I'm curious to see what other mothers think about this.
With today (well... Yesterday...) being Mothers Day, there were all sorts of FB posts in honor of mothers. I noticed several people making posts that were essentially honoring themselves as "mothers" of their pets.
Ugh. This irks me.
I understand that pets are HIGHLY valued members of the family. Honestly, I do. I have had and loved several animals. I have spent hundreds on vet bills to keep my dog comfortable in old age, and deeply mourned the loss of a cat I hand-raised from days old. I truly and deeply loved my pets. The ones I adopted lived happy lives, and the ones I fostered were loved while I had them. But, they are not children; it tends to annoy me when someone puts them on the same level, or compare the amount of care they take, to actual human children. When you get a dog, (or cat, bird, ferret, chinchilla... Lol.) you train it, socialize it, and love it. There are vet and food bills, as well as a few toys, maybe a crate, kennel expenses once in a whole. You expect to outlive it. When you have a child, you worry about a million different aspects of every stage of their life. You have to love and support, as well as nurture the individuality of the child while making sure that you prepare them for life on their own. You have medical bills, school, clothes, food, entertainment, and hundreds of expenses. To outlive your child is agony. There is a WORLD of difference between raising a dog, and raising a child.
I cut people with no children more slack, because to them a pet is the closest thing to a child they have, so they have no idea what they are comparing this idea to... But then I see the same thing from someone *with* kids and I get a bit confused. "I love my dog like he is another child." ...so what? If your house is on fire, and you have to choose between the dog and your child, you would actually consider letting your child die to save the dog?
I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does. It feels like it is disrespectful of actual mothers, and the struggles we go through in raising our children... As if it is as easy as raising a pet, when it monumentally more difficult -and more rewarding. (Pet care has it's challenges, but compared to children? Psh.) I am careful not to show disdain about the subject to the people who do this. I figure they are entitled to their opinion just as much as I am to mine. I really, REALLY try to live my life without judging ores as much as I can. Personal freedom is a HUGE thing to me, and I tend to be pretty respectful of other people's opinions... But this is something that has been bugging me for quite a while now, and I have no one to vent to as those I would usually turn to are the worst offenders of this situation. Lol. Which is why I brought my rant to this anonymous forum.:)
I'm curious, how do you feel about people putting pets in the same "level" as their human children?
Wow, it seems like everyone thinks I'm really upset over this. I guess I can kind of see why, with the wording of my post... Just to clear up this is something that *irks* me, not something I'm pissed off over or feel threatened by. Everybody has pet peeves, and this is one of mine. It bothers me, but I know I don't have the right to tell people how they should talk about their pets. The only reason I posted is because last night I couldn't sleep, so I got on FB, saw all the Mother's Day posts about people's pets, my peeve got up, and I decided to see how many other mothers feel the same way.
I do apologize to anyone who was offended at this; that truly wasn't my intention. It turned out longer than I meant it to, due to me trying to explain the reasoning behind why I don't feel like pets are on the same level as children are; and I think that made my feelings seem stronger than they are.I guess the way I should have worded it is that pets are loved *differently* than children are.
I totally agree with you and like you, understand when pet owners who aren't parents say this kind of thing but when actual parents do it, I'm like "whaaat?"
I don't say anything but it does make me scratch my head and roll my eyes. It's especially annoying on Mother's Day.
I also agree. I love my pets, but they are NOT on the same level as my children or grandchildren.
My sister and her hubby are ridiculous, IMHO, when it comes to their dogs. They will not go on a trip with hubby and myself because we stay in condos where dogs are not allowed. Can't bring the dog; they aren't going.
They also had portraits done of the dogs! I will never forget the family gathering where they brought the photos out and asked who wanted one. No one took any. I can't imagine asking people if they want a professional photo of my dog!
I totally agree! I have a sweet little dog that brings me joy but will never ever compare to the joy my babies bring to my life. I have a SIL that thinks her dogs should be acknowledged on holidays (Christmas, birthdays, etc) just like children. :/ She treats them like children and is always making "excuses" for their "bad behavior". She even counts to them when they don't "listen" to her. Literally..."Scout! Come over here...1....2....3....do you need to go inside for a time out?" Really? Its ridiculous and drives me nuts. She does it at family functions (ya know...cause she has to bring those dogs every. time. family gets together) and I am almost embarrassed for her. Almost. Hmph.
If your children are easy and mine are hard, does that make me more of an "actual" mother? It is not a competition. No other person's claim to motherhood does anything to diminish yours.
I completely get what you mean. My brother and sister in law were like this, then had a child, oh what a difference reality makes!
