5 Year Old Starting Kindergarten

I would imagine the listening problem is because he is bored. If he can write his #'s and letters and count to 40 he is well ahead of the kindergarden game. He may even be bored in K for a while. Wouldn't hold him back.

He is ready for kindergarten! Let him go and explain to him that he is going to big boy school now and he will have lots of fun but has to pay attention to the teacher.

He will be OK. Its part of growing up!

I would recommend holding him back if you think he is not ready. My mom has taught a 5 year old readiness class in NC for years. It's for the 5 year olds that are being held back for a year. She used to be a first grade teacher so she still teaches them some of the basics they will learn in kindergarten and most of her kids are extremely smart...their parents just didn't think they were quite ready for kindergarten. It's better to hold him back now rather than later. A friend's son has to repeat kindergarten next year, which she's fine with, but he has to see all of his friends move on which can be a little difficult for the child. My mom is a true believer of the readiness class after seeing some kids in her first grade classes that weren't ready to be there.

Trust me, if you have any doubts hold him back now and not later. It is so much easier on the parents and the child. I know, looking back that I was really tired of paying for full time daycare, but I should have done what was best for my son. Children have only a short time to be a child and the rest of their lives to be an adult. No rush to have them all grown up over night. It seems like once they start school the years fly by.
Little boys are often more immature than girls and so they are at an advantage to be older when starting kindergarden. Talk to your peditrician and see what they would reccommend. Good Luck!!!!! I know you will figure it out.

I am a Kindergarten teacher. Kindergarten is not what it used to be when we went to school. Students must sit in a sit and complete work all by their self while the teacher conducts reading groups. Students must stay quiet and work up to 60 minutes without a teachers help. Check to see if your child's school has kindergarten readiness or a preK class. They are often more structured that a daycare preschool. If not, one more year to mature would be ideal!

I have a daughter who will be five in August and I am struggling with the same decision. I think most people these days seem to recommend that boys especially be held back. I think it has to do with maturity level and nothing to do with intelligence. The teachers at my older daughter's elementary school are recommending that I hold my young daughter one more year. Many of my friends have waited another year and have been happy with that decision. In the whole scheme of things, it is just one year and it will give you more time to enjoy bonding with him. They really do grow up too fast.

A., he does sound ready as far as knowing what he should know going in. The question is this,is he mature enough to handle the kindergarten situation? Only YOU can answer this. I knew mine wasn't ready, but because a few others were telling me I shouldn't hold him back, I sent him anyway, and I regretted it. He WAS NOT ready. Trust your gut. It won't steer you wrong. IF he handles preschool great, seems to be able to handle being there all day, and is learning on time, he may be ready. Schools have structure, and it may take a little while for him to adjust to that. Good luck!!

.

I am a mother and a teacher and I would always advise parents to hold a child out and allow them another year to mature. I have taught Pre K, 1st grade, and currently 4th. A child may be very bright and able to learn the material. However, if they are not at the maturity level to do so they will not be successful or have a very difficult time. Some Kindergarten teachers require a lot of their students. It would be sad for a child to be disciplined or labeled as a "disruptive student" because they have not arrived at a maturity level that allows them to perform. It might not even affect them in Kindergarten, but may catch up with them later as the material gets more difficult. Boys are naturally a little less mature than girls, so that would also be a factor. There are a lot of factors that play into your decision. My experience has been that there are a lot of advantages to holding them out an additional year. You do not want his first "school" experience not to be a terrific one. Let me know if you have anymore questions or concerns.

Dear A., I can only tell you from personal experience that if I had to do it all over again I would have kept both of my boys at home until they turned six. One had a Sept. birthday and the other is an Aug. one. They were both smart enough but the maturity level in boys was just not there. Of course I had no one to tell me this, being a young mother at the time, and I thought I had to send them. My first sons Kindergarten teacher almost held him back because of his maturity level. She said he was smart enough just very unsure about most everything else. And believe me it carried over into middle school and high school. He always seemed to hold back and not want to join in. Ask most professionals these days and they will tell you boys mature a lot slower then girls and they would be better off at home one more year. Hope this helped. L. R.

