6 Month Old Cries as Soon as I Leave the room....help!

Welcome to separation anxiety:) Try the techniques in "The Baby Whisperer", they can be very helpful. You have found what many a mother has, making a shild scream until they exhaust themselves (cry-it-out) rarely works. Letting her know you are there if she needs you but not right next to her will do her more good in the long run than making her think you don't care any more.
And remember, this, too, shall pass.
Good Luck!

Sounds like good old fashioned separation anxiety. Both of my kids went thru it, my son would get all red faced when he threw his fits. I gave lots of cuddles and kissed. Don't worry, its normal and gets better. She just realized she's a separate person from you guys and doesn't know you'll come back if you leave the room.

It can be frustrating when you want to run out of the room to grab something in a different room and come right back, and she's screaming because she can't see you anymore.

However... This is normal! In fact it show's that she's starting to become more aware of her surroundings. I would be more worried if she wasn't crying. Some call it seperation anxiety, I don't like to use these words because it makes it seem like it's abnormal for your baby to be doing this, like it's something that needs to be corrected or fixed.

There is a theory I've always found interesting. My mom explained it to me like this... When babies are born they do not "understand" that they are a seperate being from us. They feel more like they are PART of us. When we aren't there they feel like they aren't complete. This is frightening for them.

A lot of mothers just take their baby with them where ever they go. I used a Mei Tai style carrier and carried mine on my back so I still had my hands free. I also have a "kid friendly" corner in just about every room of my house with just a small basket of toys or books.

When babies reach about this age, they really know who their mom is, and it's normal for seperation anxiety to begin about this time. Try to allow yourself to answer her cries whenever possible. If you let her know she can be secure in you, she will be able to venture out eventually more easily than if you push her away too soon. She needs to establish a trusting relationship with you first. I have 4 little ones, and my 10 month old still wants me in the room at all times. It can be annoying, but I tell myself that it is only for a little while, someday I will be wanting him in the room and he may not want to be. Listen to your heart and you'll be glad you did!

This is very normal. Babies go through separation anxiety at different times. This sounds like one of those times. My daughter cried all the time unless she was being held or sleeping (we had to hold her until she fell asleep too). The only thing that worked at all was holding her. Not at all easy, but it was the only thing she would tolerate.

If you need to leave the room (to go to the bathroom or to cook or something like that where it's not practical for her to go with you), talk to her. Start talking when you put her down. Try singing her favorite song or nursery rhyme.

Do you have a baby carrier? I use a baby wrap. This works great for times that it's safe to have baby with you while you're doing things like laundry or cleaning. You have your hands free but your little one still feels close to you.

I know what you mean about crying it out. It didn't work for us either. My daughter would just keep screaming. And, the times that it did work (just screaming so long she would pretty much pass out), I felt horrible. I would sometimes even go get her out of the crib and rock with her crying because I felt so bad about leaving her to cry. But, that's not to say that I didn't (and don't with our new baby) sometimes have to leave them to cry. Especially if I have to go to the bathroom, get some dishes done or get something to eat. I remind myself that they're OK and I will be able to pick them up soon and they will calm down. I just give extra love when I have to put them down crying.

I hope this helps some.

God bless,
A.

Congrats! your baby is showing a healthy sign of development. It means that she feels secure with you. If you absoultely have to leave her for a few minutes verbally reassure that everything is o.k. The more secure she feels now that her needs are being met the more independent she will be as a child. It is down right cruel to ignore a baby at this age. I would not ignore any child or adult for that matter. The fact that she gets worse when you let her cry is just proof that it is a horrible thing to do. Invest in a sling or carrier. I wear my baby around the house and I am able to get everything done that i need to. Most importantly, my little one is happy. Treasure the time you have with her. They grow so fast!!

Children at that age don't understand that when someone is out of sight, that they are still around.
They think that if you have gone, you are GONE and may not return.
They can't comprehend that seperation yet.

