My son is 3.5 and I have a 19 month old daughter. My son attends nursery school (2) half days a week. At first he cried when I drop him off for about 3 weeks then he was fine up until now. Now he starts from the night before school and then that morning he cries that he doesn't want to go. The teachers said that nothing happened in school and he gets along with all the kids. He just cries that he misses mommy. For the past month he's been really mushy, always saying how much he loves me, Daddy and his sister as well as his Grandparents. He's just been very attached to me lately, more than usual. Nothing has changed at home so I'm getting concerned about why he's being so mushy lately. Talking to some other Moms, every says it's "just a phase". Do you think so?
My guy is doing the same thing - and same age- and same preschool. Right now he's all about my husband, younger son, and me- anyone else he just doesn't seem to care- and now he's waking up saying he doesn't want to go to school. I wish I had advice- I have none! Just walking in the same shoes you are!
OK Ladies,It is a "phase".However,there is something you can do!You can go buy some books to read to them every night about going to work,Bernst.bear books,other characters,anything you can find.Help them by explaining that they go to "Day-school(that's their job)"&you go to work,then we all meet back A. home!Every single day,repeat,repeat,repeat.Do it before bed,then again in the morning!When they feel secure they will have the routine down,feel like they have a job to do too and know the "plan"!Kids need a "plan" to follow,these guys don't have one?Follow?Their small,but ones little as these have mastered the arts of war?!Give them security.They'll get it.
One more thing to add. My son turned 3 in December and I weaned his little brother from nursing back in September (around 13 months). Sometime in January my 3-year-old started getting a lot more snuggly/cuddly, saying things like, "mommy, I'm not your little boy. Hold me like a baby. Mommy, can you feed me like a baby?" My friend, who watches them, has a nursing 4-month-old, which is probably why he was asking about nursing. I realized that, while I play with them when I'm home, I haven't been spending one-on-one time with my older boy. We started trying to do things together, like leave Daddy home with the little brother while I took my older one to the store and out for a small treat or something. He also tells me every day when I get home, "Mommy, you can't go to work! Mommy, you need to be home!" They split their time mostly home with dad, who works evenings and is in school, and my friend with her children around their ages for a few hours a day, so they are not even away from us very much. He is very sociable with adults and children, so I'm not worried about anything, just realize that his "mommy" needs are changing, too. If you have your daughter with you while he is in nursery school, you might try to leave her with someone once or twice a week, or at least once a month, and tell your son that you are going to go do something together. He might feel as though you are doing something without him when he is in nursery school.
D.,
Sometimes they are guilty about the fact that they're having a good time without you...make sure he knows you WANT him to go and have fun!
My 3 1/2 yr old has been crying over EVERYTHING lately... My husband and I thought he was just tired for awhile then I had our 3rd baby and thought it had to do with the baby and him not knowing how to deal with it. Sorry to say, but I am kind of glad to hear that other kids this age are doing it too. My oldest son never did, so this was new to my husband and me. If its just that he wants you, then when he is home just make sure you show him all the affection and attention he wants. My 3 year old would cry when he went to daycare and I would just have to tell him that I would be back soon or have a teacher distract him with snack or a game so I could sneak out of the door.
Also, marian brought up that book, that may be a good idea! We have the bedtime one, "Llama llama Red Pajama" and it shows the kids that even if they can't see you or hear you, they know you are there and always will be there for them!
I'd say, it's a stage. And it is okay to not send him to nursery school - he wants his mommy - it's okay to let him be around you. He'll be in school the rest of his life soon enough.
Boys attach/bond with their Moms differently....
My son, when he hit almost 3 years old, was the same way. He is 3.5 now.... and he is so bonded to me... but I wouldn't say "needy"... just close to me. He is real expressive and always likes to cuddle with me and says "i love you Mommy" all the time and says how he loves everyone in his family. And he likes to hug. So I'm glad, he's "expressive" for a boy.... he knows himself. He is articulate emotionally. It will be a good asset/trait later. I encourage his expressing himself.
In the meantime... well its another sort of growth phase... but it means he is healthily bonded and loved.
Before you know it, they will be telling you to go away and they want privacy and don't want you hovering over them or helping them with anything. :)
All the best,
Susan
My son (who's 3) and I read a book together called "Llama Llama Misses Mama" when he's feeling needy. The little Llama doesn't want to go to school because he wants his Mama! My son has found great comfort in this book and when we talk about him spending time away from me, we remind him how Mama always comes back and he can have fun with and without Mama. Also, maybe he is jealous that your daughter gets to stay home with you. Maybe try to schedule some special time with just you and your son, once a week.
Denise P.'s answer at the bottom says it best. Make sure that he knows it's O.K. for him to have fun at Day Care.
I'll add something else, though. If he's eating o.k., sleeping o.k., and is not getting sick, then, perhaps, this is a real case of anxiety for him. It may not just be a "phase". He's too young to even consider using medication, so we won't go there. Perhaps some special time with Mom would help. Can you bring the 19 month old to someone for a couple of hours and spend that time with just your 3.5 year old? Take him to the playground when there are not too many other kids there, perhaps early in the morning, and climb and slide with him. Be a three year old with him. While you are playing, ask him questions about what he does at preschool. Boys answer best when they are using their hands to do something else. Ask one or two questions at a time, and then go right back into playing whatever you were playing. If you listen carefully, and try to think like a boy his age, you might get at the heart of his distress. Something that seems "silly" for us adults to worry about may be "serious" for a kid to deal with. Then, when you know what he's thinking, you may be able to make some suggestions for how to handle it.
Good luck!!
S.
