3 Yr. Old with Attitude and Listening Problem

He sounds normal. I have a 3 year old and a 17 month old and I had the same problem. He just wants attention. Give him lots of it especially when he is being GOOD! If you can recognize all the times he does something good and reward him with attention for it eventually he will catch on. He will do good things for attention. ( : It really works!
Also, get him involved with caring for the baby. Give him duties like retrieving diapers and them give him lots of kisses for it. It will make him feel important.

Sometimes when I want them to do something I say if you want to go where they want to go lets do this and then we can decide which place we want to go then.
Also compliment them on things they do and about them. This helps too.

A., it sounds to me that he's jealous of your other child. What I would recommend is to explain to him that yes, he's got another sibling but that's not a bad thing and you still love him just as much. Tell him that you'll still be there and give him the attention just the same as when he was your only. Also, when your other child is down for a nap or someone else is playing with that child, then make sure that you play and give your 3 year attention, as you did when he was an only child. When you've got both of them give do activities that you can give them both equal attention. I know it's hard I went through this, but once I followed this I found my oldest didn't dislike his brother as much. Good luck!

I have a 3 year old also and a 1 year old. Every child is differant with what works to get them to listen so I will just share what I found. I use the one two three with him which works great when I tell him to do something. If I get to three there will be consiquinces. Example I tell him to come to me and I can tell hes ignoring I tell him if he doesn't come to me when I say three than this thing is going to happen (whatever you feel is appropriate) I use spanking, time outs, and privlages such as his tv time away. You just feel him out and see what will work with him. Whatever you find stick with it and don't give in to him. The biggest confusion to a child I believe is not being consistant. If you say it you better do it or he won't believe you and it will be World War II. I have a very strong willed boy and I hope this helps you. Some people don't like the counting method because they think they should listen the first time but what I have found is it gives them 3 seconds to make a good choice or bad choice. Good Luck!

I have a 4 yr old he was 3 when I was preganat with lil sis he only began to act up after we had her now that she is 1 he is still doing it he is very intelligent for his age he didn't go through what others call the terrible two's, we have to ask him to do things over and over again. A big issue with this is feeling left out atttention even negative attention is what they want,that's all. A big help that I discovered is reading to my son out loud i've done this anyway, but now he chooses the books and we go into his room and read a few throughout the day. He is also getting melt down's when he want's something but can't have unsure on how to handle this but that to shall pass. He is in preschool for a few hrs a week and loves it I thought this will be helpful since he is a careful child on who he talks to and plays with that it'll do him some good and he'll learn from other's what sharing and caring is all about. He is doing very well he loves it want's to go everday!!
So my advice to you is take a deep breath and spend sometime with him alone and play color read, he'll get the sense mommy loves me too.This doesn't take out any less time from baby.
Wife ____@____.com mama of 2 kiddo's, maybe more later

Three was the hardest age for me with my daughter. I highly suggest you read Dare to Discipline by Dr. james Dobson. You need to teach your son to respect you now. I do also agree with the other mothers who posted about making sure you encourage him and spend time alone with him. Let him help you with the baby if he will. (bring you daipers, throw daipers away. talk to the baby, help him hold the baby) kids need to be a contributing member of the family. I cannot tell you how valuable the book I suggested has been to me.

Use consequences for not listening and for negative behavior. Praise and compliment for good behavior. Model for him, and say what you would have liked for him to say when he doesn't talk nicely. Then, let him repeat after you. Consequences could be losing his favorite toy, missing his favorite TV show, not getting to play outside, not getting to have a friend over, etc. If he doesn't get reigned in now, it'll only get worse. Believe me. I know. I didn't take care of the problem at the early stages, and now I've had to deal with bigger problems later.

--C.

It sounds as if your little boy is really jealous of his brother. I am sure you have tried to make him feel that he is still important, but often they don't believe you. Do you make special times just for him? For example, on a calendar show him a day and tell him that on that day he will get 2 hours of your time. Just you and him. Take him to lunch or something special during that time. Let hubby deal with the 8 mo old for that time. Also take advantage of the nap times to spend time with him. It is important to get him to understand that just because he has a little brother you still love him, and you depend on him to help you with the new baby.
However, stop telling him five times to do something. Speak once, looking him in the eyes, and then if he does not do what you ask you need to discipline him. He will soon get the idea that he doesn't have 5 chances to move. My mother was very inconsistent with us, and we took advantage of it every time, however when Dad spoke he only spoke once and then acted if we didn't move, we soon knew we had better do as we were told.
Each time he screams and gives you an attitude he would have time out. Make sure the time out is not in his room where he has toys or near the Television. It needs to be a spot that is isolated. He needs to realize that you are Mom and that he has to respect you. If it doesn't happen now you will have big problems the older he gets. Ugliness isn't allowed.
I hope this helps, I had a strong willed son too, and it isn't easy to get them to realize you are the "Boss". A good phrase to use when he starts to scream is "No words back."

