I am the "stepmom" figure in our 3 year olds life and his eating habits are driving me crazy! He wants sugary processed foods for breakfast, if I make him eggs he refuses to eat them and wants cereal....dad will give it to him. He will pick at the cereal and then want a "snack". He usually gets that too. He asks for candy and gum all day long, and will chew the gum for a while and then want another piece when the sweet is gone. His father makes his lunch for school and it contains healthy foods and many choices. He seems to eat pretty good at school. I feel this is due to the fact that they keep a schedule for meals and snacks. Sweets are very limited at school as well. So if he is hungry, he eats what is placed in front of him.
I feel the amount of junk foods he eats affects his behavior, his energy levels and his sleep. During the recent holidays I watched in horror as the 3 year old was allowed to refuse his healthy breakfast, was given sugar coated cereal, cookies, fudge, an endless supply of gumballs so on and so forth. He basiclly refused his lunch, but again wanted and was allowed to eat most of a box of junior mints, half of a large box of milk duds, cookies, fudge and plenty of sprite to drink. Dinner time came, he again picked at his food, left the table and within an hour was allowed to consume several large truffles, asked for more and I had to hide them., an entire bowl of ice cream, and picked at a blueberry bagel with cream cheese. He was super hyper for the evening, began to act out and had difficulty sleeping thru the night waking up several times.
When it is just the 2 of us, I do not give in to his requests for snacks and sweets. I also do not prepare "alternative" meals for him when he refuses to eat, I simply save the meal....if hes hungry, he will eat it eventually. He can have a healthy snack like fruit of fresh veggies when we get home from school, but that is all untill dinner time. Dad works untill 7 so we do not eat untill 7:30, but I have been feeding our boy around 6, so that when we sit down to eat he can have some milk and a couple cookies for desert, trying to allow time to digest prior to bath time, knowing snacks will be requested and probably given to him, I " try" to create time between requested snacks and bed time. This is not alwayse possible, and he often is put to bed within half an hour of consuming sugary snacks.
His father works from 11-7, and wants as much time as possible with him. He is a very loving father. Therefore Bedtime is often pushed back untill 10 pm. Then we have to wake him up at 8 to get me to work. I dont think he is resting enough, I dont think he is eating healthy enough. I try to encourage eating at the table as a family, I do not encourage horseplay at the table so everyone can focus on eating......but I am at a loss. It is so frustrating to have a 3 year old refuse his food and be given sweets afterwards. I dont want to be offensive, I dont want to overstep my boundries. I think I would like to present factual information on this subject matter to his father, allowing him to make his own decisions about his son. Any advice and information would be greatly appriciated!
M.
Thank for the thoughtful responses. I found today that dad becomes very defensive when discussing parenting. He was quick to state that he has a different way of parenting and it does not include keeping things away from his son that he wants. If he wants a chocolate bar, he should have it. This is HIS son, tho I love him ad my own, so I must choose my words carefully. He is a first time father, he is trying to over compensate for the lack of interaction from the mother...I can see this, I understand. We do the shopping together, makes it tough when he wants to get the cap'n crunch and junk. I will have to find a way to stand my ground. In the grocery store...yikes!
You and Dad need to get on the same page. He is undermining your authority and not helping his son to learn healthy eating habits.
Guilt trips about being away at work are NOT an excuse for making poor parenting decisions. Explain to Dad how he can help and what he cannot do. Stand your ground, since you'll have to put up with a lot of the fallout.
Who tends to do the grocery shopping? Don't buy that much junk food. Keep a little bit of treat around (ice cream, fruit popsicles) and make sure there is no other sugar-laden food around. Don't buy pop, candy, cookies, etc. (Around the holidays, this will be impossible. But try it for the rest of the year.)
Also, cereal can be a really healthy food. Only buy lower sugar cereals. Cheerios or shredded oat cereals are low in sugar, crunchy, and tasty. Sometimes my kids just eat the dried cereal for a snack. (BTW, lots and lots of kids won't eat eggs. Neither of mine do, even when they were in non-picky stages. Instead of eggs, try french toast with whole wheat bread if you want to get an egg in them. Even with syrup, it's not too bad for them.)
Good luck.
Lots of moving parts!
1 - Way too much sugar - does dad understand that sugar contributes to all kinds of issues - makes you feel like you're not full and impacts your metabolism? Maybe find a short (man-sized) article for him to read explaining it. Not lengthy - guys want to know the bottom line - they are not interested in the "whys" - jusr the "what".
