3 Yo W/ear Infection & Cold - Do I Enforce All Rules

My sympathies on having to sick children! I think you have to continue to enforce the rules. It will be very difficult to re-inforce them after he's better and you also don't want him to think that every time he's sick, rules don't apply. That's just not the way the world works. Kids need to learn that they have to fit into the world; the world will not fit around them. Stick to the rules but you might want to shorten the time outs.

The way I would handle it is this: Just because he is sick, the rules should not have to change, otherwise he is going to be upset and may cause a big fuss when they change back to normal. Let him know that you understand that he is not feeling well, but you still expect him to follow the rules.

Good Luck!

M. *~

M.,

I say to try to be as consistent as you can with your house rules-within reason. Kids act up when they aren't feeling well and can't fully express their emotions. So I would definitely give a lot of slack for that- but as far as behavior, if they are doing things that they absolutely know not to do-ever, then I would do timeouts etc.

Molly

I was wondering if he is actually hearing you. Ear infections (and it sounds like his are bad) can affect hearing. Also, kids in pain often don't respond well to voice commands.

I would make sure you are getting down to his eye level and putting your hands gently on him whole asking him to do something.

And remember that when we're sick we're cranky and don't want to do anything either!

That's a tough one. I like to keep rules similar, yet my husband wants to drop them all together. When home sick, I say no TV (don't get rewarded for being sick), whereas my husbands turns it on to the kid channels for our daughter.

I relax a little, but still hold the line on respect. Sometimes the ill one just needs a little quiet rest.

Hi M.,

I can really sympathize with you. I've been wondering the same things. My 16 month old is recovering from croup (we had to take him to the ER last Friday night because he couldn't breathe)and still has a really bad cold/cough and now he also has an ear infection. On top of that, I caught his bug, and now feel like I have the worst cold ever! We have been letting him watch a lot of tv, because it keeps him quiet & resting better than anything else, (plus, I just don't have the energy right now to keep him occupied - I don't even have enough voice to read a story!) and have also had him sleeping with us at night in case he has another croup incident. We're a bit worried how it will go getting him back into his crib. I also haven't put him in timeout at all because he usually screams and cries, which makes his symptoms worse.

I guess what I'm saying is, you sort of have to just deal with what's in front of you the best you can and worry about the consequences later when the little ones are sick. I also agree that your son may not be able to hear, which must be disorientating to him, which may be why he's acting out more.

Good luck to you. I hope your boys feel better soon!
T.

May the force be with you! :0)

Call me cruel, but I strictly enforce bed-rest time during illness - period. Reading books, coloring, tv/video games (if allowed), card games, etc. No running around - end of story. Resting is how one's body fights the all the "bad germs".

Blessings.

Hi M.

More than likely your 3 year old son cannot hear you very well if he has a double ear infection. The fluid and infection affects hearing. What did your pediatrian say?

As for enforcing rules, nobody is at their best when they are sick so be patient. Best of luck.

I tend to let the house rules relax when a child is ill. I know how I feel when I am sick! I think that your child is not ignoring your voice at this time, during his double ear infection, rather that he cannot hear you due to the muffled effect of fluid in his ear canals. So please, walk to him and make certain that he can see your face when you are talking to him, at least while he is ill. He probably only hears muffled sounds right now, and is not disobeying.

Wow lots of good advise. Here is my two sense. Checking that he hears you is best. Make eye contact and have him answer you. My niece had lots of ear infections and couldn't hear most of the time, so that is what she did. If your sure he has heard you and still disobeys, the rules are the same and the correction should be the same. Although we feel cranky when we're sick, we shouldn't be cranky with our loved ones. I like the empathy approach as the teacher said. I know you don't feel well, but you can't disobey Mommy or do whatever it is wrong. Hug him, love him and have him ask forgiveness. Forgive him and move on. Blessings.

He's only 3yrs old, right? He doesn't fully understand what is happening to his body and is going to feel irritable and frustrated. Letting him know that you are concerned with how he feels and give him more attention is a compassionate response to a little one who is in a lot of discomfort. As long as he isn't hurting anyone ie..hitting the family dog on the head, or pulling a toy away from your 14 month old, etc. What is wrong by having the environment more relaxed?
Make sure he can also hear you. Having a double infection makes the ears more muffled. He also might be a little more in his own world because of how his ears feel and you can't expect the same behavior from him that you do when he's well.
He may also feel like he needs to control what's in his environment more and less interested in listening because he feels out of control with what is happening to his body.
Being flexible to their needs based on the situation is important. I suggest redirect the behavior into something more positive as often as you can. If he wants to pour water on the floor, don't respond harshly but instead tell him that if he wants to pour water he can go outside or in the bathroom inside the bathtub. before he does that though, he needs to help you clean up what he's done and then you'd be happy to supply him with the necessary goodies to pour to his hearts content. If he only gets to see a half hour of TV a day, allow him to zone out with an age appropriate movie on the couch, but have some activity on the floor that he can do while watching, or after he's done zoning.
Good luck, remember they need even more patience and understanding when they're sick than they do normally.