It's hard to compare an unstructured preschool to KG, so it's almost impossible to know how he would do in KG as opposed to where he is now. I can tell you this - sometimes behavior and listening issues tend to resolves themselves when there is more structure. If you decide to hold him back, I would not leave him in that preschool for the year. I would look for a very structured program to move him into to transition him into the mentality of a structured day. That way KG wouldn't be so big a transition. I work in a Mother's Day Out program, and I'm seeing more and more parents use June 1 as their personal cut-off since so many private schools are using that date. But, a lot of them have the option of leaving their child in our very structured program where they are truly learning. It's amazing how kids thrive in that.

i would try the kindergarten. he may do much better in that setting, and if he seems to need another year of kindergarten, he can always repeat kindergarten. if your son is going to a public school, you will save the money of a preschool, and repeating kindergarten is no big deal at all.

I work at a structured preschool. From what the director has seen of her 10 yrs and what I've seen over the last two years; most boys, not all, need one extra year to mature. If my son were born in June, I would have left him in preschool one year longer. He was born in January and that 7 months made a big difference. You should find another preschool though. It would not help to keep him in the same preschool. He needs different teachers so that it is not the same routine/paperwork from the year before. Good luck.

What I would do is to try kindergarten.Talk to the teacher.Being that kindergarten is more structured he may do just fine..if not you may have to hold him back a year..good luck..
S. B

Hi! I'm a former teacher who is now a SAHM with a rising kindergartener. I have also run an in-home preschool. Do not be too concerned about the lack of listening skills, especially if your child has not yet been in a truly structured educational environment. Kindergarten readiness encompasses a lot more than that. I have had children in my home who rebelled against structure and had a hard time listening, but after getting used to the school situation, they adapted and did quite well. Your child is already ahead of many five year olds academically, and the social aspect will come. If after a few months of kindergarten you or the teacher has concerns, you can seek professional advice or work out an individualized education plan that meets your child's needs. Things will probably work out fine! :)
M. D.

If his preschool isn't structured toward a good listening enviroment, why would you expect him to listen well or get better at it there?

If you send him to kindergarten and he does well great, if you send him and he doesn't do well he can always repeat kindergarten. Better to start learning the structure he needs, than to stay in an unstructured enviroment and hope that he learns.

You will probably hear this a lot, but boys mature at a slower rate than girls and a boy about to be five may be a bit too young to start Kindergarten. I would hold him back and give him another year to mature, it will make such a huge difference. As a former teacher, I recommend it too. You will see such a huge difference and he will be much more ready to handle the school situation at closer to six than five. This is very typical. Good luck.

I believe you need to hold him back. Even though he is very smart, he is not mature enough, I have a 4 year old and he will be 5 in december, so he has to go when he is almost 6 and I am so glad, b/c he is so wild right now, but very smart, he can write his name, letters, knows his letter by looking at them, but if we stuck him in a classroom woo hoo he would be in trouble every day. i believe 5 is too early for there maturity level. What area do you live in, I may know a good school. J.

I would not hold him back. My son just finish kindergarden and I think most of his classmates had not attended pre-k and had a time of adjusting. It will take him a couple of weeks to adjust because of phasing in but he will be fine. If there is a problem then the teacher will let you know. I have been told by several teacher that if you are going to hold a child back the best grade to do that would be in 1st grade. I hope this helps you and have a great summer and enjoy it because your little man is growing up. :)

Hi A.,

If he should be starting kindergarten, then there is no real reason to hold him behind. He will catch up. My son was in kindergarten and not paying attention as he should have. I thought something was wrong as well. We spent hundreds of dollars sending him to testing and learning centers before realizing that nothing was wrong with him. He was 6! His teacher was not a big help either because she wanted to hold him behind. I was totally against having him held behind in kindergarten. He started first grade and is now doing just great. Yes, he is still a charasmatic child and I have to get on him about making good decisions regarding his behavior. But, he is reading, writing sentences, counting, adding, subtracting, and so on. My husband was so happy that I did not even listen to him to have our son held back. He realized that he was just being 6. I am not saying that your son is the same as mine, but I am saying that you should not hold him back until you know for sure that he should be. I spoke with my son's previous teacher (at the school where his teacher wanted to hold him back in kindergarten) and he suggested that I not have him held back at least until first grade. Then, if he could not catch up in first grade, hold him back. He had worked with children and boys for most of his career and understood them very well. I hope this information has helped even a little.

