5 Yr Old Boy Who Did Not Want to Dress "Nice"

All I have to really say is he is 5 and you are 24-who is the parent and who is the child? Both of you go up to his closet and separate clothes into 2 sections: 1 section for his 'skater' clothes and 1 section for his 'nice' clothes-explain to him that this 1 section is for play and this other section is for when you go somewhere nice-also explain that if he pitches a fit next time he has to wear nice clothes you will get rid of all of his 'skater' clothes and he will have to wear his 'nice' clothes all the time-and if he does pitch a fit the next time he has to wear 'nice' clothes go thru with it-well don't actually throw them away-make him think you are-good luck-and remember YOU are the parent-ha has to listen to you-no matter what

Of all the people talking about letting kids express themselves, your son is only 5. He needs to do what he is told. Self expression can come later, when he knows what he is expressing.

I believe dressing for the situation is about respect. Dressing appropriately at school shows you value education and respect the teachers. At home they can dress however they want, but outside the home the girls need to cover up, and the boys need to clean up.

Our children need to learn about things other than following the crowd and the quest to be cool. Sure, everyone wants to be accepted, but issues like self-respect, dignity and independence are even more valuable.

My son is almost 10 and also developed his own 'sense of style' around age 6. He likes a rocker/skater look as well, but will usually get dressed up when I ask him to. It's a GOOD thing for him to be developing his own personality and sense of self. We had a few talks about different occasions and what was comfortable and appropriate for one thing, might mean wearing something different for another.

What has worked for me was really working to find 'dressy' items that we could both agree on. My son wouldn't be caught dead in a polo button down- lol, he just says that isn't the way he wants to look!

But a compromise of khaki pants with a button down shirt that has a guitar screen printed onto the side and a navy blue suit jacket (couldn't even see the guitar, lol) went over just fine!

He also loves the Lands End moc shoes for boys. He has a tan pair for 'dressing up' and a blue pair for everyday at school. They are pretty affordable, look nice and last really well- we hand them on to a friend for her son when my son outgrows them.

This will take a little more effort on your part than a trip to Walmart or something. I don't allow my son to wear anything tacky looking or shirts with inappropriate sayings etc. I can't stand those- so he knows they are out and doesn't even ask. But a retro Star Wars shirt or one with a cool guitar or drum set on it is cool.

There are a lot of sources online for cool rocker/skater type clothes that are not really any more expensive than what you get at the store- you just have to search them out.

My mom actually found the guitar shirt I mentioned above online at Red21. Their prices are a little expensive (that shirt was a grandma present) but it is really just an oxford cloth shirt, with a print screened onto it- it is cool looking but also kind of dressy, so it was a good compromise.

If my son sees something he really likes from an expensive company like GuessKids at a department store, we wait until it has been marked down- I am always willing to look for things in his style, but I don't compromise MY price point for him! He knows if he wants it, he may have to wait until it is on sale.

We also make deal occasionally- something I want that he agrees to wear for a dinner or something and I'll throw in a cool t shirt or something else HE really wants to wear to school. He does not really care about 'labels' or brand names- it is all about 'does it look like me' to him.

Combine things from Old Navy, the Gap sale rack, Target and department stores and online and you can get a cool look that is dressy enough for you, but skater enough for your little guy!

As far as anyone saying this is a 'respect' issue. My son is VERY respectful to me, teachers, etc. He gets excellent grades and, if anything, is not 'following the crowd'. He's never watched the Jonas Brothers or any of those other obnoxious 'tween' shows on Disney or Nickolodian and isn't copying something he doesn't understand.

Talk with your son, if you are concerned that he is just trying to copy someone on TV. Talk about WHY he wants to dress a certain way. Someone like Tony Hawk has been very successful doing what he loves and teaching others to do it and can be a better role model than a lot of people kids look up to these days.

Don't make this into an issue it isn't- your son is not being disrespectful simply by wanting to dress a certain way. My son would be the first to say that I am a strict mom and he gets disciplined when needed- but respect is a two way street. We respect one another and trust one another. It's really rude for the poster below to suggest that he would dress a certain way just to show disrespect. Let him be true to himself - don't make him a sheep who only learns to go along with what all the other kids dress like and say and think!!