Now, if your child was previously ill, maybe it it something else. Possibly a trip to the Dr. would be a good idea.
It could be an ear infection or acid reflux. Wouldn't hurt to check.

I hope things ease up quick for you.

How long have you let her cry it out? It's harder on us than it is on them. If she is well, not teething, not dirty/wet, not hungry... then she is doing it to control you. I know it sounds crazy because they're babies, but they learn how to make us do what they want us to do if we let them. I have a 16 month old and a 2 week old and I remember times when Emma, my 16 mo. old would cry herself red just because she wanted to be up. Hang in there. Look for all possible problems but if you have ruled out everything, your little one needs to learn that when you put her down, she's down until you decide to come get her. Prayer works wonderfully. =)

Hi A.,
I think this is a common sign of seperation anixety!

My son did the same thing after he was ill and in the hospital just before his first birthday. I was frantic not knowing what was wrong. I spoke with my pediatrician and she said it is a type of separation anxiety (even though I never left him while he was in the hospital) that can pop up temporarily following illness. It did pass, but it lasted about 2 months. I know this doesn't help stop it now, just be encouraged that it shouldn't last forever.

Hey A.,
I know everyone else is advising that your daughter is probably going through seperation anxiety. However, you mentioned she had a cold not too long ago. With the constant crying, fussing, and wanting you right there with her, have you taken her to the doctor to see if she has an ear infection?
My daughter was a perfectly happy baby until she got her first ear infection at 4 months. She cried and fussed all the time. She eventually had to get tubes a couple months ago at 8 months old. I had always heard horrible stories about babies battling ear infections, and felt so lucky my first two girls never got them. Then, this past fall my third little girl was not so lucky. It's exactly how you describe the constant crying and needing mommy or daddy all the time. Maybe you took your daughter to the doctor when she had her cold and her ears are fine. However, if you didn't, it's worth the trip to check and see if the cold didn't give her an ear infection that is causing her behavior change. Just a thought.
Also, I do have some experience with separation anxiety. My middle daughter is attached to me soooo much. It was fine having a constant cuddle bug who wanted mommy until baby #3 came. She's gotten a little better, but I just try to ignore it most of the time without hurting her feelings (she's 26 months, so it's not like I'm ignoring a little innocent baby). My advice would be to take her to a grandparents house or someone you really trust that your daughter might be familiar with and leave her for a couple of hours to run errands. This way, she gets used to being around other people and environments, but realizes you will always come back to her. Good luck, I know the constant crying and fussing can really get on your last nerve. I think all moms have been there.:)

i had the smae thing happen to me my mom said that she just wants some one to be around since she the only child she wiill get that way i just let my lil one fallow me around beats hearing all that noise

My kids didn't experience this, but my friends little guy did the exact same thing that your daughter does....separation anxiety. It is a stage unfortunately. Just make her feel safe and secure.

Hi A.,

I went through this with my daughter.
My son does it too now - he's 9 months but it started at about 7 1/2.
I do a few different things, depending on the time period I have - like to shower and get ready randomly or I have somewhere to be....
If my son is awake and I have to take a shower, I take her and he stays in the high chair.

I find that after he realizes I am gone he stops crying and only starts back up as soon as he has a visual of me - like walking down the hall upstairs to grab a towel.

I ignore it. I see with my friends that the more they cater to the child, the worse it gets, don't take that lightly. It can get really bad.
I have a friend who now not only can not separate from her son at all but he starts lifting her shirt to be comforted all day and he's almost 2!
He sucks on her boob all night long, my goodness the poor boy has no confidence or independance.

Just put her in a safe place and do what you need to do, the dishes, your shower, phone calls.
I also carried them quite a bit. But at 6 months they can start getting heavy. I think a little of both is good, moderation. Carry them at a certain time of the day or only for certain acitivty...

It will get better!
Just remember it is completely up to you to establish her confidence, she'll realize your coming back in the room after repetition and that her fit, as tyring as it is for her, is to no avail and they'll get shorter and less frequent ;) We're creatures of habbit.