A.

He is ready for Kindergarten! I would not hold him back! They have structure in school and that may be all he needs!

I muself feel that he is ready. when they get to kindergarden there day is so busy that they will try to listen. i wont hold him back if i was you. kids have fun and learn in the process. he will learn alot.. have a good day.. K.

Gosh this is a good one....

My son was 3 and in preschool when the teacher said, sometimes he just wants to do what he wants to do and doesn't cooperate. This has been going on since (he's now 9 going into 5th grade).... I was so tempted to hold him back.... and quite frankly I should have and now it is too late.

My son is entering 5th grade, his birthday is in July, so everyone else is olde than he is...

My son is on the honor roll, but gets in trouble at school all the time for not doing what he's supposed to be doing. He is not a problem child, his maturity is just lacking... he's smart, sweet, well-behaved.... just not mature enough to do what he has to do in a timely fashion.

I actually regret not holding him back... I wish I had... I wish I could go back and change it.... but I can't now..

Go with your instincts, just because he's smart, doesn't mean he's ready... everybody pushes these days, "oh it sounds like he's ready, he knows his stuff...." , but is anyone paying attention to the maturity!!!

My son went through ADD testing, and we found out he had anxiety instead.... which doesn't help. But no teacher was happy with him... he just couldn't focus...

So, just think... as smart as he is now he'll be ahead of the game when you hold him back a year and he will probably learn better too because he will be mature enough to do so. He'll succeed and will feel good about himself instead of feeling like my son and hating school now, because he thinks he doesn't do well.

You have to do what you think is right, and honestly I did struggle with the decision.... but year after year went by thinking.... "is he going to make it through this year?" Now... once again we're asking the same question.... "is he going to make it through 5th grade this year? There's just no way he is going to make it...."

I hate every year that comes that I have to ask that question and live in fear.

Hi, I am an assitant in a Montessori Pre-K/K room. At times it seems like none of the "friends" listen but they do get their work done and seem to enjoy the freedom of moving @ their own speed. Your son maybe bored and ready for a change. Check out schools & make sure you find one that fits him. To move on to 1st grade a child must be able to count & recognize to 30,our class can do it to 100 & so can 2 of our 4yr.olds. Your son also has a new sister that is taking all the attention away from him. We held our son back because he was hearing impaired and then skipped 7th grade to get him back on the right track with his age group. He may grow up alot over the summer. It's your call, but I would think twice before I hels him back. That's not going to make him listen any better. Good luck w/which ever way you go.

Hi A.,

By all means, let him go to kindergarten. You never know what will happen. Kindergarten is very structured now. At least it is in Tennessee. My daughter has a speech problem that is affecting her learning abilities. If there is a problem, kindergarten is the best place to start getting to the root of the problem and they can correct it now. Don't hold him back. If the school you send him to is any good, they will notice this immediately and give him testing. My dauthers school recognized it right away and now she has an Idividualized Education Program (IEP) that she gets extra help all year long. They involve the parents, send home progress reports and you can express your concerns of what you see happening at home. My daughter is now going to start second grade and is doing much better.

I know you say it is only an attention/listening problem but they will recognize it immediately and do something about it. You will have the option at the end of kindergarten to hold him back then if you choose.

Good luck with your son.

E.

As a Kindergarten teacher, I can ASSURE YOU he will not be the only child who doesn't listen- but I can say with certainty he must be listening because he has already learned a great deal. The fact that you understand that he needs to improve his listening skills/behavior at school and you accept it is wonderful (many parents remain in the “not my child” group and the behavior just continues). I understand the unstructured preschool because my daughter is currently in one and as a teacher that bothers me, but when it comes to preschool, there aren't a lot of good options. It sounds like your son is very smart. Many kindergarteners enter unable to even hold a pencil or crayon, so he sounds to me like his abilities are great for entry to K5!