I haven't read all the responces so I am not sure if I am repeating anything. I have yet to go through this as my son is only 4 1/2 but he does love skateboards and all that clothing also, (I think it is because his unlce does) I have purchased a few Tony Hawk button down shirts and also a few polos for my son. He doesn't mind wearing polos to begin with but he loves when he gets to wear his Tony Hawk shirt. They really just look like normal dress up clothes. Maybe your son would be willing to wear something like that, since it is a skateboarders polo!

This was/is a HUGE issue for me. I hated some of the things my mother wanted me to wear and get very frustrated by all the judging people do based on what you wear. Obviously there are times when you have to look a particular way and yes I dress up for interviews and at work when I had too. I would suggest a general guideline and let him pick out with you (compromise) a "nice" outfit or two to have for special occasions. Maybe his idea of nice is not a polo- there are a lot of other examples of nice clothes. Go shopping together, but set the guidelines first. Let him make the choice.
By the way- my 6 year old choose this morning to wear an aqua t-shirt with leopard print pants and pink crocs (I''m surprised she didn't pick out 2 different colored socks). I actually had a discussion with a dad at school this morning about 5-6 year olds fashion sense and how refreshing it is!
It sounds like your son already has a good sense of himself and I think that should be viewed positively. He feels comfortable in those clothes. When you are going somewhere fancy-perhaps a wedding, or something maybe he's uncomfortable or nervous and just wants to have some control over the situation so he isn't so out of his element. Is there another way he can feel comfortable? Bring a favorite toy in the car or something? He's still a little guy- maybe you can pretend with him when it's time to dress up- act like it's a costume? This may not be as easy for boys as it is for girls though. Good luck!

My second son was very independent on what he wanted to wear from a very early age. But they have to know that sometimes it is necessary to "dress up" and wear nice clothes. I don't think you should force him to wear them to school, but weddings, funerals, and other functions where dressier clothes are required or expected there is no room for negotiation. Tell him we ALL have to dress out of our "comfort zone" sometimes, it is just part of life. Good Luck!!

My son is the same way, into the skater look and I don't mind it either. I have told him that since I am his mother and I allow him to express himself everyday there will be times when he will have to wear what I want, like church or a wedding etc. I think they need to see dressing how they want as a privilige to be appreciated and then they will be more understanding on the few occasions it is necessary to clean up their act!

Hi A.,

I think you should remember to pick your battles. But for me, this would be one I would address. Wether he likes it or not, other people do judge us by our image and what we are wearing. Like you said, skateboarder clothes are fine for playing, but sometimes you need to dress up and look nice. I would tell him just that and not argue about it. You are his mom and pay for all his clothes. Let him know that if he gives you a hard time on the occasions when you want hime dressed nice, than you will cease buying him clothes of the style he likes or get rid of the ones he has. And follow through. If he throws a fit over a polo shirt, pack up his skateboard jeans and send him out in some khakis. He'll eventually have no clothes and I'm sure he won't like the naked look very long =) I do that it is important for kids to learn to dress and look appropriate. It kills me to see young girls and the very "adult" looks they sport these days or boys with pants around their ankles looking like gang bangers. While I am sure your son is a great kid, he is portraying an image by what he wears, and people react and see him that way. If your son came home wanting to wear the gangbanger look, you would probably say no. This is no different. I think in this situation you should let your son know you are buying the clothes, he is 5, and it is your call. He can display his individuality in other ways. Hope this helps!

My son is 7 and we have the same thing, knee socks are all the rage with the girls right now and my son wants them too, today he thought he would wear a blue and white striped shirt, khaki shorts and black knee socks! I think you can let them wear what they want within reason, you have to sit and talk about what is appropriate for certain situations! Good luck!

I completely agree with what the first gal mentioned in her response but as I type this, I'm laughing because I used to give my M. the WORST time about getting dressed up. My M. liked us to get very dressed up for church, it was important to her. She never included me in choosing these dresses and don’t get me wrong, they were beautiful and very expensive but no one, and I mean no one, I knew wore dresses like that. She would buy me these flouncy, ruffled, fancy, puffy sleeved, long, lacey dresses that no one my age wore. Except for out at Martha’s Vineyard, I’m sure. I was always SO embarrassed. We would fight every single Sunday morning about what I was going to wear, I mean all out screaming matches, on Sunday morning nonetheless. This started when I was probably 5 or 6 and went through until she finally let me pick out what I wanted to wear on my own, which probably wasn’t until I was 12 or 13. And that was only because she gave up and finally let me be who I wanted to be. She loved what she picked out and thought they were elegant and beautiful. And they were but it was like she was trying to dress me like a porcelain doll. She didn’t care what my friends were wearing which at the time mini jean skirts were really popular. Oh she let me have a jean skirt, but it had to be below my knee! I was always made so much fun of, even though we were at church kids are cruel. I always felt so badly for hurting her feelings but I just hated, more like loathed, those dang dresses. And she kept every last one of them that are stuffed in boxes in the attic! When she passed, she reminded me to get them from my dad. To this day, I want to take them out back and burn them. Obviously I won’t, that would just be malicious but you get what I’m saying.

