5 Year Old Son Sometimes Stains Underwear (Poop)

hi,
my son is 9 and still has poop stains. I think it is just a phase that like his underwear he will outgrow. Someday you will all laugh about it...

Some kids have trouble getting the signal to the brain that they have to go. My son is also "very bright" but that has nothing to do with body development. Be sure he isn't feeling too much pressure to achieve, since he may already be aware that he has reached milestones early and is in an "academic" preschool - if you are proud of these things, he may feel he has to achieve early in every area. There are physical developments that are not within his control, and it's important that he doesn't feel like a failure in those instances when he is a little slower to develop.

If your son has done better with the sticker chart, it seems like he does have some control. Some kids really don't like the feeling of moving their bowels, or they don't like to miss activities or fun by spending time in the bathroom. If he's not going at school, then he is probably holding it in all day, and then being in a constant state of tension until he is finally unable to contain it in the evening. He needs to find some relaxing and "fun" activities to do on the toilet - and he needs to give himself permission to "go" when his body tells him to. A favorite book, a hand-held electronic game, or similar items in a basket or box in the bathroom will let him know that this is an okay place to be. There is a book called "Everybody Poops" which you can get at any bookstore. Read it to him but not always in the bathroom.

I would try positive activities, reintroduce the sticker chart with a particular prize every day and a big one after 2 weeks, and hold off on his washing the underwear right now. Take the pressure off, put the fun back in, and make sure he doesn't feel ashamed.

Good luck.

I'm thrilled to hear my son is not the only one... We also have a poop chart to track his accomplishments, and he's very proud of it. However my son did have constipation issues and was tested for everything under the sun, now I'm starting to think he's just lazy. Most other moms with boys that I've spoken to said that boys ARE just lazy and to busy to stop for two minutes to go to the bathroom. I've tried to explain to him that it takes longer to clean up an accident then it does just to go. I think they will just out grow it.
Thanks for posting, I'm curious to see what anyone else has to say.

Hi, I have a 9 year old son, that sometimes has poopy stains on his undies, but not because he pooped in his underwears, but because after he uses the bathroom, he will be distracted to wanting to play, and instead of making it a habit to wipe his bum when he's done pooping, he'll instead, pull his pants up, and flush, and go back to playing. Which then causes the poop stains in the undies... So maybe its not always him purposely pooping in his undies. He might just be in a hurry to play and forget to wipe. It sometimes becomes a habit to forget when they are in a playful mood.. so if you see him going to the bathroom, at this age, it might be needed for you to keep an occasional eye on him, such as walking by to make sure he's wiping himself appropriately, or having dad teach him to wipe the correct way. Also, now would be a good time to teach them how to correctly wash their hands especially their finger nails when they are done wiping, so they can prevent from getting bacterial infections from not wiping the right way.

What I would do is this. When it happens. Tell him to get right to the toilet to poop. And make it a point when he is done for him to go directly back to what he is doing, tv, playing reading etc..etc.. Just to drive home the point that even if you are busy, stop to go poop and go right back to what you are doing. Be consistent about this. A tip for stained underwear though....... buy him black or dark colored underwear, of course you will wash and dry them but some stains left behind wont be so obvious, at least til he out grows this problem. Best of Luck.

A lot of boys have this and even a lot of grown men. Unless your son is actually pooping in his underwear, I wouldn't be too worried about the staining.
I thought my son wasn't wiping himself properly and upon mentioning this to a mature male friend, he said as a kid he had the same problem. His mom made a big deal of it by embarassing him in front of friends; he said he practically spent the rest of life rubbing his bottom raw.
Please, don't make such a big deal out of this with your son; as he gets older, it gets better.

