7Month Old Doesn't Sleep in Crib

E.,

I am the mommy of a 9 month old little boy, who was in the same situation you are in about 3 months ago. The first two months he slept in his crib at night and in the swing for naps. And then one night, after getting up to nurse for the what seemed like the 100th time, I brought him in bed with me. So, we co-slept for the next 4 months and continued to nap either in the swing or he would fall asleep while nursing and I held him in my arms.

I was happy with this situation until he was about 5 months old. Then, he started waking up almost every two hours at night wanting to nurse and when I would not let him, he pecked at me like a chicken until I gave in. UGH!!! And like you, I needed to have time for me and to clean and do household things when he took naps in the day.

Something had to change and I did NOT want to let him cry it out.

I got tons and tons of advice. Most of it was to just "let him cry it out, he will be fine." That is not what my husband and I had in mind, but I had read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and it just did not work for us...it had too many different techniques and it was really just not structured enough for us to follow when we were trying to put a baby in the crib that screamed his head off each time we would lie him down in it. So, against our better judgment, we let him cry it out.

The first and only night we did it, he cried hysterically for two hours straight, I wound up crying too and he ended up sleeping with me.

Then a friend (a guy no less! with two daughters, a 2 year old and 5 month old) recommended a book called "The Baby Whisperer Solves all of Your Problems" by Tracy Hogg. I thought, that sounds like a load of garbage, if it worked then why is he the only one that told me about it. The title sounded arrogant and hokey. But, nothing else I did worked either, so what the heck!

I read that book in one day and started implementing her plan the next day. She uses a method called "pick up/put down". And basically, you put the baby in the crib sleepy, but awake and as soon as they start to cry, you pick them up...the second they stop crying, you put them back down. Even if they start to cry on the way back down, you put them all the way down, wait a second and then pick them up again. On the first day, he took both naps in the crib (1st nap, took 32 pick up/put downs, 2nd nap took 26)and he slept the entire night in the crib, (took 20 pu/pd) only waking once around 4 and it took me 5 minutes to get him back to sleep (took 13). I was hooked!!! This was a way to get him to sleep on his own, learn to self soothe, and we could still comfort him if he cried!

And now, my son will be 10 months on the 21st and he has two 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps a day and sleeps from 7 to 7 with one, sometimes two wake ups at night IN HIS CRIB and he does not need our help to fall asleep! When he does wake up at night, he just makes little noises and usually falls back to sleep on his own. There are nights when we have to go in, but I think that teething is to blame there. And yes, those first few days you have to pick them up and put them down a lot and it takes some time, but hey, you are already holding her for the entire nap time anyway.

I have since recommended this book to 5 friends and it has worked for all of them.

Best of luck with what ever method you choose to use. Here's to happy sleeping!!

M. F

P.S. I also weaned him from night feedings the same day we started the pu/pd, went from feeding 4 to 6 times a night to just once around 10-11 pm, in one night! Tracy Hogg calls it a 'dream feed'. And we weaned that night feeding three weeks ago when he hit 9 months.

Obviously that's just one person opinion & yes, I vehemently disagree with it. I have two children that I refuse to CIO. Always is a pretty strong word. I would let them fall asleep with a bottle, in my arms. Then, lay them in bed. With my son, he just started sleeping on his own. All night. With my daughter, we are co-sleeping. However, we are transitioning to her own bed. She is sleeping all night. Cio & co-sleeping are simply personal opinions. Won't it make sense that if babies understand that crying=mommy coming back then they understand the idea that if they scream & mommy's not there for me. And, really, until they start speaking at birth, no one really knows what they think. :) I simply don't believe in CIO because I don't think that a person/baby can get the best nights sleep after having to cry themselves to sleep. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? I have & I wake up still exhausted. That is simply my opinion.
Sorry for the soap box, I just had to respond. The point here is to give advice & options, not to tell you what you HAVE to do. The only thing that you HAVE to do, is what's best for you & your family. So, my advice is to talk to your husband & try to find a middle ground. Is your baby sleeping in her bed at night, or at all? If it's just for naps, does it matter that she doesn't sleep in her crib? Would it be OK for her to sleep in a swing, rocker? My daughter has slept on the couch, on the floor, & even in her bed. I still do what I need to around the house, except vacuum. She sleeps through all of it. She takes a bottle, falls asleep, & I lay her down. She has fallen asleep on her own on the floor. I will leave her. In my opinion, the nap is more important than where she naps. I also found pretty early on that the going from the warmth of me to the chill of a bed would wake her up. I simply layed a blanket on her back, so when I layed her down, she was still warm.
Also, please don't think that anything that you are doing or may do is a "mistake". You are doing what you think is best & will only continue to do so.

