3 Year Old and Toys

You can look at this a few ways:

Do you constantly attend to him and he does not know how to play by himself? Is tv time limited or does he cry when it goes off and it goes back on? Tell him you can play with him after you are finished emptying the dishwasher... Does he go to a library group or preschool---and how does he do?

I just had a talk w/ a women about 2 months ago- who had such issues w/ her son and we talked for a couple hrs. Her son is now ten yrs old. She is a friend, but, she was at the end of her rope and she knew that I am a Certified Parent Educator.

I only met her a couple yrs ago, and the subject did not come up. Yet, when I spoke with her recently, she told me that he did not crawl, he did not walk (only walked on his toes)--- there were delays in motor dev the pediatrician missed. He was very clingy, too.

He is now working w/ an OT and learning to "crawl", etc...
I also referred to her another specialist and the Mom is feeling so much better. She finally has answers.

Have a program such as Birth - 3 come out and do a home visit. He might need an evaluation. Or seek out a developmental pediatrician. He should be able to play independently at times.

Kristen
I was a very clingy child. I had sensory integration dysfunction.

Some kids don't know what to do with themselves.

Maybe join a play group or something.

What exactly does he do.... when you play with him initially then leave him to be, to play by himself? Does he scream/cry/call you/tantrum? Or just sits there?
If he is just sitting there confounded... well let him be. Let him... just sit there and see what he does. Give him time. Don't swoop in too quick.
And leave the TV off.
Put some coloring books in front of him.
Or paper and crayons and some blocks.
Or enroll him in some sort of Preschool part time.

Tell him Mommy is busy now.... or have him "help" you with chores.
Teach him how to wipe a table, for example.
Teach him how to do things.

If you don't already, keep the TV turned off. If it's not on, he won't be watching it and will eventually play more. It will take time for him to learn.

He may be more interested playing with household items such as empty cans, boxes, wooden spoon, bowls, etc. These are things which will trigger his imagination.

And, as hard as it is, do not entertain him all of the time. Leave him in room with his toys and don't go back when he fusses. Try just leaving him with 3 or 4 toys. Too many toys may overwhelm him.

Try playing music for him.

This isn't a criticism so please don't take it that way, but he can't entertain himself because you have always done it for him, he needs to learn that it's a normal thing to do, playing and entertaining oneself.

Keep the TV off, limit him to a show you pick for 30 minutes a day max.

Read to him and have a toy that relates to the book, use it when reading so he has an example of how to play with it. Kohl's (if there is one near you) carries books and stuffed animals from the stories for $5 each, the line is called "Kohl's Cares" and the proceeds are donated to children's causes.

Give him an area with a table and chair set out and a couple of his toys on it and leave the room. Do chores or something to busy yourself while he is in his room, send him back if he comes out.

Get him involved with other children his age so he sees what children do with toys, playdates, playgroups, and library story times, or take him to a play area at McDonald's or other restaurant so he can interact with children.

Leave him to his own devices from time to time, do NOT be a constant source of entertainment to him. He may not play by himself at first but this is one of the ways he will eventually learn.

And if he's not yet in preschool, even just 2 days a week get him in one. If you are low income look into a Head Start program which would be free to you.

It's pretty common for a 3yo to have trouble staying engaged by himself. This is even harder for very extroverted children. And according to a number of well-constructed studies, children's imaginations and ability to focus can indeed be altered by exposure to too much TV.

My grandson needed lots of input from adults or other kids at three. But by four, he was able to play by himself, in his own room, by choice for maybe 10-30 minutes at a time. Now he's six, and can happily interact with toys for an hour or longer. But he also gets no television, just an occasional video.

turn off the TV so its not an option. he'll most likely start playing with his toys eventually out of sheer boredom.

Maybe another child there to play with him would help but I have found that some kids just have to be made to play. They will wonder around or be lazy unless you turn off the TV and play awhile or put them in the bedroom where it's safe with toys and see they stay there for a bit. If he's the only child it's harder for some to learn to do things alone. My first was this way and the second wanted to play alone for some peace. :-) A 3 year old should be able to play with toys, look at books and do puzzles and all sorts of fun things. My grandson's that are 3, twins, have each other but today I have them and they have played all morning together with cars, tracks, magna doodle, etc. Keep working at it because I think playing is like work for kids and teaches them so much about life in just playing. Maybe if you play a bit and talk and interact and then say now until I am finished doing .....whatever....you play alone.

I have a 4 1/2 year old with the same problem so I feel your pain. Sorry I'm no hope but interested in seeing what the others have to say.

He does not know what to do by himself.. In the beginning you give him some ideas.. but do not participate.. His attention span is small right now usually about a minute per year.. so he needs to learn how to play.. soon his imagination will take over.