The things I advise parents to look at when speaking of readiness abilities to enter K5 are: 1. Gross motor skill- Can your child run, jump, skip, balance on one foot? 2. Fine motor skills- Can your child cut, trace, hold a pencil correctly? 3. Life skills- Can your child button, zip, snap, tie shoes? Can they wipe themselves in the restroom, wash their hands, clean up their messes? 4. Oral Language/Listening skills- Can your child speak clearly in sentences or do they speak with “baby talk”? Can he/she follow directions? These 4 skills are (in my opinion) the most important factors for entering Kindergarten. These are the things they should learn from home. If they can come in doing these things, the teachers can do the rest- the letters, numbers, colors, etc.

Another factor to consider is your child's size. If he is a big child- especially in height, you may not want to have him repeat. This is a HUGE factor when teachers look at repeating a child. You don't want your son to stand out or look odd if you hold him back and he is a foot bigger than his class. Often you can see the children who have repeated a grade or were held back just by looking at them in line because they are a head above the rest.

As far as your son, I think this is just something that’s your call. You are within your rights to hold him back. If it were my child, I would put him in. Once he is in school you can have an accurate picture. If you need to hold him back there, you can. I would not hold him back in Kindergarten, though. We always suggest letting them repeat first grade if you want them to repeat. I have a feeling once he gets in a structured program he will be fine. Especially since you are interested in him and want him to succeed. Encourage him each day to listen and obey the rules. Find a way to reward him when he gets good behavior marks. Remember that ALL kindergarteners are silly and boys especially tend to be more hyper, immature, and LOUD (not all, but most). They can’t help it, it’s just the way God made them! Good luck!

Be sure to go to the kindergarten screening, and ask a teacher. Part of kindergarten is learning to listen and follow the rules and structure of the school. I know you hate to penalize him either by sending him before he is ready or holding him back when he is. Does he listen at home? When it is a structured environment and he knows the rules is he able to focus a little more (as much as a 5 year old can do - not as much as an adult of course). So, observe him in more structured environments and see how he does. ( : Good luck, I know it is a difficult decision. Also, have you visited the school where he will go? That may help you decide.

A. I also have a 5 year old starting kindergarten this fall.I also have a 23 year old son.I also worked at elementry schools.Some kids just dont act like other kids.I would have him go into kindergarten and let the experts deside if hes ready for 1st grade.Hes to young to label him "a not listener".This summer try some listening excersies at home.Have your friends sit around and all wisper little sayings in each others ears.Go in a circle and let him be at the end of the circle see what he herd from it all.Make it a game were he gets a prize at the end of the round.....It sounds so simple but give it a try.Good luck to you.R. G

If preschool is not structured and he's smart it could be that he doesn't listen because he is bored. Honestly you can try Kindergarten and if it doesn't work he just repeats it next year. There is really no harm in trying, he might surprise you and really thrive in Kindergarten because of the structure.

As a teacher, my opinion is this: If your son is having a difficult time "listening" during preschool, it is because he is responding to the school having "very little structure" (as you said). He already knows so much that he is ahead of many and the school is making this a one size fits all class. When he gets to kindergarten, he WILL have to listen to the teacher repeat information that he already knows. But, there is differentiated instruction (leveled and geared to the individual child). He will be a success! If not, then you can decide this with his kindergarten teacher who is a professional and can work with you and your child about this.

Enroll him and see how he does. He may do much better then you think he will. Have a talk with him now though about how important it is to listen at school, that he won't be able to go to school with all his friends if he doesn't sit still and listen to the teacher. Most kindergarten teachers are trained to teach kids how to sit still and listen. If the teacher brings up his attention problems, bring it up with his pediatrician; they will have lots of recommendations about what to do about it. Don't hold him back because you're afraid he'll disrupt class; chances are he won't be the worst the teacher has had.

