My 5 year old has anger issues at preschool. We will go along for several months just fine and then something will set him off and he will throw toys, hit his teacher and run around the daycare center. He is usually a very loving little boy and he sometimes just can't control his anger. Does anyone know of a good counselor for children? We are going to meet with his pediatrician but I just don't know where to find appropriate help. I want to get this resolved before he starts kindergarten in the fall.
S.:
I am a (mom) and local Child and Family therapist. You can find out more about me, by going onto my website at www.kids-incorporated.com (go to the Kansas City link).
Let me know if I can be of some help.
A. L
We're dealing with this issue with our 6 yr old daughter - except not at school. At school she is pleasant and friendly. At home, she is often stubborn, defiant and sometimes outright rebellious.
My husband and I discussed the fact that she does better with a reward. So - we're attempting to cut back on our reactions to her outbursts (thus earning her less attention) and we are setting up a reward system for the behaviors we want to see. She was given input as to what the rewards would be - and we can change them occaisionally - especially if there is an upcoming event she wants to attend.
She can earn one sticker daily (for a total of 35 stickers in a week) for each of the following:
1. I treated Mom & Dad with respect
2. I obeyed cheerfully
3. I did my jobs without complaining
4. I was on-time to school
5. I did 20 minutes of reading (required by school)
6. I didn't argue with Mom & Dad
For 15 stickers she can receive $.50 for a vending machine at the store or a packet of gum/candy bar. For 20 stickers - a trip to the park with a friend or personal practice time with a parent for her skates or bicycle. For 5 stickers in a DAY - she may choose a Happy Meal or 2 items from the above list. For a "Princess Perfect Day" (all 6 stickers) - she earns a trip to the movies.
My inspiration for our Princess Behaviors chart came I overheard another mom tell her daughter "That is not princess-like behavior."
There are several sites on-line that offer behavior/chore charts. I actually looked at several and took many of my "behaviors" from a christian add parent website.
I hope this gives you some ideas.
F.
Hi S.,
My son,(now 20 y/o), had similar issues. I am sure you have tried everything you can think of to figure it out.I am also sure you are spending as much time with him as you are able.
What worked for us is that we finally took him to a counselor who identified him as very bright and we realized that his outbursts were brought on by boredome. Once we were able to provide him more challenging work and find areas he enjoyed learning about, his behavior improved greatly. The daycare we used worked with us well and was instrumental in helping him. It was a process and it took some time but it made alot of difference in his life.. That you are reaching out is the right thing.
Take care - RLF
Maybe he needs an outlet for anger. Have you tried coming up with alternatives for her to express his anger? I think it's important for kids not to learn that they should just bottle feelings up inside. I'm sorry that I can't help you with a counselor, but there are lots of good books. Have you read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk? I like it a lot.
K.
Do you spend enough time with him? Perhaps he's angry that he's in daycare(not sure how long each day, you didn't mention) and not with his mommy. Children need to spend time with their parents and it's sooooo important at this young age. I would suggest taking him out of daycare and spend time with him and the 3 year old. It's over so fast!