2. by definition 3 yr old kids are fussy eaters. Most 3 yr oolds I know have about 3 things they are willing to eat - breakfast lunch and dinner - they do not discriminate. If they're on a mac & cheese and hotdog theme that is all they will want - regardless of which meal it is. Who cares - mac & cheese is more nutritious than sugary cereal. you ahve to find the thing he's willing to eat and realize it is subject to change at a whim. Try these: PBJ sandwiches cut into small triangles, squares or strips - cut up apples with peanut butter, cheese cubes with toothpicks to skewer them, fruit peices with toothpicks. boloney stacked and cut into cubes. AS my husband used to say - cut it into cubes and serve with a toothpick and they'll eat anything. (It's about presentation - even sandwiches of any type cut into different small shapes is good)
3. - Clearly this child is confused with many different sets of rules. Dad isDisney dad and give him anything he wants, who knows what happens with mom - and you are left with the remaining loose ends to pick up. Kids want consistency. They want to know what the rules are - and they'll adjust to follow the rules. They want to know someone else is in control becuase they know they are not capable and it's scary.
Finally , my son still eats odd foods at odd times of the day - when he was 4 he'd ask if I had any meat for him to eat (at 7 A.M.) so I'd give him left over grilled chicken. If he didn't like dinner a PBJ was the option. If he wanted a PBJ instaed that's fine. When he got old enough he'd have to make it himself. We traveled with mac & cheese for my daughter at one point becuase that's about all she'd eat. And we learned if we skewered almost anything with a toothpick she'd eat it. So sandwiches, fruit, carrots, cheese, zucchini, red pepper slices, etc, were put on a plate with a few toothpicks stuck in some of the pieces and it would vanish like magic!
Good luck - he's blessed to have you in his life to offer some consistency and help him learn how to eat well. Include love and he's just a lucky kid to have another person in his life to love him.
Unless dad wakes up and smells the coffee, it won't matter what you do. You don't need "factual information", everyone over the age of 2 knows the difference between junk food and healthy food and which O. we *should* eat. Every parent on the planet, including your boyfriend knows that (in the words of Pink Floyd) "you don't get any pudding if you don't eat your meat"!
10 p.m. is just too late of a bedtime for a 3 year old.
Let dad put him to bed with a bath, a book, prayers and a cuddle. Dad can get up with him in the morning for extra time since he doesn't start work til 11, right?
Dad needs to get on board and realize that his son WILL eat healthy if that is all that is available.
Children will not starve themselves.
Yes, there will be whining, begging, fit throwing in the beginning, but if we prepare ourselves to be strong, we can set these children on the right path of what their bodies need to grow to their potential.
First purchase lots of pairs of ear plugs, have them around the house so that you all are prepared for the whining and crying that will take place..
I have posted this before based on another parent having problems getting her 3 year old to eat properly.. here are my suggestions.
Here is the hard part.
As moms and dads, we feel like if our children are not eating or refusing to eat what we are serving, we are not doing a good job of parenting.
In reality, there are times when humans are just not hungry, things do not look appetizing or we are just not in the mood to eat at some set time enforced by others.
Also at this age, he is becoming more aware of his surroundings and sometimes eating is just not what he has his attention on. Totally normal. Don't you feel like this many times?
You cannot force anyone to eat without consequences. Rebellion, resentment and sometimes health problems in the future.
And so what you do is keep your scheduled meals healthy, keep healthy snacks available. Do not bribe, beg or threaten children or anyone, that does not want to eat what is served.
If you do not want your child eating junk or filling up on junk, do not have it in the house. The options will be only what YOU give him. (no sugar cereals in the house)
Place tiny portions in front of him. 3 green beans. 1 cherry tomato, 1 tiny meat ball. IF he eats an item, silently add more to the plate until he stops eating. No conversations needed about the quantity, instead saying, "mmm, I like my green beans." Wow this cherry tomato is nice and sweet. "
Instead make sure he is getting healthy things to drink when he is thirsty and remind him, "if you do not eat your dinner. I am not making anything else until the next meal. " Just remind him about not eating when the food was available or have healthy options like apple slices, Cheese, yogurt. Whole wheat toast. etc.. available.
Hang in there mom and dad. This is completely normal and I promise there are going to be times when he is eating you out of house and home in his teen years. You are going to be amazed you were every worried about his lack of appetite sometimes and his demands for junk. .
