32 Month Old Daughter Diagnosed with 'Failure to Thrive'!

Hi, Mom:
Here is a different idea from the food point of view.
Look into the idea of Infant massage.
There is the International Association of Infant Massage. Possibly gentle touch may be helpful as well.
Good luck. D.

Try yummy things like smoothies , and milk shakes. Make them at home and let her help. she might be more inclined to eat if she helps make the things she is eating.
maybe let her pick what's for dinner and let her help.

Yeah... 1 will get you 1000... the no appetite is a side effect of adrenaline, which releases when we're scared. She's been traumatized about food, so she's scared about it, and the adrenaline releases (fight or flight), which HALTS the digestive process. In extreme cases the bladder and bowels and stomach all empty in response to it. Of which she has at least 1 out of 3.

I've worked with several kids who have been traumatized this way. How I was able to deal with it was by NIXING mealtimes. I assigned the child a drawer in my home and a shelf in my fridge for "their" food (which they would *eventually* help me pick out at the store, or would be *thrilled* to help pick out at the store, depending on the child), which they were allowed to have AT ANY TIME 24/7.

Then I'd also feed them *randomly*. Open a package or baggie of whatever and set it next to them in their carseat. Bring out snacks and let them sit on the table all day. Pick up icecream on a walk. Picnic in the yard. Say "Hey! I feel like waffles!" at a non-mealtime, like 10am or 3pm or bedtime) "Anyone else want a waffle?" (insert random, 2 minute prep food for waffles). NEVER force a child to sit at the table at mealtime. (Hey sweetie, we're going to be serving dinner... do you want to sit with us for a little bit or go play? Remember, you can always get down whenever you don't want to sit anymore, and you don't have to eat if you don't want to, but we'd love your company." I'd also announce we were going to do a "silly meal" a few times a week. "Silly meals" included meals with no silverware (spagetti is a riot with no silverware, and everyone needs to be wearing clothes that no one cares about staining), or no dishes, or eating UNDER the table, or everyone had to stand on their chairs (which is HILARIOUS for kids to see adults do, because we're so durn tall). For each of the silly meals, I'd explain the rules, and "special" things... like "We can't usually do this because sauce stains, but if the little kids are NAKED and everyone else wears PAINTING clothes, we'll be good to go!" And then we'd "race" to use up some of that adrenaline.

Which is another good adrenaline trick. USE it. Make a game out of "After every bite, I'm going to ask people to do something... and you won't know what... so get READY! All right! Jump around like a monkey!!! Ooooh Ooooh eeee eeee waaaah waaaah waaaah waaaah! Next up is BALLERINAS I want to see some BALLERINAS in the house! Dance for me! Yeah BEAUTIFUL! Okay... who can run all the way to the bathroom and back? How many jumps to the couch?

BUT, here's the thing about adrenaline, you really need to be gentle with it at first... or they'll start melting down/ crying. So getting them to the table is LOWEST priority. I'd typically NOT do any silly meals the first 2 weeks, and then not EXPECT that the child in question would participate in a silly meal the first time or two that we did them.

Same token NO punishment surrounding food. If they EVER ask, *poof* food appears. Even if everyone has left the table and everything has already been put away NEVER would the phrase "If you'd ______". They're not ready for that, and usually aren't for at least 6mo to a year. Also no "clean your plate", or "just TRY it", or anything, anything at all that is negative or suggests loss or disappointment.

I'd also do a LOT of comfort food. Hot chocolate before bedtime, mac'n'cheese (the real kind, not the kraft kind), milkshakes, "happy to see you" breakfasts. I'd also let them eat however they pleased (fingers, silverware, etc.), and get them involved in food prep as much as possible, and would NEVER say or worry about "waste". If they really wanted a mountian of mashed potatoes and took one bite, COOL! "I'm going to wrap up what's left and put it on "their" shelf. I would EXPECT them to lose weight/ barely eat the first couple weeks. Then they would gradually start trusting that MAYBE it wouldn't be terrible, and they would start eating more and more often. As long as they didn't need to be hospitalized I wouldn't stress ANYTHING to do with food. Nonchalance at it's best. And if they DID need to be hospitalized, I'd talk with the doctors/nurses about extending their stay by a few days so that they could get some weight put on to lose while we were working on building trust.

