3 Year Old Will Only Wear the Same Clothes over and over...big Fights!

Well it looks like you've got a ton of good advice here but I just had to write.
My 2 youngest had sensory issues and so we had clothing challenges. With the first we would find a pair of pull on knit pants and loose shirt that he could tolerate. Then I bought 5 pair of those pants in as many colors as possible and 5 or 6 shirts to match, no tags. Washed only in dye free detergent. When we found a pair of sneakers he liked I would buy 3 pair at a time in ascending sizes so we wouldn't run the risk of them being discontinued. He wasn't a fashion plate but he was happy.
The second child really took to a set of Superman pajamas (with cape) from J.C. Penney. He actually wore them for just over 2 years, everyday, really. I bought a half dozen, rotated them and it became "his thing".
I can tell you from experience that a having a clean, well rested, healthy child show up at school happy and ready to learn is MUCH more important than any outfit.
My oldest is now 12 and became a bit more flexible about the "feel" of his clothes at age 10. The youngest hung up the Superman costume the summer before first grade. They do grow out of this phase, some more slowly than others.
Hang in there L., I'm pulling for you!! :)

Maybe you can try putting the clothes on her the night before, and call them pajamas. If that works, you can later transition to picking out the clothes with her the night before. You may want to put away the old summer clothes too, so they aren't visible and will (hopefully!) fade from memory.

i say let her wear the clothes she wants with the clothes you wnat. put someleggings under her skirts and a sweater or thin hoodies over her summer shirts. as well as try th eother ideas below. Good luck. my 2 year old loves to be naked so any clothes on would be great here.

Ya know - my daughter doesn't seem quite so bad, but I also have a determined little 3 year old that calls the shots when it's time to get dressed- into anything(including pajamas)
It bums me out when we're going some where and she insists on wearing her choice and almost never the sweet outfits that remain practically brand new in her drawers!
We have taken to picking out outfits the night before (some times). Then she can get herself dressed "All by herself! Like a real BIG girl!". We've done a little reverse psychology - "oh, you don't want to wear this? Should we just give it away to a little girl who will wear it?" (That usually turns into "no! it's mine!" "oh, ok - well then let's see if it will fit you anymore - it has been a long time since you've worn it")
We play dumb. Rather then respond to the fight - we try to agree with her. "Oh, ya - you're probably right. It's a little too chilly to wear this. Well, then what will be a better choice? something warmer?Because you're right this dress wouldn't be a good dress for school. Maybe this one?" Empowerment has been our best ticket. It means talking, talking, talking and patronizing and agreeing quickly, so that you remain in control of the conversation. We don't give her too much time to figure things out, but we praise her for her good idea, taste, how pretty she will be - "Oh, and I know let's do your hair like a princess! But we'll have to go really fast if you are going to look like a princess for school!" (this while pulling a shirt over her head) "Should you have a braid?""one or two?, ya b.c princesses do wear one braid"(Meanwhile the pants just went on)...
We change the direction of the conversation when she begins to object and don't ever let her see our frustration.
We have let her go outside and realize for herself that she IS hot/cold and 5 minutes later...Do you want those mittens? yup!

There are also ground rules that are absolute. We always wear sunhats to the beach/warm hats in winter. We don not go to school in Crocs, b/c that's the rule that all the kids have to follow and we promised "teacher so-n-so" that we would follow the rules.

So you know, I have stooped to putting out a box of animal crackers and looking the other way while she snuck one at a time and I did her hair. (we're past that, but it worked at some desperate moments!) I would also think giving really wonderful praise to her big sister for getting ready so quickly and perhaps some rewards in front of your 3 y.o. would be a powerful tool. Do it on days that you don't have to be somewhere. Announce a special treat for getting dressed quickly (maybe the 3 yo favorite clothes are all dirty in the laundry! - or better yet - pack away those post season clothes and that's that. "No, those were summer clothes and it's not summer any more"period. she'll get over it.)When her sister does it and she doesn't - get ready for that tantrum, let her know she'll have another shot tomorrow and send her to her room to throw her fit.