Congrats!! Your baby has reached a Major milestone! She now knows that something (you!) exists even though she can't see it -- and she wants it (you!) back! Leaving her alone to cry is just cruel at this stage. A few minutes is OK becuase we can't always drop everything to attend to the baby (trust me, I have 3 kids!) but you should try to minimize it. Just realize that it's a phase. She's learning "object permanance" so separation anxiety is starting. It usually starts around 6-8 months and peaks at 18 months. There are plenty of things you can do to help her over it quickly.

Never leave without saying goodbye. Yes, she'll cry but she'll get over it more quickly when she can trust that you won't just go *poof* and disappear at random times. Help her accept a transition object (usually called a security object) like a blankie or small stuffed animal. My older 2 had a blankie that worked wonders... as long as they had that blankie, we could leave them with whoever and they didn't cry for us. We're currently trying to get our 8 month old attached to her blankie and she's starting to like it (we have her hold it whenever I nurse her and it's around alot when we cuddle). When you're at home and she leaves because you leave the room, tell her you'll be right back and return within 1-2 minutes. Keep popping back in so she can be reassured that she's not alone and that you'll come back. Soon enough she'll learn that you'll return when you leave and she'll be more secure in letting you go for longer periods of time.

Just wanted to let you know that this is normally the time for this to start happening. I'm a family counselor with a background in child development. At about 8 months (give or take a few months) children reach a developmental milstone where they are better able to hold the memory of objects in their mind (including mom). When this happens, they are suddenly aware of mom's absence in a different way (it's pretty scary). They also are beginning to develop emotionally. As they do they tend to get pretty anxious and depend on significant care givers to sooth their anxieties. This is when stranger anxiety develops. They scream (protest) when you leave them at day care because they want you back (they depend on caregivers to help them cope with fears because they aren't able to do that alone). They grow more independent and better able to soothe themselves as they approach 4 to 5 years of age (it's a gradual process). Part of how that happens is that caregiveres are patient, caring and help soothe their emotions. This is done by cooing and slowing things down with infants, and by using landuage to coach emotions in older children.

Be patient with yourself in the process (it's hard to see a little one so distressed). You may also want to consider how caregivers respond to your child at day care. It helps if the child can establish a secure connection with someone who can help soothe them during the transitions (when you drop them off).

Good luck!!

Hi A.! I also have a six month old baby girl who is doing the same thing. They are at the age of "separation anxiety". They go through it several times throughout their young lives. Don't worry, it's totally normal. She will get over it before you know it. Just keep reassuring her that you're still there. They have a hard time realizing that you are just in the next room and not "gone". Keep talking to her as you walk away. She'll eventually catch on. Expect it to happen again in a few months! Enjoy her while she's little and still wants to be close to you -- it goes by way too fast!!

she sounds like she is just having seperation anxiety. my boys go through stages like that and then they stop. and don't want nothing to do with me. i have always been told that kids don't understand when you are gone that you are coming back. i think that is why they have the peek a boo game to let them understand just because you walk to the next room you are not gone.

My ds cried when I left the room at that age, so I pretty much took him everywhere in the house with me. If it was something that I HAD to do quickly, that was easier without him, I did it as fast as I could and got back to him as soon as I could.
Imo, it's important to respond to their cries. At that age, their "wants" are actually needs, and all needs require a compassionate response from their caregiver. It might sound like more work, but you get paid back for it in the long run :)
You could try a baby sling, to carry your dd around with you. It makes it much easier to carry kids around with you!

All I can say is I feel for you. My almost 10 month old is goign throught he same thing. I started to notice it about 6 months and it oeaked between 8 and 9 months. As soon as I strted to calm down about it and accept it for what it was it started to get better. I just had to remember that there will come a tiem that she doesnt need me or want me and i will that. Hang in there it will be over beofre you know it, in themeantime just spend your time enjoying her.