Wow, this question has certainly evoked some strong opinions and feelings on the general topic of letting babies cry themselves to sleep! Well, I'm going to jump in on the NOT letting them cry side, although I do believe that most children will turn out fine if they are trained to fall asleep on their own. My mother's heart couldn't take the idea of leaving them to cry like that, though, and since crying is the only way a baby has of communicating, it seems that the child is learning that even the most important people in the world, its parents, will not respond to its needs and feelings. If we found an older child or adult equally distraught, would we not take it seriously and respond? Now I'll climb off that soapbox and respond to this specific question, which was about daytime naps in the crib. My children are all older now, but I do remember the feeling of wishing I could get a lot of housework done while they were napping. One thing that helped was to use a sling. When they fell asleep nursing in the sling, I was often able to pull it over my head and lay them down still wrapped in it. There wasn't that sudden change of temperature and they would often - not always - stay asleep. And I'll just add that, from the perspective of someone who's beyond this stage, it really doesn't last terribly long. The memories of snuggling your baby will overcome the memories of a messy house. But I realize that, when you're going through it, you do long for some relief. Good luck deciding which advice to choose from among these very different philosophies!

Babies should never be screaming. God created that to be your signal that something is wrong. Only our forsaken culture encourages separation from the child - that everything else is more important than the child. You should not be outside working, giving your baby to day-care or going out with the girls. When you took God's precious life into you, you are committed that life. It is your job to make sure your child FEELS secure and cared for. Do your motherly instincts tell you to dump the child in the crib? When it screams you should ignore it until it can't scream anymore? If so, you don't have any, and should not be a mother. Strap the baby to your back if you have to and go about your chores. This time will pass and you will eventually be able to devote more time to other things. Babies need constant access to you until they are about 3 and then it starts tapering off. There is nothing more important than the needs of your baby. Next time you are confused try listening to your God-given MOTHERLY instincts instead of the main-stream nonsense you constantly hear. It is wrong. I am so very sick of hearing people say these frightening things! Is it any wonder this culture is plagued with so many social problems? DUH?!!!

from the perspective of a mom with a 3 year old....

my first i definitely did not want him to cry. and we still, almost 4 years later, have to spend at least an hour with him before he can go to sleep.

my second we let her learn from the beginning to sleep on her own, and she's always fallen asleep in her crib. she fusses a little, but it's how she winds down and she knows it's sleeping time whenever she goes there.

if i knew that nursing him to sleep would carry on so long... i would've tried harder to help him learn to fall asleep without our help. now he's not nursing of course, but he still needs to be rocked, read to, snuggled with, get a drink of water, spread the blanket just right, etc etc etc..... it's really hard for him to settle down on his own.

SO. i've done both ways and definitely love saying "goodnight, go to sleep" and then having some time for myself a lot more than the hour-long bedtime process.

now, i'm not saying i hate the bedtime process, it is sweet to read and snuggle and rock... but it does take a long time still.

You could wrap her in a blanket before you feed and rock her that way when she is laid down she is still wrapped up and feels secure. You could lay her down on a pallet on the floor or the sofa. It is easier and joggles her less so she is less likely to wake up.

My fourth child (a boy) is a high need child. Go to www.askdrsears.com and you can read all about them. CIO would never work with him because he would cry until he hyper-ventilated and threw up and then we would be picking him up anyway so that we could bathe him and wash all his linens. We didn't create his situation as he was born that way. He is two and just now getting old enough to set boundaries that we can reasonably expect him to meet.

