3 Year Old Won't Go to Sleep on His Own.

I think if you let him play it out he's going to lose a lot of sleep, which can be pretty detrimental. For me, I'd rather stay with him for 30 minutes & know he's getting the sleep he needs. You could get a book with a book light, or watch a video iPod or listen to music or audiobooks with headphones. I taught prek for 5 years & always patted backs of the 4-5-year-olds to help them fall asleep. I don't think it's unreasonable for a 3-year-old to need help, & to be unable to be distracted even if he knows he should be sleeping. Also, I highly recommend "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. If I had a dollar for every time I've recommended it, in fact, I could at least buy a tank of gas. It's got lots of great ideas.

Maintain a strict routine. Do not stray from this routine. Do not put toys or a television in his room... keep books perhaps. He's probably ADD/ADHD. Good luck.

Some kids need some support while they go to sleep. And insufficient sleep could be causing some of the discipline problems - lord knows I'm grumpy when I don't get enough sleep! Since you know he will fall asleep with you there, why not start with that. You could also use a star chart with a reward for staying in bed and settling easily for a few days (say 5 days or 1 week). If you stay with him, which makes it easier for him to go to sleep, he will experience success and learn from it. You can talk to him about what sorts of things can help him fall asleep during this week - lying still, doing deep breathing to relax, counting breaths, whatever. The next week you can tell him that you will stay with him for 15 minutes to help him sleep, and then you will sit by the door until he goes to sleep. You can remind him to use the things that you've talked about, particularly the things he reports works for him. After he does this successfully for a few days, give him another reward and decrease the time you "assist". It might also help to offer praise whenever he attempts to help himself sleep. Continue to use the star chart and reward system until he is going to sleep at an appropriate time. (Can you tell my background is in psychology?? :-D)

Other things that might help - make sure you've got a good night routine and a reliable bed time. My daughter *needs* her routine so she knows it's time to go to sleep. We keep it simple - bathing, brushing teeth, a few books, a song and some rocking, then off to bed. Also, if I let her stay up past her "magic hour", then it takes FOREVER for her to go to sleep and she doesn't sleep as well.

One other thing, you might check with a doctor to make sure there isn't something medical that's keeping him up.

Good luck with you son!
T.

well this is hard when i had my 2 year old cousins they would not sleep at all and i asked there doctor would could i do and the doctor told me to give them 1 tea spoon of childerns nyquil 30 min. before bed time in till you get him use to going to bed on his on it really helped my cousins i even started feeling better because i could get some sleep to but you could also ask your doctor to make sure well good luck

HELP IS ON THE WAY!!

I had this problem too, my son was a bit younger - this is what was recommended: THE FERBER METHOD! My sis-n-law had one of the many books of his and recommended I read it. It gave lots of great information on how much sleep they need, nap, routines, etc. There is a method to getting them to sleep and it starts with a strict bedtime routine at the same time every night. And then implementing his strategy on how to get children to follow asleep under new circumstances: in their bed, in the dark, alone and quietness. It entails putting them down under the mentioned circumstances, and allowing them to cry/fuss for, at first 5 min., then 10, then 15 (stay at 15 for first night, then 2nd night move up to 30 min.) until they fall sleep on their own. During the intervals you are to go into their room, but NOT TALK, simply lay them back down, pat them on the back (this acts as a reassuring strategy so that they don't feel afraid) walk out after about 30 sec or less even though they are still crying.

This sounds very difficult, especailly when their screaming for you, but I promise that this works and SERIOUSLY, after 2 days of this he will be sleeping on his own.

Get the book and stick to the method!

Good Luck!

My heart goes out to you, we have an adopted special needs He had medical issues, but when he got to be about 3 he too had violent outburst, would not sleep, and was in therapy for learning how to chew and talk as he had motor skill problem. As the years went on things got worse up until the point they were talking of putting him in an institution. My daughter is a nurse, so she continued to read up on different things, and finally got in to see a psychiatric and after a lot of testing they did diagnose bipolar disorder with other things, and he has been on medication since. He is older now and still has problems, but nothing like he did. Of course, like a say he has other medical issues we have been lucky with him as he has always been in special classes, but also mainstreamed into regular classes. He does well at school with his emotions, only rarely will he have an outburst and that is usually when the kids have made fun of him. It is my suggestion that you seek professional helps as soon as possible, and the sooner they determine if it is a medical issue and he is put on the right type of medication and the right dosage, you will see a great result, and trust me, he even knows he needs his medication. He is giving something to help him sleep at night and has been for years. Of course, he is taken to the doctor on a regular basis for blood work, etc to make sure the meds are working and that they are not harming other things. I Belive I would start with the Mental Heal orgainzation in your town and see if they have any suggestions.