I should add... I am NOT a psychologist, or nutritionist, or a doctor. I've just had several kids in my care from abusive backgrounds, and that this is personal experience from what I've done to get the ones with eating fears back to a "normal" state surrounding food.

There needs to be therapy involved here! Your sister ABUSED your child! I would press charges if I were you and never have anything to do with her again. I hope for your child's sake you will NEVER expose her to that b**tch of a woman again in her life! I doubt she'll get better without some type of early childhood counseling. She's obviously horrified of eating and now has trauma surrounding food. She's going to have a lifetime of eating disorders if you don't treat the mental and emotional with the physical.

I have no idea how to help, but if there's a way to involve her with the food choices and food experience as a whole, I would give her as much control as you can. Perhaps get some therapy for her too. Your sister took the whole exerperience out of her control and made it frightening. It's not just her body that's having problems, it's her mind. Fear and food are connected. Do what you can to get help to break that connection.

Right now, I'm having a very visceral reaction and would like to have 10 minutes alone with your sister... grrrrr!

Good for you mom for jumping on this and working to help your daughter recover. Good luck to both of you.

I am so sorry for you and your daughter. Both of you have been through so much in the last 1/2 year. I'm so glad you can be together to recover.

After meal times became so traumatic for her, I imagine it's going to be excruciatingly slow baby-steps to get on track again. I know it's never good to associate snacking in front of the TV, but I think if you can make her an Enfamil shake w/ yummy ice cream (let her choose) to sip while she's watching a favorite movie, it might work. You're right on track with the stress-free attitude (it's just hard as heck to pull off)!

Sending big warm hugs your way!

I am so sorry that you all are going through this.

At 2 1/2 many children go through times when they are not hungry and other times, when you cannot feed them enough.
I agree to let her eat whatever she wants (healthy of course) maybe take her to the grocery store and let her see all of the beautiful fruits! At our neighborhood store, they will offer to let you taste, whatever you would like to try. Maybe call ahead and see if they would be willing to work with you.. Same in the bakery. She may like a tour of the bakery.

Also may be one of those times when trying to make the food look like fun will help.

You could put grapes on pretzel sticks, or a piece of cheese on a pretzel stick. Ask her if she want to eat "the wand." Get cookie cutters and cut of foods into shapes.

Allow her to feed you food sometimes with a fork or spoon. Then ask her if she can take a bite.

Some children also become overwhelmed by the sight of what they consider too much food. Even without the history your child has.

Find really small plates, bowls, cups and utensils and only put a few items on her plate at once.

If you give her a piece of raisin toast, cut it into 4 pieces and do not even let her see 3 of the pieces. If she eats all of that piece or all but the crust, give her another piece. Do not ask her and do not comment, just place it in front of her.

A scoop of ice cream could be the size of a soup spoon.

Just start off small and add on as needed.

I would suggest contacting the children's hospital outpatient occupational therapy department. They usually have a feeding team that can help with this. Also, some counseling. Your poor daughter was abused, and it sounds like it is going to take some serious work to undo the damage your sister did. My goodness, your sister should be ashamed of herself. I am so sorry for your daughter. I hope you are able to find the resources to help her.

Wow, I'm so sorry you've been through such a tough time, and that your sis was so exorbitantly rigid with your little girl. I'm sure she was doing what she thought necessary, but it's sad to know so many people think babies are some sort of little pliable machines that can be forced into compliance with whatever makes us adults feel more comfortable.

Keeping meals stress-free is important, and it sounds like your child is already making some gains. The fact that her energy is good is a wonderful signal – if she were starving, she'd probably be pretty lethargic. Rich foods may help. I don't know how much time your GI doc is willing to give you, but I'd insist on at least a few weeks (unless she obviously enters a feeding crisis), and I'll bet with lots of TLC from you, she will continue to improve. It strikes me that forcing her with a feeding tube at this point would be awfully invasive, and I would want to keep that as an emergency back-up measure. It's nice to know it's available if all else fails.