Are his toys organized in his room? All of the blocks together.. All the colors and paper together, all the puzzles stacked? All his little hot wheel cars in a bucket or box?

While you are cleaning the kitchen, mopping, laundry.. give your son a few puzzles. have him put one together all by himself.. Then tell him to take it apart and open a second puzzle and mix the 2 together.. then have him do 2 at the same time.

Tell him to race himself. ask him to practice putting it together really fast.

Have him get out his blocks and ask him to see how tall he can build them.. or have him put them in a long line.

Get a giant piece of gift wrap paper.. on the blank side draw long lines and curves in 3 different colors. They can even cross over each other.

Have your son drive down the red line.. then the green line then the blue line..

Then give him some paper and a marker and let him draw his own roads.

Then you can tell him to make a block city that his cars can drive through..

Good time to get him into a Mothers Day out, playing at the park with other kids..

My 3-year-old (an only child) plays very well on her own and can keep herself amused (in her bedroom, coloring at the dining table, playing outside) for hours! So, I don't believe all the "only child syndrome" (in fact, I was an only child until I was 11 and was very good at keeping myself occupied).

Anyways, maybe he has too many toys? Box up 50-75% of his toys and see if he finds interest in the things you leave. The idea is that he might be overwhelmed with all the options. The only items I don't put limits on are the books--my dd has a bookshelf in her room and tons of books.
Limit his tv time. DD is allowed to watch cartoons for 2hrs max. Usually it's way less than that (most days just one 30-minute show). If the tv isn't an "easy out" for him/you, he will find other ways to amuse himself.
Get him involved with what you're doing. Either he'll love helping you (and you'll get an extra hand with dishes/laundry/sweeping) or he'll hate it (and he'll wander off to find another way to amuse himself).

Does he play outside? Do you have the space for a sand/water table? My girl loves to make mud and splash all over the place. We also put in a play gym that we got for free from a co-worker. She will run all over the yard, up the steps, down the slide, splash some water, dig in the sand...

You have to stop being his "favorite toy." I know this sounds mean, but you just have to say "No." "I'm sorry honey, but mama has to do xyz right now. Would you like to color at the table?" It's hard being a working mom because there are only a few hours of the day that I have to spend with my girl and I still have to make dinner, clean up, take care of the pets, and get us ready for bed. So, although I'd love to play with her for what little time we have, it has made her a very independent and self-sufficient kid. Of course, we have our game/book/movie time every night, so we do get to cuddle, have fun, and enjoy each other's company.
You just have to find that balance. Good luck mama!!

I put some music on the fill up the space if my son is asking for TV. Usually that will be distracting enough for him to start playing with his toys. He's got a pretty strong imagination, but sometimes I'll prompt him by saying "Where's Batman? He needs to help your trains, they look like they fell off the track!" He'll take it from there.

Maybe he doesn't know HOW to play or what's permissible.

Take him outside to a playground where other toddlers are playing. He can learn from example. Let him roll around and get dirty. I've never met a boy who couldn't interact with dirt!

Also, those dang toys only take up space. My 3-year old son's favorite toys were my measuring cups, sticks, and anything he could roll down a hill.

Enjoy the weather!

Only child syndrome...that's what I call it. My 9yo grandson has everything imaginable...plays sets....Gi Joe....Legos...puzzles...you name it and he has it....my daughter never gets rid of anything...so his bedroom is like a medium sized Toys R Us.....but hardly any of it has gotten any use. He always had his mama and daddy to entertain him. He never....to this day....has learned to play on his own. Only video games and his computer gets use.

Turn the TV off...go an entire month without TV - things will get better! Also, buy him a bike. My boy LOVED riding his bike at that age. Good luck.

My youngest boy, now 6 years old, told me once that he didn't need his imagination b/c his older brother 'K' had enough for the both of them! Ha!

~Some kids just don't have that big of an imagination as others. I agree with the others that say you should limit his TV time and designate some 'free play' time for him. Just tell him until the clock hits 3pm (or whatever) that he needs to find something to play by himself...I bet after a few days of this he will get the hang of it? I think you just need to implement the constant time for it!

have another baby!!:D

Unplug the TV and tell him you are busy, he will figure it out eventually, though it will likely be hard in the beginning.
Take him out a lot, to the park, to a friend's house, whatever. Anyplace he can freely play with other children.
At home provide lots of hands on activities, like play doh, sidewalk chalk, sand, water, dirt, empty boxes, pots and pans, etc.
Invite him to "help" you fold laundry, cook, clean, etc. Talk to him and engage him in what YOU are doing.
If he is used to you playing with him all the time it WILL be hard at first, but at three he can and should be able to play on his own. What about preschool, or a playgroup, is that an option?