SO, basically I guess I'm suggesting killing her with kindness and praise AND being super strict!lol...

You'll work it out. It's also not the end of the world if she wears the same outfits. Let her help you buy clothes for herself. ( My daughter only likes pretty not cool clothes!) To be determined by her, of course.
Some things just aren't worth the battle.

Best of luck to you!

oh, one more thing...
My daughter is allowed to pick out one of the things she wears (top or bottom) and I help find the piece that coordinates (she knows this word). It has also been a good compromise keeping you in charge, but still empowering your little spit fire!
Be consistent and all this will be over soon.
You are the mama and she is the 3 year old!
8)

Perhaps she can pick out some cozy things to wear at the store. Also, just let her only have clothes in her closet that she CAN wear to school. The other stuff put away so that she doesn't have access to them. She doesn't have to look cute she just needs to get to school dressed. Can she wear crocks with socks? Crocs are actually making some pretty good winter shoes lately. See if she will go to the store and pick out some comfy but decent looking clothes to wear like fleece pants and shirts. There must be something that she will wear out there somewhere. Good luck!

oh boy. pants that aren't too restrictive? socks with no seam across the toes? My son was/is the same way.

Your child sounds like a Spirited Child. Please look for the book "Raising your Spirted Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. THis book saved my sanity; and it explains why kids like this have a hard time being sensitive to clothing. It may also help you with other areas of her life if she is truly spirited. check it out!

Pick your battles and do a lot of laundry

My 3 (now 4) year old did the same thing!! It felt awful having to fight with her every day. We started doing it at night where we would go through what she would wear the next day. Somehow it seemed easier to put her in the clothes at night and simply have her get up and go potty in the morning. SOmeone presented this idea to me and at first I was horrified. Sleep in her clothes??? But it worked wonders. Somehow her morning mood was worse to deal with and I was in a rush so it was a bad combination. Sometimes she didn't want to do it. I would then say if she had been agreeable in the morning, I'd be able to do it then. Then reminding her in the morning that she should be agreeable so she doesn't have to do it at night. Whatever seemed to be most important to her is the thing I would use as an incentive. (Maybe go to a second hand shop and let her pick out her own "new"-to-you clothes that she'll agree to wear.) Best of luck to you!!

My 2 year old son also throws fits about getting dressed. My 4 year old suggested dressing him on the front porch which usually works well. Having his shoes on first makes a big difference and this morning wearing sunglasses and being under my shawl made things possible. Sometimes I even take him naked in the car and dress or finish dressing him in the car when we get to our destination.
I've also gotten to the point where he and his sister can wear what they want (though they must be dressed) and I bring extra layers for when they get cold.

Good luck! I hope this is a passing phase!

My 2 year old is the same way! I think most kids are. This morning after changing his diaper he took off on me & fought me big time about putting his pajama bottoms back on. I finally said enough this is not worth it. When he gets cold he will tell me & maybe then cooperate & put them on.
My neices were the same way except they wanted to run around in just a diaper. My sister said after long fights with them it just isn't worth it. Plus they cannot catch a cold by being cold it is a virus that causes the cold (even though my mother disagrees...old school, older moms...drive me crazy).
But of course when you go out some where you will have to fight with her to get her to put clothes on. Oh well, trial & error I guess, kids! Got love em' no matter what.