This is noraml, but to an extreme. This little guy is feeling threatened. Make him part of his little brothers care. But also realize that he sees his little brother get into things and do things that he doesn't get into trouble for. But he gets into trouble. Explain to him that he is a big boy and you are so thankful that he is. Make it great that he is a big boy. And how his little brother is so loved, but he doesn't understand what he is doing. And that it is such a help to have him at his age. But if you haven't start telling the 8 months old no no and move them away from what ever it is they are doing wrong. If the little brother screams just gently put your hand over his mouth and tell him no yelling. If he throws a fit with body language, stand him up and tell him no, don't act that way. This will go a long way in teaching the 8 month old and showing the big brother that he is not the only one who is doing things wrong. They begin to feel picked on and get angry. But if he yells at you do the same thing with him as you do the little brother, cover his mouth gently or just put a finger on his lips and say no, that is not nice, be soft spoken please. If he throws a fit with body language sit him in time out and know that you are probably going to sit right there with him to correct his body language. Try to be calm but firm. If he hits at you take his arm and tell him no that is not acceptable and take his hand and put it on your cheek and say mommy loves it when you are gentle. If he kicks at you put your hand on his leg and tell him the same thing and tell him God gave him his feet to walk with not to kick. What ever it is you have to correct it EVERY time. One time and he will still do it. Compliment him heavely when he does someting good. When our older grand daughter is playing with her little sister and she does something sweet we point that out and tell her how proud and happy we are with her. This way she doesn't just hear don't don't don't No No No!! She is 2 yrs. and her baby sister is 10 months.
When they are playing and you see the 8 month old grab big brothers skin or hair or clothing, go over and take the 8 month old and remove his hand and tell him to be gentle, take his hand and touch his brother and teach him what soft and gentle are. Big brother will respect you for doing that.

A baby is born with all the emotions a person can have. It is up to the parent to teach that child how to use the emotions that God has blessed them with. All emotions are a blessing, if they are taught how to use them to be healthy. You have a battle ahead of you that will take maybe over a week to correct. But you can do these things. And when he has hurt feelings acknowledge this and hug him and tell him your sorry what ever hurt him and let him know that it is ok to cry when your hurt and that it will help him laugh and smile later. From the time we have babies, our life turns to teaching them and caring for them. We constantly put ourselves on hold and focus on them. That is why once a week it's nice for dad to take mom out. And who ever baby sits teach them the way you teach your kids so you can enjoy going home! Watch your kids and learn what their body language tells you. Watch the way things affect them. Observe what they love and what they hate. Know your kids! I would watch the boys as they got off the bus and their body language would tell me how to greet them. Live for your children!

Consistancy works the best and no warnings. He is old enough to talk to so explain to him how you want things to be tell him the comsequences and stick with it. Yes you will feel mean for a while but you both will be happier if it works. Are you doing things that involve all three of you? Reading together, playing peek a boo, bath time. Make sure the older one is your big helper, he will feel apart more.

Your son is a little older than my daughter, but we've had some discipline issues too. We've been to a "Love and Logic" presentation and listened to a tape and read a book. The library system has some of these resources. I've also heard good things about "1 2 3 magic". Good luck!

A.-
3 was the hardest age for my 3 kids as well. Everyone talks about terrible 2's, but the whole year of 3 was bad. Hang in there.

What I would suggest is to work on a reward or prize system. For instance, he will get a marble if he does x the first time you ask, or he will get a marble if he does not talk back, or he will get a marble if he shares his toys, etc. Just start with 5 or so simple things that you really would like him to do. Then, when he gets a certain number of marbles, say 10 or 15, he will get to pick a prize out of a prize basket. This helped immensely with my little ones. It will take him a few days to figure out how it works, & then voila, new attitude. My kids, at age 5, still love this reward system. When I am consistent on using it, their behavior is considerably better. Good luck.
Jen

I understand i have sibling rivalry 7 yr old girl and a gonna be 1 yr old baby boy i need help too my mom lives far away have g-ma but its crazy well i wish you luck i have thought about counseling but i will pray for you and anyhow i have faith in you i know its hard i am a single mom too take care!

Sounds to me like your little one is having some new baby jelousy. My cousin went through this with her little girl. My advice is to schedule some alone time with your little one every day. Once he's getting your attention positively, he might not feel like he needs to get it negatively with fits.
Hope this helps.

--A.

I would also suggest checking out the book "Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World". You might try taking his favorite things away.

Hi A., I am a grandma ( nana ) of 5. our almost 3 year old has a baby bro almost 4 months. So when he starts acting up we call it being Ugly. He needs to speak with inside voice use nice words. When he doesn't respond to direction the first time it is a reminder only. If he still does not do something he is asked to do, he is taken by the hand and I stand there watching him until the tasks is finished. Yeah it can take a while. I give Happy face's on a dry erase board and High 5 for minding.
If he continues to use Loud voice or is sassy he gets time out. Consistency is the clue. Whatever you try keep doing it at least a week. If yu change from day to day he will continue to act up. Our little guy has been talking in long sentence since he was about 18 months His vocab. is Amazing to me. He knows when Nana is not focusing on HIM.. ;) Little minx.
But of every thing with your little man. Hang in there. You will survive in spite of them.
PS
He loves his baby brother as from the start we let him help with in between bottle feedings ( mom works and pumps at office ) Bringing me diapers, I let him help and he loves being a Big Brother helper.

