way to go with working WITH your child on finding a nightime solution that works for everyone...so much more affectionate than battling or forcing. The kind of patenting that he has grown to trust in every part of his life and day.... Keep it up and best wishes for a great solution....and don't worry, eat healthy, stay hydrated and nap when he naps... Most parents of little ones aren't sleeping 8 hours!

Have you ever heard of 'Becoming baby wise'. It is a GREAT book about having a routine that will create good sleeping habits for your baby. I followed the routine since my daughter was a new born. Now she is only 11 weeks old and she sleeps for 7 hrs straight, i breastfeed her, then she'll sleep another 4 hrs. I really recommend this book.. It might be alot harder to create good sleeping habbits in an 8 month old, but if you have another child, you should try this book.

K., way to go on following you gut to feed on demand and co-sleep. We have co-slept with out daughter for the last two years adn it has been the best experience ever. I found that it goes in cycles and eventually gets better. This is especially true when teething, which might be what is going on with your son. Try the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." It is great, and as you can tell by the title, it is a process that does not include any kind of cry it out methods or any type of "training." Sorry to be combatative with what others have said, but I can't help myself. Leting a child cry it out doesn't teach a child to self soothe, it helps them shut down and detach.

Hi! I love to hear from other breastfeeding, attachment parenting moms! We are definitely co-sleepers. My son used to nurse all night long! After reading your post, I am wondering what is causing him to wake so frequently at night, since you said he only wants the breast once. Is it a diaper issue? Does he have gas pain? Is there any noise or light that might be waking him? When he wakes, is he upset or just awake? Does he wake fully, or just restless?
Are there things that help him fall and/or stay asleep - such as a lullaby cd, a noise machine or stuffed animal with a heartbeat?
Is he teething?
If you have a good relationship with your pediatrician, and they are supportive of the breastfeeding and attachment parenting, I would consider asking them to check him out. Just to rule out anything health related. Based on your post, it sounds like he's doing well with his energy level and naps.
My best friend, also a breastfeeding attachment mom, swears by Dr Sears. If memory serves me, I believe he has a book on sleep. His books are popular, so you would probably be able to find it at the library.
Good luck! Your son is lucky to have a mom like you.

Take a look at WestonPrice.com, I think those suggested changes in diet may be the ticket, help ours.
best, k

Get a few books that talk about sleep teaching. After a few nights he will be happily sleeping 10-12 hours straight. Every time you feed or pay attention to his waking you reward him for waking up. There are good techniques that teach you how to teach him. Uninterrupted sleep is soo important for brain development and you are setting lifelong patterns. You need to let him rely on his own winding down skills instead of bypassing them by driving, rocking or holding to sleep. Once you teach him to self regulate, you will not regret it, although it takes a few tears getting there.

Put him in bed and let him cry. Go in an reassure him every 5 minutes that you are there and he is fine, then leave. DO NOT pick him up or give in. Go in if he wakes up, reassure him. Again, do not pick him up or give in. 10 days he will be in a new habit. The problem is yours, not his. He just need you to give him a chance to learn how to soothe himself. His energy may be great during the day, but that doesnt mean he is getting enough sleep. Boys especially will get more hyper and wild the more overtired they are.

Hi K.,

I agree with SS's post. I think there are highs and lows with kids and their development, and it sounds like you're nearing a low. The No-Cry book is a great helper especially for a baby who's not "high needs", and it seems like yours is pretty easygoing for the most part.

My advice... I'd take time for myself during the day, by getting a nap or soaking in the tub alone when Dad's home to care for baby. Then you'll be in better spirits to handle the nighttime parenting.

FWIW We had an extreme high-needs baby who we always co-slept with, and breastfed on demand. Without any pushing, she was sleeping through the night by 16 months and weaned totally about 24 months. It was just part of her development... I am delighted to hear you are nurturing his needs as he's developing too. We had "lows" too, and I learned to identify them before I was at wit's end, to counteract the impeding stress. It was better for all of us.