My son also turns 5 in June and he is going to go on to K this Fall. He is well behaved but has trouble focusing and paying attn. My husband and I had a meeting with the Director or schools and with the princ, they both said that it is never a bad idea to hold them back. My dilema with that was he then would be almost 6 and he too knows all the numbers, letters, etc I think he is too smart and too mature, just doesn't pay attn all the time. We decided to put him in K and if he does not do well, he can repeat. There are many prek programs that you may want to consider. Call around and ask schools if they offer preK programs. Then you know he would be ready. My son was also in a structured, two day a week program and that REALLY helped. Don't feel bad about holding him back if you decide to. I would rather have my child graduate at 18 instead of 17, go to college a year later, etc Being young has many disadvantages, I was always a year too young and my friends did everything first and I wanted to do them too which is not good. He will be better academically, in sports, etc if he is the older instead of the younger. If you do hold him back, get him in a structured preschool or prek program. Also, it may help for you to do some time outs or whatever is his normal punishment for not listening. Maybe taking toys away, etc Enroll him in some summer camps, etc

Good luck, W.

I believe Courtney N.'s advice was spot on. Your little boy sounds very intelligent and probably just isn't being challenged in Preschool. If he were mine, I'd send him with a reminder talk to listen to our teacher. The best thing you can do is communicate with his teachers, if they know you care, they'll care. He will do wonderful, I'm sure. Good luck!

I'll share my decision in the hopes that it helps you.

I am also the mother of a 4yo (5 in October), who is in a non-structured daycare and have the same concern about not listening. I've discussed this issue with my pediatrician and based on my own 'gut', I am sending my son to school. I know and understand the whole boy maturity issue and firmly believe that boys, as a whole, need less structure than girls and more time being a 'boy'. (My ped, a male doc- says the entire school system is geared toward the way girls learn, not boys, but that is another story...) Despite this, our boys need to learn and beable to succeed in a structrured environment. I feel that my son NEEDS more structure at this point. I think some of the issues with not listen stem more from the lack of structure than attention problems, etc. Afterall, sometimes he has to tune out TV/video games/kids screaming in daycare. My son is bright, like yours, and I worry that he will get bored with school if I hold him back.

Best of luck, whatever decision you make!!

Consult, consult, consult. Talk to his current teacher, and ask her opinion. If you know any teachers of kindergarten or the early elementary grades who have had time with your son, from church or through friends, ask their opinions. It might be helpful to take your son to a psychologist who can give you and others who know your son behavioral rating scales, where you and others indicate how often he does certain things and this is then compared to scores of others his age. This would give you an objective benchmark for him. Finally, ask you son if he wants to start kindergarten with his friends even if that means he has to sit still and listen. Get a lot of data before you make your decision. My feeling is that it's better to start school later than start too early and have it go badly. But don't underestimate the school's ability to shape your child up, and his ability to rise to the occasion if it means keeping up with his friends.

Schedule an appointment now with the principal at the school. Request a teacher who has the skills to deal with the listening issue and any other concerns you may have. Good kindergarten teachers deal with a variety of children--from children who have been in structured daycare centers to children who been at home with their moms to children who have been abused and neglected. Relax. You sound like a great mom. I think your son will surprise you and do well!

My husband and I had the same issue. We waited to send our daughter to kindergarten until she was six. Her birthday is in August. At first I was hesitant(it was my husband's idea). I didn't want her to feel weird about starting later than the other kids. Now, I am so glad we did it! That extra year did a world of good for her confidence and maturity. She had also been in an unstructured daycare/preschool environment. We kept her there until school started. We figured kindergarten would be such a huge adjustment in itself that we didn't want her to have to deal with changing daycares too. She is a bit of a mother hen to some of the younger five's in her class, but she was like that at daycare too. It's just her personality. She is an only child, so I think being one of the older kids in class has helped her with transitioning from mommy and daddy's baby to a big girl. She has just completed kindergarten (May 23), and I can say now that we made the right decision. If you are leaning toward keeping him home at all, do it. What do you have to lose? And you get to keep him home one more year. Keeping my daughter out had no reflection on how she perceived her intelligence compared to her classmates. If anything her age gave her a leg up on her confidence. Every teacher that we asked said they wished more parents would opt to sending them at six. Hope this helped. Listen to your gut. M.

