3+ Year Old Children Throwing Tantrums...

My three year old was a monster this summer. I am sure I got disapproving looks from outsiders, and you probably would have been appalled at her behavior. But you know what those outsiders didn't know?
Her daddy had been gone for six months, we had just been on a ten day trip to see him, and then we came home to be apart for another year. She had jet lag for about a week from the traveling. She had seperation anxiety from not understanding where her daddy went and fearing that I would go too. She was trying to adjust to having my mom move in with us, who hadn't been around her for the past two years. And my mom's dog was also now a part of our household and was NOT being nice, so was a constant source of stress and fear for my daughter.
Yes, I carried her places when she asked. Yes, she had tantrums and I hugged her through many of them. Yes, she was being demanding, but only to test me and make sure I would love her and stay with her always. As we worked through these issues and we have found a "normal" without daddy and with grandma, her cheerful personality has come back. I now tell her to walk when we go places and she happily agrees. But we still have setbacks after a skype call with dad, as she is newly confused, and she can still sense my sadness and stress at not being able to co-parent with my husband and not knowing when we will see him again.
My three year old is a normal example for her age and situation, and while I don't think parents should cater to their child's every whim, I even more don't think that other parents should judge others without knowing the every underlying detail going on in a home. Even childcare workers don't know EVERYthing that is going on in a small child's home, or in the parents' lives that would cause them to lean toward the emotional side rather then discipline.

I took my son home once, because he was not behaving well at a play place. I tried a time out there, and it VERY much didn't work. So, away we went. I actually had a lady stop me and tell me I was being mean, and he's just a baby. No, he wasn't. It was a few weeks ago. He is 2 1/2. I feel sympathy, that he is trying to figure out boundaries...and he's frustrated. I acknowledge that much. However, I do not allow myself to coddle him unnecessarily. If my son is crying for a reason...I absolutely feel sympathy...and gladly carry him. If he falls and hurts himself, or something else happens...I will give him whatever comfort he needs. I very rarely carry him for any reason. If we are in an extremely busy parking lot, or is is genuinely upset, those generally the only times.

I totally agree with Julia. People treat toddlers like babies, and they aren't. I can't stand seeing a healthy (by that, I mean clearly not special needs) 5 year old throwing a terrible tantrum. My niece does that, and she's almost 6. She is also my sisters "baby."

I am so sick of people treating 3+ old like they are babies. If you want a baby, have another baby. I'm serious too. 3+ can do lots of things --all by themselves; yet, I have so many friends with no other kids that treat their preschools likes toddlers.

I'm with you, I am currently trying to teach my almost 2 year old to use his words. He has an amazing vocab (as did his sister), so he is able to ask for what he wants. Yet, he still thinks crying is an effective strategy. Needless to say, I keep getting really cross faces from other parents when I let him cry as I walk away. The one librarian keeps trying to pick him up, when he is laying on the floor throwing a fit because I refuse to carry him (he is more than able to walk for himself and my lower back is killing from lifting him).

I can't believe how many people I see carrying their 3.5 or 4 year olds. I sometimes really wish these people would just have another kid, at least then they'd be forced into letting their first grow up.

So yes, I see it too.

I really try to model for parents, how to talk to their kids and try to give them information about what is appropriate age expectation in terms of skills. If they pose a particular problem to me and ask for my advice, then I tell them what I think otherwise I keep my mouth shut. Kids know the rules from one house to the next. They know what they can and can't do at my house and it's not really my business how the people parent their kids at home.

I don't tell their kids to knock it off when they are picking up or dropping off, because to me, they are still in their parents care... unless it's something that breaks the rules at my house. Then I correct the child by saying something like " Joey, at J.'s house we don't sit on the table." or " Going out of the gate without Mom isn't safe... you need to come back in with us until Mom's ready to go with you." Parent's usually get the hint and take it from there.

In the grande scheme of things, I have only a little bit of time to teach, shape influence, love children in my care... even if I have them for 3 years Monday through Friday from 8-5:30.Their parents will have way more influence than I ever will, so I don't let how they choose to let their kids treat them, have much of an affect on me.

I'm in the camp with you, Julie, and Bug. My kids are older now (7 and almost 14), and they are quite independent and well-behaved, so being strict, and loving of course, has certainly paid off nicely.

I nip tantrums in the bud, but kids aren't always able to control their emotions and we shouldn't expect them to. I am not slamming your daycare by any means, but some days a 3 year old wants his mommy and mommy just wants to be with her 3 year old and feels bad for leaving them.

Why do we expect 3 year olds to reason and behave like adults?

Added- I know that it's frustrating to see people manipulated by their kids, but in some instances, they are trying to bargain for time with their parent. 3 years old is still very immature and they have a long time to learn and develop healthy ways of communicating, even if they already have a full vocabulary.

both my 7 year old and 14 year old will attempt a temper tantrum. i say attempt because i don't put up with it. i say calmly "you are acting like a 2 year old. you are not. so act your age or i will treat you like a 2 year old. do you understand?" they dry up real quick. am i strict? yes. are they fairly well behaved? yes. not perfect but they know i mean business.