3Yr. Old with Separation Anxiety

I suggest getting children books at the library about mommy's having to go to work then coming back home after work. Also I would prepare your child before you have to leave. Talk about it the day before, then hours before you leave, then a little before you leave. Also talk about how exciting it will be with grandma or daddy. Talk to who is watching your child about something they can do together and make that an exciting conversation between your child and you. Overall get her prepared with excitement and after a few times she should get used to it.

Hi M.,

You know my daughter had the same problem for a while until I thought I would make her a picture book with our family in it. I put a picture of Mommy and Daddy and my family. I've seen them online if you can't find them at Borders or other bookstores. When we would go to church or went to the restroom I would have the problem. I would try find stuff around your house that your Daughter can think about you without crying. Do you have like a stuff animal that they like to play with you that is small. My son found comfort in look at books of Dinsey Cars and my daughter was mostly pictures. My daughter is 3 now and we only have this problem when my Husband's Dad comes over and when we are at their house cause she wants to stay. We tell her Grandpa has to work and maybe in the weekend or week we can visit them again. It seems to work at the most part but it's nothing me and my Husband wanted to go thru since we don't want our older son coming like her. It wasn't easy but it has slowly started to work.

Best of Luck & Merry Christmas,
M.

I haven't gone through this yet, but my friend had the same problem with her two year old. What she did was she would take him to his daycare at church and would sit in the room with him. Everytime he came over to her she would interact minimally and then send him back to the group. Then she would leave for about 5 minutes and then come back. Then 10. Then 20. It was about 2 months of once a week. But eventually he figured out that mummy was coming back and that he could have fun in the meantime. I don't know if this helps, but I hope it does. Good luck! And don't beat yourself up. Just remember that she wouldn't do this if she didn't think you were the greatest thing ever. :D

First, after she has gone to bed take a few minutes to read her favorite story into a tape recorder - read it a little louder than normal.
The next day have someone (husband or mother) watch her in the other room. Make sure the door to your room is closed. Have them sit with her and play the tape while turning the pages to the story. After the story is finished come back into the room and enjoy the rest of the day with her. Tape another story on the same tape - imediately following the first. The next day have someone sit with her for two stories. Make sure you ask her how the story was and which was her favorite to listen to. This way she will know you have overseen her time even if you are not there.

Hi Michele,

I hate to bring it up, but if the "panic attacks" have really just started out of nowhere, it isn't impossible that she could have experienced some kind of traumatic experience while you were not around that she hasn't told you about. It sounds like you have only left her with very trusted adults, and that's great, but it might be worth describing her behavior to a child therapist, just to get their take on the situation. Personally, my parents let me be babysat by people they didn't know very well at that age, and I was exposed to some harmful situations that I never told them about. As a result, like you, I have only let my children be watched by close relatives. Even though I consider them pretty trustworthy, my in-laws, were once watching my niece, and my mother-in-law was going in & out of the garage to do laundry & accidentally locked my 3 year old niece in the dark garage. Somehow, she didn't realize it for quite a while, and by the time she let her out, my niece was so traumatized, she still will not let anyone close a door to a room that she is in- whether it's the bedroom, the bathroom, or anywhere- she has to have the door open. So, I don't want to worry you unduly, but if my sons were acting scared out of the blue, I would definitely try to find out what could be causing the fear.

Hang in there,
C.

It sounds more like a control issue rather than a seperation issue maybe. i say maybe because it scould be something else that I will address in a minute. She is very used to having mom at home all the time and now that has chaNGED SUDDENLY. Children do not always respond well to rapid change. the best thing you can do for her is to always reassure her that mom is coming back even tell her what time you will be back and really try and stay to that schedule. Also when you are home it would be really good if Dad did some of the daily activities with her having you close by but not participating. such as a bath, bedtime story or playing with her. she needs to feel comfortable with other people. she at 3 has very little control in her life but children learn the art of manipulation rather quickly. she now knows that it is upsetting for you to leave her so she will continue that game as long as she is allowed to. Slowly break the habbit of mom doing everything for her. I know you said that you only leave her with your husband and grandma but is there anyone else that watches her? a nanny, babysitter, neighbor etc? The reason i ask is sometimes children behave this way when something is terribly wrong. I am not trying to insinuate that someone is hurting your child but you also as a mother need to investigate this. Youu say that it is more than a tantrum but a fear which makes me wonder. If you do leave her with others ask her what went on when she was with that person, never ask straight out if something bad happened but ask round about questions about the time spent there. What games did you play? what character were you, what was on tv etc. children are honest by nature and will tell all. My guess is this is just a control issue but you can never be too sure these days. Take care!