4 Year Old Afraid of Her Bedroom

I had the same problem with my son. He's going to be 4 and has slept with me since he was born. It got to be too much so we put him in his bed. He would cry and get up. We put night lights all over his room and he would still cry. One day we were watching Caillou on tv and he was scared of his room at night. His parents gave him a flashlight and he was fine. I thought it was a long shot but, I decided it was worth it. So, we bought him his own. Now he sleeps with it and if he gets scared he can shine his little light around and see that nothing is there. Hes fine most of the time but, every once in a while I see the light shining down the hallway. He doesn't cry or get up anymore. I know all kids are unique but its worth a try. Hope this helps.

Maybe she'd feel more comfortable if the bed was up against the wall on one side.. maybe a railing on the other.. we always tuck our kids in by tucking the sheets/comforter between the mattress and box springs. Ask her what he is afraid of.. and ask her if you had a smaller bed why would you not be afraid anymore

If she had a twin bed, I'd suggest a bed tent. I had one as a kid, and it made me feel more secure.

The new little brother and the new bed came at the same time and maybe there's some insecurity with all that change, though the bed has been there a while. Did she possibly fall out of it once and that's scaring her?

For young kids, things that are familiar in the day can take on scary properties in the dark, even with --sometimes especially with -- a nightlight. That blanket folded over the back of the chair can become a frightening blob once the nightlight's on it. Stuffed toys that are fine by daylight can cast weird shadows. Even my 10-year-old occasionally says that dark corners in her room are worrying her and she needs more light in there at bedtime.

See if you can talk with your granddaugher in a way that gets information from her but doesn't plant scary ideas in her head. (Not always easy!) "What is it about your room that's scary? Can you tell me?" She may just say "I don't know" or she may be more specific. Does she have a nightlight? Have you tried different or brighter nightlights, or putting them in different places?

Does she fear that when she's in her room alone, her parents disappear (common belief among very young kids-- she's old for it but there could be traces of that going on), or they might leave the house without her?

Is it the bed itself, mostly, since she was interested in the toddler bed? She could feel she's adrift and/or too high up in the double bed and a smaller bed could help. You could just put a mattress on the floor, which could make her feel more secure. (I'd move out the double bed for now, if you do that -- its underside will create another scary shadowy place if she's sleeping on the floor and the bed is still in the room.)

Also, be sure she spends happy time in her room during the day and that it is not just a place she goes into at night. Some kids really don't play much in their own rooms if they have the rest of the house for play. Play with her in her room in daytime and early evening before bed and show her how nothing's in there at night that wasn't in there during the day when she was having fun there.

This may be a phase where honestly someone just has to sleep with her sometimes. That's not wrong and doesn't mean her mom or dad will still have to sleep with her for years to come.

Let us know what happens. I hope it works out.

Hi, M.,
Common problem, but kind of a pain for mom and dad until it passes! : )

My suggestion would be that her mom plays with her in her room, AND on the bed during the day. Make it a ship, or a secret garden, or a zoo, or a fairy house. Something fun. Hang silks or netting or sheets over it. Be imaginative and get into the game with her. Then maybe at night she will be able to re-create those games in her mind and feel safer in bed.

Also, Tiffanie's suggestion of a flashlight is good. Both my children have one, and it helped them.

And if those don't work, I'd just get the toddler bed for her. They can hand it down to her brother, and easily sell it when he outgrows it. I don't think they're TOO expensive. And I'm sure they could find a cheaper one on craigs list.

(I was wondering.....did this fear start before or after she saw the toddler bed?)

Have you tried letting her listen to music or a book on cd as she's falling asleep? Or let her fall asleep with a flashlight. Put stickers on her walls and let her "find" the stickers with her flashlight. Sometimes having a distraction like this is enough to alleviate fears.

It's probably just a phase, but if Mom and Dad continue to sleep in her bed, it may drag the phase even longer. My daughter went right from a crib to a double-bed. I don't remember my daughter feeling that the bed was "too big," but every kid is different, of course.

Maybe instead of buying a new bed, she could pick out some new sheets or a throw blanket with her favorite character on it. Or try having the family pet sleep in her room. My son refused to sleep in his bed for a while, claiming to be afraid of his room. We finally got him to sleep in his bed when we moved the dog's bed into his room. Now, the dog sleeps in there every night and he's not afraid of his room anymore.

Check out this article for more ideas: http://www.examiner.com/parenting-issues-in-cleveland/tea...