I have been exactly where you are. My oldest son turned 5 in July and we had the option of sending him or holding him in preschool a year. I went ahead and sent him. He did fine. Not great but fine. He made it through the year, socially and academicly fine. But he struggled more than I would have liked. I knew he could do better. He was not reading even though he knew his letters and sounds. It just did not click. It was not until second grade that it "clicked". This was after the entire first grade year of one-on-one tutoring every day and group reading tutoring in second grade. (Title One, Reading Recovery is WONDERFUL) Now he is a day away from finishing the 5th grade, he reads on a 10th grade level, his math is just has high. I think he is fine for going early, but I do wish I would have held him one more year in preschool. He has two friends his exact age who stayed back a year and adapted better. So, if I had it to do over again, I would absolutly hold him in preschool one more year. In fact, my youngest son did stay in preschool an extra year. He may be the oldest in his class, but he will be more ready for it.
That is my experience, take it for what it is worth!!
c

I would find a very structured summer camp and help him get ready for kindergarten-- call the local school and see if they recommend one. My friends have tried the YMCA-- keeping him in that schedule will help. I would look for some that have pre-K or kindergarten readiness-- not sure if you live in a city or rural area.

Mel

If you think he may not be ready as in too immature, this is what I would do. I would send him to kindergarten and then make my decision at the end of the year. He may be very mature but has never had to be structured so doesn't understand what he is supposed to do. I would definitely give him a chance and see how it works out next year. The kindergarten teachers are definitely trained to know when one should move on or hang out another year. If he does hang out another year in kindergarten, then with all the education he will get, he will be WAY ahead of the rest.

Hi A.,

It sounds like you have a lovely smart little boy that isn't quite ready for KG yet. I work in KG and we see a few students that would have benefitted of one more year in preschool. This has very little to do with intellect but everything with maturation. Why don't you ask a KG teacher to observe him in preschool and then give you her/his opinion. They will be able to tell you if he is ready for 'big school', they see so many children and can advise you on this matter.

My 5 year old is also smart and quite stubborn. Unfortunately, we under estimate our children because they are children.
I have tons of fun with my children, but I am also quite stern when it comes to discipline and behavior.
They have to have consequences or they just don't want to do what they are told, behave or pay attention.

When he does not listen to what you are telling him to do, you need to find out WHY. Is it a disorder, or is it him pushing his boundaries and seeing how far you will allow him to go. If he does not have an attention disorder...and even if he does... give him a consequence: sit him in time out, cut off the tv or take away the game he is involved in. They want to be up and active so when you give them down time, it is real punishment and they can't stand it. There are always times when you need to be hands on with chores. Once you start picking up toys, they will want to jump in and help you.
Make sure to tell him somthing like: "since you did not listen and do as you were told, you have to take a nap/time out/etc. When you are in school, the teacher will send a note home if you don't listen to her."

Look at your own discipline guidelines. If you allow them to get away with it once, they will continue to do it. Be firm and say, "these are the rules". Don't try to explain too much. Keep it short and sweet but be consistant.

Repetition, routine and being firm, rewarding for good behavior and not backing down is really the key...with children and with puppies! LOL!
Good Luck!
MJ

I would start kindergarten. My son actually started kindergarten at 4 as he has a Sept. birthday. Almost everyone thought I should hold him back because of his birthday and were shocked to hear I was enrolling him. Like they know what he is capable of. I think all kindergarteners have trouble listening at times and after a few weeks they get into a routine. The teachers now how to handle it. My son is now in 2nd grade and on the Honor Roll. I don't like these blanket statements that most boys need another year. I think it depends on the child.

I am the proud mother of 4. I work for the Board of Education in a pre k classroom. Our classroom is structured. You should be able to request a structured kindergarten classroom. We have had several children who's parents were worried that they would not do well. They were just fine. Structure and consistency are key elements in providing a positive learning environment. Too much play time can get them too excited. Too little playtime can make them bored. I would give him the chance. You may be surprised.

B.