The website I mentioned offers lots of good ideas for transitioning babies into sleeping soundly. It might have some other ideas to offer you.

Hi E., I had somewhat of similar experience with my daughter. When we came back from a month trip to my country all of the sudden she will only take naps while breastfeeding. I thought it was weird because even during the trip she was taking naps by herself without any problems. The following is the path I took and hope it helps.

My husband and I have decide since our baby was born to always try to do what is in her best interest even if it goes agains our own wishes and wants or against the so called "adult" world or the many theories on how to raise your children.
I trusted that there was a reason she was requiring this and decided to let her feed while she slept. I was studying at home at the time so I arrange my time around her naps, I either took a nap with her or read while she slept. In about a month and a half she started to sleep by herself again, and I could not tell you why but she just did. The house work got behind and many times I wish to be doing something else but I just checked in with myself and knew that this was what I need it to do. My husband was supportive helping around the house and also listening to me when I felt frustrated because of this.
I believe many times our children know what they need and there are reasons why they ask for certain things and there are also stages they go through and I turst this of course it takes time, patience and trusting ones inner instintcs to do what feels right. I don't agree with letting children cry out to go to sleep, I would not like to be treated that way. But this is also a personal choice each parents makes.

good luch
C.

Eeek. I won't weigh in on the whole CIO debate here, as it is heated. All I'll do is offer two suggestions. 1) Read The No Cry Sleep Solution (Elizabeth Pantley) she has great tips and many people find her advice helpful and 2) consider wearing your babe in a wrap or carrier -- my Ergo is the only way I get things done sometimes! My son (7months and 21 pounds) will sleep peacefully on my back and I can easily and comfortably do dishes, laundry, even weed my garden! They are a little pricey but TOTALLY worth it and good to 40 + pounds.

Good luck!

Since most people have read my response already, I am going to start over for lack of wanting this to be a novel. I am the mother who very PROUDLY says that I let my children CIO when they were learning their wonderful sleeping habits. For someone to say, whom I will answer here in a second, that I let my kids go hungry by waking them up before they fell all the way asleep, and that I neglected my kids' needs, I seriously laughed out loud when I read that! Thanks for the early morning humor. I can say that and mean every inkling of it since I know that I am proud of people being so confident in my mothering skills that I get asked for advice CONSTANTLY. My kids are two of the most loving, funny, outgoing, good mannered, goofy little love bugs that I have seen in their age group, no offense to other mothers of 4 and 5 well behaved kids, just haven't met yours yet!! It is RARE nowadays to see kids as good as mine, and I'm sure many many mothers feel the same way. But, what makes my face beam with pride for them is the fact that people look at them and know that they're happy. They crack me up with their shockingly funny senses of humor, they come running at me when I come to pick them up from places, I see other mommys look at me with blank stares while my kid is running into my arms, and their kids are screaming and throwing tantrums because they don't want to leave. I literally thank God everyday for rewarding me with His choice of me to be their mother. I feel lucky. So, now that I've told Jessica a little about the my family, I will go ahead and humor her back with a response.

Jessicaannmiller, you have the right to agree to disagree with my ways. Of course you do. I will be thinking of you tonight when I lay my kids down after we've had a wonderful cuddling session, and a favorite book that one of them has chosen for their loving, fun, nurturing mother to read to them. Then, we do piggyback rides to bed, where we say our prayers and thank the Lord for our "wonderful, lucky family", give 10 kisses in various parts of the face, and squeeze tight hugs. Then when I stand at the door and blow a kiss at my beautiful child in which they catch, and then blow me one back, I will shut the door and think of you, and how you are at the same time probably having to carry your child around, and in a couple of years, how you'll be going in every 5 minutes for 2 solid hours. While you're doing all this, I will be hanging out with my adoring husband while my kids dream their wonderful dreams and wake up to their mom's smiling face.

In other words, it's fine to disagree. But do NOT EVER assume that CIO means anywhere near NEGLECT. And for you to actually have the nerve to say that what I do is ABUSE, well, I don't even have to answer that one, you buried your own hole on this board there. Thanks for doing that job for me. Have a wonderful, pleasant day.

