5-Yo Fashion Disaster! Is Honesty REALLY the Best Policy Here?

Hi--
I always ask, "Do you like it? Do you feel comfortable in it?' If the answer is yes on both counts, then let her wear it. Honestly, no one really cares what a five year old is wearing. Let her come up with her own style rather then be beholden to what others think.
J.

Tons of response already, I just had to chime in because I'm fondly remembering my little fashion disaster! I would say "if you like it, then it doesn't matter", or "it doesn't exactly match, but I think it looks cute!". I would let her wear what she likes (as you say, within modesty limits). My husband used to worry what will people think? And I told him, anyone with kids will think "aw, there's a kid who was proud to dress herself!" Once he got over that, we loved seeing what she chose, and she's a bit more 'refined' now, but still has quite a little style (or should I say "style").

She is too young for "fashion", IMHO. If she likes it, she should wear it. But, since she came and asked for guidance, I would tell her "yes, the colors match and if you like it you can wear it. But you may like complementing colors instead of matching colors sometimes... " something along those lines.

I think if she's asking you it's because she wants to know if she's doing it "right". Now, if she had come downstairs & said, "OK, I look fantastic today! Let's go to school!" then she's not concerned about your opinion & you should let it be. I let both of my kids know in a nice way if they're wearing something that doesn't match. Sometimes they change, sometimes they don't. It only bothers me if what they're wearing is too small, dirty, or not appropriate for the event like if we're going out to a nice dinner & my son has on ripped jeans. Otherwise, they are their own little people & I try to let them make as many decisions as they are capable of & comfortable with.

I love to see 5 yr olds who pick out their own clothes. I was too uptight when my DD was 5 and made sure everything matched. Meanwhile I have a friend who lets her little girl wear whatever - as long as it's neat and clean and covers the parts that need to be covered. I've seen gorgeous pink fancy summer dresses paired with heavy knit striped tights, with white patent leather shoes. She comes to sunday school wearing a tiara and I know Elena has dressed herself. Once at her house Elena was on the trampoline wearing a velvet Christmasy dress in June - bar legs and feet. How wonderful! Her mom says that they get so many hand-me-downs of beautiful dresses & she knows many won't fit by the time the holiday comes around. So why not?

I love the way this mom gives her daughter the gift of freedom where she can. They are otherwise strict parents who have very firm boundaries - this is a perfect way to allow freedom - and trust me - we all know that Elena's mom didn't pick out her clothing.

Let her have fun. When she asks if "this matches" - answer her with - "you look great - what a fun outfit!" As long as she's clean modest let her have fun! ;o)

I agree with Melissa J... if she's asking you it's because she really wants to know. Be honest. But, of course, be nice about it and help her fix it (if she wants).
If she insists that she likes something the way it is, then let her wear it! You should see how my 4 yr old leaves the house sometimes! :)
Personally, I think it's cute, and other moms understand!!

I'm with NY Metro Mom. Why start this early making her uptight about "matching"? Tell her it's cute, ask her what her favorite part of her outfit is.

Ask yourself -- Are you at heart at least somewhat concerned that her clothing choices reflect on you, and that other parents will think you are the one without the fashion sense if you let your kid out of the house dressed "like that"?

All too soon -- WAY too soon -- she will get all concerned about every item of clothing being perfect, and will worry too much about what other kids think. That's not "fashion consciousness," that's the start of peer pressure, sadly. For now, I'd let her do her own thing (though not wearing hot winter clothes in summer, or flip-flops and shorts in January) while she still is experimenting and doesn't care about what anyone thinks but mom -- and she's only really wanting mom's approval of her, not her clothes.

If she asked, I would tell her the truth in a very polite way.

Something like: Well, although, they are both pinks, sometimes trying to match two different shades of pink doesn't match well together. But if you like it that way its fine if you wear it like that.

(I am all about my kids looking well put together too, but also struggle with letting my kids have more independence in their choices. So I understand your questioning.)