I went through that with my now 5 and a half year old daughter. I say let him play all night and then when you get up early the next morning get him up too; only letting him sleep for a "nap." making him stay up all day long. you might have a little bit of resistance for the first couple of days or so but kept at it. he will finally be so tired that he will slep where ever he is "put to bed." I had to do the same with my daughter. she was about your son's age when that happened and she is now on medication for ADHD and has been sleeping in her own room for the last 3 years now. but what ever you do don't give up and turn and regret what you have done. even if you have to close your door and not open it for him to come in there, because he will know that he has won and he will continue to sleep in your room. I hope my experience and what I did helps you some with your quest on what to do. L.

Sleep issues can be so difficult and stressfull! Hang in there! Sounds like your son has some other issues going on, so he needs his sleep. If it were me, I'd just lay down with him to get him to go to sleep right now. Medication is not the answer, just a loving routine that is very much the same and quiet and relaxing every evening. Does he have food allergies? Maybe he's too awake (and his behavioral difficulites) could be die to an intolerance for dairy or wheat or something else.
If staying with him for 30 minutes does the trick, than do it. Perhaps finding out more about his aggression issues will lead you to some better answers, but for now he needs your calming love and patience more than ever.
Do what you can to take care of yourself, too. You can't help him is you are too tired or stressed or whatever!

While I've never had this particular prob...I've had similar. My boys are 20 months apart. Their bedrooms are about 5 ft apart! When one decides they want to get up for water...the other wants to know why the other is up, etc. They were making up reasons to get up for a long time! It finally stopped when I said they could sleep anywhere they wanted on Friday night, if they stayed in their beds after 'lights out'. They could sleep in their air beds in the living room, their own floor, beside my bed in their sleeping bags...couch...you name it. They were so excited over getting that control! Now, prior to this and to this day, we have a strict night-time routine. Bath, pjs, teeth, bathroom again, sip of water and then each gets to pick a book to have read to them..or them to me/daddy. They were so successful on staying in bed, they eventually forgot about the Fri night choice. Now we have no prob w/ them staying in bed. When I turn out the lights and sing them a couple songs, I always leave telling them I love them and will check on them in 5 min. Most of the time they are already asleep. If they are awake, I kiss them again and tell them how proud I am that they had such great self control to stay in bed. Good luck w/ your son!

I am a 34 yr mommy of a 3 year old AND 1 year old and i rocked my babies to sleep and never let them cry it out. i still will rock the 1 year old sometimes. my one year old now MOSTLY falls asleep on his own drinking a bottle and my 3 year old falls asleep with closet light on, bedroom door open, a humidifier, a sippy cup and her favorite stuffed animal. i don't think falling to sleep should be so tramatic - give him a favorite stuffed animal or blanket, lay him down with a nightlight and maybe a humidifier or white noise machine so he can't hear anything else but a peaceful sound - the buzzing sound helps ME sleep even! (i sleep with a fan on) maybe put in a baby einstein video or movie on and see if he will fall asleep on it! we do also have a routine with bath, brushing teeth, and book reading so i'm sure this helps as well. if none of this helps, for sure lay down with him until he is asleep because no sleep will defintely make him cranky and mean at daycare! it does me!! good luck.
ps make sure you are not putting him down too early and he's not napping too much or too late in the day too. this will keep him up late!

First, if your son is having violent episodes, please don't model the behavior that you are trying to deter. In other words, do not use physical discipline with him. Have you ever watched Super Nanny? The show has wonderful ideas regarding dicipline and sleep concerns. Secondly, do you have a bedtime routine every night? For example, bath at ___, reading at ___, prayers, and bed at ___? Your son should go to sleep at the same time every night. It may take some time for your son to adjust to your new routine, but he will need to conform (for his security and your sanity). Third, instead of giving your son drugs to sleep, find a pediatrician who can help you find the root of the problem and give you some positive support and ideas. Fourth, what does his diet consist of? Make certain he has NO caffinated drinks and reduce the amount of refined sugar to nothing. I hope this helps! Good Luck!

Have you ever heard of attachment Parenting?

I think ALL the different behavior problems you're expierencing could be fixed with that method.

There are lots of books about it and you can probably find out plenty just by googling it.