Had to edit this after hearing so many awful responses. When did it become o.k to neglect your babies needs? It is appalling how many of you think it is o.k to ignore your child. I should hope that you would respond to your baby during the day if something were wrong so why is it o.k to neglect them at night just because it is not convenient for you? I'm not going to go on about how you are ignoring your motherly instincts-to me it's just plain common sense that it is WRONG.
The most ridiculous response was the mother who actually stopped her nursing baby from eating and woke the baby up to put to bed in their crib still hungry and left to cry. Who wakes a sleeping baby in order to put them to sleep. That poor thing. What is this baby boot camp? When did mommas become so rigid and militant with their babies. Their BABIES for goodness sake. You act is if it is some great accomplishment that you broke your babies ability to communicate with you in "just 3 days". How lovely. It's such a shame. It makes me want to cry.
Look at the cost you pay for a good's night sleep. Studies have shown that children who are left to cry may have "lost the ability to trust, loss of the capacity for intimacy, and a diminished a bility to emphathize with oneself and others." Nt to mention the societal cost in children with attachment deficiencies "agoraphobia, alcoholism, depression, anti-social personality disorder...) and so on. Why take that chance? In other cultures it is considered abusive to leave your child to cry. ANIMALS IN THE WILD TAKE BETTER CARE OF THEIR YOUNG!

wow! completely disagree with the crying it out advice!! i am in the exact same position as you. in fact my daughter is sleeping in my arms as i type this. she too is 7 months. i bought a beco carrier much like the ergo and i wear her on my back while i do household chores. she loves it, and sleeps great while i wear her. why is it that the majority of cultures around the world wear their babies, sleep with their babes, and would never even consider the cio approach? why do so many american mommas feel they need to detach themselves from their babes. believe me i compeltely understand your desire to get stuff done. i just remind myself she's only a baby for a short time and the housework will always be there. also, it sounds like you have a great hubby! good luck and i strongly recommend a sling or carrier!

quoted from another mom "Pediatricians will tell you to let them cry it out, but parents are spoiling their kids to much and say that it's inhumane to let them cry."
yikes! if my ped to me to let my baby cio i'd consider looking for a new one. and many ped's completely disagree with crying it out. to say that you are spoiling a baby is ridiculous. it's your responsibility as a parent to respond to your children's needs day and night.

Hi E.,
I think every parent goes through your situation at some point. I have 3 kids (11yo, 8yo & 5yo)and I think I figured out with child #2 that if they fall asleep while breastfeeding and you try to move them right away they wake up because they are in a light stage of sleep. However, if they fall asleep and you wait too long (such as 30 minutes) they are too warm and cuddled(pressure from your arm) and notice when these 2 sensory inputs are removed. It seemed to me that ~10 minutes was the magic time frame. It also helps if they have something that helps to console them (pacifier, spinning fan or mobile, musical crib toy...). Good-luck and let your husband know that around 7 months is when the babies (because they are able to move around and do more) should not be constantly catered to; as above try to get them to self-console or you will end up with a insecure/needy child.
D.

I don't have time to read the responses, so sorry if I repeat something.
You need to train her to go to sleep on her own. I'd use baby steps, make one small change at a time. I'll give you a sample of what I mean, you can tweak it to your needs.
If she used to being with you, then take her in her room and when she falls asleep, put her in the crib. If she starts to wake, pat or rub her back to soothe her and try to keep her asleep. After shd adjusts to sleeping in the crib, move on to the next step. Keep her in your arms and when you notice she is drowsy, almost asleep, put her in the crib and pat/rub her back to help her fall asleep compeletely. Once she adjusts to this get her calm and tired then lay her in her crib and help her fall asleep. Try to stop the rubbing/patting or whatever it is you are doing to calm her, before she falls asleep.
The goal is for her not to be dependant on you. After she's used to laying in her crib and falling asleep it will be much easier for her to adjust to you not being in the room when she does it. And you'll be able to just put her down and leave her. It will take some time to get her to that point, but IMO, it's better to slowly teach her than leaving her to scream and figure it out on her own.
I recommend reading the Baby Whisperer. It is mostly to help infants, but I think there is a section to help older babies learn to sleep, or another book to solve problems. It's been a few years since I had to deal with baby sleep issues, so I'm having a hard time remembering. There is also a website you can visit, www.thebabywhisperer.com that has helpful forums.
Good luck

