4 Year Old Is Spooked by New House---help!

Help her to explore the new home and all the noises it makes. Letting her cry without helping her understand may cause more problems. Perhaps use her imagination to create fun stories about each noise? And maybe see if she is hypersensitive to noise... don't know if that's an issue, but better safe than sorry :) Good luck!

Sounds like Your daughter has a sound sensitivity. I myself have sound sensitivity. Sometimes I can unconsciously block out the offending sound, sometimes I cannot. Like at times if I am tired then I have to make more of a physically conscious effort to block out the offending sound. There are ways of developing coping skills to help block out or desensitize from being overwhelmed by offending sounds.
Find an occupational therapist trained in sensory integration they can point you to where you can get help, or there are programs out there to help with auditory processing.

One thing that you could do on your own to help desensitize her .
Choose one sound at a time. Vacuum Tell your daughter your going to play a game and she can have a reward each time she listens. Turn on quickly and turn off. Reward. do a few more times, then enough for first day. It takes a lot of energy to push yourself to tolerate something you don't like.
(think how draining effort it would take for you to block pain, if you were forced keep your hand on a fire and tolerate the pain.)
Next day repeat the steps. Do steps once in morning, once lunch, once in evening. If you feel like she as at a point can tolerate it... add a few more seconds to the length of time the vacuum is on. Keep rewarding your daughter and make a big point of praising her each time she tolerates the noise.
Gradually over days and weeks continue to increase the time the vacuum is on. Give her the control of turning the vacuum switch on and off, and say to her lets see how long you can keep it on. When you feel like she has gotten a comfort level with the vacuum pick another noise offender and repeat the same process for it. And so on.

For the new house
You say your daughter has always reacted to things, but in your new home verses your old, your daughter reacts to more.
Does your new home have less carpeting and more open areas than your old home? Tiled floors, wood floors, open areas less walls.
All are live sound surfaces that bounce sounds around to where you hear the initial sound, but also have sound the reverberations. Sounds can continue to travel and reverberate until they hit something to adsorb them.
Those sounds would not bother, or even be noticed by most people, they can naturally block it out. It is the total opposite for sound sensitive people, they are not always able to block out the sounds, and it can be very annoying, distracting, sometimes even hurts, and quite the headache.

Carpeting absorbs sound and walls/less open spaces, keeps sounds from bouncing throughout the house. A Sound booth in a recording studio has carpeting even on the walls so e actual sound that are being made recorded and not sound reverberations.

If your new home does have a lot of live surfaces or open areas... try adding some throw rugs and decorative room dividers. It would not solve the problem completely, but it might help cut down some of the noise.

Good luck.

You know your child better than anyone so take this advice lightly.I would guess that she isnt really afraid so much of the house but the attention that the new baby gets.At grandmas she is the only one and gets all the attention.My son was do this with the bath tub a while back and he used to love the bath tub.We keot feeding into it and it got to the pint that he didnt even want to walk into the bathroom.Finally I said eneough is enough and I put him in the tub and said I have to get you clean and your going to have to take a bath.He started freaking out as usual and I said ok thats enough if you arent going to sit here like a big boy then your getting a time out.After one time out his fear of the tub suddenly was nonexsistant.I think he was just trying to get attention and once he knew we were on to him he quit.I dont know if this is true in your daughters case or not but with a new baby in the house and the increased fears that would be my guess.Your daughter is older than my son so she may fight it longer because older kids have a lot more willpower.Good luck and congrats on the new baby!!

A new house and a new baby are a lot for a young child to deal with, but she really needs to be with you and the rest of your family and not at grandma's house. Does she have her own room? Can you get her a radio or a noise machine of some kind to mask all of the outside noises? An aquarium makes a lot of nice, bubbly sounds as well. My daughter is almost six, but still covers her ears when she flushes the toilet. She is just more sensitive to noise. I think that letting her try out the different things that make the noises is a good idea. My daughter used to be afraid of the AC/heater coming on at my mom's house, so my mom took her into the closet every time and showed her where it came on. You can play a listening game with her to try to identify the different sounds she hears. Good luck. Her fears are real to her, and it is still very hard for them to verbalize their fears at this age.

Let her try some of the things that make noise, like explain the door bell and act happy and excited that company is here, and it will ring, now you play like you are company and ring it,, and let her hear it, do the same with air conditioner, say if we don't hear it, we know it stopoped working and w will have to get it repaired, do you want to turn it off ond on so you can tell?? Of course you can't do that with the smoke alarm, but then it won't go off unless you ALL need to be scared ha.If she gets sacred again, give her a hug, and say remember that is just the (air conditioner) we don't have to be scared huh, and then just go on about your business. If you think attention is part of it, try a 10 minute break with just her, reading a story, or singing a song. 10 minutes isn't long and it may be the ticket for her to be more content, if it continues to be much worse, maybe you need to consult a Dr. Hope some of the above helps.

I don't have an answer or remedy, but I do notice that everything you mention is a sound-generator. Could it be that her hearing is abnormally sensative, and needs to be checked by an EENT (eye,ear,nose,throat)specialist? Also there is a technique, a sort of emotional accupressure treatment called EFT that might help. You can google it or go to the website, emofree.com, and check into their techniques (it can be performed by a novice, and the manual explaining how is free), or you can do a search and find practioners in the area who may be able to help if this is connected to some emotional trama or phobia she is experiencing.

