7 Year Old Daughter Who Doesn't like to Sleep in Her Own Room.

You could be talking about my daughter when she was 7. This is a real fear and forcing her or threatening her or making her feel bad about it will not make it go away. I had a camping pad and sleeping bag in her room so if she showed up at our bed in the middle of the night I could continue to sleep there since I cannot sleep with her between us. After a few weeks of this I just wnet to sleep in her room (at my bedtime hours later) which would allow her to fall asleep on her own and when she woke at 4 AM (always that time, must be a sleep cycle that brings her awake at that time) she would see me there and turn around and go back to sleep. About 6 weeks later I just stopped goinig to sleep in her room and she slept through the night. We also bought window alarms at ACE hardware that just stick on. She slides the switch each night and if you open the window a loud alarm sounds. We also sleep with the bedrooms doors open so she can hear us. My daughter will lay awake for more than an hour before she falls asleep, no matter what time she goes to bed. She would really like a big dog that can protect her but we have 2 cats that I find to be too much work already so a dog is out of the question. She is now 10 and sleeps every night in her own bed in her own room. Her 13 year old sister never had any issues and zonks out the minute her head hits the pillow all her life. I think her fears might have had to do with having heard and seen news stories that she was not ready for, but it could simply be an awareness age where they begin to think about consequences more. Provide her with comfort and she will eventually become confident on her own.

Your post is my biggest worry! Our daughter is 5 and she climbs in our bed every night. She is a big 5, because her father is a big man. Therefore, there is not much room on our king sized bed. We are all squished and my husband gets really annoyed in his sleep because he doesn't have room, although he tells her it is okay to do it, against my insisting she sleep in her room.

We do not allow sleep overs because she crawls in our bed every night, so the question will not be heard or thought about. If I catch her crawl in our bed, I get up and put her right back in her bed and sit up until she is back asleep. Often she will just do it again a couple of hours later and then I won't catch her.

I can't imagine how big she will be at 7 years old, EEEK, sigh!

This was my son. Afraid a stranger would come get me, more than him and he heard noises. We tried everything. Made his room more inviting, night lights, music everything, nothing worked. He would get all worked up and be so upset I would either go sleep in his room or keep him in mine. Turns out my boy had/has seperation anxiety disorder, we had taken him to a therapist with his sleeping issues and other concerns and that's why he is nervous at night. Something happened to me when he was two years old and we thought it didn't affect him, it did just was laying in the subconscious. Anyway long story short with the help of our therapist and our constant assurance, he will sleep in his room, now that he has the tools to calm his fears/anxiety. He also was a horrible sleeper from day one. Not saying you need to take your daughter to get evaluated, but maybe think back, perhaps she had a little scare, and it was dismissed because it didn't seem important? Maybe you were ill and although the other kids were ok, she took it to heart? For your sake I hope it is a phase but look at everything, becasue punishing/taking away things, doesn't work on a kid that has a true concern. Good luck.

Kids this age still do have nighttime fears.
Real or not.

Maybe someone at school, told a 'story' like that??? Or she heard it in the news or something.

We cannot turn 'off' a child's imaginations, even with punishments.

Main thing is she gets sleep.
Over-tiredness affects a child and their performance in school too.

She sleeps, in the floor of your room. If need be.
Well my kids do that too, when need be.
We have a floor futon in our room.
It doesn't bother us.
They get sleep that way.

It is a phase.
They grow out of it.

My parents, when I was that age, let me do that too. Sleep with them in their room. I grew out of it.
I simply got 'scared' at night.
I fondly remember that as a child. I treasure, that they let me do this.
It is still, one of my fondest memories of them, as a child.

all the best,
Susan

My 8 year old also has sleeping problems. She would sleep in my bed every night if I let her! Her latest fear was that a bear was going to get into the house! (we live in the burbs..no bears around! LOL) But I think she had a bad dream one night, and took it from there. Sometimes I get annoyed or frustrated, but in the long run, I usually don't fuss too much about where she sleeps because I just want her to sleep. She comes from a long line of night owls, so I know it won't change much for her. I would pick my battles on this one. Maybe allow her to sleep in your room more often as she needs it. Also, whenever we have someone sleep over, like her cousin, she stays in her bed all night no problems because she has her cousin sleeping with her. We actually had my niece over for a week, and after she left, my daughter was pretty ok with being in her bed alone. I know it can be trying some times, but I bet when she is 12 or 13, she will in no way want to be in your room unless she is sick...

She needs to feel secure. Measure the space between the top of the bottom window and the window frame and get a dowel stick that size and wedge it in the window frame, you can't open the window with the dowel in place. Get some lights on a string, ie: Christmas lights, and use them to decorate her room. They offer enough light so the room is not dark at night, if she wakes up in the middle of the night she will be able to see that no one is there and will feel safer. You may also want to put a phone in her room she might feel more secure if she knows she call for help.
Also monitor her TV watching. There have been cases where children were taken from their rooms in the middle of the night, Elizabeth Smart and Polly Klas are most famous cases. If she is hearing news report about kids being taken this will contribute to her fear.

Perhaps seven seems "old enough to sleep in her room," but she's still a young child. Her fears are real, even if the basis for them is not real. But the post seems to indicate you think this is an issue for discipline and taking things away, rather than reassurance. Taking away things like her weekly sleepover in your room with her brother, addresses the behavior as something she's doing wrong wilfully, like she's manipulating you instead of being scared. Of course as logical adults you know that it's extremely remote something would actually happen to her but she has no idea of that; every threat is real and personal for kids this young and they want their fears taken seriously even though we know those fears aren't logical. By taking her seriously I don't mean saying "Yes, someone could indeed steal you away"; I mean letting her know you recognize her fears are real to her and you're listening to her.

I liked the idea someone posted of putting stick-on alarms, very cheap at home supply stores, on her windows and giving her the sense of control that comes from being the one to switch them on at night, etc. But there's also nothing wrong with lying down with her even if it goes on for a few weeks; it won't mean she'll never sleep alone again. Or if you prefer, quietly check in with her five minutes after lights out, then 10 minutes after that, then 20 minutes after that time, etc., and letting her know you'll be coming back but she needs to stay there. She'll get to sleep somewhere among the visits. It's the kind of thing you do to keep a younger kid in the bedroom, but if it reassures her for now until this issue fades, it could help.

And yeah, as someone said, monitor TV etc., though you may do that already. Maybe ask her teacher if the kids in class have been talking about child abductions. Sometimes something as simple as a talk about "stranger danger" by a well-meaning adult -- though a necessary kind of talk -- can set off fears in some children, so find out if that came up somehow. The teacher or school counselor may have ideas on how to calm her fears. I've had good experiences with school counselors offering ideas on things like helping my daughter with fears and anxieties and giving me ideas on things to say to comfort her and give her a sense of control.

We set up a reward chart for our daughter. Each night she goes to bed and stays there she gets a sticker. A week of stickers - she gets a reward. Movie w/ Mom or Dad, trip to Zoo, new book, ice cream treat - (she's 4)... She is very motivated by this type of stuff so she does it. If there is something your daughter likes, maybe this type of positive reinforcement (aka bribery...) might work to change her behavior.?