So I have a Seven year old stepson who I take care of for 2 weeks at a time while his dad is at work in another state. He is so destructive I just don't know what to do any more he has broken almost all of my sons toys broke the closet door, Colors on walls dressers everything even colored on the outside of our house with pipe sealant the other day. he wakes up at midnight and eats everything in the fridge and the food pantry and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING! He lies, he steals.
His dad and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't have any books for my kids any more because he went and tore all the pages to pieces. ( I had quite an extensive library for my kids. In case you were wondering I have 2 and he has 2)
I take care of them all by myself for 3/4 of the year while there dad is working. It is so hard and I am at a total loss we just got full custody of his kids because the mom was... well I won't go in to details but there is a protective order against her now so I really don't know his history. I try to talk to him but he won't talk to me. The only thing he wants to talk about is food. He is always hungry I tried feeding him till he was full (keep in mind he is already overweight) Well I made 5 yes 5 full dinners the other night and he was still hungry so that didn't work.
I am just at a loss with everything has any one else gone through this please tell me there is help out there maybe I am just not doing something right I am trying so hard to be the best step mom I can be.
We had his evaluation about two weeks ago. His appointment with the therapist is tomorrow.
You're doing the right thing by getting him evaluated. Poor guy has a lot of anger in him from the situation he's in. Therapy for him and family therapy for everyone, especially if the therapist specializes in blended families may be a great way to go.
Get him into counselling. He's hurting and angry and needs help, that's why he's destructive, especially to your children's things. Also, people use food for comfort, he may be doing this as well. He may also have a medical reason behind the food obsession, take him to a doctor and get him checked out, just in case.
I wish you luck.
Please get him to a doctor and a therapist. He may have a medical condition leading to the overeating, or it may be psychological. In any event, the other behaviors definitely need to be addressed by a therapist.
Best of luck to you during this challenging time.
What does his father suggest?
Has this child been evaluated.. He sounds neglected and or abused.. .. the food thing is a clear sign..
I think you need professional help. Get him evaluated. This child is either hurting really bad or needs professional evaluation for his safety and yours.. Call tomorrow and find out who you need to see.
Don't forget to get a stool sample to check for parasites. Even non-neglected kids often have parasites (in seattle, over 80% of public playgrounds tested, tested positive for pinworm and roundworm eggs... mostly in the more affluent neighborhoods, since poor children are routinely wormed, and middle/upper class children aren't, which is just kind of ironic, but I digress), and the rate for neglected kids who have worms is sky high. Super easy fix: 2 chewable pills.
Ditto blood samples to test for other imbalances / abnormalities.
Also drug testing if you've had him for less than 1 month. ((If he's been exposed to drugs, know that he'll be going through the same withdrawal phases an adult will... 2 of which include mood swings and excessive hunger)).
Also a full STD panel (most don't actually require sexual contact to contract, btw, although that's the easiest way. Any blood to blood contact, or transfer of puss or skin cells can do it... and again... are commonly transferred to children in unsanitary homes). Several STDs affect the brain, and can cause mood swings/ outbursts/ irregulation of various bodily functions (hunger being one).
There are a LOT of causes for overeating (my own son is on meds that make him perpetually hungry with no "shut off"... while I was in the bathroom a few months ago he ate 6 bagels. Headsmack.), and I'm sure trauma is playing into them... however... DO check for physical causes. Parasites, diabetes, thyroid, drug withdrawal, infection, etc. can all be "fixed" (not all cured, but the excessive hunger can be fixed with treatment if there is a medical cause).
Huzzah! For the psych eval / therapy!! Good on you! (The med stuff isn't detracting from that, just a reminder of an 'easy button' for some of the issues).
I agree with Laurie A. - this is not normal...and it's not fair to ANYONE - you or him - to let it continue. I'd get professional help as soon as possible - easier dealt with at 7 than 17.
I am so glad to hear you are getting additional help for your stepson. Trauma affects kids in ways we just can't even imagine! My son had a traumatic first 6 years of his life before we adopted him. The therapy has done wonders for helping him to deal with all of his repressed anger that he would take out on others. I hope that it helps your son as well.
You might also look into a class on parenting children who have gone through trauma. I took one that I found through the foster parenting system here, and it really changed my outlook on my son's behaviors and helped me understand what he's been through from his standpoint so I can be a better parent. I can tell from your post that you really care for him.
In addition to an evaluation and therapy, look into Love and Logic Parenting classes. They will help you manage the days and his behavior AND help you treat yourself well. It will also model to your other kids how you expect to be respected and they can, too.
I didn't ready your whole post or your responses (short on time right now) but have you considered ADD/ADHD? It might be worth some research. Good luck.
