4 Year Old Daughter Doesn't Want to Sleep in Own Bed

Wow, I have no advice but I'm in the same boat! My dd will be 4 tomorrow and she sleeps with me every night too and mama is ready to be done with it!!! Good luck! :-)

Let her sleep with you. If she keeps you up then let her sleep on your floor in a sleeping bag.

Most kids go through that stage at that age. My brother and I both slept in my parents room off and on at that age. My best friend did the same thing, and my boys do too. I always put them to bed in their rooms, but they come and sleep in my bedroom after I go to bed (in sleeping bags on the floor). If I need privacy I tell them to go lay on the couch for a little while and I will go get them before I go to sleep.

Hello J.~

I also have a four year old daughter whom dosen't want to sleep in her big girl bed. She insists on sleeping with me every night. We too have tried the reward system. I use a chart that has simple tasks - she recieves a sticker for each task and after 3-5 times of completion she recieves some reward. It could be a game she enjoys playing with me or making cookies. Anyway, it seemed to work for a while. She is so proud of herself when she at least falls asleep in her own bed. It also helps me to have a routine for bed time which is consistant - brush teeth, bath, bed with a story. It all sound good in theory and most adults including specialist say it is better to have her sleep in her own bed. Like yourself I could use the time to myself.
I look at this way - She is not going to want to be so close to me forever, having a fifteen year old and a ten year old as well has taught me how fast they grow up. I am not worried about it so much anymore. I would like her to be confident and if she is scared of the night, and of being alone - for now it is okay that I can help her with her fears by making her feel safe by letting her sleep with me. I guess in short I would say I have figured out that I have to adapt and adjust. I don't worry about it too much an try and relax. Also the advise of others is over rated. Just do what ever feels best for you and your precious daughter.
Best wishes,
K.

Something I've heard before, I'm not sure if it works, but let her tuck you in for bed. You get into your PJs, maybe she reads you a book. Obviously in the end you would get up and put her in her own bed, but it may help. Hope it works for you :)

I too have a four year old, but we had this problem when she was about 2. And looking back my husband and I realized we spent WAY too much time and effort stressing about this. We used to be so adement that she was sleeping in her own room, etc and we spent THREE months hardly sleeping. A friend gave us some long over due advice. LET HER sleep in our room. Soon enough she will grow and NOT want to be around us and this time is precious. Ever since we lightened up she'll occasionally come into our room, or we'll just let her fall asleep in there and move her to her room when she's asleep. Sometimes I WANT her near us. But lightening up, it's made things a whole lot easier. If you need the time to yourself when she's asleep, it may be a whole lot easier if you let her fall asleep where she wants. She may fall asleep sooner.
C.

Do you follow a routine every night? For my son, to get him to go to bed with out a fuss I let him turn off the TV and all the lights (this way he thinks he isn't the only one going to bed) And he gives dad, the baby, and or small dog a kiss goodnight. He has to have a drink (which I need to brake cause I need to potty train) Then he goes to bed just fine as long as he has his oceans wonder music and lights playing. Maybe if you give her your blanket or a pillow to sleep with so she feels like she has a part of you with her? Or you could go shopping with her and pick something out that she can keep in her room to make her feel more comfortable in her own bed?

I understand the need for you time, I look forward to the time that my younger ones are asleep, know if I could just convince my older ones to go to bed at 8:00 I would feel real good, (they are 16-14 and then 6-1 in ages) try making a pallet on your bedroom floor where she can sleep, that way she knows thar when you are ready you will be comming into the same room as her, she may not be ready to sleep on her own yet, I know some parents feel they should be in thier own room and doing it all on thier own, and for some kids that is just fine but not all kids are the same, my 3 year old has no problem going off to bed on her own, but my 6 year old sometimes still like to sleeps in the same room as dad not always but at least 3 nights out of the week, what I have figured out is that that is his dad time, dad works 6 days a week 12-13 hours a day and he likes any time he can have with dad, and the baby co- sleeps with me some of the time also, so maybe your daughter is really looking for extra time with mom even if it is while your sleeping she will still sence that you are in the room, maybe make a deal were she can spend the weekends in moms room but the rest of the week she has to sleep in her own bed, giving your your break but not completely making her feel alienated from you, just a different thought.

I went through this with my son when he was about five. I read somewhere that I shouldn't discourage him coming into our room, but I could make it uncomfortable so he'd want to stay in his own bed. We bought him a sleeping bag, not a big comfortable one, one of the small kids sized ones. It stayed under our bed and when he wanted to come in, he had to sleep in his bag. For about three weeks, he was persistant, we'd find him in his bag in the morning, next to our bed. After about three weeks, he started coming in more sporadically, and finally stopped coming in all together. We left his sleeping bag under our bed for awhile, and then at some point removed it, and he never cared. You might try that.

J. - It is long overdue that your daughter sleep in her own bed and at a regular bedtime each night. This is important so that you, too, have your "quiet" time to gather your thoughts and relax your mind. I understand that as a single parent you somehow want to "compensate" for the missing parent, but your marital staus is a part of your daughter's life and will, in the end teach her how to deal with all of the things reality throws at us. My suggestion is that you choose a "bedtime" for her, make a "pre bedtime" routine and stick firmly to it. Maybe at 7pm the two of you have snack time where you can visit, at 7:30 toothbrushing time and at 7:45 story time. You will also need to make consequences for her battling you at her bedtime, such as no story the next night, or earlier bedtime the next night. Do not expect her to adjust without resistence, but if you are firm and stick to the routine, she will become used to it quickly and will eventually look forward to it as 'mom' time. Best of luck~