3 Week Old and 2 Year Old

Hello A.

My kids are also two years apart. My daughter would cry or say "baby crying" loud and often whenever my son cried. It was like this for a few weeks and then she got used to the baby crying and ignored it. We would notice that if she was doing or talking about something she was interested in she didn't notice the crying at that time anymore. Then eventually, she pretty much stopped. Now she only says it occasionally like once a week. My son's 5 months now.

I think my daughter needed to get used to the fact that babies cry and sometimes you can't get to them right away or can't help them right away. My daughter legitimately thought she was telling us something we didn't know. After all, if we knew the baby was crying why weren't we doing something about it.

Hope this helps. I think you just have to wait this out. Good luck.

My boys are 21 months apart and my second was also early (3 weeks). One thing I found invaluable was to have a baby sling. I could wear the baby when he needed to snuggle or I needed my arms free, go the park and still chase my 2-year-old on the playground, etc. We also kept a pack-n-play downstairs at first so the baby had a safe place to nap on the same floor that we were on. He just got used to noise. It was bumpy at first, but now they share a room, the "baby" is 13 months old, and my older boy always wants to get things for him and show him how to do things. If your daughter has a dolls, you could encourage her to help her babies while you are helping yours (feeding, rocking, cuddling, etc.), or ask her to try to sing to the baby or do things to make her happy (show her pictures or mirrors, etc.). I love having my children less than two years apart, especially now that they are both able to play together. It will get better. (Oh, and I agree-swaddle away! Both of my boys had to be swaddled for the first few months and then couldn't stand it. She is so young and needs to sleep when her body wants sleep, so don't worry too much about day/night confusion. That will come with time.)

I have two boys who are two years and one month apart so I am familiar with dealing with this age difference. If possible, you and your husband could try to divide and conquer at night. One of you could be with each girl and do your best to keep the 2 year old occupied in another room so that she is not distracted by the crying! Good luck

Have you tried using a baby carrier to hold the baby? There are very good, comdfortable, ergonomically correct carriers out htere now that will be comfortable for you, and hopefully sooth baby. Reasearch has shown that carried babies cry less (people all over the world carry their infants all day and work, we are just not used to it in hte US). A Moby Wrap might be a good option for you to be hands free enough to deal with the 2 year old. It will also simulate hte swaddled feeling that she seems to like. Babies feel the same comfort and soothing motion of when they were inside you when they are carried is a snug carrier.
Take a look at some carriers here: www.handsfreebaby.com

PM me if you want further info on carriers and their benifits :) Also there are carriers for kids so your daughter could carry her dolls and sooth them just like you do the baby! Mine are 19 months apart and the older carried her dolls everywhere while I did the baby:)
Best of luck,
K.

A.,

Babywearing might be your answer. A sling or a wrap.

If your 3 week old (who doesn't need to know it is night yet - the swaddle may be a good answer!) is not crying, is your 2 year old?

After all I learned through attachment parenting - which has been a path to peace! - AFTER my baby was born, I wish I had it before!

Good luck,
M.

HI.
I have a 9 week old and a 2 year old. I have only experienced what you are describing a few times and this is the reason I think it's been going so well:

Treat your 2-year old as the "big kid". My daughter helps wash bottles, helps turn on the baby's soother, halps bathe him. All of these things separate her from him. She knows she is not a baby too because she can do things for him that he can't do himself.

Sure, it makes bottle washing 10 times messier and take 10 times longer, but it is totally worth it. I also enlist her to help make funny faces to make him smile. ANything you can do to make her feel more like you than a baby will help.

Try the swaddle at nap time, why not? 3 wk old doesn't need to know if its day or night--her body will wake her after a nap.
Ask 2 yo to do the same things as u do to her (brand new) doll so together u can put babies to sleep. Then after ur babe is sleeping ask 2 yo---what did u do? Swaddle? Sing? Milk? Keep her imvolved.

Everytime my baby cried, I asked out loud so my 2 yo can hear me, "what do u need? Milk? Dirty diaper? Are u sleep? Hungrty?"
So after a few weeks she would tell me "maybe baby is hungry. He needs milk."

You know what, having someone distract 2 yo helps!!! Get her a dvd from library or books on being a big sister, a baby doll of her own.

Very soon they'll be playing together! Good luck.just remember to keep your cool, don't get mad at 2 yo for crying. She is scared she's losing you! She is still so young!!

Mine is now 3 with 1 yo baby brother!

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Hi A.,

I think you should do whatever works at this point. If she likes to be swaddled then swaddle her. She is way to young to even worry about a schedule or knowing the difference between day or night. Basically make her as comfortable as possible. If you put her in your room to avoid the noise she will never get used to noise. It really shouldn't be an issue, a comfortable baby should be able to sleep though anything. It's going to take a little while to get a routine going so if you have any family members who can lend you a hand I would reach out. My kids were 4 years apart so I can't imagine how difficult it is having 2 children so close in age I feel for you. One thing I can suggest is to tend to the two year old when she needs you. As long as it is not urgent it will not hurt the baby to cry for a minute if you can't get to her immediately. I know it is difficult to listen to, but I think the two year old will be more effected right now if she feels pushed aside. I would try to also get big sister to be a part of helping with the baby so she doesn't feel left out when the baby needs you. If the baby is fed, changed, and is just trying to settle in it's not a bad thing to let her fuss for a minute. Trying to split yourself in two will effect you as well and further exhaust and already exhausted mommy. Just do the best you can it will get better once the baby gets into a routine. Good luck on your wonderful family.