You are SO funny and I totally understand. I have two girls and two boys, the boys just let me tell them what to wear, but the girls are totally different (my older girl is anyways). She is dead set on choosing her own clothes and accessories and it's tough for me to appreciate. The other day she was sporting brown stretch pants, pink cowboy boots, a yellow shirt and bright blue cowboy hat, and my husband TOOK HER OUT IN PUBLIC!!! Ultimately, she felt so good in her selection and was proud to sport her new look. Although, I was mortified at the selection, I found myself enjoying the moment. Go ahead and let your daughter be, she is a bit too young yet to get it too much and is showing the appreciation that you want her to have just by asking.

Good luck!

No biggie.
Kids do that.
So what if they don't match.

My Daughter is now 8.
She has her own style/preferences.
She since Toddlerhood, has gone through MANY preferences.
Fine.
No biggie.
As long as she doesn't dress like a skanky girl.
Which some kids even in Kindergarten, do. Dressing like teenagers.
Ick.
I let my daughter dress, per her preferences. She dresses just fine.

I tell my kids the truth and than let them decide from there, so to your DD I would say "no, that does not match, but if you like it than who cares about matching?". That said, I have had to set some rules for my son because if it was up to him he would wear sweatpants to school every day!

I did the exact same thing to my mom. It ended up being a battle when she told me that things didn't match and when she tried to help me. I had a pair of pink pants that I wanted to wear every day and she was so embarrassed about it. Now she tells me that she regrets being so worried about it. She feels like she should have just let me do whatever I wanted, because it's not a big deal. lol. Because really, if the clothes are clean, your child is bathed, and her hair combed, she's going to look just fine! Well cared for and happy. Non-matching clothes are not a big deal. She's going through an autonomous phase. One idea you could try if you don't want to give her free reighn, is to put out two to three outfits the night before (that can relatively be mixed and matched). Then let her know that these are her choices and that she can choose whatever she wants! How neat is that! But really, not too big of a deal. When we see other kids dressed like that, we know they dressed themselves on their own. And how many times have you seen little girls at McDonalds in tutut's or with a swimsuit over their levis? No big deal. lol

I just tell my children that the clothes don't really go together. I suggest they pick a different top or bottom, and ask if they want my help. No biggie. They don't get uptight. I don't get uptight. It's just clothes. She is asking you because she isn't sure. If she were confident in her decision, she wouldn't ask. She must have an inkling at least that maybe they aren't quite right. Make it low key though. Sounds like you are sensitive to that.

You could have said, "What do you think?" If she said something like, "Yes, I like it" or similiar or?? I would have said that's all that matters. It's not like you are lying. Kids don't need to match. Shoot - adults don't need to. If a child feels good about themselves, it shouldn't matter what they are wearing (as long as it's age appropriate). That being said, my 8 yo daughter has better fashion sense than me, my 5 yo son has been dressing himself since about 3 and w/out any input from me, always matches. So - I don't know, kids are all so unique. I work in both of my kids schools and I love love love seeing a child with their own sense of style.

I just re-read your post and a few times my daughter has either asked, "does this match" or "does it look like I'm wearing PJ'S?" (this when she is wearing yoga pants). Both times I recall saying something like, not really but you look comfy or cute or similar... because honestly, as long as she leaves the house happy and confident, again I don't really care what she wears (she's very modest so I don't have to worry about heels, short skirts, etc..)......yet! LOL!

Heehee, I cant help but post even though you have a ton already. I think this brings back many fond and other memories of our kidos "fashion" statements. I think be honest if your asked, that is how she learns, but make it positive and constructive. Though I get the knee jerk reaction Dear Lord what are you thinking? :-) Mine never cared and looked like a Punky Bruster reject ( anyone remember that?) Purple pants, green shirt, blue sock, red sock, hair flying.. sadly there are days I still have to help my 8 year old girl. I would let her wear her picks at home and if we went out to someplace other than a quick store trip, I would give her 2 outfits to pick from. Most of the time she would ask how she looked and I would tell her colorful. Good luck.

My mother let me dress myself at that age, even in ridiculous outfits if I really wanted to wear it. I think it is good for kids to an extent. I am still that person who wears funky yet awesome things when I go out.
Let her dress herself sometimes =)

I tell mine "no, it doesn't match" and I tell her why and offer suggestions. But if she really wants to wear it I let her =)

First of tell the truth! Just answer with " no honey, it doesn't match. Good job picking your own outfit and helping mommy!" This where you have to decide when she gets to pick out her own clothes. Do you always have the last say if its for school, going out, or church. Does she get to pick for home and the grocery store? You have a lot of time to teach fashion but I don't think 5 is a good age for her to be worried so much about her looks. I would praise and encourage her independence!