Let her help pick items out the night before, when there is no pressure, and she is not tired/exhausted/cranky. In the AM she wears what you have both agreed upon, the end. I would hope a streak of days with her involvement, but no cajoling her in the AM. This is it, we are going to wear this, the end. She is testing you big time. Good luck :)

Poor you.... Look at it on the bright side, you'll be totally prepared for the teenage years! I have a (now) 4 year old and a 16 year old. They are alike in many ways! Pick your battles and try to enlist the team at school.... Maybe she can wear her crocs to school, but she can't go on the playground until she wears her sneakers. This is the rule at my daughter's preschool and the kids who like to play outside get it really quickly! Being 40-ish (actually mid to late 40-ish here) means that you might have some hormonal stuff going on, too. It's darn hard to be patient if you're not in tip top form so..... second piece of advice, take care of yourself (don't laugh). If you've had a half hour walk or a soak in the tub or a long chat with a friend, things seem to be easier to deal with. Don't pile it on yourself (easier said than done). Next time your daughter starts to wind up, mentally take yourself down a peg or two and simply don't react. Good-luck. We've all been there, but your preschool has probably seen about everything so I wouldn't worry! I would never allow my daughter to attend a preschool that wasn't flexible about the stuff that truly doesn't matter!

I totally feel your pain and have been there too on a daily basis. My daughter is 6 and this year for back to school shopping we tried on about 30 pairs of shoes before we found one pair that didn't "hurt" her feet. Unfortunately they are usually Stride Rite because they come in triple extra wide and are not so tight around the toe area.It takes a lot of patience and sometimes we don't have it and have to fake it. I've finally accepted that she is not trying to be a pain in the butt she really does have issues with how things fit. You should see how many kinds of socks I have bought over the years trying to find one without the dreaded line over the toes!!!! My daughter is very mello except for this one issue.
I have found that taking her shopping and having her try on each outfit helps, then we can weed out the uncomfortable ones before I end up with a bunch of stuff she hates and we fight over.
Fall is usually the worst because she is used to wearing loose summer clothes and sandals. The transition is usually tough because the colder weather brings much more restrictive clothing. I always tell my daughter she has to try and wear something for a few minutes to see if it loosens up and gets more comfortable.
I really wish you all the best with this. I wish I had the magical fix all for it, just a lot of deep breaths and patience :)

1. You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to! Disengage - it's hard for her to fight if you don't participate.

2. Kids get colds and flus from viruses, not from being underdressed. Okay, if she suffers from exposure in Arctic temperatures, there might be an argument for "you'll catch your death of cold." Otherwise, not. If she gets cold on the playground during the day, or if she can't go out at all because she is wearing crocs (which are dangerous, studies show), then she'll figure it out quickly. If she gets cold tomorrow and has to stay inside or is just uncomfortable, she'll wear tights or sweat pants by the end of the week. If she doesn't like socks, give her a pair of boots to take. Who care?

3. If she has sensory issues around certain clothes feeling restrictive, you might need to address that and at least go along with it.

4. No child ever got picked up by Child Protective Services for wearing the same outfit 2 days in a row. So what, if that's what she wants?

5. Put her in the car half naked if that's what it takes to get to where you're going on time. You are the adult, and she has 2 choices and 10 minutes to figure it out. Otherwise, there is a bag packed by the door, and that's the bag that goes to preschool. A blanket in the car will keep her warm until she gets to preschool, and she'll get dressed on her own. Make sure she has simple-to-put-on clothes so the staff isn't stuck with endless buttons. Then leave and go on your merry way.

6. You can't reason with a child this age. Stop trying. She's controlling you and neither of you has time for it. If you stop fighting, she has no opponent.

7. She will NOT go to kindergarten like this, but if she does, she certainly will not go to 4th grade or graduation or college like this! Disengage, save your sanity, and have some peace.

Good luck!

My daughter had this same problem when she was little. I can still feel your pain years later! I actually dragged her to the door with only a shirt and underwear on and told her she could go to daycare like that! That only helped stopped the tantrum, but we had to make more concessions on the clothes.

On a Sunday, I would take all the clothes she has the option of wearing and put them out for her (or clear her drawers and closet of the ones she can't wear and let her go through her clothes without putting them out). I would have her pick out 5 outfits for the week (socks, underwear, pants, shirt). You WILL cringe at the combinations she selects (they won't match!). I would let her pick which outfits she wants to wear each day. Since she is selecting her clothes for the week, she has more of an interest in wearing it. If you try to change her selections or talk her out of things, it might make your Sunday worse and she may refuse to wear the clothes during the week.