-M. R.

My 2 cents...

If you let it all slide, you will have a very hard time getting back the behavior you want when your child is well. I say this as an elementary teacher and as a parent. Of course you can cut your child a little slack, but make sure everything you cut him slack on is okay with you. Use a lot of empathy... " I know you are not feeling well right now. It's time to take your nap. Do you want to walk or should I carry you?" The child gets a choice, but will be taking the much needed nap.

With a double ear infection, maybe he CAN'T hear you and isn't trying to be defiant. Also, use saline to rinse his nose and use a sucky to get the mucous out. This will help alleviate the pressure on his ears and clear out the infection faster. Good luck. I know your patience is wearing thin, but hang in there. I'm sure your son is tired of feeling sick too. I still think he's having a hard time hearing you.

Jackie

Eh...your kid has DOUBLE ear infections. Are you sure he is hearing you??? If it is a case of you feeling that he is ignoring you, please take that into consideration. If you have never had ear infections I can tell you it is like someone talking to you under water. Even if you have his attention you may sound like wah wah wah. Make sure you have eye contact and show him what you want.
Also, ear infections HURT and it doesn't go away right away. Yes, be lenient, cuddle him more, watch TV with him, read a book with him. He is only 3. He may seem older because you have a younger child but he is still a baby too. Be firm but try to give him a little extra TLC.

I'd worry less about treating the symptom (acting out) and more about treating the cause. My guess is your son is extremely miserable, and that could be as simple as boredom in addition to not feeling well. Do you live in an area that has been effected by all this smoke? That could be making him physically feel worse. Check out this website for where the best air quality is right now and take a trip. Find somewhere there you can go to just have some quiet outdoor time, like read books, drink soup, and get some fresh air. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Our family has done this several days and it has helped us all physically & emotionally. http://www.sparetheair.org/about/five_day.htm

Hi, M.;
I remember feeling too tired at these times to enforce all the rules...but hang on to Nap Time, because it is your Friend. And his, too. Even change it into Quiet Time, if you need to. Also, to help him get better, do continue or create a loose schedule for bathing or showers. Keep up the good work. J.

I would make sure he can actually HEAR what you are saying. My daughter always gets fluid in her ears when she has a cold and they totally get plugged up and she can't hear ANYTHING! The first time it happened we were so frustrated. I was talking to her and it was like she was totally ignoring me and then suddenly she said "Ow" and grabbed her ear and said it popped and then she was fine after that. It happens almost everytime she gets a cold. Frustrating for parents, but the poor kid cannot hear! I would test that out....good luck! Hope they are feeling better soon!

My three year old had a double inner ear infection once and had loss of hearing and actually used hand and body language to understand us. I would give her time outs for not listening. I didn't even know she had such an infection until the doctor found it during a check up. Just make sure he can hear you before you respond with a punishment for not listening. Some kids can hear and just want control when they feel ill.
Good luck with this.
E.

I can sympathize. It seems like whenever my patience level is zero that's when my kids also act up. I think you need some time to yourself to regroup. Perhaps you can do something nice for yourself like a pedicure or buying some flowers and taking a walk with some deep breaths. During your time off, don't think about your son. Just think about you. Then get a good nights sleep and see how it is the next day. I bet it will be better because you'll be rested and taken care of and your son will sense your renewed sense of energy. Good luck and let me know how it all goes!

Absolutely - cut him some slack. Think about how your personality changes (hence your behvaior) when you are in pain. Don't worry about him getting too used to "breaking the rules" - that's the least of his worries right now. You can get him back on track when he feels better.
Just love him for now. He needs his mommy.

Hi M.!

Awwwwwww..poor thing! Those double ear infections can really hurt and be so uncomfortable!

When my kids are that sick, things are WAY lenient. Ear infections are difficult because they usually cannot hear as well. I give a "countdown" for EVERYTHING! You know, 5 min's before it's time to clean up, 4 min's before..., 3...,2...1. After about 1 month of counting down, everything seems eaiser.

I actually NEVER gave a timeout when my boys were sick. I never thought they did anything "bad enough" to be put in timeout for it. Sure their tempers were short, but who's isn't when they're sick? We all need a little extra "room" for our tempers when we don't feel good.

I always allowed my kids to watch more TV when they were/are sick. They're laying down for longer periods of time, which means resting.

I know it's difficult for the mom to handle children when they're sick. It gets so exhausting. But the truth is, our kids need us MORE patient and loving when they're sick, then when they're well.

I hope he feels better soon :o)