Good Luck-Angela

My 5 year old little boy is the same way. While in his baby bed, went to sleep just fine. I found that if I sit on the floor in his room, he goes right to sleep. To me, it is worth the few minutes (sometimes 30) of being in there to be sure he goes to sleep. We do have a nighttime routine, last thing is book then prayer. Then my husband leaves the room and I hang out until Thomas is asleep. I'm not sure that this is the best thing to do, but it works for us. I would rather know that he is asleep. As far as behavior, we deal with the very same issues. When I started being in his room at night, behavior got better. Thomas always asks, when in trouble, if I still love him and if I'm mad at him. I feel like a lot of the behavior are self esteem issues - he can't tolerate others offending him. I do take advantage of being the quite, dark reassuring him of what a wonderful little boy he is. How God did such a good job. Listing all his good qualities, etc. before he goes to sleep, so it's the last thing he hears. On the way to school, we talk about our "rules", no hitting, no kicking, etc. That seems to help, too. Good luck!!

Hi,
I don't have per se solution but maybe a suggestion. Start a routine which involves alone time with your son. Since Carson is only 6 months you could put her to bed and then pump him up about mommy and me time. Be assertive with him and let him know how long you will be playing or doing whatever the event may be. If possible shut him off from other distractions as best possible. I don't mean to the extreme, but let him know that that time will not be interrupted and focus just on him. Turn off all the lights( keep on a lamp in the room you're in) and find a small blanket or one of his favs, or a pillow and use only at this time. That way he learns to associate it with good memories and soothing times. Read him a favorite book or just play soothing music and do the same thing every night. Eventually, you can transition him by letting him use the blanket and he won't need you.
MM

hmm - you might need to have him tested for ADD or ADHD. I am not an advocate of medicine tho. If one of these affects your child, milder cases can be controlled by the parents maintaining a structured and consistent disciplinary atmosphere (in other words - set clear boundaries and explain the punishment for infractions and then act immediately if the rules are broken). If he is more severe, he may require medication. Dont let it bother you tho - but read up on it if it comes to that. My sister went through what you are going through, and then some with her son (he was kicked out of three daycares). But once he was put on the correct med, he has been fine. However, she was not a consistent disciplinarian tho. I know a lot of people do not understand these diseases of the brain - so be sure to read all you can and get second opinions.

A 53 yr old mom of 2 grown children and married 30 yrs

try reading Hints on Child Training, it is great! Hard to keep up, but worth every bit of advice. Actually I am ADDING to my responce because I received an article from a friend yesterday that you can get online that says the SAME THING as the book, but is much shorter and can be ordered online for around $6. I just read it and love it! I wish I had either book with my 1st child! The website is http://www.heartsforfamily.com/ and look under Ebook: Getting Your Children to Obey

Hi Shae,

Sounds to me like you could benefit a lot from reading _Sleepless in America_, a great book about the connections that can exist between sleep deprivation and disruptive behavior in kids and in whole families. It's a great book that I think offers important help to many families, including my own, where it can seem like the high energy of a kid is keeping the kid from sleeping and also leading to troublesome behavior, when in fact the lack of sleep may be causing the intense energy and problem behavior. Hope this helps!!

All best wishes,
M.

Hi Shae,
I'm a mother of a 3 year old boy and a 7 month old boy. I'm also an RN, and trust me, Benadryl (and other meds) don't have the same effect on children as they do on adults. I would just try to set a bed-time and stick with it every night. For example, at 8:30pm, TV goes off, lights go off (except a flashlight or lamp or nightlight). Let your son pick out a few books to read. Read them together, say a little prayer, kiss him goodnight, and leave the room. I know...easier said than done. But, if you watch the "super Nanny", it always works for those kids! :) When he gets out of bed the 1st time, tell him "It's bedtime" and walk him back to his room/bed. The 2nd time he gets out of bed, tell him the same thing "It's bedtime" and walk him back to bed. EVERY TIME after that, DO NOT TALK TO HIM, just walk him back to his bed. He will cry, kick, scream, and do EVERYTHING in the book for your attention, but you need to stay strong and firm and CONSISTENT. It WILL work. Just try not to get frustrated. It will probably take an hour or 2 the 1st night! Just try to stay calm, and remember, DON'T talk to him after the 2nd time he gets out of bed. He needs to know it's not a game. It sounds harsh, but it works!

Good luck and God bless,
K. :)

I am a firm believer in a set bedtime routine too. Bath, brush teeth, pjs, 2 books, a sip of water, he turns out the light, climbs in bed on his own. I sit and tell him what we will do tomorrow, or talk about what we did that was fun that day. If he gets up and comes to find me, I use few words and escort him back to bed without too much to-do. I tuck him back in and kiss kiss, pat pat, and leave it at that. So far that works.

Maybe his nap is too long (if he still naps) or maybe it's time to discontinue the nap altogether. Maybe he needs more exercise during the day. Wear him out in the afternoon.

If I were you, I'd stick with it and stay strict.