I wouldn't go spending money on more clothes, but if she likes t-shirts, then let her know she needs to wear a sweater or sweatshirt with it. My daughter is 11 and she still prefers t-shirts in the winter, but she owns lots of zip up sweaters and sweatshirts.

When dropping my daughter off, I would mention that she dressed herself and did a good job of picking out her clothes. My daycare was good about making comments that she did a good job and it just reinforced the positive.

If you have a picture day or something where she needs to look more presentable, I would put the whole outfit together and give her an "outfit" option and that seemed to work.

Good luck!

Let her wear what she wants over tights sweater/sweatshirt. It looks funny but who cares. When you are lucky enough to buy something she will wear, get multiples of it in the same color if color is an issue. that way there is always a clean version of what she wants to wear.

If this is the only issue she is challenging you about, let it go. It is not worth coloring her and your whole day with a battle. If she is struggling with you over many things, pick the most important to tackle and give where you can safely give.
She will have to learn that she will not be in control, but also needs to have some choices. Otherwise you are the dictator.
J.

Hi L. -
I can sympathize - my now 5 yr. old son is kind of the same way, I say kind of because it used to be that way - not as bad now. Are there any other areas were your daughter seems to struggle or put up a fight about? If there is, it could all be related. My son has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder - his food preferences were our first clue. And he always preferred to be naked. To this day, when he gets home from school he strips down to his undies. Over the past few days with the cooler weather I guess his body temp. has prevailed as he now is keeping his shirt on at least. Anyway, my point is - think about your daughter's habits - look up Sensory Processing Disorder and run down through the checklist. It can be confusing as sometimes these kids don't have all the "benchmarks" in each category - but if there are enough to make you wonder, ask your pedi for a referral to an OT. One more thing I just started with my son - visual charts. Pictures of what he needs to do and then I fill in the times he needs to start doing these things. When he sees the time on the clock matches what I've written, then he knows he has to do that particular thing.
Good Luck!

Stop fighting her and let her pick out what she wants. When she gets really cold she WILL put on more clothes.

Another choice would be to pack away all the things you don't want her to wear and tell her "they're gone, pick something else" When there's no other choices there's no more fight.

Hope this helped

My daughter went through a dresses only stage. I just made the rule that SHE could choose her clothes, but that if it was cold she had to wear either two pairs of tights or tights and pants UNDER the dress. I can't tell you how many toes of tights I had to sew up that year and I am NOT a seamstress! But I had won the part of the battle that I needed to win- she was warm enough. ANd she won the part that she needed to win- she was wearing the dress/skirt that she had picked out.
3 year olds are all about control. I have entirely different fights with my son, but the issue of control is right at the center.
Stand your ground. Don't always give in. Try "1-2-3 magic" for the tantrums
(it is a book I am sure yo can google it or get it out of the library). I have found it helpful for both kids. And REALLY helpful for me.
Good luck!

Hi,
I have 3 different responses, and I hope they are helpful.
1. Read The Spirited Child. You will acquire suggestions to meet your daughter's individual needs.
2. Read 123 Magic. You should not be fighting with your young child. I think you would benefit from techniques that will allow her to accept your authority. No matter what you choices you decide to let her make, in the end you are the person in charge. This book really works.
3. You mentioned that your husband has more patience. I hope you are meeting your needs. Please make sure you are getting enough sleep and having your husband take over regularly, not when things are going poorly. Some daily down time is essential for walking, reading, friends, prayer, whatever is important to you.
P.S. Teaching is all about patience, establishing expectations, and modelling and teaching self-control. So all of the above suggestions are important to your consideration of becoming a teacher.

Have you tried asking her what it is about those clothes that she likes or about other clothes that she doesn't like? A three year old should be able to communicate that just fine, particularly if you ask her sometime when it's not really an issue -- a weekend when there is no rush or some time in the middle of the day. I know that my three year old always appreciates being asked her opinion, and having it taken into account. She also likes being naked, and will periodically ask for some "naked time." If it's a cold day, she doesn't ever stay naked long.