We took Love & Logic classes at our church that helped a TON!!! They have classes all over - just google Love & Logic and you can find local classes. I promise it is well worth the time! Good luck!!

There's been some good advice already, but I want to show a different approach. First, to the poster who recommended spanking, please rethink this. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against spanking, as the evidence is clear that while it may bring about the desired result in the short term, it sends very strong negative messages (eg, that it's okay for bigger people to hurt those who are weaker).

We had some issues like this when our second was born. One thing that helped me was realizing that, in contrast to the baby, she seemed so much older and more mature that I was expecting too much of her. Most toddlers regress some when a new baby comes, and it is not under their control. So, things that she could do at one time may not be possible another time. Sometimes she needs more help than I think, but doesn't know how to say that. Also, the connection between right and left brain is not fully developed, so kids at that age are not entirely able to control their impulses or connect judgement/reason with gross motor control. So, even though it is so hard when you have a new baby, bringing as much patience and understanding and helpful attitude to the situation will go a long way.

So many people stress the idea of sticking to your guns with children, but I often don't parent this way. Maybe if your son is very strong-willed and spirited, what he needs to see you model is willingness to compromise, flexibility, and creative problem solving that emphasizes solutions that can make everyone happy. Staying calm helps too, and some irritating behaviors like screaming really will go away if you just ignore them. It takes a lot more time and sometimes I am so tired that it's difficult to think straight enough to figure out how to really solve a problem, when I wish she could just do what I say. But now when I see her trying to understand why the baby is crying, or comforting her, or "reading" her a book . . . I know she is doing these things out of kindness, not because she knows that big people approve of these behaviors.

Many many people will tell you that if you don't strictly enforce rules your child will become "spoiled" and manipulative. But I can honestly tell you that our daughter is making so much progress these days, I am so proud of her, and when people compliment her behavior in public places, it's just a bonus. Recently she went to her first funeral, and it was a stressful day for everyone, but more than one person commented that she was the best-behaved child there.

Good luck! And if you have any questions, feel free to message me.

Hi A.,

Well I have a few thoughts.

First when your younger son is down for nap, take that time and spend it with your older son. Just you and him. Whether it be playing a game, maybe even covering the Alphabet, reading a book. Let him know that he has your undivided attention for the next 2 hours or whatever. Let him know that when baby brother wakes up we will have to go get him and change his diaper and do these next few things. Encourage him to help you. And let him know that there will be consequences for when he acts incorrectly.

The other part is when he is acting like that and not being nice you need to decide where he is gonna go whether it be to his room, sitting in a chair or standing in the corner. Let him know when he can act correctly, talk nicely, and listen to you he can come out. Let him know that if he needs something he needs to be nice and talk nice to you to get your attention. Because hime being mean will 1) not get your attention AND 2) it will only get him sent to a time out.

The other part is that you need to be consitent on what you are gonna do. If he starts talking to you in a disrespectful way you need to give him a warning and let him know that if you do not listen to me or if you don't start talking nicely to me you will have to go to time out or your room. (whichever you are gonna do) He has to stay in time out for 3 minutes, if he comes out before his time is up he goes back. Plan on for the next few days getting nothing accomplished at home but working on discipline and talking respectfullu to you. If and when you put him in the corner a) let him know why he is there, b) let him know he is in time out or his room for 3 minutes and for what reason, c) and if he yells at you, do not engage in conversation with him. Ignore him completely unless he moves off the spot you put him on or if you put in him in his room.

When his time is up let him know he can come out, let him know why he was in there and give him a hug and tell him you love him. Then continue on your day.

Hi A. Z. I am M. N. and am very new to the area, I am 37 years old with a 3 1/2 year old son. Prior to mother-hood I worked with teen youth and prior to that young mothers and babes. Unfortunately for you you have hit the "testing threes" with a baby in hold. He is jealous and wants mommy all to himself. He wants attention and will seek it in anyway, shape or form--even if negative. He believes that he has been replaced and is distancing himself from you.
You stated that he calms when the baby is napping. That is the key: he knows he has you all to himself. The important step to note is that he has to be taught to share mommy. To make him understand that you love him just as equally as baby and that he and baby are the same. Try feeding baby and holding bib-brother at the same time (I know easier said than done). Try including big-brother in the feeding, start including big-brother in baby task. Make a real big deal out of anything that big-brother can do with baby. OH, wow you know what you can teach baby to talk, to crawl, to walk, you can teach baby to sing ABC's would that be fun!!! Use all positive statements. Use all calm words and always look big-brother directly in the eye at his eye level. Then when baby is taking of one of the naps, the housework can wait, make a special time just for you and big-brother. I know there should be one of the naps that all three of you should be napping too. You are very young and your patience has to stay low, remember he is only three, he may act older, but his brain truelly is not.
I know my son can be very calculating and very manipulative. Even at my age, I have to keep my emotions in check every day.
Hopefully with your youth you have more energy to keep up with the two sprites. My guy literally wipes me out.
Good Luck and remember You are the MOM and you are Smarter than he is. Keep up the Strength. I hope this helps.