Laurie A makes some very good suggestions about keeping food as appealing, and non-overwhelming, as possible.

You might want to investigate Emotion Coaching for your daughter. You can google this term to get some immediate information, which I think you'll find helpful and reassuring. (Here's one good link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... .)

There are also a couple of really excellent books that will help you further connect to your little girl, and reach her where she is emotionally right now. Check out:

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. This book explains the science and the studies that show the measurable advantages to children of empathetic parenting.

Also, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. This is the single most impressive and practical book on parenting I've ever read. It recognizes the individuality and creativity of children, and shows parents how to respectfully help them find workable solutions to emotional quandaries. My grandson has been thriving on these techniques since about your daughter's age.

My best wishes for to you and your little girl.

First off, I would be flipping furious with my sister if she treated my child this way! I would never allow her near my children again. She did some serious psycological damage to your little girl and I suggest counseling. I really hope she is able to over come this and I hope you continue to heal as well. Sending prayers your way.

I would say the "failure" in this is your sister!! I am so sorry that your little one had to go through such an emotional upheaval...and I am not surprised that she is exhibiting symptoms of her emotional distress in physical ways.
I agree with the others, let her be as invovled in food choices and food preparation as possible. My almost 3 year old grandson loves to help prepare food...he can help measure...stir...tear food up into bite sized pieces lots of things that get him involved and makes it HIS meal!!!
I also agree with the idea of letting her "graze"...don't expect her to sit down and eat 3 meals a day with you...youngsters need more steady calorie input to keep their sugar levels and energy levels at an even keel. Offer healthy snack options, fresh fruit, veggies, baked chips and hummus, peanut butter and crackers. Let her eat whenever she feels like it...but try to keep the sugar and other empty calories to a minimum.
Let her help you pick out some pretty place mats, colorful napkins, anything to make the experience of sitting at the table more fun. And don't fuss at her if she doesn't eat, she needs to learn that food is for a purpose...to fuel her body and not something that she is going to be punished about if she doesn't please others with what she eats.

Failure to thrive isn't really a diagnosis; it's a blanket term the doctors use when they can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe she doesn't want to sit for a formal meal. Can you let her graze instead by offering cheerios in a cup away from the table? Or finger food several times during the day?

It sounds like she's just petite to begin with so any eatting issues will have a big impact on her since she's already little. Maybe she needs to recover from the trauma her aunt put her through due to her own frustrations. I'm sorry you had to deal with this.

I'd be sure she's getting half a Flintstone's Complete vitamin to supplement anything she's missing with food.

Have her drink whole milk vs the others. Or even have her drink PediaSure in place of milk as it's much higher in calories. There's vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. One of my triplets drinks this as he's a picky eater and low on the scale. I buy the Walmart equvilent to save money.

I know some kids don't like 3 full meals a day, with 2 snacks. Maybe try 5 small meals a day, where small meals replace a cracker snack.

She should get 2-3 cups of milk a day, straight juice can fill the rest of the day.

Have her sit at the table for every meal and snack, and it works best if you and the rest of the family sits with her every time to set an example. While eating, talk about nutrition and how GOOD the food you're eating is (tasty) and so on. Here, we talk about our veggies. I tell them where they come from, how they're grown, what parts of the body it helps to grow. Carrots are called "eyes" here as they're good for the eyes. Brocolli is called "trees" for fun. I explain how meat makes your muscles grow and we each show off our muscles. Milk is good for teeth and bones. I make up anything I don't know, lol.

It's going to be a slow process to gain weight but keep at it with a positive attitude. It sounds like she may have a high metabolism, which 2 of my 5 kids have. Two others have a low metabolism which means we have to watch their intake and not allow them to over eat as they gain too much too fast. But take it in stride. If you can avoid the hospital at all costs then you won't be putting negative images of food and eating in her head. Let her help pick some of the meal ideas and even let her help prepare it. It always tastes better to a kid when they make it themselves, lol!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I would try to make eating fun. Will she drink Pediasure. I would give her
whatever she wants. Do everything in your power to keep her from having
a feeding tube. Does she like ice cream. Ice cream from the ice cream
man. You really need to be creative . It may be worth it to talk to a
pyschologist. I feel for you. Hopefully as time goes by and she is
comfortable being back home things will improve. Sounds like she was
never a big eater to begin with and that is OK. Good luck and keep me
posted.