Hi E.! I feel for you! I have a six month old baby girl who wouldn't go to sleep in her crib by herself. You need to make a strong effort of putting her in her crib and only in her crib to sleep -- whether day or night -- that's where she sleeps. Keep a rigid nap/sleep schedule too. It made a huge difference for Kaelyn! During your nap/sleep routine, use a blanket or a stuffed animal that you have been hanging on to so she can smell your scent on it. I would put the blanket or toy between you and her when she's nursing or being rocked. That way she associates that particular item with sleep. We don't take it out of the room, it stays in her room and only comes out of her crib when we are getting ready for sleep. I would nurse or rock her until she was about 75% asleep, and put her in her crib. She's going to protest a bit when you lay her down, but just stand over her crib and "sh" her and console her by touching her face, rubbing her back, holding her finger -- whatever you need to do to try and calm her down. Unless she is 100% over the top screaming, don't pick her up. If you have to pick her up, calm her down and put her back into her crib before she falls asleep in your arms. It honestly took us about four nights before she was put in her crib awake, with about ten seconds of wimpering! The first night was awful. I was up with her for four+ hours, but I kept consoling her by standing over her crib so she didn't feel like I threw her in the crib and left. She would start to doze off and lift her eyelids to see if I was still there. Gradually move a little further away from the crib, but if she starts crying, let her see you and give her the "sh" again so she knows you haven't left. It will work, believe me! Just do your baby a favor and be consistent with whatever you decide to do. You will only confuse her and make her more upset if you stop and start different techniques. If she sleeps in her crib one day and in her swing the next, she's just going to give you a hard time. One more thing. If you rock her to sleep, try to keep the rocking to a minimum or very slow so that when you put her in the crib, she doesn't realize that she's not being rocked anymore. Best of luck, and don't get discouraged!!

Your husband is going to have to face it, she is going to cry and there is nothing to feel bad about. Put her in the crib to go to sleep. Go in after 5 mins of crying, without saying anything. Put her back in sleeping position, give her a couple soothing pats and then walk out. Next time let her go 10 mins and then 15 mins before going in again. It may take a day or two but she will get it. This is just one of the first things your daughter will try to control in her life. You guys have to teach her that you are the parents and will make decisions that are best for her. Believe me, she is learning how to manipulate even now.

Good luck.

She needs to find a self-soothing method. For some, it's the pacifier or thumb. Other babies may be able to get used to music or other rituals. Mine needed to suck on something. I think it was about this same time that mine FINALLY fell asleep for the first time on her own. I had a 3yo as well, so I literally jumped for joy. That first time was naptime, not nighttime. Maybe afternoon might be a less traumatic time to start letting her fuss/figure things out the first couple days that you put her down alone. Mine made her little noises for awhile, but never got really riled up. After she was quiet I finally realized she had sucked on her sleeve to put herself to sleep!!!!! We started giving her a paci after that and it really helped.

If he can't stand to hear her cry, let him hold her . It teaches kids limits. This world will not cater to her. If you wait too long to put her down, she'll be sleeping with you for years to come.

Try reading "Baby Wise" with your husband. I have 5 grandchildren and both my daughter, mother of three and my daughter-in-law, mother of two, received & used with success advise from this book.

Best wishes!

My daughter is also 7 months old. Around 5 months I just started putting her in the crib for naps. I told myself I have to get her used to it. I would put her in there in the day and play alittle with her so she would get used to it. Then I would leave in there for naps. It didn't take very long and now she always takes naps and sleeps in her crib. She was one that always wanted to sleep in my arms too. I don't nurse anymore b/c of my supply so I don't have that to handle.Best of luck. Everytime something happens like this to me where I am like "how can I change this" I tell myself she is only a baby for a minute (it seems) it will all work out.