Hi M. R,

My youngest is now 13, so I have a LITTLE bit of wisdom under my belt. Listen to everyone's advice, THEN TAKE ONLY WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

1. First, ur doing a GREAT job! You have to remember that and not give up.

2. Go back to the reward system -- 2 weeks wasn't long enf.

3. Ask yourself if the reward is appropriate to YOUR SON. For example, I learned that my son had outgrown his love for stickers when I wanted to change a behavior and he was blowing it OFTEN. So I asked him and his siblings for ideas, and he said he really wanted a new book, so that became our goal: I explained that I couldn't buy him a book every time he didn't tease his brother or we wouldn't have enough money for food and the stickers kind of worked nicely for me bkz I could see his progress right away, so when he got 14 stickers in a row, we went to the store and I bought him the new book!

4. Other ideas for rewards are: stickers on a paper on the fridge, when he makes it 2 WHOLE WEEKS, set up a Mommy or Daddy date, or even a family date, like the movies or renting a video for the whole fam to watch with popcorn, etc. That would include his brother, too, and talk to your other son about encouraging him (rather than criticizing him when he blows it).

6. LOTS OF PRAISE (within the family -- he prob won't want anyone else to know)!

7. Having him wash his own undies is actually not a bad idea, just explain it to him with love and patience. Say something like, "Honey, I feel bad when I get discouraged over poop in your undies, bkz poop is full of germs and bacteria and it's a 'private thing' that we shouldn't share too much, so I really don't like washing them. Since your a big boy now, from now on, I'm going to have you wash your own undies when you have an accident, bkz I feel bad when I get frustrated and rant and rave and make u feel bad. This way, when YOU do the washing, I won't have to worry about the stinkiness and germs as much, so I won't end up making you feel even worse than you already do." Make sure you SHOW HIM (use a clean pair of undies as an example b4 the next accident) how to do it right, and always remember to go in and check on his "washing technique" after he does it. GIVE LOTS OF PRAISE!

8. DO NOT WORRY OR FEEL BAD if people hint that give a child rewards is not a good thing: the most important thing is that the child learn the behavior and learn to do it over and over and over and over so it bkmz routine (I would say a month or even 2 might be better). THEN you can slowly wean the child off the reward (if u and he forget the reward right after the accident, show him u are shocked and immensely psyched that he did it right anyway). U can also explain to him that he's growing up so in time he won't NEED the reward to help him remember, but there will be other behaviors coming up that will need learning.

9. MAKE SURE your husband gives him a lot of praise. That's important, too.

10. Oh yeah -- another really important thing is to sit down with him and explain to him some of the reasons his pooping bothers you that he prob hadn't thought of, like 1) you worry about his health bkz poop in his pants is not healthy and can give him sicknesses and painful itchiness around his bum, and 2) you worry about him bkz he's too old to be pooping in his pants and you're afraid he'll forget and do it at school or in front of his friends. Explain that other children won't understand why a big boy his age is pooping and they might laugh and make fun of him in front of everyone and you know that will hurt his feelings.

Hope it works out and good luck. Most importantly, DON'T GIVE UP! You're doing GREAT!

Put him on a toilet schedule, have him sit on the potty for 5-10 mins every couple hours or so, he needs to understand that nothing is more important than going potty when you get that "got to go feeling". You need to be careful, my toddler did this and ended up getting constipated, which caused other toileting issues and there was a major set back in her toilet training. He needs to understand it is important to listen to what his body is telling him. If he likes Elmo, his potty movie is great, they discuss how important it is to listen to your body. Good Luck, I will tell you this took about 6 months for my daughter to understand...and she is bright too!

My son who is younger did that same exact thing. It was almost like he regressed, he was even doing it at daycare! It got to a point where he would clean his own under wear so as not to mention it to me. Anyway, we tried rewards but it didn't matter, it wasn't worth stopping his play to go potty. I changed his diet a little bit, limiting chocolate milk and pb and fluff. He also wouldn't be allowed at the prize jar at daycare if he had an accident. What finally worked was that we got him a hand held game to play so that he would be playing while going poop. This also made it so he would stay and finish before running off to play. I know its frustrating but hang in there!