Poor little thing! I would suggest Immunocal from immunotec. (immunotec.com) It is a very healthy supplement and immune system booster like a protein powder that helps to balance imbalances in the body. It is undenatured whey protein. I sprinkle a little on my 10 month old's food when he is feeling a little funky. I take it almost daily. But I have friends that give 1/2 a packet a day or so to their little one. It is sooo yummy in chocolate soy milk. If you have any questions, msg me and I'll give you the information of a knowlegeable distributor. Take care!

I was this way as a, infant, toddler and child. As an 11 year old, I had a bone scan of an 8 year old, and also was never on the growth charts. My parents took me to an endocrinologist. She explained if I did not eat, I would have to be fed through iv's in the hospital, and that I would not grow to be taller than 5'. Well, I'm 4'11 now and I started to eat out of fear, but very slowly. In the meantime, the Dr.s told my parents to give me the carnation powder shakes. They added fiber and powder supplements and nutrients to oatmeals with fresh fruits, or to soups and things to sneak in nutrients. Also, lots of fresh fruit and ice cream shakes could be appetizing to a young child, and you can bulk those full of powder nutrients or pediasure and add in vegetables and spinach and such as well to hide the taste if you add plenty of fruit, or chocolate.

I simply did not like to eat, all food was gross, I didn't like the texture (probably the biggest issue), I didn't feel hunger and I was often, too weak to eat, and stressed about eating since it was such a negative issue... it has been a struggle all of my life... and now I'm hypoglycemic, but much better now with the encouragement from my husband and hunger from pregnancies!

It sounds like she has some traumatic memories from not eating at her aunt's house that could possibly contribute now as well. Has she ever been to therapy? At that young age, they do play and art therapy to help toddlers work through their fears and anxiety.

Also, a reward chart could possibly be helpful. Create a sticker or reward system for her, so for each meal she eats, she gets a sticker, then after the 12th sticker or whatever, she gets a special treat. You can buy a bag of toys from party store and put them in a cute little jar where she gets to pick one out.

Also, involve her in the cooking. Let her stir or help dump fruits in the blender... that could help her get excited. Don't pile food on the plate, just a fw pieces at the time, otherwise, it could feel overwhelming for her.

One last thing, when my boys throw food eating tantrums, we say... you can eat 3 big bites, or 10 little bites before you get your reward sticker! They usually opt for 3 big bites. Sometimes, I have to spoon feed them. Just remember, positive reinforcement will go much farther than punishment.

I am so sorry your little girl was traumatized by the actions of your sister. I hope you don't ever have to leave your daughter in her care again. I think you should read up on Celiac, which is an inability to tolerate wheat gluten, which is in so many food items. Doctors in the US do not know much about it, as they don't fully understand how to test for it. There is no blood test. Change her diet to one of fresh veges, fruit, chicken, fish - but no regular pasta, bread, crackers, cereal. There are some great books out there, as well as most supermarkets carry 'gluten-free' items. Give this a month or so and then see how she is doing. So often symtoms like your daughter's is misdiagnosed as a gastro-type illness and they don't respond to medication. It is a tough diet to change, as you have to read labels carefully. Educate yourself, because your doctors will not.

It sounds like this is a reaction to your sister's approach to eating. Kids will eat when they are hungry...may need some proding but not like that. The vomiting sounds like it was a nervous reaction to what what going on.

To help her gain some weight, let her drink lots of whole milk (if you need to put chocolate or strawberry syrup in it, that is fine). Have her eat small meals and snacks often. Don't push the food on her but have it out and available. I believe if you can't get this under control now, later you may have a real eating disorder on your hands as a result.

Oh my goodness! You have been through a time! I'm glad you're feeling better and that your daughter is home with you now.

I market a product that might help with the "failure to thrive" issues. It puts 17 fruits and veggies into gummy treats that kids love.

A friend of mine got her family on it for the same reasons as you and her son did much, much better. She herself was able to carry two babies to term (two separate pregnancies) when her first two had been premature, thanks to her taking the product herself. This is some good stuff!