You got a lot of other good suggestions here, so I'm not going to repeat them.

Another great book that i didn't see mentioned here is How to Talk so You Kids Will Listen and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk. It's one of my childrearing bibles.

Hi L.!
Sounds to me like she's having sensitivity issues with her skin. First of all I'd try using a perfume free/dye free detergent. Then when you're buying her clothes seek out things that are tagless, stitched seams and loose and baggy. Check for natural fibers as much as you can. Even Walmart now is stocking some organic cotton and bamboo clothing. There are socks out there that have different ways of sewing the toe seam so you'll have to experiment to find what she likes. Sweat pants are perfect for the cooler weather and you can get them in so many different colors now. As for the shoes you might need to take her shopping with you and have a discussion about what the school will allow her to wear and then have her look for something she'd like to try on within those parameters.

I know what you're going through. I have 2 sons with ADHD and both have sensitivity issues when it comes to clothing touching their bodies. When the oldest one was small it was a battle every day until I discovered what was going on. After that he pretty much lived in sweat pants and baggy t-shirts. Not the most fashion forward outfits but he was happy and I was happy not to have to battle with him. When the second one showed signs of the same things I didn't even bother trying anything else. They are 25 and 15 now still with issues but the 25 y/o is buying his own clothes now and I just automatically know what will fly and what won't with the other when I'm picking out clothes to buy for him.

Talk to your daughter about what it is she likes about those outfits she will wear and seek out other clothing like them. It's not worth the battle in the morning and starts everyone on the wrong foot for the day.

Oh dear, I am way too tired to be answering this but I will try.
First, every fight you have with anyone, including husband and children, is all your fault. Does that statement make you feel a bit wrathy? It did me the first time I was the recipient.
But, it also is very true. If the second person ( you ) does not respond confrontationally, there is no discord. Now, how to turn that around? You will need to work it out for yourself. It was said to me when I had four teenagers with whom I daily (verbally) battled royal.
Perhaps a list of RULES...up by a certain time, dressed by a certain time, toys picked up,suppertime, bathtime , storytime.ect ect. If she has a rigid set of rules she may be more responsive.
I am writing primarily because I have a condition..it is called Sensory Defensiveness Symdrome and mine is with Burden Symdrom as well.
When I was three my Mum would dress me (in a dress , it was in the forties) satin bow in my hair, put me out to play, check on me ten minutes later and she would be LUCKY if I still had panties on LOL
This condition makes one super extremely sensitive to the feel of things. Mostly I wear cotton..I can do cotton with bit of spandex.
HUGE nono's are anything synthetic..polyester gives me creeps all over my body..acetate the same. Nylon can be quite soft and acceptable.
If I have a wrinkle, especially in a sock, I have to take off my shoes and sox and fix it. Some stretch sox with no toe seams work out. Best are socks I have knitted myself out of highend yarns.
If there is any sort of a crumb in my bed, even lint, it will wake me in the night and I have to search for it. Can be as small as a little fabric pill but it feels like boulder to me.
If there is a wrinkle in my sheets, it feels like a log and I have to get out of bed and sort it out.
I am NOT saying this is what ails your daughter, but that it is definately a possibility. My Mum did not have this and did not understand it, but bless her heart, she did all she could to see I was as comfortable as I could be.
The thing with three year old is to have expectations and be able to ignore the inbetweens.
If you were a teacher then you are probably familiar with the reward system. Everytime she accomplishes something on the rules list, give her ( and five year old) a star. Certain number of stars can be redeemed for a reward.
This can be an ice cream cone, a favorite book, neednt be expensive. A lot of stars perhaps an outing to park, or playground.
As far as clothes go..maybe you could take her shopping, let her feel the clothes, try them on..pick out the trousers..perhaps a soft cotton terry would suit her.
IF this symdrom is what ails her, believe me it is miserable to have, hard to find clothes that are comfortable. They have to fit just so too. Cant be sitting on seams which may be why she prefers her skirts. (what about skirts with leotards? do they still call them that? or are leotards the new leggings?)
On your tight schedule it will be very difficult to organize a time out for failure to follow the rules in the mornings, perhaps take back a star? When you are home a time out, one minute per year, or three minutes for her could be managed.
Three year olds are wearing. They are developing their personalities and characters and very headstrong. How you deal with her will make a great impression on her developement.
I have a three year old grandson who lives upstairs and spends a great deal of time with me. There are times when I have to send him to his parents and he is like your five year old, very well behaved.
They are so different ,one from the other. One cannot say, well the older child did or never did this or that.
I do not know how to establish if your child has this syndrom but it sure sounds suspicious to me!!!
And , if she does , then remember she is in a world full of people who do NOT have this condition...other than helping her to be as comfortable as possible, it would not be good to baby her because of it.
It must be very hard to mother two such small children in one's forties, comes a lot easier in twenties for sure.
I have seven children, first at 16 and last at nearly 34.
In some ways the last three were easier, but I noticed that I did not have the energy or stamina I had with the first four.
Well, this has turned into a real ramble on, hasnt it?
Best wishes dear and God bless.
Grandmother Lowell

