7Th Grader and Falling Grades

I don't think you should take away all privilages. An when you do punish/ground don't make them for really long periods. Although make sure you are firm an punish when ever he disobeys. Put borders on him to time limit on the cell he gets it back. That is what I have to do with my kid. I take it at 9:00 everynight so she can't talk/text anymore. An my pc is in my room now so she can't get online late at night during school. If she gets in trouble I punish for a few days week most. When we ground for real long times taking too much from the kid. They tend to go an rebel even more behind your back. Mine has done it greatly. My counselor told me this shorter grounding periods but consistant. An reward your kid when he does good encouraging is also good. I was sending a paper to school having each teacher to sign making sure all work is done daily for my kid an she is in high school

I have survived two different children (boys) going through 7th grade. I have been quoted as saying that 7th grade boys are the nastiest animals on the planet.......but some are nastier than others.

Hopefully it will pass. middle school is tough for most people, but everyone is different. Generally if you had a great kid up to about the age of 9, they will come back to you. But if you take away EVERYTHING he loves then you aren't giving him much motivation. I believe in consequences, but if they are too harsh the child will give up and butt his head against yours even harder. You could create a much bigger problem than what you have now. Don't try to over control him, just try to keep him on track. Give him some room, and let go of some of your control while staying involved. You have probably seen this advice before, but go buy the Love and Logic books by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.
Consider offering rewards, rather than taking everything away. Good Luck!

I went to a Parent Teacher Conference and began daily communication with the teachers. When I picked him up at school every day, if he did not have all of his books for the homework that I already knew he had (from his teachers), we walked back into the school and got them. That only happened once.

If this is your stepson, I'd have my husband do it were I you. It's his place, and his job.

S.

It sounds like you need to get some assistance from his teachers. Find out what his assignments are and when they are due. Have him sit at the dining room table for homework and monitor him until it is done. He won't like this, but his behavior is asking for it. If he wants to act like a baby, treat him like one. No, this won't be fun for you, but he'll get his work done and his grades will come up. I bet his teachers would be more than happy to help, but you need to meet with them to make the request.

Good luck!

My son is in 7th grade too. He talks to girls and plays football. I still talk to him EVERYDAY. I ask him what he did in school, what he ate for lunch, and other questions.

I sit down w/him and WE study for tests. I feel like it is important for the two of us to work together sometimes. Maybe you should try to do that too! Not saying you don't already. It is just helps you spend one on one time w/your son (you can "x" the word "step" out of the conversation).

As you said he is a part of your family. So try to be open and show him you care by sitting down w/him.

Good luck to you and your family!

Eliyah

I asked my 13 year old son his opinion and he said you took away everything and that just makes you not want to do anything because you are so depressed about it already and have nothing to lose now.
That is also how I see it.

He couldn't give anything on the incentives not working. Here is my take on them not working.
He is already down so he has no fear of being there now.
He doesn't want to bring anything to you now because he may be punished. (been there)
As for the girl, there would be no exception for me on that. My son doesn't have a phone yet and he is not allowed to date yet. I told him he has other things to do and enjoy and to get used to hormones before that will happen, yadda yadda.
We both totally disagreed on taking football away, meaning school football. (no offense meant by our opinions, just meant as maybe insight and help) They have standards in place to make sure they adhere to rules and keep their grades up and was probably a total blow to his ego. The only excpetion to that for me would be if he failed for two consecutive six weeks, he would have to quit.
I have made him earn things back and when I was wrong I gave something back and appologized after reading advice on here one time. I told him we were both starting from scratch and that if he wanted more freedom he had to be more responsible and if he wasn't, he would lose it. The most important thing I did was to reward him when he did what was right, on anything.
As for not doing work, This is what I told my son. If I have to, I will go to your school and get you everyday and go to each of your teachers to make sure of your grades and any homework, or have you get a note signed by each of them each day telling me the same. lol I actually had this conversation with my son last night when he forgot to bring something from band home and let me know about it. You are old enough now to remember things, are your teachers going to have to start putting a sticker with a note on it for me again like they did in pre-k? he laughed and said he would try better next time.
good luck

A teenager is not going to think the way you would expect them to think. He is probably going through some stage of the begining of puberty which makes it worse. I wonder if you took so much away he is thinking "why bother". Maybe he needs more of a strict schedule. When he gets home he has to do X amount of homework then he gets X amount of video games. If video games are not completely forbidden, he will not need to lie to use them. And he is a teeneager, he will use them with or without your permission. I agree that for awhile the teachers need to be involved in making sure you know what the homework is, most are pretty good with that stuff. You will not be the first to make that request. After awhile he may start doing it on his own just to avoid you talking to his teachers.

As far as the girl. I think at this age all "dating" type situations should be adult monitored. And my daughter is required to put her cell phone out of her room after 8pm. If she forgets she loses if for a couple of days. That way she is not up all night texting.

GOOD LUCK....remember, God made teenagers so that we are not so sad when they move out of the house some day!!!!!