Now my situation was extreme. Obviously you’re not trying to dress him in ridiculous garb but my point is that every child has their own opinions and style. His is obviously very particular. There has to be a common ground over this. You want him to dress up, which is completely understandable, but you don’t want him to resent you over trying to make him act or look like someone he doesn’t related to. I think a polo shirt is totally normal but if he’s into the skater thing, polo wearing kids are probably the ones he and his friends don't associate with and aren’t friends with, yet you want him to dress like that. See what I’m saying? Those are just 2 very different types of kids, not in just what they wear but the attitudes and lifestyle that they associate themselves with. I’m personally the polo wearing type but what if it were reverse and I was asked to dress skater style or rock ‘n role? I would be terribly uncomfortable even if it were popular or even considered haute couture. There’s no way I would be happy doing it. So just put yourself in his shoes. He’s just a unique kid who knows what he likes. I don’t see anything wrong with that. BUT you are his M. and like I mentioned, there has to be a middle ground to this. Take him shopping with you and have him pick out things that he considers within his taste, yet more dressy. Both of you should have opinions included in the decision making. Something that’s really popular for that look is dark denim pants flipped at the ankle, a cool t-shirt under a blazer and canvas sneakers. Would that be acceptable to you? He just isn’t a polo kid so try to work with him on finding the middle ground. Honestly, that dressed up skater look is really cool and very stylish. My husband gets GQ magazine and I constantly see that look in there. Best wishes to you guys.

Hi mom thats just his on way of being a boy and thats great if he do not like polo shirts then don't put them on him. Find different ways of dressing up his own way of dressing good luck

Perhaps let him come along and help pick the items he is to wear. There are many styles of pants--maybe he'll wear khakis that are navy blue or black but not beige. Maybe he'd prefer the carpenter style over the creased. You could also let him choose the color of the shirt. If he feels he has SOME say so it might go smoother.
I would also reiterate what another mom said. Ultimately you are the boss and he has to learn that there is a time and a place for certain clothes. If all else fails, I second the notion of letting him know that if he doesn't wear the nice clothes sometimes, you'll take away the other clothes and he will have to wear the others all the time! Be prepared to follow through, but I doubt it'll go on for very long-if at all. My mom always gave me 2 options. One option I hated and one I didn't hate as much. Guess which one I always picked?! She played into letting me feel like it was my choice even though at the end of the day, it was hers--smart lady!

A., Let me start by saying I am "that mom" you know the one who wants the boys hair cut above the ear and the girls to have their belly and boobs covered. So now that that's out of the way lol... I have had the on going battle with my kids for years about the clothing. So our solution was the kids get to pick what they wear for playing. and the youngest for school to a certain extent. (he is the only one to attend public school) But the control really lies with you in all situations at this age. you buy the clothing. Don't buy what you don't want him to pick out. The skater look is not bad unless its done to an extreme. At his age it is absolutely not appropriate to have the shorts/pants that hang down below the butt cheeks. don't even let him get it started it will only go down hill. It's dangerous and just looks in my own opinion stupid. get what you will accept and let him choose from those items. My kids were all allowed to pick and choose from the items I allowed. none of them died from embarrassment and they are all well adjusted kids. their friends used to laugh at me and say come on ms spinelli and i would say to them do you need a belt today. they would say yes or no as they knew i wasn't dealing with them with their pants hanging down around their knees either lol. the girls knew i wasn't allowing them to go anywhere looking like mini hookers either. They won't hate you for it. And your kids will be better adjusted knowing the limits and what is and is not acceptable. good luck
S.
ps: show him a video of a kid doing that walk, tug pants up shuffle, walk, tug pants up thing has he seen how stupid that looks