M. in medina

Hi E.,
My son is seven months also and I had to let him cry it out in order for him to sleep all night. It was extremely hard to hear him cry during the night, but by the third or fourth night he was sleeping all night long (it was amazing)!! I did this with both of my boys and it worked like a charm. It also works for nap time too. Good Luck!!

E.,
I am a mom with 4 kids. like you I also had trouble getting my kids to nap on their own in their crib. Try analizing her schedule for a bit to determine what her sleepy times are so you can put her down before she becomes overly tired. Stay as scheduled as you can! Very important to give their naps at a consistent time during the day. you can try some quiet background music to distract her. This has also worked well for me. avoid tv before nap time. This can tend to overstimulate baby. Maybe a story or a bath to calm her down. Also, don't be afraid to let her cry a little. This is the only way right now she knows how to communicate and doesn't necessarily mean she is scared or uncomfortable. I hated letting my children cry too, so i would go in every 10 to 15 minutes to give "encouragement" but if all is well, avoid picking her back up, it can send mixed signals and escalate the crying even longer. Be patient and trust your mommy instincts. She will learn to adjust. Hope this helps!
-A. K.

My son is 6 months old and until recently always took naps in his swing. We got tired of this because then we have to be quiet when he's sleeping. I started putting him in his crib, and he cried!! But I would go and pick him up every 5 minutes or so to remind him I'm there. He's already doing fine. Just ween her into it like everything else. She'll catch on.

The thing is the longer she sleeps in your arms the harder it will be to get her to sleep alone. When she cry she is testing you. If you let her cry she will goto sleep. The first time she my cry for 10-15mins. I know it is hard to hear our babies cry, but I am a mother of (7) 25,24,22,20,16,11 and get this 14mo. I brith 4 out of the 7.It took me 1 year to gt my last one to sleep in her own bed all night. I am not a good writer but you can call me anytime.

T.

you know what?, we're still going through the same thing with our son who is now 10months old. and my advise to you is to do what works for you and your husband. i myself do not believe in the cry it out method, they can remember stuff like that down the road. the way i see it is when they are so young they get scared and want to be near you and letting them "Cry it out" just seems like a neglect type of thing. every time our son cried, he needed something, mainly the comfort of knowing yes you are still around. then once they are a little older it definitely does not seem fit to let them "cry it out" b/c at that point they can remember way more. my dr was the one that actually told us about cosleeping with our son b/c he just would not sleep in the bassinet or crib. and it's the best advise i have ever been given. i was going on little to no sleep b/c he'd wake up about 10 minutes of being in one of those. i know they have like a baby hammock (and it being 5am, i cannot think of the name of it) but it's supposed to really help with a baby's sleeping. i think they can use it up until 10 or 11 months. i heard some good reviews about it. lots of luck to you!!!

Congrats on surviving the first 7 months! My son is 18 months old and we had to deal with a similar issue. The only way to get your daughter to begin sleeping in her crib is to place her in her crib (ideally awake) at nap time and let her fall asleep on her own. Now, I know she will cry and it is heart breaking but as a mom you learn what each cry means. so obviously if you can tell that something more than just being tired is wrong, respond appropiately. Give it a couple of days and consistency is key. It will happen before you know it. I recommend the Baby Wise books for great advice. I didn't follow it to the letter, but it has been fantastic for us. Our son goes to bed and naps awake and falls asleep on his own (no crying now:) Some nights he even lays and talks to himself very happily for awhile and it is one of my favorite things to hear him sing and play while he slowly winds down from the day. Anyway, I hope you can enjoy motherhood as much as I have!