I guess I was under the impression that it is our job as parents to teach our kids what is right. OF COURSE YOU TELL HER IT DOESN'T MATCH! From reading your other posts regarding your step daughter, it sounds like you are letting her rule the house. You need to stop how you are letting her be and start taking action. You are the adult, so stop being timid around her!

I really love that shirt, but it might look better with different shorts. Let's go see what we can find.

She's trying and it's adorable. She is learning so give her the chance to learn about different color combo's on her own. She'll eventually learn it. Perhaps make a game out of it when you go shopping and ask her what she thinks about different color combo's.

At five, if she's covered and the clothes are appropriate for the weather, I'd be satisfied. Eventually, she can benefit from gentle guidance, but sometimes, it's not helpful to care too much about how our children dress.

I ask the "Do you like it?" questions, or I'll make outfit suggestions when doing laundry or some other time when it isn't "getting dressed" time. Shopping when not under time pressure can be a good time, too, to share ideas about clothes.

My daughter is 9 now, and just starting to care about her clothing. I will help her to not be embarassed by her choices, or to be sure things fit well, but always gentle suggestions.

It depends on how she would take it. One of my daughters will fly off the handle if I even suggest she might be cold in the clothing she chooses. So I have learned to not say anything at all and let her personal experience guide her with clothing choices. It's not so not worth the battle, in my opinion. If your daughter takes gentle suggestions without getting upset, I'd tell her "no, it doesn't really match honey, why don't you try this instead?" If she is going to get all upset over it, I'd say, "if *you're* liking it, that's what's most important. You're free to make your own choices."

If we are going somewhere other than just the grocery store, i would want to direct her a bit, if it's just around the house, then i agree it doesn't matter. HaHa as i type this my 6yo bops in the room in a white butterfly print fluffy skirt and a purple soccoer shirt.

Not sure if you do much clothes shopping with her but you could help her pick outfits out and you could also talk about your outfit choices too. sort of model your fashion tastes for her.

I will tell my 5 year old when she's wearing something ridiculous, yes. I'm not mean about it, but I do tell her, and then help her choose something that works. I would say, "Well, that doesn't exactly work as an outfit, but I like the pieces you chose. Which one do you like best, and we'll come up with an outfit around that?" If she likes the hello kitty shirt, then maybe we pair that with a denim skirt and cute pink cowboy boots. If she likes the soccer shorts, then maybe we wear a white t-shirt with a hoodie sweater, and some sneakers. It's still her choice, it's just a more refined choice. How will they learn if we don't teach them?

I guess I would just ask her if she likes it. Tell her to go look in the mirror so she can judge for herself. If she likes it, and you don't mind it, I say let her express herself.
We draw the line at pajamas outside, clothing that is obviously dirty, and if it's just inappropriate to the occasion.
Have fun teaching your stepdaughter about fashion! I loved paper dolls and Barbie just for her faaaabulous wardrobe when I was little. Now, not so much.

I'm honest with my child without being judgmental (I have a 4 & 7 year old daughter). My Mom used to make the most god-awful faces or rude comments when she didn't like what I wore, and this made me incredibly self-conscious and totally inconfident when making clothing decisions. This morning my 7-year-old chose something that didn't look very good and I just said "You made a great color choice but when you pick tighter shorts, you really should go with a longer shirt. Do you agree?" She did agree, and went to change. My younger daughter is not really concerned with what other people think, and feels very strongly about making her own choices regarding clothes! That's a losing battle!

Does she know what "matching" means in the fashion sense? She may be asking if it matches, but what she probably means is "What do you think?" Find out what she's really asking and answer the question. If she doesn't match, don't lie to her. You could ask "Do you want it to match?" If she says "yes", go from there. If she's not sure, show her a couple of "matching options" or just let he go ahead with what she's wearing.

Definitely start talking to her about how things can be mixed and put together. It may be early to start talking "fashion", but it's never too early to talk about "good taste" and caring about oneself!