We co-sleep 1/2 of the night, we put our little guy down to bed in his crib and when he awakes we bring him to co-sleep.
He used to awake 3-4 times a night (when he was around your sons age) so we would tackle one waking at a time......for about a week or so when he awoke at that time we would go to him, lay him back down and pat his back...he was used to getting to nurse at that time usually so I would offer a sippy cup of water which he would push away.
He was upset, but we stayed right there with him and patted his back until he went back to sleep....if he was very hysterical then I would pick him up for a minute and calm him and then put him back into his crib.
After about a week he no longer woke up at this time. I gave it about a month until we would try to tackle another wake up time because I didn't want it to be too much on him in a short period. He will be 1 in 2 weeks and now only wakes up once nurses for a short time and is straight back to sleep. In the coming weeks we will eliminate that time as well I'm sure.

Daytime naping tends to be great 90% of the time, but occasionally when he really wants to fight it I will lay in his crib with him.... I only do this bc he has a convertible crib that turns into a toddler bed so I figured once it was a toddler bed parents usually sit on the bed anyways. If I lay down with him in his crib for a few minutes on the days he needs a little help he drifts right to sleep and is OUT. I would try to transition him from the hamock to his crib so he is more comfortable with it; to me kids learn comfort levels with their cribs easier in the day time bc they can see whats around them - I do not agree with letting them CIO at night especially bc its dark and more scary for the child.

I've had some great luck with swaddling (Kiddopotamus Swaddleme or Halo Sleep Sack Swaddle) and the Sleep Sheep. It took some time, but now my son (2 months) knows that the wave sound and being swaddled means bed time. I know this book is considered controversial, but 'On becoming Babywise' was a Godsend to me. We have a little routine established throughout the day. (eat, play, then sleep.......) The book advocates this little routine, plus using your own common sense and mother's intuition... (feed your baby when he's hungry..........be flexible with the 'schedule,' etc....) It's worth reading! I'm sure I'll get a ton of criticism for suggesting it, but I can pretty much guarantee most of the harsh comments come from those who haven't read it.

I have 4 kids, the youngest of which is 3. I breastfed them, but still found a way to get a full nights sleep. If you have been driving him around or doing anything else to get him to sleep, then he's not going to sleep without it. The best thing to do is lay him down and walk away. After awhile, come back in and give him a hug and kiss and lay him back down. After a little while again, come in and lay him down without any other attention. Wait longer intervals in between, and just lay him down. If it's been at least 5 hours since the last time he ate, give him something, but otherwise don't do anything but lay him down. Ours slept in our room for the first couple months, then I did this. They all slept through the night within a week or two. I've seen supernanny give this method on her show too. Once mine were in toddler beds and able to come to our room, we let them sleep with us occasionally, in early morning. They are allowed to come in then for a little "cuddle time". It isn't disruptive because we will be getting up in a couple hours anyway. But it is important for parents to get a good night's sleep, so you can't just let the kids take over. Parents also have the right to personal space in their own room. And despite what someone else, my kids did self soothe just fine. One hummed (lol) himself to sleep, two sucked their thumbs, and one hugged a bear. And they are all fine and happy children. One last helpful tip, make sure he's awake at least 5 hours straight before bed, trust me it helps.

Hello K.,
We also Co-sleep and have been since birth. Is it possible he might be getting too much sleep during the day instead of at night time? My son didnt sleep all night threw until he was about 1 year old, right around your son's age he was teething and would get up a few times at night crying because his gums hurt. Since then he has slept threw the night with out fail. I would check a list to make sure it isnt teething, too much day sleep, sickness, or feeling of being wet awaking him. Congradulations on co-sleeping, and I also recommend Dr. Sears Books, there is one about sleep that I own and have used a few times. Also the what to expect infants and toddler years where awesome too.

Get some sleep soon!,
T.