There is a member here who's profile says mom to five furries or some nonsense like that. She has no kids! She posted about how hard it is going to be going back to college full time and god that tweaked my melons! I went back to college with four kids, one with autism, huge for all of us because we had to totally family up! Then reading her asking for attention here, grrrr Of course I get told I am a big meany for pointing out she has dogs!! effing dogs! you can legally crate them, no sitters needed. How dare you compare that to what I did for my family!
So yeah, pets are not the same thing.
Oh I have pets. I even wished my daughter happy mother's day since she is bringing her puppy home in a few weeks. She is very aware that her new baby isn't human.
I am honestly much more annoyed by the mothers who think this day is supposed to be about expensive gifts and get mad their husbands did not buy them something fancy or spend a ton on a fancy meal. We have taken what is supposed to be a day to remind kids to appreciate they mothers (with hand drawn pictures and hugs) into yet another commercial grab bag of greed :(
I understand that they feel their love for their pet is a major part of their lives but at the same time I kind of feel like they've gone a little nuts over it.
I'm sure pet supply company marketing depts help feed into it because people obsessing over their animals really feeds into their profit margin big time.
Ive had pets, and I have children. I too get where you are coming from.
There is no comparison. But I don't really care about it. But I also don't mind your vent ;-) Vent away!
I don't judge people for celebrating their love for other living creatures.
I judge the people that treat those other living creatures with cruelty, as if they were trash.
Totally with you on this one. Not sure why it get's under my skin (or why I let it), but it does.
You know what gets me? That I have to search for forever to find maybe ONE card which might be appropriate for my stepmom on Mother's Day (and I'm sorry, but are Hallmark and American Greetings pretending that steps are something that really shouldn't exist or be acknowledged?).... but I find PLENTY of cards for people to buy themselves "from" their pets.
My take on it is that this is the fallout from a couple of generations of 'everyone is included because no one should feel excluded' sort of indoctrination we've had imposed on us via Barney and our 'everyone is special' culture.
If you are not actively caring for a child, if you haven't had a baby or haven't adopted a child or are not in guardianship or a step-parent.... well, guess what? Go be a grown up and accept that some things are not for you...*and it's okay*.
Our cat was our 'baby', we spent loads of money on his care throughout his life (health issues) and still.... I wasn't his Mom, I was our son's mom.
Just a viewing tip for pet owners: I like watching the very instructional shows "It's Me or the Dog" and "My Cat from Hell." In both shows, especially the former, the animal experts very, very frequently say that when people have the attitude that an animal is their "child," nothing but problems result -- the humans in those cases often fail to train or discipline the animals, overindulge the animals, are afraid to be the "alpha" or leader with the animals, and don't think through the fact that the pets are behaving and "thinking" AS animals, not as little furry humans. The result is often a horridly behaved, even dangerous, pet who is "loved" in a way that is unhealthy for the pet and the other family members too. The point of "It's Me or the Dog" is families where the dog is so out of control that it is now IN control of the whole household and the human children and spouse are suffering, and almost always, it's because the primary owner believes the dog is his or her baby. These are cases of extreme bad behavior of course but my point is that the problem isn't the animal, it's the owner's attitude toward the animal that's in need of adjustment. Just something to watch and think about.
I agree with you though fortunately don't come across this in real life. If I did, I'd have to roll my eyes and try to laugh it off and probably feel a bit sorry for them. I really love my dog and can fawn over him like crazy but also realize he's a dog and after he dies, I will likely get another dog who I will also adore bc dogs are just so cute. Sure, there are some dogs that are unusually smart and some that are unusually dumb but for the most part, dogs are great. So I'm not delusional that my dog now is SO SPECIAL. He is in certain ways but people often go out the day after their dog dies and get another one. No one does that with a child...
It seems like you are expecting the world to somehow put people who choose to have children on some sort of pedestal like it is an amazing feat to be bowed before. Umm, having kids is something many people choose to do for their own reasons - some of them are completely thoughtless (they forgot to use bc, they never considered not having kids, everyone they know has them so why not?), some are simply selfish (they want to pass on their knowledge, looks, etc, they want someone to look up to them) and some are thoughtful and considered. But I see nothing that makes parents of human children in any way superior to anyone else. And that is how I am reading this post.
That said, having pets is not the same as having children. Just as owning real estate is different in some ways from renting. There are pros and cons to each. One is not better or worse. They are different.
And - at least pet ownership is for most people a deliberate decision. NOT an accident of nature.
I have a daughter and numerous pets, and I consider the pets every bit as much my children as she is.
They are, in fact, pretty much eternal toddlers. They will, for all their lives, be dependent on me to provide them with food, shelter, medical care, grooming, and discipline. Unlike my daughter, they will never be self-sufficient.