Oh boy, I feel your pain. My 4 year old daughter will only wear dresses and tights (sometimes leggings). You could give those a try...I'd start with hand me downs, ebay, or consignment so you're not spending an arm and a leg. I've found she loves the loose cotton playdresses, and she's happy in a denim jumper so I stocked up on long sleeve tees and funky tights in all different colors.

I always ask her if she'll wear something before I buy it - I figure she's got to wear it, so she should absolutely have a say. Now that she has a closet of clothes she likes, I can offer her two choices and she'll be happy with either one. I know I'm "giving in", but this is a battle I don't want to fight every day. We have plenty of other battles!

I would let her pick out her clothes as much as possible. My son is the same way & as long as it is mostly weather appropriate I allowed him to wear what he wants to. If it is cold & he is in a short sleeve shirt I pack a sweatshirt in his bag - in the summer if he wants to wear jeans on a hot day I allow it - eventually he starts dressing appropriately for the season. I have learned to pick my battles - he has been difficult to dress since he was in preschool (he now is 7) it gets easier. He now knows there are certain occasions that he must dress in clothes I help him pick out (picture day, family get togethers) other than that he can pick. When he was younger & it was more of a battle (no crocs allowed in school) he would have to stay in his room until he was dressed appropriately. I never had to, but as others have mentioned putting any out of season clothes out of sight may help. Good luck.

I had the same problem with my son, and it only took one thing to cure him of this issue, and it was the exact same thing my mother did with me when I gave her a problem as a child. I waited until we had a nice chilly morning (not below zero or anything like that...it was in the low 60's) and then I told him that if he gave me a hard time getting dressed, that he would have to go out in his underpants. (Of course, I wasn't serious, I did not plan on making him wear his underpants outside any longer than it would take for him to get the message.) When the tantrum started, I said "OK, you don't need to get dressed if you don't want, but you'll have to wear your underpants." He was outside for all of about ten seconds before he realized that it didn't behoove him not to get dressed. We went back in and got dressed with no further problems.
A friend of mine who had this issue with her daughter actually strapped her daughter into her car seat and drove her all the way to her preschool in her underpants. (With her clothes in a bag in the car.) By the time they got to school, her daughter was pretty horrified thinking that her mother was actually going to make her go to school in her underpants that she was begging to get dressed by the time they got there. Her daughter was very relieved when her mother produced the outfit and got her dressed in the car.

my sister was the same way, my mom would let her pick her own clothes at the store.. then go from there i'm sorry to tell you it doesnt get better my sister is still a total pain and she is 20..does she happen to be a red head?