I'm mainly agreeing with Amber and Kate on this one, but I'll go a little further and say something slightly different than I see in any other responses. I am a child-care provider at a licensed center, and I work with the infants. I have seen several children throughout the years who have started our program simply not liking to take naps in cribs. They'll fall asleep anywhere else - swing, bouncer, Exersaucer, even the floor. Several of these children just did not like the crib. In licensed centers, infants are not allowed to sleep anywhere but the cribs. So to remedy the situation, we put the infant in the crib while he/she is awake and happy, let the child "play" for short periods of time, gradually getting longer, talking to the infant from time to time for reassurance. This tells the infant the crib is not the enemy, it is not a horrible place to be. We do not let the child scream; we take him out long before that. Often the infant still falls asleep somewhere other than the crib during the first part of the process, and we move the infant to his crib. As others have said, we then adjust gradually by letting the child get drowsy in the swing or being rocked and then put in the crib to finish falling asleep. Eventually the goal is to get the infant put in the crib awake to fall asleep on his own. Of course in addition to the state licensing regulations, we also have the parents' wishes and our own policy to consider, but you get the idea. Once you and your husband decide on a method, be consistent but flexible. Remember that one method may not work, and after a few weeks, you may need to reconsider all your options. Good luck!

My son done that for a little while to me & my husband. You may try letting him get to sleep then move him to his bed. If he wakes up let him fuss for a little while till he goes back to sleep. I know many moms frown on it but the one thing that worked for us was to get a routine that worked and a favorite stuffed animal & then to just put him in his bed. He cried it out for a couple nights but then he started going to sleep on his own. Just if you try letting her cry it don't give in and take her out of the bed or she will realize that you will come & get her if she cries enough. It is a very hard thing to do but it works. I have always been told that crying does not hurt them. If they are feed, changed & not hurting then they are fine. Hope this helps.

I've noticed that in catalogs there are sheets that are a little thicker, years ago I used something that would have been similiar to sheep wool, only very low pile/thickness. Then I slept on it to have my scent on it, especially my breasts. When I would nurse I would wrap her in her blanket so that when I laid her down, she wasn't laid on a cold crib. I know your home is warm, but the crib is cold to them. You could sleep with her blanket tucked in your bra one night, too. This could also help her feel you are close by your scent.

One thought that was very encouraging to me is that this is such a short season in our lives, when you put it all in persepective and realize that out of 70 years this is a very short time. I LOVE the season of nursing, it would pass so quickly and then I missed it so much. I nursed three of my children for three years, the first two for 1-1/2 years each. After six-nine months it was more for cuddle time not feeding, read bonding time. I believe it helped them have a closer communication with me, I would talk about things while he nursed and I had his attention. We shared love, gentle correction/directions how to handle situations, with the last child he watched "Signing Time" and loved it. He would sign while he nursed. He would sign a word and I would say what the word was, it wasn't like he had a conversation in signing:>) As soon as they are walking they are independent toddlers running off and don't cuddle as much.

When I was young and worried about my house being clean, I was told one thing people often say at the end of their lives is that they wish they had spent more time with their children. I don't think many state that they wish they would have had a cleaner house :>) My clean-house standard was a little lower when I had a baby or nursing. I didn't have family help other than my husband in the evenings and by then I was too tired to clean the whole house, but he did what he could. My goal was to have a lived-in house that was homey, but not spotless. Each day I thoroghly cleaned one room in the house (small house :>) and tidied the others.

Hi E.,

I went through the same thing with my two children.
I can tell you that if you do not get your baby to fall asleep on her own from birth - as in put them down right as they're drifting and not holding them, rocking them, putting them in a swing, nursing them etc.... I couldn't find any other way to let them learn to self soothe but letting them CIO.

I CAN tell you though, that my daughter was easiest at 8 months, my son at 7 months. This is when I could let them cry and they crying didn't go endlessly...
We continued going in their rooms, soothing them, patt on the butt, putting them down completely awake etc....

A friend of mine claims she got it done without crying.. but she never goes into detail despite how much people ask, she just says she "just didn't let them cry" I can imagine...
I have another one who still has to drive her kid to get him to sleep at 2, the older they get, the harder...
I started with naps.... letting them cry in 1 to 3 mnt intervals and just go back in, patt and reassure them.

They are great now at 20 months and 9 months - since 7 & 8 months.... but we did have to suffer through the crying and it was very hard.