My daughter considers her pets her children, and me their grandmother. In fact, she calls me Granny when telling them to go to me. And that's fine with me.
ETA: Nervy Girl, I don't know where you shop, but I see cards for step-parents in the grocery store on Mother's Day and Father's Day, as well as birthday cards specifically for step-parents.
As for people buying themselves cards from their pets, it's usually other family members who do that. One year, my daughter, in addition to the gift she gave me, bought a card for me from all the animals (mine, hers, and the fosters), and signed each of their names to it, each in a different penmanship. I thought it was a very sweet gesture on her part.
ETA:
Momof1, I have been out in pre-hurricane storming, looking for one of my cats. Turned out that one of the neighbors had already brought her in. Would I give my life for one of my pets? Yes I would.
ETA:
The "fire question." In the even of a fire, my daughter and I would BOTH be loading beasties into the car as quickly as we could to get them to safety. And I would tell her to take the pets out first even if I needed help to get myself out.
I totally get you.
My SIL did this a month or so ago. Compared being a pet owner to being a mother and how they are on the same level.
Um, no, they're not.
Ok know what you mean.
It's kind of the same as childless people think they have raising kids figured out too....
I keep this in mind: it's all some people have.
I'm a mom with 4 kids total (2 bio, 2 step). I also have kitties and a dog.
No, my pets aren't on the same level as my kids, but I do love them. When my best kitty fur-friend for 11 years, MK, died ON Mother's Day last year, I was inconsolable. I still miss him. My relationship with him lasted longer and was more meaningful than most close friendships.
I get what you're saying, but I don't necessarily think it's right to discount the love an elderly lady has for her poodle because her kids and grandkids hardly ever visit her (just an example). That poodle might not be a child, but it's certainly more loyal.
I say that I love my dog as if he were my child. Does this mean that I'd put his life above my daughter's? Of course not!! I don't think anyone would do that. I equate my love of my dog to my love for my child because I love him very much. He became a family member for life. We took a long time picking him out and would never get rid of him or put him to sleep because he was inconvenient or had issues. We treat him with respect and don't treat him as an afterthought, as I see many "pet" owners do. Sorry if you can't understand that, but I can't understand the way I see a lot of people treating pets- getting rid of them when they're inconvenient or worse. Raising both children and pets are rewarding in different ways. You say yout careful not to show disdain, but you just posted a VERY long display of your disdain.
It doesn't bother me.
This is a pretty long, detailed post for someone who doesn't want to judge others. My thinking is pretty similar to yours on the matter, but I don't understand why you would write this long post complaining about it. What are you hoping to achieve? Are you hoping to get a whole bunch of people bonding with you in your judgments? Or shame others to knock it the heck off? Whenever I see posts that aim simply to rant against some pet peeve ill of society, I often can't comprehend what possible goal it has beyond sanctimonious judgment and self promotion.
This is an ironic post for me because I was up with my fur baby at 3:30 this morning. She was fussing and fidgeting - something she has rarely done in the middle of the night. So we got up, put on the leash and headed down the street so she could poop. Then later she threw up.
I was thinking to myself "this is just like you would do with a baby." :P And the really crazy thing is that it didn't bother me at all (I've mellowed LOL). I would do just about anything for her.
But no, she is not above my human kids, or even on the same level of course.
I think some people just get a little carried away. And then there *are* people who treat their pets better than their children or family (sad).
It's good that you could vent here!
Some people cannot have children and so their pets are their children. I would never take anything away from that, especially a commercialized holiday.
If someone is a loving caretaker to a pet and they want to celebrate Mother's Day then so be it. I personally have 5 pets, 2 dogs and 3 cats. I also have a 12 year old daughter that I absolutely cherish. Would I ever choose one of my pets over my daughter? Nope. Do I work my butt off for my pets and sacrifice for my pets? You bet I do. For example, we are getting ready to move out of state and we are going to have to rent for about a year while my current home sells. Because I have pets I have much fewer rental options, higher deposits, and higher monthly rental amounts. Would I ever give up one of my pets? Absolutely not, I made a commitment to them to care for them for the duration of their life. Would my life be easier without pets? Absolutely - I wouldn't be cleaning 4 litterboxes everyday, I wouldn't be filling 5 food bowls everday, making sure everyone had water, attention, walks, medication, grooming and the list goes on and on.
So really, if I or any other pet parent, want to take a little recognition for the sacrifices we make and the work that goes into our children and our furbabies that really should not be an issue for you or anyone else.
jmo
I agree with you.
Pets are ANIMALS. End of story.
