3 Old Year Will Not Stop Hitting....

As a f/t stepmom to a now 8yo boy who was the SAME way, I feel your pain!! My stepson came to live with us around that exact age, for many reasons, that being one of them. I can't say what will and won't work w/ an agressive child - we STILL face issues.

I can say that I received some great advice/pointers from recommended books by his behavioral pediatrics office:

The Strong-Willed Child: Birth Through Adolescence (by James C. Dobson)

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene

Teaching Behavior to Infants and Toddlers: A Manual for Caregivers and Parents by Bernice Stewart and Julie S. Vargas

Positive Discipline for Preschoolers, Revised Second Edition: For Their Early Years - Raising Children Who Are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful by Jane Ed.D. Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, Roslyn Ann Duffy, and Jane Nelsen

I know it seems like alot - but if you're like I was, you're at a point where any suggestions help - most of these authors have a degree in child development or psychology. They're well worth the read even if you only get one helpful tip out of it all, it's very nice to read that other people actually do walk in your shoes!!!

Just an idea....you can either treat the symptom or the cause. A friend once told me that I could react and treat the action (hitting), or try to find the reason behind it and treat that. At 3, perhaps there's a heart issue that is resulting in hitting. He's too little to explain or understand emotions, but you aren't. Maybe try to hold him more, read books, do soothing things, look for lots of places to praise him (minimizing the amount of times he gets scolded vs. praised). Bring the focus back to a positive for him. Then during one or some of these moments, you can always slide in a soothing comment about why we dont hit, how would he feel if a friend hit him, etc. You can explain why not to hit when the emotions are positive and loving rather than in anger or when he's in the middle of it. I have 4 kids, sometimes this method works really well. At least it's something different to try and helps me to remember to look for things to praise my kids about too. Good luck!

It can be the hardest thing on earth when your child hits you and you can't figure out why or how to stop it. I do agree with the other posters about getting to the root of the problem. Since he is older this may be easier. Remember first and foremost that although he may talk, communicating his real feelings may be hard. He is probably a little jealous of the new baby, resentful about being not the only one now and maybe even about the time he is away from you and your husband. He may just not understand this or be able to express it. Think of it this way, big changes in little lives is like a nuclear explosion. He may just not know what to do now. Look for signs about when the behavior started. When you were pregnant? After the new baby? Or all his life? Maybe there is something else going on. Was he being left out at school? Did he get a new teacher or a bunch of new classmates? It might be worth talking to the daycare center about things they noticed before he got kicked out. Also consider something called play therapy. You can find a certified play therapist in your area and try that. It is appropriate for a child this age because he can try to show what he is feeling through toys' interactions rather than through words. You can also look up play therapy exercises on the web and maybe try them yourself - not to treat him or make some diagnosis- but as an insight for you into what he might be feeling. Play out a scene with your family members being represented by dolls and let him make up the story. You could even video it to look back on it as if you were an outsider to try and see what he may be expressing that you would not see playing with him. I know it probably feels hopeless right now, but you are concerned and hopefully you can find out what is wrong and fix it. Good luck!

I didn't have this problem but my sis-in-law moved to town and she has a 3 year old girl. She's an only child. Since my children have been around her she's been hitting and fighting over toys and people (like grandma). They seem to really like each other but now have this hitting battle going on. I'm pretty sure its the same thing. She's jealous of my children and her behavior is rubbing off on my kids.

The same with your son. Btw, she hits everyone. She just recently hit me. Her mom puts her in time out and doesn't hit her, it doesn't seem to work. She also hits when she's in pain or if someone bumps into her accidently.

When my kids try this we have a long talk about how you're not suppose to hit people, especially adults. I also grab their hand before they land the hit. When I can, that is. It seems to work out pretty well with them. I'm not sure what the difference is.

good luck

Please email me at ____@____.com. I doubt your problem is behavioral, I suspect there is something more behind it. A huge amount of behavior issues such as this, esp. hitting/biting, are due to sensory processing issues. Let's talk more about it?

B.