Email me and I'll send you some information.

Blessings to you,

M.

Poor thing! sounds like trauma here. Therapy might help. I haven't read all responses, so please forgive duplication.

I'd try to get her as involved in food prep as possible--let her help bake cookies, mash potatoes, tear lettuce for salad etc.

You could also let her help plant a small garden--you can still plant lettuce now for a fall crop. Or go to a pick-your-own berry/apple/peach place, maybe that would make the food more attractive.

Also, as folks have mentioned, "cute foods" --toast/sandwiches in shapes, ribbon sandwiches, rainbow layered jello (if you don't know what these are, PM me for more info) etc.

Might she like to go to a restaurant?

I hope you are able to avoid the food tube. That, to me, would only make things worse. Has she actually lost any weight? If not, she might just be in a plateau (kind of the opposite of a growth spurt), and maybe you could convince the doc that at least she is not losing, so please keep her off the tube.
Also point out (repeatedly if necessary) that she is energetic and smart. If she were starving I think she would lack energy. Also point out that she is not vomiting anymore so you ARE making progress.

My mom would complain to our pedi about my brother's poor eating habits and our pedi told her that "sometimes toddlers just seem to live on germs and air". FWIW.

How big were you and your husband when you were her age? You mentioned that she was always tiny. Or maybe she has grown in height (you didn't say how tall she is) but her weight has not yet caught up (probably due to the things your sis did ). I think the doc should cut her a break for that--you have talked to the doc about that, right?--and maybe wait at least as long as she was at your sis's house for things to get back to normal. I really don't see how a tube would more her LESS stressful about food, imho.

Stress-free meals are good, I liked the idea of having indoor picnics. Outdoor ones would be OK too.

Hugs to you both. Hope some of that helped.

K. Z.

seek a child therapist. your sister has caused grave issues with food by punishing her the way she did. Offer her food- every day at set intervals. Get pediasure- try all the flavors- see which she likes best. make eating a game and PRAISE her when she eats- don't go over the top, though... be genuine and let her know it pleases you to see her feeding her body.

Is it possible your sister hit your child? Children often shutdown in abusive situations.

Please, find a child therapist hat will help your little girl work through the anxiety. I think it will help.

good luck-

1.) Get a new doctor. Tiny and picky doesn't mean "failure to thrive". Some of it may be genetic (size...I'm short/tiny, my mom is, her mom was...so, my child is too), but some of it may be allergies to certain foods. My sister was tiny and a picky eater. The more my parents focused on her eating, the less she wanted to eat...it really stressed her out to have all of that "pushy" attention.

2.) Supplement. Have you tried Juice Plus? (www.whelanjuiceplus.com) Juice plus is a whole foods supplement that bridges the gap between the amount of fruits & veggies one should consume in a day vs what they actually consume. Also, what about Pediasure or Boost? These shakes are nutritious and work as a great supplement to any meal. How about smoothies made with her favorite fruits and maybe veggies? There are even organic meal replacement bars (Clif).

I hope this helps and wish you well!

BTW - I am a mom of 4, two of whom are picky eaters. The above suggestions aren't random. They are what has genuinely worked for us.

Riley is SMART! Great advice!
Poor little thing. God Bless you both.

My son was diagnosed severe failure to thrive at 1 and after 2 years of intensive work, he is finally back on the charts. A common misconception people have is that it is actually based on a n individual child's growth curve and not necessarily on other kids around them.

He was not picky but was burning too many calories trying to combat respiratory issues. We worked in tandem with a nutritionist so they could make sure he was getting the nutrition he needed while we ramped up the calories. We did Pediasure and Peptamen 1.5 with Prebio and he began to ask for his drinks first thing in the morning. We also did NG feeds and several other things, but he did just fine taking things orally.

It sounds like the situation with your sister was abusive. I agree she shouldn't go back to that situation ever. We have worked with the CHOP GI team and have had an overall positive experience.

It is worth it looking into if there are any underlying food allergies or sensitivities to her stomach. Some may just cause kids to avoid foods and if she was forced to eat them, that would not have helped the situation.