The town where I am from suffered a devestating tornado a couple of weeks back. It killed several people. A couple of those people were actually outside looking for their pets when the tornado killed them. A FB post later started a huge drama fest between folks arguing if their pets were worth it. Do you know that there were actually people who said they would die for their pets? Idk, your post made me think about that. I love animals, but I think I love them in a sense that they are primal but innocent. They are not equal to any human life. I question anyone's mental health that deems otherwise.
I think its silly, but a sign of the times nonetheless.
I was a pet owner. So was my mom. And we've never had to use our animals to celebrate Mother's Day, whether we currently owned animals or not.
Today its our dogs and cats. Tomorrow it will be our fish and hamsters.
well, i'm with you in that i put kids and pets on totally different footings. i'm not with you in that i don't have a hissy fit over it. before i had kids, i DID consider my cats my 'kids'. the fact that my perspective has shifted for me over the years simply means that i'm changing, as living things are meant to do. but i actually like that not everyone share my exact perspective on the world. if someone else REALLY REALLY feels that their dogs are their kids, it's no skin off my nose.
khairete
S.
I find it humorous more than anything and I don't even like animals all that much. I also find it funny that you are so worked up about it. I mean really, how does it impact you that someone REALLY loves their pets and thinks of them as family or children?
I agree with you, drives me batty but I usually let it go and scroll on by. I will say that I agree with the one poster who says that it bugs her that moms get pissy when their husbands do not buy them anything for mothers day, last time I check he was not your mother but that is just me.
Yesterday I enjoyed hand made cards and a great dinner.
Pretty blessed.
And on a side note, sometimes it is good to vent.
have a great day.
I'm with Veruca.
While in essence, I agree with you, I would never be troubled "enough" by it to create a post venting about it. It isn't that big of a thing. To each their own. And like OnePerfectOne said: "It's all some people have."
I don't really find it post-worthy. Much like I wouldn't bother posting a lengthy vent over the way people park their cars in parking lots (badly).
Generally, I feel the same way as you, but I don't care enough about it to give it much more thought. It's a non-issue in my personal world.
Yaaaa I don't get why this bothers you... I have 2 kids and 3 dogs all of them are my baby's. They are family and hell they don't talk back like kids what's not to love. Many people can't have kids and use pets to fill that void or the kids are older and have left home. I say let it go if it makes them happy get over it, it has nothing to do with you
This is a common thing to be irked by. There was a blog about it not long ago on this site. It doesn't personally irk me when people call themselves parents of pets or plants. I have a crazy aunt who calls her flowers her babies AND she has kids. I say, let them feel like proud parents. I have no pets (or plants) and I probably wouldn't feel that way, but meh. So what. I hear where you're coming from though. It does irk people.
Nowadays In pet stores, pet products include "strollers" for pets, fancy handbag pet carriers, fancy bedding and houses for pets, "gourmet" made from scratch pet treats/foods, there are Doggy "daycare" businesses that are real fancy and have all kinds of "entertainment" that even human toddlers would have. And there are doggy "boutiques" that sell all sorts of pet clothing/treats/custom collars/bedding/carriers etc.
When I was a kid, there was no such thing.
I have always had pets since I was a child, pets of all sorts from horses to dogs to cats to lizards to frogs to rabbits, birds, stray animals.
My family loves any creature.
Speaking for myself, my children are my children.
My/our pets are our pets.
Years ago, I knew a Mom who had a dog. She had her dog before she had her child. That dog, was doted on so much. As though it was human. But then she had a baby. Who then became a Toddler etc. Well, she always knew everything about her dog, its every mood and need and she treated the dog as though it was a child. Then with her child, well, she was a bit.... detached from her child. Never knew why her child was fussy or hungry or tired. Once she didn't even know her child wandered into the hallway of their Condo. But she knew where her dog was. She actually told me "well if my daughter wandered somewhere, my dog would tell me...." Who is the parent and of whom?
I have two elderly cats that I consider my babies. I rescued both of them from certain death when they were just weeks old and they are now 19 and 18, very healthy and no signs that they will be passing away anytime soon. I was childless when I got them and was told that I most likely would never have children. No, I don't dress them up, hand feed them, or treat them like humans, but they are still my babies. It took many years, time, money, and pain to have my daughter. She is now 9 and very loved. She has grown up with my cats and loves them as members of the family. During the years that I was suffering from infertility, my cats comforted me. It's not the same as a human baby, but it is nice to have someone small, warm and snuggly to cuddle and play with. I have gotten Mother's Day cards "signed" by my cats and it made me feel a little bit better. I just don't get what your problem is with people being Mommy to a pet. It's love and should be celebrated.
