Hi so my son has been going to preschool for 4 months now. He only goes 2 days a week. This week on Wednesday he had to poop at preschool which he has not done before. He started crying so hard that they called me to come. I went there and stayed with him in the bathroom for 15 minutes and finally convinced him that it was okay to poop there. He went and I tried to take him back to his classroom but he started crying and screaming when I tried to leave him. I eventually took him home early because I didn't want him to feel abandoned. Today when I went to drop him off he freaked out again. He has never cried before when I left him but today they practically had to peel him off of me. I have never done cry-it-out or anything like that with him. I am not a pushover but when he needs comfort I have always been there for him. The teachers are really nice and I trust them totally but I feel like I did something wrong by leaving him crying like that. I don't know what I should do? Do you think I should continue taking him even if he doesn't want to go? He's in preschool because I thought it would be good for him but I don't want it to be a traumatic experience. Any thoughts??
He probably forgot about being upset the minute you walked out of there. Ask any teacher- the longer the parent lingers, the more likely a meltdown is to occur. He will be fine. DON'T take him out- he will be fine! Keep reassuring him about the pooping thing and praising him when he goes. Tell him what a great job he did pooping at school and what a big boy he is. He will get over that too.
I bet the pooping and the crying and the going home early made an impression on him and that is the reason for the change. As a parent and with my past experience as a preschool teacher, drop off is THE time when the child will cry if they are feeling tender or if they feel you are feeling unsure. 99% of the time, the crying ends within 1-4 minutes of the parent departing. Talk with your teachers for ideas and support. Going to school or a daycare just 2 days a week can I think also hinder the child's comfort level at drop off and in the school community in general. Maybe you can do more half days or 3 consecutive days so there's not so much time in between his times there? Good luck and hang in there. I know that crying is hard!
of course he should still go!!! what happens when he gets to kindergarten and HAS to go?? i had a friend that did this she would take her son home everytime he cried guess what he goes to kindergarten and crys... and she still keeps him home!! i worked in day care for years very seldom do children cry for more than 10 mins stay positive and he will realize its ok
I would talk to him and see if he can come up with an idea that would make him feel better. I've been amazed at what my soon to be three year old son will say. Is there something he can look forward to when he comes home? Does he have a comfort item that he can keep in his backpack? Sometimes knowing it is there makes a difference. Do you have the ability to stay at the school? Maybe let him know that you will be in the hallway or parking lot or something. I know a lot of people think differently, but I personally won't leave my children if they are upset. I always try to find solutions that help my children feel secure. I'm sure you will find what works for you and your son.
I am a little suprised that he is still so upset after 4 months of being there. Not sure if he goes full days or just 1/2 days, but bottom line, he still spends more time with you, so the transition to the classroom is going to be difficult on him.
Our public highschools offer a co-op sort of program. So, the students are pre-school teachers and the parents get to stay with the kids while they are 3 and in pre-school. At 4, the kids are left there on their own. Maybe something like this would help.
He is going to have to get use to being away from you at some point and I think the sooner he realizes it, the better off her will be. Other wise Kindergarten could be VERY hard on him.
These are just my thoughts. My kids went to daycare full time starting at 8 weeks old. They are 3 and 6 now and adjust fairly well to new places and people. Just different lifestyles.
If he doesn't want to go and you don't need him to go due to your work schedule, then keep him home! He isn't ready to be away from you.
Sounds like he is going through a couple large transitions, potty training and separation. When my daughter had a hard time with separation the school worked with us to try and make up a plan. We had one care provider that we would do the separation process with every time so that she felt secure. You can talk to your son on the way to the preschool and give him an idea about what is going to happen (i.e., we're going to go to school today where you'll see your friends and teacher so and so. Once we get there, I'll give you a big goodbye hug and kiss and teacher so and so will help you say goodbye at the window. After snack time, I'll be back to pick you up.) Preschools are usually pretty adept at handling separations. My daughter really liked to visit the pet rat, look at the photographs of friends on the wall and give me a high five at the window. Not every separation was easy, but the consistency was important. As someone else recommended, I would talk with him to see if he has any fears about school or if something is happening that he needs to talk about and if he has any ideas that would make it more comfortable. My daughter has yet to do #2 in the potty, but I do know that doing this away from home is often very emotional for children. Hang in there though, I think this is a good opportunity for both of you.
He's young and doesn't have to go to preschool, so if it's possible I think you should just keep him home with you. A few extra months of feeling secure can help him later on, when he's older.