BTW, my son began at .14%, way "off" the charts (another misconception, everyone is on the chart, but below 3% is considered off the chart) but is now to a healthy 10% and we are weaning him from his drinks and almost to a "normal" diet.

Best of luck!

PS: My son also has bad acid reflux and if he doesn't receive his acid reflux meds daily, he will start to throw up regularly.

I'm not sure if anyone had recommended this but I was once told by one of my son's speech therapists that Hershey had an EXCELLANT feeding program. I had a major issue getting my son to eat when he was little. ALthough he did eat it was only very few carbs. The doctors recommended he eat high protein. So he ate a whole lot of peanut butter sandwiches. LOL! He is still small for his age but catching up very fast. And he now eats ANYTHING and a lot of it. Thankfully I didn't have to take him to Hershey, but if he were as severe as your daughter, I would've.
Good Luck!!

It sounds to me like this is all a reaction to the trauma she was put through at your sister's house. I recommend you get your hands on a copy of the book "My Child Won't Eat" by Dr. Gonzalez. It will change your life! Good luck

I didnt read any answers so sorry if this is repetetive. First... GOOD work on getting her into CHOP. Bext place EVER. My son is 3 and FTT as well because of GI probs (hes 3.5 and weighs 23lbs). FTT is a crappy label because theyll stick it on a kiddo with growth problems even if they still are technically "thriving". My son had an NG tube for awhile and they are TERRIBLE... If she gets a tube, go to a G tube as soon as possible as theNG will make any feeding aversions MUCH worse. I dont have much good advice other than to stick oils and heavy cream into everything you can. We used something called Resource Just For Kid 1.5 which is 1.5calories in every ml, so it was PACKED with calories.. also comes in a juice box looking thing even tho its a milky type of formula. You can also get Carnation Instant Breakfast which is approx the same calories as pediasure but WAY cheaper, and you mix ityourself so you can concentrate the calories even further.

-Anyway, good luck.. I have tons to say but mybrain is fried.. Feel free to send me a private message.. I have been there and know my way well around the CHOP GI floor and docs around there... Good luck

I loved Riley J's answer. I think her suggestions would be really helpful. I just wanted to add something to her suggestions. Something my kids love...We do indoor picnics sometimes. (My son would do them every day if I let him). I have a picnic blanket in a closet where he can reach it. He sets it out on the floor in front of the tv & then we fill a plate with food. Most of the time everyone eats from the same plate, sometimes we do a couple of different plates or bowls. We usually have his favorites: cheese, grapes, pretzels, etc. Sometimes we do lunches on the blanket. We usually have the tv on during the picnic. I think this might help reduce your daughter's stress level, b/c its not a meal.
I would also recommend (for now, to get her calories up) let her have any food she asks for, even cake.
I would also suggest getting her to help you make food. Maybe have her help you bake cupcakes & then let her give them away to her friends.
Try to make things as fun as possible.
I think its great you are asking for advice & doing your best to keep her out of the hospital & off a feeding tube. Go with your gut, follow your instincts & let your daughter tell you what she needs. Stay strong & good luck.

One more thing...my kids favorite treat is honey nut cheerios & dark chocolate m&ms in a snack trap. I don't know anyone else who does this snack which is why I'm telling you about it. She might like it & its not as unhealthy as it sounds.

One of my great friends was diagnosed as failure to thrive when she was little. She is still very petite, but certainly thrived! And- is smart as a whip as well.. I'll try asking her for some tips on what worked for her...

I'm not sure if those Ensure shakes or Pediasure shakes would help... My little sister also wouldn't eat ANYTHING when she was little, so my parents would grind things up into milkshakes...

It could be the stress of having to switch homes that's causing her not to eat... (plus the yelling and harshness at your sister's house) Hopefully once she's home and is back into her routine she'll start eating again. You'll find what works for her and what she likes. (even if it's peanut butter and jelly all the time) Also- there's this awesome book by Jessica Seinfeld you might want to check out called "Deceptively Delicious." She's got all these healthy foods that are hidden in foods kids love... Everything looks so creative and awesome... I would eat them too! Good luck!