With our next one, we're 9 weeks - we're setting the baby down from the get-go. It means a bit less cuddles at bed-time but I think much to their and our benefit and to the other 2 children in the house who will be trying to sleep ohh yea and to the one sharing a room with the new baby ;)

Sorry to say E. but the only way to solve your problem is to listen to the screams. You son needs to learn to sleep by himself now or it will only get harder. I am the mother of four girls and aunt to scores of kids all of whom i have watched time and time again on an over night basis. Your hubby will just have to suck it up for about three to four days. That is about how long it should take for your son to adjust without tears. Good Luck!
Stormchild

The book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child really helped us as I had the same problem. My son started napping in his crib consistently around 10 months and now (at 13 months) we don't have problems getting him to sleep there. He received a musical glow worm for Christmas that also lives in his crib and he LOVES it. He plays music as he is going to sleep---he's a very musical child.

Good luck!

E.,

I sympathize with you, our oldest (now four) had a very hard time sleeping in his crib…I’ll never know if he didn’t like laying flat or he just preferred to sleep with Mom or Dad. Regardless I nursed him to sleep virtually every nap time and at bed time. And when laid in his crib it wasn’t long before he started to cry. Eventually we figured out that he would fall asleep if we strapped him into the car seat and gently swung him or if he slept with us in our bed.

I have to admit that I loved having him snuggle in bed with us even as he got older and I stopped nursing him, but now at 4 ½ he can not go to sleep by himself. It can often take us up to an hour to him to fall asleep, he will not go to sleep unless someone stays with him. I wish I had made some different decisions about a how to get him to sleep.

Our youngest is now 14 months and I made the decision not to bring her into our bed or hold her until she falls asleep. I’m not saying she’s never fallen asleep in my arms…she has but it is our routine to rock and then lay her in the crib. She may fuss for a minute or two (but that’s pretty rare) and she falls asleep on her own. Same goes for nap time.

I won’t even weigh in on the cry it out issue….it seems like there are plenty of opinions for you to digest on that matter already shared here. I just wanted to share my story and say that from my experience figuring out a way to have your child sleep without a “crutch” (you or the swing, bounce, car seat, etc) could prevent sleep “issues” in the future. Every child is different, but if we have more babies in our home I would figure out a way to allow my child to sleep in a crib.

Best of Luck!!
M.

PS. To help get your husband on board, share some of the stories post here about older kids who still are not sleeping well at night or sharing mom & dad’s bed at four….it kind of puts a damper on the possibility of adding additional children to the family (if youcatch my drift)….maybe that will help sway him.

Tell your husband that if he doesn't like her screaming now, wait until she's 15 and has already learned that to get her way from dad all she has to do is throw a fit. Lay her down, let her cry, whimper, scream herself back to sleep.

E.,
My advice is to read "The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer".
You can turn this around and you will ALL be happier. I read this book when my first daughter was 6 weeks old and it changed my life! If your husband will just hang with you through the transition, he will wonder why he ever resisted!
Good luck!

I am going through the same thing -- I totally empathize with you!!! I'm going through it with my second child now. My first one did the same thing around 8-9 mths (I too breastfeed to sleep) and as soon as I would set him down he'd be wide awake!!! So I finally just made that my down time too and held him (anything to get him to sleep) Beleive me, I tried laying him in his crib and he cried for over an hour one day and it just breaks my heart to get him that upset. Eventually I would continue trying on days to lay him in his crib till one day he just slept there again.
Now my second child seems to be going through the exact same thing!! WHY???? He is 12 mths and this has been going on probably 3 mths now. I at least can lay him down, he doesn't have to be in my arms. But he will not lay in the crib ( I think that thing is cursed) We have layed a mattress down in his room - and for some reason - he will sleep on that. I can usually lay him right down or sometimes I lay with him for a few minutes.
He is still waking every few hours, it's like when he sees I'm not there he paniks and crys. Does your child sleep through the night alright?
I know this is only temporary - my first child is almost 3 and sleeps great - we actually got him a full sized bed when he was 18 mths. old and he loved it. Guess they don't like the caged in feeling!