Have you tried using the big sister approach. Not comparing her to the baby and the baby not being afraid. Making up tht the baby is afraid and needs big sister. Everything s strange to the baby and big sister needs to help show her. Have her help fix things in the kitchen and one day you need to do something on the stove and encourage her to help even if it is from a distance. Let her help get ice for a drink and see it is fun to use this. explaining all the time that she needs to learn these things because as a big sister it will be her job to teach the new baby. We went through this with our oldest and it turned out to be an attention thing so we put all our effort in making her feel we could not take care of the baby with out her. She had to help with diapers, feeding, bathing,picking out clothes I mean everything and when it was time to put the baby down for a nap then I would ask her so now what do you want us to do in our time, and how now we had to get things in the house cleaned up for the baby.

U., does your mom avoid all of these noises in her home (no microwave, no doorbell,etc.)?

If your daughter is not freaking out at your mom's home, I would be less inclined to think you are dealing with true sensory processing issues.

It seems like you all are in a cycle where she is seeing that she can control the situation and that you accommodate and provide attention when she expresses fear of these appliances.

No solution, just observations and hugs. I know it is not easy.

I don't think you should panic, but it might be time to consult a specialist in child psychology. Your daughter's objections to new things seems extreme to me, and some of the things you're doing may be making it worse instead of better. It seems like a good idea to ask someone, maybe just her pediatrician, if you trust him/her. Better to know what you're dealing with before you decide on a course of action.

I would definatly speak with your pedi about it, but I will say that if she is not having these troubles at Gmas house, then???? maybe she is just enjoying being accomodated.

U., I understand hearing your precious little one cry and just wanting to please her. This is my opinion, I think you need to let her cry, let her know she's safe, that you are here for her, but you are mommy and mommy wouldn't let something bad happen to her. I think she's trying to control the situation and you need to take that control. I'm sure she will cry but it's in her best interest in the long run, to nip this. My kids make me weak like this, and my husband is helping me be stronger in this area myself. It teaches them if they cry long enough they will get their way. My husband told me when our daughter was younger not to spoil her, well, I didn't listen too much, because I knew I was loving her, she's a spoil brat at times, when she wants what she wants. She's 14 and at times a nightmare. All I'm saying is let her cry and let her know, how much you love her and you wouldn't let anything hurt her. She might be the type that is always afraid a little, doesn't like change, but give her the courage to over come her fears.
I think down deep you have the answer, you wrote it in your questions...
You are doing great!

Please don't let her cry it out. Her fears are real to her and need to be acknowledged. She sounds like she is hyper-sensitive to sounds and honestly, it's possible that the way her brain interprets those sounds really are loud to hear. This is not so uncommon for kids that are just hyper-observant of the world and it's also not surprising for kids like this to be hypersensitive to other things in their lives. Thus, the new baby may have made this worse. I know it's annoying and you have your hands full with 3 kids, but this really needs to be properly addressed (and likely professionally) if she is going to get past this and be ready for other scary things in life later on - in particular this may make it very difficult, for example, for her to be a classroom later with lots of kids and lots of noise. I personally am hypersensitive to alot of things, as is my younger son, so I know what your daughter is dealing with and it really is a feeling that I wouldn't wish on anybody. In hindsight, this likely has to do with low levels of nutrients that are important for proper nervous system function, in particular B vitamins and magnesium. So, please consider looking at her diet and perhaps working with a nutritionist. Also, foods can aggravate the nervous system and contribute to problems like this - gluten and dairy are some of the top culprits. And, environmental toxins, as well.

You really should talk to your doctor. Yes amost kids have fears of noises etc... But this sounds a little much.

Hi U.,
I have to agree with Janet's advice. Don't let these things be an unknown to her. Let her see where and why these noises come from instead of just brushing them off or validating her feelings. If she had one or two things it would seem valid but since it sounds like it's becoming everything I would wonder if this is an "attention" thing instead of a fear. I definitely would not stop using normal everyday items to keep her calm, this only feeds the problem. If she's never had a problem before and it's getting to be a bigger problem as time goes by it's probably a reaction to stress and her dislike of the new changes in her life. That's normal but she needs to have a good way of dealing with it than being fearful and controlling. Be calm yourself when dealing with her fears and her being upset. Not all stress is empty and useless, sometimes it teaches us the life skills we need to grow up to be well adjusted adults.
Best Regards,
C.

Have you had her evaluated for a sensory disorder? It sounds like she may have an auditory sensitivity. My son hears those same sounds -- sounds most people do not even notice. She can learn to deal with them in a more positive way but it will take time to teach her. There is a listening program (we did it through Our Childrens House at Baylor) that helps to minimize reaction to certain noises. She will still hear them but her reaction will move to a more "acceptable" response -- like telling you she's uncomfortable, asking for earplugs, etc rather than having a meltdown.

As someone who has dealt with these sensitivities (in myself and with my son), I can tell you that she's not trying to control in the way you think. She's trying to control what's going on in order to take control of her emotional and physical feelings. When those sounds overwhelm her, she goes into a "fight or flight" response -- it's scary as an adult knowing what it is, you can imagine what a child that has no idea what's happening to her is feeling in the moment.

Good luck to you both!